Chapter 25
Twenty-five
Zellie
Ican’t believe I spoke to her that way. I didn’t mean to.
The words flew out of my mouth before I even had the ability to process them in my mind.
Reckless. The word clatters violently through my body, my bones quaking as the threads of my mortal life unravel before my eyes.
She was the only connection to my old life that I had left.
The only reminder of what I’ve been, what I believed in.
And I burned it to the ground. “You’re consumed by your anger,” she had said.
I thought I had moved past this. But trauma has a way of branding you, reminding you at the most inopportune moments that you’ll never be the same.
That reminder has me spiraling into a dark, dark place.
I storm into my apartment building, ready to be a recluse and hide in bed for the remainder of the night. Some determining force continues to mock me, though, placing Leo in my path.
“Zell, why would you do that? Are you trying to give them more reason to come after you?”
“Not now, Leo,” I mumble, keeping my head down and attempting to brush past him.
“Just—stop for a second and listen to me!” He makes to grab my arm, and I simply react.
I shove him roughly, power rippling through my forearms with a whoosh that sends him flying into the wall with a sickening crack.
He doesn’t attempt to move from the spot, instead leveling me with a stare that speaks volumes.
“Fucking stars, Zellie. I’m trying to warn you. I’m on your side. They’re going to—”
Effectively cutting him off, I snap, “You stopped being on my side the second you kept me in the dark.”
Celeste’s door opens as she slowly pops her head out, her white hair brushing her shoulder as she cocks her head. I hadn’t realized we were near her apartment, or how loud Leo and I had been for that matter. “Everything alright out here?”
“Yes, I was just leaving.” I meet Leo’s eyes once more, not caring if they were glowing or if he could tell how powerful I was in the moment.
“Zell… you good?” Celeste’s soft voice breaks through my heated trance.
I take a deep breath. What the fuck is wrong with me? “Yeah, I’m good.”
When in reality, I’m anything but.
Staring up at the ceiling in a pool of silk, I hear a light knock from the front door.
“Zell? It’s Cel.” I close my eyes, relishing the coolness of the sheets.
I’ve thrown on my comfiest oversized sweater and lounge shorts, my legs savoring the slippery, soft material beneath me.
“I know you’re going through something none of us can relate to.
I’m sure it’s hard and scary and dark. But you don’t need to be in that place alone. ”
I roll on my stomach, eager to pretend the outside world doesn’t exist. “Listen here, I may not have your goddess strength, but I will bust down this door if need be. You’re not going to ignore me. I look pathetic out here, talking to a door. Put me out of my misery.”
I smirk into the sheets and wiggle my way down the bed. When I open the door, Celeste wears a triumphant smirk and raises a bottle of celestial wine in her hand. “Trouble in paradise?”
“You could say that.”
“Getting a little rough and rowdy with the old beau, eh?” Her tone is teasing, yet the words stoke the raging irritation coursing through me.
“If you don’t shut your mouth right now, I will close this door, and you can continue your conversation with inanimate objects.”
Her laugh is a boon to my melancholy soul.
Light and carefree, although I know deep down she carries her own burdens from the Games.
“I knocked on Merri’s door, but she must not be home.
Miles is out with his boyfriend, so it’s just us.
” Aria returned to Noctor after the Games, unable to bear the reminders of Lenny in Astralis.
This is all that’s left of our little family.
“Come in, if you must.”
“You know how to make a girl feel loved.”
My chin wobbles as I move aside, letting her through. I’m failing everyone.
“Oh, no! What’s wrong?”
“I’m lost. Every time I think I’m okay, my rage swallows me until I’m so deep that I cannot see the light.”
“That’s the thing about light. It’s never far, always just around the corner. We spin in orbit, cast in light, then shadow, until the light returns. Know that, Zell. It always returns.”
I sniffle before throwing myself into her arms. Celeste rubs my back reassuringly, squeezing me tightly. “There is no depth you can descend that I will not pull you out of.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“You are more than deserving of true friendship.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, afraid to move, afraid to break.
“Always. Now tell me what happened.”
As I explain my standoff with Jada and our disagreement surrounding our views of the Kosmos and correct courses of action, Celeste listens intently.
She doesn’t validate or judge; instead she listens neutrally without further stoking the flames or making me feel guilty.
I never should have given Jada an ultimatum or said the hurtful things I did—I already know that, and I appreciate Celeste for not making me feel worse about doing so.
True friendship is knowing when there is wrongdoing but loving them through it anyway, and that is exactly what she does for me.
“I think I’ve lost her for good, Cel. I don’t know how we come back from this. We’re so different now.”
“Give her time. She’ll come around.”
I wipe my nose using my sleeve, appreciating the ability to do so in front of Celeste. “How could you possibly know that?”
“If she’s smart enough to be friends with you, she’ll be smart enough to figure this out, too.”
I hope so.