Chapter 41 Hannah
HANNAH
The week went by painfully slow. It was like time knew it needed to torture Ethan and I for opening up our old Paris wounds.
Our intention was to be playful and fun, to bring the three of us together again like we were in Paris and perhaps get a little payback on Dane for what he did to Ethan at the restaurant.
In the heat of the moment, it all sounded fun, but we never thought far enough ahead of what could come out of it. So instead, we just fed an addiction that Ethan and I both wanted and hurt Dane in the meantime.
As much as I want something to come out of this, I know it can’t.
I would have no idea how to navigate a relationship with two men.
Even though everything between us has come so naturally, so easy, and it’s clear they want each other just as much as they want me, but he's our professor. I’ve worked way too hard to get where I am and I can’t risk losing everything if we get caught.
Crouching down, I roll out my yoga mat and kneel down on top of it.
I used to take yoga all the time, but after the accident I had to focus more on physical therapy to help my healing so I stopped going all together.
Ethan was going to come with me today but he opted to stay home and work on the project that Dane assigned to the class since he has no clue what he’s doing for it.
But I know he just wants to relax and watch the commentators talk about game seven of the World Series tonight.
The Smashers are defending their title and ever since he went to the first game he’s been openly watching it again. Like that small taste brought back all the love he had for it and now he can’t get enough. I can only hope it’s exactly what he needs to bring that passion back into his life.
Placing my water bottle on the floor, I kneel down and take a moment to glance around the room. It’s been so long since I’ve come to a class that the studio is now owned by someone else and it looks completely different.
The mirrors that line the walls are all the same but the once sage green and grey undertones have been replaced with pinks and yellows. It’s bright and airy and I love the energy it brings to the room.
I crisscross my legs and focus on straightening my spine as I roll my shoulders and circle my neck. Other mats spread out against the wood floor as they’re rolled out and whispered voices carry throughout the room.
One familiar voice carries louder than others and I can’t help but side-eye in that direction as a gorgeous woman with luscious, dark hair, glowing olive skin, and a perfectly round pregnant belly strides into the room arm-in-arm with Dane.
Shit.
I tuck my legs behind me as I bend forward, putting myself in Child’s Pose to hide my face.
Is he here with her? Are they together? The rampant thoughts reeling through my mind should be illegal on a yoga mat.
I peek through the strands of my hair that cover my face just as he guides her to the front of the class, kisses her cheek then glances around the room. He swings his mat from one shoulder to the other, looks toward me, freezes, then starts walking to the back of the room, in my direction.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I press the bottom of my forearms harder into the mat, as if it could make me smaller and swallow me whole. My back arches slightly with the pressure on my arms, pushing my ass back further and I hate that I chose my shortest spandex shorts today.
His bare feet pass by the side of my mat and just when I think I’m safe, his mat slaps the hardwood then rolls out, right next to mine.
Matching my pose, he sucks in a long breath then blows it out loudly.
“I’d recognize that gorgeous ass anywhere, Poe.”
Errrg, I internally groan to myself, pushing myself up as I sign.
“What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? I’ve been coming here for months and I’ve never seen you. What are you doing here?” His whispered tone is as accusatory as my body language.
I don’t even have it in me to answer his question because I’m too curious about the instructor.
“Who is she?”
Just then, she glances our direction, her brows pull together then turns away as she plugs her phone into the stereo that sits at the front of the room.
A satisfied grin covers his face and I want to smack it.
“You’re jealous,” he signs, which pisses me off even more.
I roll my eyes and shake my head.
Because, yeah, I’m jealous, but I’m also confused.
I raise my eyebrows, demanding an answer.
His face is still smug, like he’s debating about answering my question but highly considering making me suffer.
“Her name is Mimi. She’s the owner of the studio, the best yoga instructor in town, and my best friend’s wife.
” He leans in whispering the last part with a smile and my body physically relaxes.
I’m only slightly embarrassed how much I overreacted but I’ve been confused about my feelings—our feelings—for him and what ‘us’ could potentially look like.
He means more to me than I’d like to admit and because he’s involved with both me and Ethan I feel protective and territorial.
“Oh.”
“You’re really cute when you’re jealous.” He winks at me then turns to face the front of the classroom as Mimi begins to instruct us through a warm up.
An hour later and one thing is certain. Dane was right. Mimi is absolutely amazing. She guided us through every pose, the flow felt natural, and my body loved every minute of it.
Dane and I had a few moments where we glanced at each other—him trying to mask his smile while I attempted to hide mine—we failed each time though.
Now, as I lay in savasana listening to Mimi’s comforting voice guide me through my inhales and exhales, I can physically feel my shoulders melting into the mat. My eyes feel heavy but my body feels light.
We’re still on our mats but Dane’s hand somehow made its way closer to mine and the soft touch of his pinky caresses my own. There’s an overwhelming amount of comfort in the gesture.
How can we make this work? How can we see each other without risking everything? Is it just not our time? There are so many questions I’ve asked myself and so many of them revolve around the what if’s and what could happen after I finally get my MBA.
Ideally we would stay in Seattle since Ethan intends to continue to work for his dad. Even though I know he hates it. I wish he would just do what he wanted instead of what his father wants him to do.
He might not ever play baseball again but I know he can find something that would make him happier than working for his dad.
I get he just wants stability for our future but I’d rather have his happiness.
As many times as I’ve told him that, he’s set on getting his MBA—even though he hates school—because his dad insists on the title.
I just hope it’s something he can come to find joy in.
Me on the other hand, I feel like the more titles and degrees I have the more desirable I will be.
Considering I won’t be able to speak or lead teams in the way I want.
As much as there’s a no discrimination policy when hiring, I clearly have a disability when it comes to working in the corporate world.
But if I can fine tune the code and build out the platform I’ve been working on, it could change the way ASL is utilized in the digital world and that in itself will be invaluable.
My presentation revolves around what I’ve built so far but it’s a long way from being ready. In fact, I’m embarrassed to bring it up. I feel like I might just get laughed out of the classroom but I’m hoping that maybe sharing it will push me over the hump I’m stuck on.
Just as I realize I’m not pushing my thoughts away and clearing my mind, Mimi's angelic voice softly vibrates through the room. “When you’re ready, gently roll to your side and press into your mat, bringing yourself to a seated position.” Bodies move throughout the room and I’m now sitting with my hands in a prayer position in front of my chest. “I’d like to thank all of you for coming today, being present and moving your bodies with me.
The light in me, honors the light in you. Namaste.”
The class repeats the mantra back to her and everyone starts to clean up and exit.
Dane turns to me, signing, “So, how’s Ethan?”
I knew Dane couldn’t wait to ask. I feel like he’s always checking on him and his wellbeing. Normally, that would be the case, but I think both Ethan and I have been more concerned with how Dane is feeling after what happened this week.
“He’s good. We were worried about you actually. How are you?”
There’s a small pinch in his brow but he covers it up quickly.
It’s the same vulnerable Dane I remember from the first night in the hostel when Ethan ran out on us.
When he told me about Celeste. It’s also the same Dane I recall covering up his emotions with that gorgeous smile of his, attempting to push aside any hurt he might feel.
“After that class, I feel amazing.”
“You were right. She’s so good,” I sign excitedly.
“Mimi,” Dane calls out, waving her over. I glance up at him wide eyed as Mimi steps toward us. I have no idea what I will look like when I’m pregnant but I can only hope it’s half as good as she looks.
“Mimi, this is Hannah, the girl I was telling you about. Hannah, this is Mimi. She’s the owner of the studio and married to my friend Seamus.” Dane introduces us like he has every intention of us being friends.
“I’ve heard so much about you.” She smiles as she raises her arm and pulls me in for a hug. “Sorry, I don’t do that handshake thing.”
I can’t help but smile back at her. She’s got such amazing energy and I can see why she would get along so well with Dane.
“Dane hasn’t stopped talking about you and Ethan since Paris,” Mimi adds.
I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me how open Dane is but I’m still surprised she’s sharing that with me. I can’t help but blush and share a shy smile while Dane's expression owns every word like he’s proud of that fact.