Chapter 6
Six
Jada
Adjusting the harness strapped between my legs and around my waist, I squeegee the window in the exterior corridor of the Commons.
A resounding squeak echoes through the mostly empty room…
Empty except for Faye, who inconveniently was also assigned to this station tonight.
I had known that when Jasmine, a friendly Aquarius, had asked me to switch shifts with her tonight.
She knows my and Faye’s history and gave me a warning, her big eyes pleading while filled with guilt.
I was exhausted and could have used the extra sleep after my late night with Torin—stars, or even just to have time to myself to process everything Pluto shared today in his message with us.
I would have preferred to peel my own fingernails off rather than be stuck working a shift with my ex, who is determined to make me feel as guilty as possible.
But I couldn’t say no. Sighing, I internally scream at myself and my inability to put my needs before others.
Jasmine was tired too, I remind myself. She wouldn’t have asked if she didn’t need the help. Why am I like this?
I daze into the vast void beyond the thick glass where swirling glass rings circle a far-off planet.
Very few stars blink within view, the overwhelming darkness calming my chaotic thoughts.
The portal to Galatea and the City of Wonder opens tomorrow.
I haven’t been able to put visiting the city out of my mind.
I’m obsessed with the idea of it. Knowing me, I’ll likely be the first one in line for the portal tomorrow, too.
Torin already agreed to go with me; it’s just a matter of making it through this shift and the night.
I’m sick of the same old routine—I’m ready for more.
Faye’s squeegee screeches down her window.
Damn, girl, it needs to be wetter than that.
She’s been effectively giving me the silent treatment all shift.
It’s not like I asked to be stationed with her.
Her cold demeanor is bringing the temperature down in here, I swear.
I rest my arm after finishing the windowpane, letting myself sway back and forth.
Biting my lip, I think of what to say. I hate the awkward tension between us.
There must be a way we can resolve this.
I settle on asking, “Are you really going to ignore me the entire time?” I watch her posture stiffen through the reflection, not daring to turn my head towards her.
Her tone is flat as she responds, “I don’t understand how you can go from me to him.”
Stars above, not this again. Her jealous streak is going to be the death of me.
I’ve tried staying with Faye and playing the committed girlfriend in the past, putting aside the restless part of me that doesn’t enjoy settling.
It never ended well. She would call me out on being miserable, I would feel guilty about wanting to be free.
I’d end up being unhappy regardless, due to not being able to fully change myself and be what she needed.
When I started seeing Torin, she took it as a sign that she wasn’t enough.
I have no control over who I’m attracted to, but I can’t help but think my attraction to Torin stems from a place of him accepting me as I am.
“Faye, we’ve been over this a thousand times. There is nothing wrong with Torin whatsoever. Your issue with him lies strictly in the fact that I’m attracted to a man. I won’t apologize for being bi.” I am who I am.
She huffs, continuing to wipe the same pane of glass over and over. “We’re just so… different.” I feel awful that I’ve made her feel so insecure.
“I never wanted to make you feel this way, Faye.”
She waves me off. “I know, I know. It’s not you; this is a ‘me’ issue.”
“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need.” I’m not prepared to settle—I refuse to, knowing deep inside I’m meant for more than this life of insignificance.
“If you ever change your mind, you know where I’ll be.”
I hum, using my pulley to lower my position. “Any interest in exploring the new city?”
Faye scoffs, “Absolutely not. Don’t tell me you’re actually considering going there?”
Defensiveness jolts through me. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“It’s strange that they're inviting us there. We know nothing about it. It doesn’t make sense.”
“Faye,” I laugh, “the divine order is opening their home to us. Not strangers. What could possibly go wrong?”
She sighs, irritated with my positivity, most likely. I watch her arms maneuver the pulley as she climbs higher to a dirty glass. “Something feels strange about it.”
I twist in my harness to face her. “Strange how?”
“I don’t know!” Faye flicks her squeegee, water spraying in every direction. “Why, out of nowhere, are they suddenly asking us to visit? It feels… peculiar.”
“Or maybe they’ve realized we should have had the ability to visit all along and are trying to amend the situation. Why don’t they deserve the benefit of our doubt? They had no reason to share their city with us or to even tell us about it. Pluto presenting himself to us was a show of good faith.”
Faye shakes her head in disagreement. “You’re too trusting, and it will be your downfall.” My stomach sinks at her words. “Will you at least wait a few days before going? If it’s as safe as you think, it’ll still be there for you.”
I worry my lip, indecision gnawing at me as strongly as my desire to appease Faye is. “I’ll think about it.”
I enter the lifts in the Chambers, desperate to reach my quarters.
While I enjoy being stationed at window washing, the late shifts always exhaust me.
I’m not made to be up past a certain time of night; it makes me irritable.
My conversation with Faye plays in my mind, adding to my exhaustion.
I close my eyes as the lift beeps, the tube shooting me across floors.
As I exit, I pause outside my door, looking at the solid doorframe to my right that has gone unopened for so long.
I miss you, Zell. Blinking back tears, I push away the aching emptiness her loss has left me before completing the eye scan required to unlock my door.
I enter, leaning my head back against the closed door.
My need to keep the peace is fucking exhausting.
I know I won’t go tomorrow now—simply because I don’t want Faye worrying about me.
Why couldn’t I tell Faye that I would be going to Astralis tomorrow, that something within me sings at the opportunity?
Why do I put myself through these internal battles of what I want versus satisfying the needs of others?
And why do I consistently prioritize myself last? I matter too.
I breathe deeply, exhaling forcefully through my nose to center myself. A blinking red light distracts me, coming from the top of the screen mounted on the wall. I’ve never seen anything like this. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I approach, tapping the screen to life.
Missed telecom from The Kosmos. Tap here to return telecom.
I couldn’t help but laugh, having a hard time believing the words in front of me. Surely, this message was intended for someone else. But… what if it wasn’t? Why would the divine order be calling me? Hands shaking, I press the screen to reconnect the telecom.
The screen blinks through fields of static before a familiar face comes into view. My mouth instantly dries out, and I pinch myself to ensure I’m not dreaming.
“Hello,” I will my voice not to tremble, but the sound still comes out meekly.
“Good evening, Jada Bellamy.” Pluto Lazar, the leader of the Kosmos, greets me.