Chapter 2
Two
Zellie
Itake an intentional step towards Pluto.
I know attacking him so publicly will be my end, but I accept the consequences with certainty, knowing what my fate entails.
The sacrifice is worth it. My people are worth it.
In slow motion, I watch as Orion star-shoots to The Twins.
The beam of pure, undiluted power changes direction, aiming for me instead of the Kosmos.
Then pain: endless burning as the fabric of my being is seared, destroyed, and remade. I scream and scream until—
The nightmare jolts me awake as perspiration rolls in droplets down the back of my neck.
Wiping the damp hair from my face, I sit up, knowing sleep will not return to find me this evening.
Making my way to the bathroom, I splash water on my face.
My eyes are no longer my own—much like the rest of this body that feels so foreign and barely familiar.
No longer emerald, my eyes are a swirling void of gold and silver.
It’s as if the power from the stars tangled within my irises, creating something entirely new.
I’m not opposed to them, but when everything already feels so isolating, not having the parts that made me feel like myself only adds to the problem.
Not to mention the ethereal glow about me that screams, “not human, not human!”
My nostrils flare as I tear my gaze away, the new power thrumming beneath my skin like a war drum, the monster inside me snarling to be unleashed.
Sliding my runners on, I follow the familiar path that will take me to the training grounds.
Old habits die hard as I sit on a patch of dusty, crumbling dirt and look up, searching for Lenny.
I sit with my knees drawn to my chest until I find the brightest star in the sky.
Losing Lenny during the Games had been the most unexpected blow, especially after I swore to keep him safe.
While I’ve come to accept that his death was not my fault, but the Kosmos’, the grief that remains coaxes me to curl up within the depths of its despair.
“I don’t know what to do with all of this, Len.
” I move my arms to the ground to support my weight as I talk to the star.
“This power… It’s unrelenting. Almost as if it has a mind of its own.
I feel it beckoning me all the time. Sometimes I can’t control it.
I didn’t want to be made into this. The choice was ripped from me, and I think maybe…
maybe that, above all else, hurts the worst.” I dig my fingers into the rough ground; the feel of the soil grounds something innate within me.
I’m not mad at Orion and the Children of the Constellation, but perhaps I should be.
They ensured the Order didn’t come into even further power—stars, maybe not receiving the power they were so desperate to have has weakened them.
But I was excluded from their planning. I was chosen for something I didn’t consent to.
Would I have agreed to the rebellion’s plan?
What do they expect from me now? I feel weaponized rather than a symbolic leader. It feels wrong. I feel wrong.
The dirt beneath my hands begins to tremble as the grains of soil disperse.
Perplexed, I lift my hand, a light gasp escaping me.
A small crystal, half unearthed, has sprouted.
I gently push the dirt away from the crystal until it slides freely out of the ground.
Hexagonal and translucent green, the crystal vibrates with energy within my palm.
A light laugh escapes my throat, the feeling unnatural and freeing.
I know within my soul that this was the work of my earth magic, yet I can’t help but feel that Lenny was also giving me a sign.
There is beauty on the other side of suffering.
From the depths of struggle, something magical can emerge.
I can use what I’ve become to my advantage.
I am more powerful than the Kosmos now—and I don’t think they know exactly how much magic I possess.
If I can master this, tame the beast within me to do my bidding…
we can easily take them down. The power beneath my skin hums as if in agreement.
I hold the crystal close to my chest as if its symbolic thrumming of new beginnings could seep into my soul.
I’ve been complacent for far too long, allowing myself to wallow in self-pity.
Weeks have passed, of me wasting away, when what I’ve been gifted is an opportunity.
Yes, I would have preferred it to be on my terms and something that I chose for myself, but that’s not the case here.
I can’t continue hating myself for eternity simply because I’m different.
I need to embrace my uniqueness, embrace these new abilities, and use them for good.
But first I need to get control over them—get control over myself.
It’s time to train.
After using the service center in my apartment to ping Orion, we stand facing off from one another once again across my island.
His head is propped on his fist, his other hand absentmindedly strumming on the marble countertop.
“Well, this is a pleasant surprise.” Pure satisfaction lines his features.
“I have to master this—I can’t go on feeling this out of control.”
“We will find someone of each affinity to train you.”
“I need you to know,” I start, twisting my fingers as I search for the right words, “I don’t blame you or the Children. I wish you had asked me, though, to see if I would have chosen this for myself.”
The smug tilt of his lips slips from Orion’s face. He grabs the back of his neck, shaking his head. “Zi…” A pause and a joyless laugh. “Have you really spent these last few weeks thinking we did this on purpose?”
What? “Are you telling me that you didn’t?”
He rounds the corner of the island, pulling me into his embrace.
We haven’t touched like this since the ball, and my body reacts accordingly, melting into his strong hold as his lotus and linen scent envelops me.
“It was an accident, Zi,” he breathes into my hair, his hold relaxing, as if the exhale of the words releases something within him, too.
“I’m a fucking idiot. These should have been the first words I said to you. ”
I tilt my head upwards, meeting his hazel gaze as my heart rate doubles, brain scrambling to decipher his admission. “What do you mean, ‘it was an accident’?”
“Zellie, I would never have intentionally done this to you—especially without talking to you about it first.” He huffs out a laugh. “Did you seriously think I would?”
“No—yes. I don’t know?” We never went over the specifics of what happened on that fateful day after the last Game.
My lack of understanding has only fueled my confusion and anger, as well as created a lingering divide between my best friend and me.
It’s not Orion’s fault we haven’t had this conversation earlier; I isolated myself, fully succeeding in shutting everybody out.
“There’s clearly been a miscommunication,” I mumble.
He laughs, the rich sound warming my heart and vibrating against my chest. Pressing a kiss to my forehead, he reveals, “I never meant for the power to hit you. You’ve sacrificed too much of yourself already. The Children and I decided that I would throw the power off course, whatever the cost.”
“You were going to sacrifice yourself,” I whisper. The realization had hit me in the moment, but I never truly had the time to process what was occurring at that time; it had all happened so fast. “They would have killed you.”
Orion swallows roughly. “I know.”
“I would have chased you into the afterlife myself and killed you again for leaving me.”
Riri chuckles softly, squeezing me tighter into him. “Is that your way of telling me you need me, Zi?”
I search his eyes; the admission leaving my lips as surely as my heart beats in my chest. “Yes,” I murmur.
Orion’s lips turn upwards into a sad smile as he moves closer, nudging his nose with mine.
“I’m so sorry, Zellie. I was to knock it off course or aim it directly towards a planet, but the energy was too strong.
As soon as I grabbed the scepter, I completely lost control.
There isn’t a second of each day that passes that I do not blame myself for what has happened. ”
Stars above. How much anger and regret have we been suppressing?
The last thing I want is for Orion to blame himself.
This isn’t his fault. My feelings are valid, but they’re misguided.
This is the Kosmos’ doing. This is all because of Pluto.
“Please don’t blame yourself. We have the advantage now.
” I muster a small smile despite my overwhelmed emotions, hoping to relieve Orion of the guilt he’s been holding on to.
I need to get through this, but not at the cost of his hurting. One day at a time, I remind myself.
He nods, eyes beginning to hood as he looks at me.
“Your eyes are glowing.” I can only nod, feeling the thrum of approval from my magic.
It would appear that the well of power within me is emotionally driven, not that I’m about to admit that to Orion.
“So beautiful,” his lips move, just barely brushing against mine.
My body aches internally, begging to be claimed by him.
Is that my emotion or his that I’m sensing?
“I can feel your desire,” I smile.
Instead of closing the minute gap between us, he leans further away, raising an eyebrow and clicking his tongue. “A bit unfair that you’re reading me when I try so very hard not to do that to you.”
I shrug. “Teach me, then.”
Orion’s returning smile is as wide as my own.