Chapter 42 Ethan
ETHAN
The mix of emotions that have been flooding through me since Hannah got home is overwhelming. The entire week I’ve had to stop myself from calling him, texting him, and stopping him on campus to apologize.
But my pride wouldn’t let me.
I’m worried about the fact that he’s our professor but Hannah’s right, that’s only temporary.
I just don’t understand how any of this can work.
It doesn’t make any sense. It’s always just been me and Hannah and I have no idea what mixing Dane into this means for us.
What kind of future is that for him, for us?
Does he want kids? We do, eventually. What will people say? I don’t even know how I would handle the three-way relationship, much less people being curious about my sexuality.
I’ve never had to question myself before or address it. So, I have no idea what the hell I would say.
Surprisingly, when Christian saw me and Dane coming out of the bathroom at the ballpark that day, I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed. I was…proud. Dane wanted me, so much that he had to lock me in the bathroom to get my attention.
I’ve always had the same feeling with Hannah. Proud that she chose me, to be the man on her arm and, for some unknown reason, I felt the same when Dane was quite literally claiming me in front of his friends.
So, I suppose my sexuality doesn’t bother me as much as wondering how my dad would take everything. But my dad is such a dick I don’t even know why I care.
Actually, I know why. Because since I was a kid he’s embedded in me that a man takes care of his wife. The man is the head of the household and financial backer for his family.
The underlying gay jokes subliminally laid the groundwork in my head that a relationship with someone of the same sex was wrong.
Hannah has a bright future with whatever field she chooses. She’s brilliant and driven. I know she’ll be the top at whatever company she decides to work for, while still managing to be the best wife and mother, all at the same time.
Me? I’m not going to be able to provide her anything if I don’t get serious about what I’m doing at my dad’s company. The hundreds of thousands I owe him will take years—many years—to work off.
If I don’t get a few big clients I’ll be working for him until I die.
I also won’t be able to take care of her and support her like I want and I just can’t have that.
As much as I know that times are different this day in age, I still want to do all those things and make sure she has nothing to worry about.
I just always thought that it was going to be baseball that allowed me to do that.
“Stop overthinking.”
Hannah places her hand on my thigh, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I glance over to her then out the window and have to crane my neck to look to the top of the stadium. It’s newly constructed and massive.
Stepping out of the rideshare Hannah looks around in awe as she takes everything in.
There’s a DJ outside, vendors, and random pop-ups.
People are dressed in either some baseball related costume or their Smashers jerseys, dancing and drinking.
There must be thousands of people lined up outside the entrances that are more than likely just hanging out here without tickets, but just want to be present for the win.
Last year the Smashers won their first World Series in twenty-two years, needless to say the crowd was similar and I don’t think the streets were cleared for a week.
I place my hand on Hannah’s back and lead her to the same back entrance I went to before. Hannah pulls out her phone to present the tickets to the doorman and he lets us through into an elevator and up to the suite.
I’m not going to lie, I feel nervous. The way Dane walked out of his office after we completely defiled it, left me in a massive state of confusion.
Hannah is smiling and I love seeing her excitement when we try new things and even though I was here last week, it still feels surreal.
The elevator doors slide open and we’re greeted to the chatter of excited voices overlapping each other. The space is filled with twice as many people as it was last time and everyone is dressed a lot more casual.
It’s immediately more welcoming than the first time when my father was here with all the sharks in suits surrounding Christian and his team.
A woman with long, dark black hair and a pregnant round belly calls Hannah’s name.
I squint in her direction because I don’t recognize her or the massive man dressed in almost all black standing next to her.
He’s about a foot taller than her, with stiff broad shoulders and an even more rigid face.
I can’t tell if he’s her personal security guard or the suites.
Hannah grabs my hand, waves back at her, and we head in their direction.
The mystery girl pulls Hannah in for a hug and tells her how happy she is that she’s here. Then side steps leaning into me with her arm open pulling me into the same friendly hug.
“You must be Ethan. It’s so great to meet you!”
I awkwardly pat her back as platonically as possible, as I stare up at the shadow behind her glaring down in my direction. I’m a little over six feet, he’s not much taller than I am but he feels like a goddamn goliath.
“I’m Naomi, but everyone calls me Mimi, and this is my husband Seamus.” She pulls him forward and he reaches his hand out.
“Hey man, good to meet you,” he says as I clasp his monster grip and say the same. He’s nice enough, but his facial expression doesn’t change much. Not until Mimi wraps her arms around his waist and snuggles into him.
“I’m so glad you guys decided to come. Dane will be back any second, he went down to wish Hudson luck.”
“Hudson Byrnes?” I ask, a glint of excitement behind my voice.
She glances up at Seamus then back over to me, smiling.
“Yeah, they went to college together, well Dane did. Seamus and Hudson were best friends and neighbors from Kindergarten until Seamus went to boot camp. And they’re all still attached at the hip.
Well…sort of. He’s currently attached to mine because he won’t let me do anything solo now.
” She rolls her eyes but by the looks of the beaming smile on her face as she rubs her belly, she doesn’t mind it so much.
“That’s amazing. Did you play baseball, too? I heard he started playing T-ball pretty much after he started walking,” I ask.
Seamus doesn’t smile but he replies and I can tell by the look in his eye he’s proud of his friend.
“I think when I met him he had a baseball in his hand. It’s been his dream since I can remember and he’s so goddamn good, it blows my mind that he continues to just get better and better.”
I shift excitedly in my stance as I go into the stats from his college years, the short stint he had in the majors before his injury, and even some of his minor league stats as well.
I realize I’ve been talking for minutes on end and when I look down at Hannah she’s gleaming up at me. The same proud look that Seamus had in his, she has in hers.
“You sure know a lot about him,” Seamus adds questioningly.
He knows EVERYTHING about baseball. Hannah types out on her phone and flashes it toward Seamus.
“Is that right?” Seamus’ face lights up and there’s an instant kindred moment that silently passes between us.
“I’m a fan of whatever team Hudson is on but I’ll always check in on the Dallas Dust Devils because they were my team growing up.
Hudson loved the Houston Mavericks so that led to some heated fights between us. ”
“Oh man, I bet that broke the friendship a time or two.” I chuckle, imagining these two massive guys going at it over rival teams.
We easily dive into conversations about the season and Seamus shares a couple of stories about Hudson when he was a kid.
I peek over at Hannah and Mimi watching them as they converse together. Mimi’s patience with Hannah as she types out her answers is endearing.
Seamus and I continue to chat as the stadium fills and time passes quickly. The National Anthem begins to play and we all remove our caps and stand a little straighter as the lyrics filter through everyone in the stadium.
I see the lineup of players on both sides and try to imagine the flood of emotions they must be feeling.
To get to this point in their career, standing on a field at game seven of the World Series.
It’s the moment every team dreams of and in a short while one of them will be celebrating the biggest professional accomplishment of their lifetime, while the other will drown in all the ‘what if’ thoughts and devastation after a loss.
Baseball isn’t in the cards for me anymore. I know it never will be. But I’m starting to see that removing it all together isn’t an option either.
“I only ever want your happiness.”
Hannah slides her fingers in between mine and squeezes as if she knows exactly what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling.
Maybe there’s something different out there for me. Something that doesn’t involve me standing in the shadows of my father. Just maybe.