Chapter 16 #2
I smother the groan that builds in my throat at the realization, while a new panic seizes me.
How the fuck am I going to keep resisting the bond when I know this?
When I know she’d welcome my touch. I could run my tongue over her neck, get my scent all over her until every fucking Lycan knows without a doubt that she is mine.
I could press open her legs, drown myself in her and make her come until she can’t see.
I could fuck her on the table, against the wall, bent over the bed. I could bite her. Claim her forever.
Fuck, I need to get a grip.
Maybe it’s better if she’s mad at me. Maybe it’s better if she thinks I’m an asshole. It’ll be easier to keep my distance. I have to stop this before it goes any further.
I clench my jaw to brace myself. I know what I need to do.
“Your reactions aren’t my concern,” I make myself say, though it fucking tears me up inside to hurt her this way. “Your magic is. My point stands.”
Her lower lip trembles, sealing my status as the biggest piece of shit who ever lived. But with admirable composure, she meets my gaze head-on and says, “You know what, you can come to the hospital if you want—or not. But I’m going.”
The “fuck you” goes unsaid.
Goddamn it. I do not want her to go there. She needs to be here, in the wards, safe with me.
“I could stop you,” I say, allowing a bit of menace to creep into my tone.
If I thought she’d be cowed by that, I’m quickly disabused of the notion. She lifts her chin in defiance. “You could try.”
Her magic flares at that, fierce and powerful—but not out of control. She’s not going to back down.
A minute later, we’re in my truck on the way to the hospital. I wish I hadn’t fixed the fucking tire.
***
The fluorescent lights and cacophony of smells—sterile cleaning products overlaying the concentrated scents of illness and fresh blood—are an assault.
I stalk behind the stubborn Librarian, restless and tense like a hound on a short leash.
The hospital is a cage full of easy prey, the old and young, the sick and the grieving.
This is no place for us to bring the echo-beast, trailing after Alanna’s magical signature, wreaking havoc on all in its wake.
Beside me, Alanna tenses. Perhaps her earlier defiance is warring with fresh anxiety, now that we’re actually here. I want to pull her close, shield her from every damn thing, but the sting of her accusation, “Is this a game to you?”, still burns.
It’s better this way, I tell myself. Build the wall. Keep a clear head.
We find her friend, Jen, in a quiet waiting area near the emergency ward. Her thin face is pale and streaked with dried tears, wisps of blonde hair clinging to her cheeks with static. When she spots Alanna, her expression flickers from gratitude to something harder, more injured. Almost accusatory.
“Alanna! Where have you been? I can never get in touch with you anymore.” Jen’s voice cracks.
“Lizzy got hurt, and—and it was confusing, and fucking scary, Alanna. And then I had to deal with the doctors, but I didn’t know how to answer their questions.
And you said you were gone for work but .
. .” She trails off as her gaze slides to me, astute and assessing, taking in how close I’m standing to the Librarian. Then, bluntly: “Who’s this?”
“He’s . . . Kade.” Alanna’s voice is clipped. “A colleague.”
Jen’s lips go thin. She can smell the bullshit as well as I can. She sizes me up, dissecting my long hair, my muscular build, my military stance—I sure as shit don’t look like a librarian.
Refusing to be sidetracked, Alanna focuses on the matter at hand. “How is Lizzy? Please, tell me.”
“She’s okay. They stabilized her. She needs stitches in her shoulder, and her arm is broken. I think she’s in shock though. She keeps saying she’s cold, and really tired. They’re keeping her here to monitor for a bit.”
“Oh thank god,” Alanna huffs, relief flooding her face. “I want to see her.”
Jen glances toward a hallway that leads to patient rooms, hesitating. “Alanna, first can I talk to you? Privately?” Her glare cuts to me pointedly, full of distrust.
I draw up to my full height under her scrutiny, doing my best not to glower back at her.
She’s just been through a trauma, and she’s only being protective of Alanna.
I can’t fault her for that. However, if she thinks I’m going to leave the Librarian’s side, she has another thing coming.
I crowd even closer, making my intention clear.
Jen’s eyes widen slightly and I know I’ve made my point.
Alanna twists around, craning her neck to meet my eyes. “Kade,” she snaps out my name and the harshness of it almost makes me wince with guilt. “Can you give us a minute?”
“No.”
A flash of anger crosses her face, and she grabs my arm to tug me away from Jen.
My skin prickles as the slightest breeze passes through the air around us, the only outward sign that her power is straining to break loose.
“Stop being so impossible,” she says through gritted teeth.
“These are my best friends. And I’m not asking. Go. Somewhere. Else.”
“Fine,” I grumble. “But not out of sight.” I retreat several steps away across the waiting room, finding a row of sleek vending machines. Pretending to assess the overpriced snacks, I keep one eye on my Librarian.
Alanna marches back to her friend and they begin to speak in hushed tones. Which I can hear perfectly from across the room.
Jen says, “I have to tell you something about how Lizzy got hurt. I—I don’t even know where to start.
But first, what is going on with you, for real?
I can’t reach you for weeks, you say you’re away for work but then show up at the hospital within the hour.
You look like you haven’t even slept. And now—is it something to do with this guy?
Are you . . . seeing him? Is he making you, like, skip work, or something?
He seems kind of dangerous.” Her voice drops to barely a whisper, “Do you need help?”
Alanna flinches as guilt clouds her face, her shoulders slumping.
“Jen, I—I’m so sorry. I know I disappeared.
I know I haven’t been answering. I didn’t mean to scare you.
I’m okay, really. There’s so much I can’t explain right now.
” It comes out in a rush, tangled with apology and evasion.
But her voice hardens on her next words, “And no. I’m not seeing Kade.
Nothing like that. I told you, he’s just a colleague, helping me with my .
. . project. We have a very specific, time-sensitive cataloguing collaboration that will conclude when the project is complete.
A very clear end date. When it ends, we’re going our separate ways. ”
I suppress a discontented growl at that, disguising the sound that rises from my chest as a cough.
“Riiight.” It’s obvious Jen doesn’t believe her. “Then why is he here? Acting all dickish and looking like he wants to bite my head off for talking to you.”
“He drove me here. We were in the middle of working when you called.”
Jen raises her eyebrows, taking in Alanna’s disheveled state and the cracks in her composure—she’s a bad liar and the hurt from our earlier argument is still written all over her face.
“Fine, whatever. If you want to tell me what’s really happening, let me know.
” Underneath her defensive snark, the acerbic scent of worry radiates across the room.
“That’s not what I wanted to talk about, anyway.
It’s about what happened to Lizzy. I don’t understand it, really.
I told you a bit on the phone but—” Jen hesitates, glancing furtively around the room.
“I swear it was like a shadow attacked us. That’s crazy, right?
No one else saw it and I feel like I’m losing my mind here. ”
She gives a rueful laugh and runs a trembling hand through her static-charged hair, bracing herself for Alanna to dismiss her.
But Alanna just reaches out to hold Jen’s shoulders, then pulls her in for a tight hug. “You’re not crazy, okay?”
Jen shudders with a hitching breath, as she leans into the comfort of the embrace. Alanna hugs her even tighter; it looks like the Librarian needs it as much as Jen does. When they pull apart, Alanna keeps one hand on Jen’s upper arm, like she doesn’t want to let go.
“I’m glad you weren’t there,” Jen says, “but I kind of wish you were, too. So you could have seen it. I know you’d have a good explanation for what the fuck it was.”
Alanna’s lips twist in an ironic, pained smile. “How about I do some research and then I can tell you what I find out? Later.”
A tear slips from Jen’s red-rimmed eyes. “Yeah, okay.”
“I want you to tell me everything. For the research. But first, I really, really want to see Lizzy. I’ve been so worried since you called.”
They start to move off toward the hallway, and I’m behind Alanna again before she even has a chance to beckon.
“Why is he coming?” Jen asks, looking me up and down with clear dislike.
“Moral support,” I say, before Alanna can stumble her way through another lie.
The snort that comes from the Librarian is tight and unamused.
“Whatever, come on.” Jen leads the way through the sterile corridor.