The Leaving Road

Chapter 34

Magnolia

“Can I go check on Peaches before we get into it? I’d rather not be interrupted, but I haven’t checked in on her in about an hour now…” His voice was hesitant, almost as if he was afraid this would offend me, but instead it did the exact opposite. Cue heart melt.

I couldn’t help the soft look I shot his way when I nodded, and I absolutely didn’t miss the fact that he picked off all his gross toppings, leaving him with just a piece of cheese, bread, and sauce. I had a feeling he was about to sneak it to Peaches. I didn’t even have the heart to give him a warning glare. Doing his best to inconspicuously take it with him, he made his way over to where she was, and I watched him from afar, giving them time.

If I thought her tail wagged in happiness near me, I was wrong . I could hear the thumping and soft little whines she greeted him with while he cooed at her, ripping off pieces of the cheesy goodness and hand-feeding them to her.

After finishing his task of spoiling Peaches and checking on her and her babies, he made his way back to me. I found myself wishing we could skip the deep talk for the night and just hang out like we used to do, but if I kept putting off the conversation, then that’d just kept us both in limbo. And I’d spent enough of my life there.

“What does the long version entail?” I found myself asking. I hated to admit that his short version made sense to me.

I was unsure if I’d forgotten or just chose to block it out, but I remember being wildly confused about my feelings for Sloan when they first started happening. That was until my mom sat me down and gave me the birds and the bees talk. She had also explained that no , I wouldn’t be attracted to every guy I met . But she also cautioned me by trying to explain love vs. lust, and that confused fifteen-year-old me. I found myself wondering what I felt for Sloan.

Once I finally figured it all out, I was a seventeen-year-old mess who was losing her mom, and by the time I had picked up the courage to tell him, I was an eighteen-year-old girl who was drowning in her grief. It wasn’t the fact that he was dating someone, it wasn’t even the fact that it was her— which, of course, sucked on its own. It was the fact that he hid it from me; the fact that he let her spew all those terrible things about me and never once tried to stop her or stick up for me. That was what had hurt me the most.

“Magnolia, you with me?” Sloan whispered. He must have been able to tell that I was lost to my own thinking.

“Sorry, yeah. Were you saying something?”

“Not really… I was just asking where you would like me to start?”

“I guess…I guess I don’t know. The beginning?”

He sighed and visibly flinched. “Can I just tell you that it took me a long time to realize my mistakes, and I’m currently still in the process of righting my wrongs?” He looked a little bit paler than he had a minute ago, and my heart hurt for him. I did my best at scolding myself for that; I deserved to know the truth, even if it pained him to tell it.

“It started at a party, right before senior year. I was actually on my way out before Cassie stopped me and we got to talking, and…well, one thing led to another. Before I knew it, we were…” he trailed off, giving me a look as if asking, do you really want me to continue?

I raised my eyebrow in response. Yes, I told him without words.

“One thing led to another, and before I knew it, we had slept together. I was na?ve, and from that moment on, I was infatuated with her. Looking back now, after having some real-life exposure and not being a seventeen-year-old hormonal kid, I can see I was ruled completely by my hormones. It…it had felt so good at the time that I assumed it only felt that good because I had feelings for her. I think a part of me always knew that wasn’t the case, but the damage had already been done.”

He looked down at his plate and frowned, then pushed it away, making it clear his appetite was now gone.

“At the time, I was unsure why I was hiding it. I kept rationalizing it to myself that I did it because I didn’t want to hurt you, but I knew it was because, if the truth came out, I would lose you. Magnolia, in no certain circumstances was that something I was willing to risk…but I always wasn’t willing to give Cassie up because I had convinced myself I was in love with her.”

Some of the color had returned to his face but it was a fierce crimson. He’s embarrassed.

“We met up at parties; we drank, we had fun, and I thought to myself, this is what it’s supposed to be. This is the high school experience. I saw it on movies and TV shows, that’s what it’s supposed to be. Jock meets cheerleader, jock dates cheerleader. They go to parties and end up happily ever after. I had everything so twisted in my mind, and I know it’s because I was just trying to ease my own guilt and avoid what I already knew.”

“And what was it that you knew?”

“That I was never in love with Cassie, but I had made a choice— even though it was the wrong one. Part of me knew you wouldn’t ever give me the time of day once you found out, so I stuck to my guns. I loved her, it was worth it, this is what I wanted .”

“And?”

He laughed, but there was no note of humor in it. “And it was exactly what I had already known: Cassie was the worst mistake of my life.”

I stayed silent, still processing everything he told me.

“She kept nagging about it, what happens after high school, and I was still trying to figure out what I was doing , you know? Finally, it got to the point where I just started agreeing with her because it was easier. Her dad had rented her an apartment for college, and she needed a roommate . One thing led to another and before I knew it, I agreed to move in with her. I had convinced myself that she was what I wanted, and it was the next logical step. Not bothering to factor in that I barely spent any time with her, other than at parties and drinking…and uh…well, you know.”

“Having sex?”

The crimson traveled all the way to the tips of his ears. “Yeah, that.”

“And?”

“And then you left, disappeared. I panicked when I got that phone call from my mother saying she stopped by your house, and it looked like no one had been home . I worried something had happened to you at the graduation party. I called and called, only for it not to ring through. I’d never been blocked before, so I didn’t realize what the empty dial tone meant. I texted, I pleaded; I went door to door, asking if anyone had seen you. Once my mom got a hold of your dad and he explained you’d just simply left , all my worry turned to rage…”

“Rage?”

“I’m not proud of it; I had planned on telling Cassie that I wasn’t moving in with her, and that our relationship had neared its end, but when I found out you had just left, I blamed you for my anger. I blamed you for a lot of things that weren’t your fault… Instead of blaming myself for my idiocy and actions, I blamed you. With all that anger, I vowed to make my relationship with Cassie work because at least she didn’t leave me.”

“That’s not fair,” I whispered. That’s not fair. I only left because of what I overheard.

“I know it wasn’t fair that I misplaced my anger for myself on you. I know that . It just took me a significant amount of time to figure that out. It took you calling me out on my shit to realize how wrong I was about why you left. But I made my bed.

“So, I stuck it out; I tried to make things work with Cassie, but it was terrible. We spent our entire relationship fighting, getting back together, and drinking all weekend because I couldn’t stand her when sober. Eventually, I was doing everything I could to avoid her—working endlessly, basically trying to find a way out of a relationship but being too much of a coward to end it. Then, I had the idea to start my new place.”

He gave me a sheepish look, and I shot him a knowing one.

“ Yulianas,” I said, and he nodded.

“Yes. I explained it to my dad, and he was totally on board, but he explained that it would be my place. I needed to talk to the bank, I needed to get the funding. This was my rodeo, and sure, he would help, but if it was something I wanted, then I had to make it happen.”

I did my best to hide my smile, but I was unsure if I succeeded. I was proud of what he accomplished. Clearly, he built it from the ground up, and regardless of what his muse was, that place was all his.

“That’s when things really started to unravel. I was under the impression that Cassie was working for her dad—and that was what she did all day. She ended up dropping out of college, telling me it was because her dad offered her a position she couldn’t refuse. I should have questioned it because her dad never would have let her drop out, but in all honesty, I just really didn’t care. Our relationship was a joke at that point; she knew it, I knew it. I was just too cowardly to end it, and well… I realized she was using me—not that it was shocking, or at least, it shouldn’t have been.”

“Using you how?” I murmured. It was easy to see the shame that was written all over his face.

“She’d taken out credit cards in the bar’s name, then proceeded to rack up thousands and thousands of dollars in debt. I’d only found out because my loan to open Yulianas was declined due to the outstanding debt to income stacked up against the bar, which didn’t make any sense. My dad had paid off our loans years ago, and we were very much in the green, which was how we could afford to pay our employees’ health care and PTO, and a good benefits package, even though stuff like that isn’t normally offered at restaurants and bars.”

I couldn’t hide my shocked gasp. She stole from him. From his family?

“What?”

“Yup. All for shoes and purses and not having to work. She was spending her time wining and dining with friends and footing the bill. She only wore designer clothes and handbags. She had no idea how much money she was spending, or what she was racking up in interest. She’d been paying the card’s minimum payment required, yet continually got other cards or increased her limits. By the time the truth came out, we were talking numbers that would take me years to pay off.”

“How could she do that? Didn’t she need a signature or something?”

His head dipped. “Yeah, it had gotten so bad the last year or so we were together that I usually did my best to avoid her. When I did see her, it was easier to give her what she wanted instead of causing an argument. She asked me to sign something she told me was to do with the apartment we shared—something about adding some new restrictions to the lease. I…I didn’t even give it a second glance; I just signed.”

“And your parents?”

“They were furious. Mom wanted to take out an ad in the paper, letting the town know what she’d done. Dad’s reaction was the worst; he wasn’t mad, just… sad. Everything he worked for was at risk of being taken away. All it would take is one bad tourist season and we wouldn’t be able to pay our employees’ health benefits anymore. He wanted to go to the police.

“Why didn’t you?”

“When I confronted her, she called daddy dearest, and if we agreed to keep it between us, he would pay her debts. Not only would it hurt his chances for re-election, but he’d never be able to marry Cassie off to a suitable husband, and he’d be stuck supporting her, and once again, risk his career. The condition was we tell no one who didn’t already know.”

I could tell he was ashamed that they had taken Cassie’s family’s money, but I thought putting the needs of their employees before their own took courage.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you and your family, Sloan.”

I wanted to tell him I couldn’t imagine what that kind of betrayal felt like, but I did. I knew what it was like to have someone you trusted betray you.

“I knew what she was capable of, and when it came down to it, I wasn’t all that shocked. The look on my parents’ faces…that’s what hurt the most. I vowed I’d never be the one who brought it to them again…and well, I’ve already failed that.”

I cocked my head at him, not understanding.

“They had that same disappointed look when I told them about what happened at our graduation party… Truthfully, it was even worse.”

Now he didn’t even bother trying to eat any more of his pizza; he just threw his plate away.

The devastated look on his face was heartbreaking. I had to curl my nails into my palms to prevent from offering him a hug. “And now?”

“And now nothing. Cassie kicked and screamed, begging for forgiveness. She tried to justify her actions, claiming she was trying to build us the best life possible, cried that she didn’t realize how much money she was taking. When I didn’t fall for it, she turned nasty, telling me she knew I didn’t love her and that she was just a placeholder. She started throwing the glassware at me, so I left and never looked back.”

“So, the other night at the bar?”

“The other night at the bar was her knowing I wouldn’t… couldn’t call her out in front of all our mutual friends. We have no relationship whatsoever. She tries to call and text, but I block the numbers. Occasionally, there will be a run-in at the store, but she keeps the dramatics to a minimum in public, thankfully.”

I shook my head in mild disbelief. “This just all seems so… Jerry Springer.”

“Tell me about it. It’s a nightmare I’d like to wake up from.”

Our eyes met and we both couldn’t hold back our smiles at one another.

“I…I need some time to process this, okay?” I whispered.

“Take all the time you need.”