Chapter Eighteen
Gunnar
D arkness haunts me like a shadow, tracking my every move as I work well into the night. Despite being caught up on work, I find myself cemented here, using every distraction possible to avoid the harrowing emptiness that’s consumed my life these past few days. Anything to keep my mind from drifting to the girl who shattered the vow she once made when we were kids.
I’ll never leave you, Gunnar. You’ll always be my best friend.
A sudden vice grips my jaw, the raw pain tearing apart my insides.
I guess it’s true what they say—every promise is fated to fracture, no matter who makes it. Even if it’s your best fucking friend.
I grip the sudden bout of anger, letting it override the pain. Anger at Maxine for thinking it was okay to show up the way she did and ruin the best thing that ever happened to me. At myself for not caring enough to text her back, my indifference now a cruel mockery.
Most of all, though, I’m angry at Elle. Furious at her for not only walking out on me but for doubting my feelings about everything we’ve been through these past few months. It was a low blow, a betrayal that I hold onto because feeling angry is a hell of a lot better than the alternative .
I’m so lost in the turmoil of my own thoughts that I don’t hear anyone enter the shop until Bear’s barking pierces the silence. A desperate whine quickly follows that sends him racing toward the entrance, his excitement giving me a pretty good idea who it is.
A spark of hope ignites in the raging furnace of my anger. I clutch the hot flame, refusing to let it fade as I round the corner to find Bear and Ellie locked in an embrace.
The sight of her on her knees, arms thrown around my dog, sends a deep ache through my chest.
Bear’s tongue laps at her face, smothering her with affection.
“I’ve missed you too, boy,” she whispers. “So much.”
I numb myself from the warmth edging her voice, refusing to let it fill the void. “What are you doing here?”
Her head lifts at my icy tone, the brightness of her smile dimming as she slowly rises to her feet. “I came to see you,” she exclaims softly. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“I’m working.”
A flicker of hurt flashes across her face before she buries it with a shrug. “That’s fine. I’ll talk while you work.”
Something she has done countless times before, especially in high school. I’d tinker around for hours on the Charger, and she’d sit up on the counter with a Diet Coke, passing me tools while yakking my ear off about anything and everything.
The tug of longing that memory evokes only pisses me off more, but not enough to let her go. At least not yet.
“Fine. Make it quick.” I return to the car I was working on, feeling her presence lingering behind me as she follows.
Bear remains faithfully by her side, showing exactly where his loyalty lies.
Traitor. He’s my damn dog .
Picking up my wrench, I resume my task, the sound of it filling the tense silence.
“I guess it’s safe to assume you’re pretty upset with me,” she starts, leaning against the workstation.
Crank. Crank.
“I don’t blame you,” she continues softly.
Crank. Crank.
“I reacted badly.”
I grunt at the understatement. “A bad reaction? Is that what we’re calling it?”
My bitterness hangs in a moment of silence.
“Yes, because that’s what it was,” she counters, determination slipping into her voice. “I wasn’t in a great place when I came here, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I’m sorry.”
I ignore the apology, my grip on the wrench tightening with every turn. “A bad reaction is when you eat something that doesn’t quite sit right.”
Crank. Crank.
“Or when your body breaks out in hives from taking the wrong medication.”
Crank. Crank.
“Or—”
“Or how you reacted when I told you I wanted to have a baby?” she interjects, cutting me off. “I think you called it a ‘knee-jerk reaction’.”
A bitter laugh escapes me, my head shaking in disbelief that she thinks this is even close to the same thing.
“I didn’t come here to point fingers, Gunnar,” she says, her voice starting to tremble, “but let’s not forget you aren’t completely innocent in all this either. It wasn’t exactly easy for me to walk in on what I did, and while you didn’t ask for it, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. So maybe you can give me a little grace like I did you.”
My composure fractures, spinning me around like a violent tornado until we’re face to face. “This isn’t even remotely the same fucking thing, and you damn well know it!”
Bear jumps in front of her, barking at me in warning, but it doesn’t deter either of us, least of all her.
“How?” she challenges. “How is this any different?”
“Because I didn’t fucking leave you!” My roar reverberates through the garage, carrying the weight of her betrayal. “I didn’t break my promise to you. You broke yours. You swore you’d never leave me and that’s exactly what you did.”
The impact of my words hits her like a physical blow, sending her reeling back. Realization quickly dawns on every feature of her face, and it leaves me feeling vulnerable and exposed.
“Fuck!” I hurl my wrench across the shop, the sharp clang of metal upon metal shattering the silence.
She doesn’t even flinch. Tears form in her eyes, mixing with pity.
I turn my back on her, bracing my hands on the steel counter as I struggle to control the emotions battling inside me.
“Gunnar,” my name falls past her lips on a broken whisper, the sound filled with sorrow and regret. “I didn’t leave you. I mean, I did, but… not in that way. Never in that way.” Her hand moves to my shoulder, the touch an accelerant to the fire raging in my chest.
“Just forget it.” I shove away from her, desperate for escape.
“No, I won’t forget it.” Determination and desperation collide as she throws herself in front of me, blocking my path. “Listen to me, please.” Her fingers clutch my shirt as tears helplessly tumble down her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have left like that. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry. So sorry,” she cries. “I just needed time to get my emotions under control. That night, it felt like everything around me was falling apart. I was disappointed about not being pregnant, thinking I was letting us both down, and then seeing you with her…”
Her eyes close, face contorting with devastation.
“I wasn’t naive enough to think you’d never been with anyone else,” she whispers, her voice fragile and broken, “but I was content to remain blissfully unaware. Then, I saw her.” Her breath catches, the pain in her eyes reflecting the shattered state of her heart. “She’s everything I’m not, and it hurt, Gunnar. It hurt so much. I lost it. I’m sorry. So sor—” those words fall victim to the devastation consuming her as she loses her breath, and it slices through my every defense.
“Jesus, Ellie.” I pull her against me, unable to hold back any longer. “Breathe, baby. It’s okay.”
My arms envelop her trembling body as she cries against my chest, her pain resonating through me like an earthquake. Every word she just spoke shakes me to my core, forcing me to reveal the one secret I’ve kept from her since we were kids.
“She’s nothing like you for a reason, Elle,” I choke out, bringing my lips to her ear. “She pales in comparison, just like every other woman out there, because I’ve been in love with you since I kissed you on that fucking mountain when I was nine years old.”
She stills in my arms, her body turning rigid before she lifts her grief-stricken face from my chest. “What did you just say?”
Swallowing hard, I push past the vulnerability lodged in my throat. “That I’ve loved you since the night we kissed at Heart Mountain.”
Disbelief flickers in her sad eyes. “But you said—”
“I know what I said,” I grit, my jaw locked tight. “And I lied. I lied about everything because I couldn’t make sense of it. But that night, Elle, everything changed for me. Life changed for me. Every breath felt different. Every step had a new purpose. Every thought and decision I made… they were all for you.”
The truth bleeds through every word as I lay the most guarded piece of me on the line.
“I’m sorry it took the thought of you moving on without me to make me realize it, but I get it now, and I’ll never forget it. I will love you until the day I die because it’s all I’ve ever done.”
The softest smile flutters across her lips, breaking through the sadness. “I have something to tell you too,” she whispers, dropping a bombshell of her own. “I’m pregnant.”
Silence drops like an avalanche, anchoring me in place.
“Pregnant?” I repeat, struggling to grasp those words.
She nods, her expression softening behind the tears. “I took three tests before I came here, and they were all positive,” she reveals. “I didn’t get my period like I thought. It’s spotting and apparently can be normal, at least from what I’ve read. I’ll see my doctor this week to be sure, but… looks like we’re going to have a baby after all.”
The weight of that revelation steals the breath from my lungs. Every emotion I thought I’d feel in this moment is overshadowed, rendering every word meaningless.
“Are you happy?” she whispers, mistaking my silence.
It snaps me out of my stupor, forcing me to react. My forehead lowers to hers. “Yeah, Elle,” I finally manage, “I’m happy. Really happy.”
Another sob escapes her, this one pure and unfiltered, cutting through every layer of my being.
I cover her trembling lips with mine, inhaling every broken breath and claiming them as my own .
The taste of her explodes through me like dynamite, consuming everything in its path.
It’s everything I’ve longed for, everything I feared losing, and now, it’s everything I seize, refusing to ever let it go.
“I missed you so much,” she cries, those words breathing life back into my dead heart.
“Me too, baby,” I groan, my voice raw with the remembered pain of that night. “Don’t ever fucking leave me like that again.”
“Never,” she promises.
Driven by an unstoppable force, I lift her off her feet. Her legs wrap around my waist, her body clinging to mine as I carry her up to my apartment.
We stumble into the bedroom, shedding our clothes in a rush of urgency, both of us desperate to bridge the gap that kept us apart the last few days.
Once I have her stripped bare, I gently lower her onto the bed, pressing a kiss to the flat surface of her stomach, taking a moment to cherish the baby growing inside her—a life we created together. One that bound us in the way we were always meant to be.
Her fingers thread through my hair, breath echoing mine as she shares in the moment with me.
Then, without wasting another second, I enter her in one powerful thrust, shifting the entire fucking world on its axis.
A sharp breath parts her lips, her body arching beneath mine, pulling me in deeper.
“My Ellie,” I groan, her name nothing but a harsh rasp. “My always and forever.”
Her arms hug me closer. “I love you so much.”
The words are more than just a soft brush against my skin; they’re a powerful force, resonating with every thrust and breath she allows me to take.
I absorb each one, letting them fill the void that was left in her absence. It builds our rhythm, driving us in a race toward the inevitable.
My jaw tightens as I struggle to hold back. “You with me?”
Her eyes flash the answer before she speaks, her hand moving to my face. “I’m with you. Always.”
It’s the tipping point that pushes me over the edge.
A guttural groan shreds my throat, merging with her cry of pleasure.
I bury my face in the soft curve of her neck, surrendering to the connection that’s been there from the moment we met, even when I was too young to understand it.
Afterward, I draw her into me, her back flush against my chest, our fingers instinctively intertwining over her soft stomach. Bear eventually saunters in, hopping up onto the bed and curling up by Elle’s feet, taking what has become his usual spot.
A deep sense of peace washes over me, my entire world finally clicking into place, knowing we’re together again, just as it should be.
“I have a theory,” she begins quietly, breaking the silence minutes later. “About our kiss at Heart Mountain and why you felt differently that night and I didn’t.”
“Oh yeah?” I murmur, my voice a blend of curiosity and contentment. “And what theory is that?”
She turns in my arms to face me, her smile illuminating the darkness of my room. “I didn’t feel any differently that night because I was already in love with you.”
That response has a slow grin spreading across my face. “That’s a great fucking theory, baby. ”
A sweet giggle escapes her before it transforms into a proud smile. “Thank you. I thought so too.” Her eyes hold mine, amusement fading as she moves her hand to my jaw. “I’m sorry I left you that night,” she whispers. “I wasn’t thinking. I thought you knew I’d come back.”
Acid burns my throat at the reminder, but I swallow it back. “I can take a lot of shit, Elle. You can rage at me, scream at me, but don’t ever walk out on me,” I tell her, giving my only stipulation. “You want space? I’ll give it to you. I will leave, but not you. Never you. Okay?”
She nods, her expression soft and sincere. “I promise.”
Content with that, I grab her hand off the side of my face and press a kiss to her palm.
Another smile claims her lips, this one mischievous as she lifts her pinky. “Best friends forever?”
Smirking, I lock my finger with hers. “Forever and always.”
We seal that pact with a kiss, one that radiates the unbreakable bond between us. Afterward, I pull her in close, reveling in the warmth of her body against mine.
“We’re going to be the best parents, Gunnar,” she whispers, her breath skimming my chest.
“Yeah. We are.”
There’s no fear in my statement, only the undeniable truth. Elle and I have always faced this world head-on, weathering every storm together. Yet, as I hold her in my arms, I have no doubt that this moment is truly just the start of our forever.