Chapter 7
Drew
Breakfast. That’s it. One meal.
I needed my pep talk to work because I told myself that today was the day I would eat breakfast in the dining room. For the last week, I’d managed to eat downstairs, but I always hid in the library or outside where no one would find me. Today, I wanted to try eating around people.
I’d told Henry that I’d eaten downstairs, but I hadn’t gone into detail. He hadn’t asked, but I wanted him to keep being proud of me.
Maybe I was ready to start getting on with my life. Or maybe I was bored. Either was possible.
“Mind if I join you?”
From my seat by the window, I was able to look into the backyard.
My view was the same as from my room, but the shouts and laughter from the littles were much more distinct.
Someone was cheating at tag, and someone—Tony might have been their name—wasn’t having it.
My jealousy hadn’t lessened, but I wasn’t expecting to be caught eavesdropping.
When I glanced up, Phoenix was watching me stare out the window.
His response was a knowing raised eyebrow.
“No, I’m not one. Just wishing I was,” I answered the unspoken question clearly written across his face.
“It’s not unusual for people to be hesitant about an interest in being little.”
I appreciated how matter-of-fact he was. It was probably one of the reasons Henry had so much respect for him. They were both unfailingly polite, but neither of them put up with nonsense for the sake of it. Or deflection.
“Thanks for the out, but I know that much about myself, and I’m not a little,” I assured him with a weak smile.
“I sense a ‘but,’” Phoenix countered with a perfectly arched brow.
“I mean…it’s nothing. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”
Whatever fleeting thought I’d had about laying out the tangled mess in my head disappeared. Phoenix had enough on his plate without listening to me ramble about whether my jokes with Henry about him being a Daddy were thinly veiled because I actually wanted one.
“It’s lovely to see you venturing more and more out of your room. While you may not be a little—there’s plenty here who aren’t—they are entertaining.”
“They are.”
We lapsed into silence, but it was only awkward on my side. Phoenix looked serene.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been spending time with Henry.”
“Uh, yeah, he’s a nice guy. We’re friends.” I shrugged.
“Agreed. He’s been very generous the last several years with Halo House. “
“That’s nice of him.” It was obvious Phoenix had more to say on the subject, but I wasn’t sure what question he was herding me toward.
“In fact, he specifically asked that his recently increased donations be directed to a specific person’s upkeep.”
“Oh?”
“Yours.”
Any attempt made to hide my surprise was a doomed effort because I could read between the lines enough to know what was left unsaid. My stay wasn’t free anymore.
The meaning of it all left me in a spiral. Clearly, Henry had expectations, but I didn’t know what they might be. The strings tying us together were thin, but I knew they existed, which had to be worth something.
“May I ask you a personal question?”
I wanted to say no. When I opened my mouth, I intended to say that, or at least change the subject, but nothing came out. Instead, I nodded. Gah, I annoyed myself, but now I was stuck with it.
“Is Henry your Daddy?”
“He’s not…” I looked away because Phoenix’s gaze was too intense. It felt like this man, who somehow seemed to know everything, already knew far too much about me.
“Do you want him to be?”
“We’re working on being friends.”
Phoenix leaned back in his chair, one long, elegant finger tapping thoughtfully against his lips.
“They’re not mutually exclusive. Some of the healthiest Daddy-boy relationships I’ve seen are friends first and Daddy and boy second.”
“Do you think so?”
Truthfully, I’d never really considered it.
The examples I’d seen in my social circle before Halo House had never felt authentic, for lack of a better word.
It always looked like people acting out roles instead of building actual relationships.
That was one of the reasons I’d always resisted whenever a boyfriend brought it up.
It was one of the very few things I’d consistently pushed back on.
I knew what the dynamic was. I knew what it entailed. It was one of the few things I couldn’t give away because it required too much trust.
A therapist would probably tell me it was because, deep down, I’d always known my relationships were temporary, whether I’d admitted it to myself or not.
But Phoenix wasn’t my therapist, and we weren’t sitting in group, so I shoved all those thoughts back where they belonged.
“Thanks for the company,” I said as I pushed myself back from the table.
I carried my plate and utensils into the kitchen, making sure to avoid Phoenix’s eyes as I crossed the room. If I looked at him, I didn’t think I’d make it back to my room where it was safe.
And that was exactly why I hated eating in the dining room.
When I first arrived, I’d been given a laptop to use, and if Henry was going to be paying for my upkeep, then I needed to find a way to pay for my own life.
Letting myself be kept was what had gotten me here, and even though Phoenix hadn’t actually said it, that’s what it meant, wasn’t it? I was still being kept.
I didn’t know how I felt about that.
And since I didn’t, a job seemed like a good place to start. Actual employment would prove I wasn’t totally useless and incapable of handling my own business.
Although I didn’t have a résumé. Or experience. Or much of anything else. Or a car. Or a driver’s license.
Oh God, this was bad.
On a scale of one to ten, I was definitely looking at an eight. What nine and ten might look like, I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t let myself go all the way to the top of the scale because then I might never leave this room again.
I was knee-deep in job listings I wasn’t remotely qualified for when my phone started buzzing on the desk.
While it was tempting to think I could do anything I set my mind to, unfortunately, that wasn’t reality.
There wasn’t anything listed that involved keeping rich people company through boring dinners or arranging seating charts for maximum entertainment.
There were a few receptionist jobs, but most of them mentioned talking to people and being public-facing.
Just those words sent shivers down my spine.
It sounded like literal torture.
My first instinct was to ignore the phone, but then I reconsidered.
What if it was someone trying to sell me an extended car warranty?
I should definitely pay attention to that urgent matter.
I dove for the phone, decisively closing my laptop in the process. That was enough adulting for one day.
Henry’s name lit up the notification screen.
Obviously, I should look at the message, but I couldn’t remember whether my read receipts were on. If I read it and didn’t answer, he might know.
Or maybe he wouldn’t.
But I’d know.
Plus there was the small matter of him apparently becoming my benefactor at Halo House. Would he expect something from me? Did Phoenix? If I’d stayed in my room, none of this would be happening, and I’d still be living in happy, peaceful ignorance.
Those were the days.
Curiosity did me in.
Hey, sweetheart. Having a good day?
Yeah, just getting some reading in.
Sounds good. Whatcha reading?
Well…hell.
I glanced around the room because I wasn’t ready to admit I was reading help-wanted ads. My eyes landed on a book that had been sitting on the shelf since I’d moved in. I’d never actually opened it, but it would do in a pinch.
Loving Yourself When Life Is Shit.
Catchy title.
I picked it up, so I guess it did its job.
Now that I was actually looking at it from across the room, it did sound kind of interesting.
With my phone still in my hand, I unfurled my legs from beneath me and padded across the carpet. The book wasn’t thick by any means, but the cover featured a professionally dressed guy warming himself beside a dumpster fire.
Sold.
You’re not wrong.
Do you have any plans this afternoon? Or tonight?
I’ll have to check my schedule…
Oh, look. I’m a bum and completely free.
You’re not a bum.
You’re on a life sabbatical.
I smiled despite myself. It wasn’t necessarily true, but it had a nice ring to it.
Would you like to go to dinner? Maybe a movie afterward?
Sorry for the short notice. My evening meeting got pissed and canceled on me, and I want to make plans so if they try to reschedule once they’ve realized they fucked up, I already have something on my calendar.
So…like doing you a favor?
Yep.
You’d be doing me a huge favor.
A few seconds passed before another message popped up.
And I’d really like to see you.
I stared at the screen longer than I probably should have.
Yeah…I guess we could do that.
Fantastic.
I’ll pick you up at six-thirty.
What was I getting myself into? Even I knew it probably wasn’t anything good, but my stomach flip-flopped anyway.
It had been longer than I could remember since that had happened, so I’d go and hope for the best. And apparently read a self-help book because there was no way Henry wouldn’t ask me about it later.
Rats.
“Since I wasn’t sure what you’d like, I figured more options were better,” Henry said as he pulled into the parking lot at the downtown open-air marketplace.
“Hold on,” Henry instructed before exiting the driver’s seat.
He came around and opened my door. Should I feel like a princess? Probably not, but I did.
“Anything is fine with me,” I murmured as I slid out of the car.
Henry shut the door behind me and took my hand like it was a foregone conclusion.
We were within an inch or so of each other in height, but it felt comforting to be so matched.
I’d spent all my time at Halo over the last several months, and it felt odd to be out in public again.
Henry’s warm proximity settled my nerves.
“We can still find something you want to eat. Are you a little hungry or super hungry?”
Before I could answer, my stomach rumbled loudly enough to sound like thunder. I immediately splayed my hand over my stomach as if I could stop it from happening again. Judging by how warm my face felt, my cheeks had to be ruddy-red
“Maybe I could eat a little.”
“Have you eaten today?”
“Well, I mean, I went down to breakfast…” My voice trailed off while I crossed my fingers he wouldn’t ask for more details. It was a foolish hope because I knew enough about Henry by now to know it wouldn’t end with a deflection.
“But did you eat breakfast?”
“I went downstairs.”
“Since you’re not answering the question, I’m gonna go with no. You might’ve been there, but I’m guessing no actual food was eaten. What about lunch?”
“Well… I started reading the book I mentioned in the text messages, and I got distracted, so I missed lunch.”
Henry stopped walking and simply stared at me. My hand was still in his, and he gave my fingers a gentle but firm squeeze.
“I just want to make sure I’m understanding this. It’s…” He glanced at his watch. “It’s six forty-five now, and you haven’t eaten all day. Did you at least drink some water?”
“Ew. Gross. I hate water.”
My hope that Henry would simply move on was quashed almost immediately. He muttered something under his breath about foolish boys who didn’t know how to take care of themselves.
I knew he wasn’t talking about me because I could take care of myself just fine.
I’d been doing it for six months.
I mean…not well. I wasn’t eating much, and I skipped lunch all the time. Half the time I missed dinner too. That might’ve been why my clothes felt a little baggy lately, but under the circumstances, that didn’t seem like helpful information he would appreciate hearing.
“Sweetheart, I’m going to have a lot more to say about this, but I’m going to wait until we’ve gotten some food in you. Are you in the mood for anything in particular?”
I knew it was probably the most annoying trait on earth to be unable to decide what to eat for dinner, but it was true. I never knew until someone suggested something, and then I’d think, Oh, that sounds good. Before that, though, I never had any ideas of my own.
So I shrugged.
“Okay, how about this? Chicken, fish, or beef? Which one sounds best?”
“I mean…maybe beef?”
“Excellent. We’re making progress. Do you want that ground up, or do you want the whole thing in a steak?”
I laughed. “I mean… I love a good steak. It’s the Iowa in me.”
“Perfect, sweetheart. We’re going to the steakhouse.”
Henry announced it as if I’d just helped him discover the meaning of life.
He squeezed my fingers, pulled me close, and kissed me firmly like it was the most natural thing in the world.
The warmth that had been in my cheeks settled lower in my stomach, and suddenly, I forgot all about being hungry.
Absentmindedly, I brushed my fingers across my mouth after he stepped back.
When I realized what I’d done, I dropped my hand back to my side.
Henry noticed.
His eyes followed the movement before they settled on mine.
“Is that okay, sweetheart?”
“It’s… It’s good. It’s…” I smiled despite myself. “Really good.”