Chapter Twenty-Three #2
But that was only a distraction. Gwen’s presence could be annoying, but at least it was noise. Noise that distracted her from old memories.
Chloe wandered through the house and paused at the bottom of the staircase, where the moonlight shone through the arch-shaped frosted glass of the front door window. She couldn’t keep looking for distractions.
She let the memories of her childhood wash over her.
Dad coming home from work, coughing from smoking too much as he closed the door to announce he was home.
Chloe playing with Gwen as a child, then fighting over something silly, then making up.
Playing a board game with their parents.
The memories were painful, but Chloe let herself feel them.
That was the way to get over the past – by facing it, feeling the agony, then letting it fade on its own.
Pushing it down or running away from it only made it fester in the deepest, darkest corners of your mind. Then it would come back at the worst possible moment, in the form of tears or anger or worse.
Chloe let her tears fall now, sinking onto the bottom stair.
She missed her mum and dad more than she could bear.
She wished that she had made more of an effort to spend time with them.
A Facetime call every few weeks and the occasional text had not been enough.
They had been so young that she had assumed, foolishly, that they would live for decades yet, that they would grow old together, sitting in rocking chairs with grandchildren on their laps.
Mum’s hair, blonde like Gwen’s, would turn grey, her pretty face wrinkled.
Dad, who shared Chloe’s chestnut brown curls, might have gone bald eventually, or he would have proudly sported thick hair of salt and pepper.
If they had been on that road only a few minutes before or after, they would have been fine.
Would have maybe heard of an accident with another car, an anecdote before they carried on with their lives.
At least they had died together, on the same day.
Horrible for Chloe, but perhaps a comfort for them.
Mum and Dad had been soulmates, everyone could see that.
For a long time, Chloe had felt angry with the old man who had driven down the wrong side of the road and crashed into them.
Of all the terrible people in the world who could have died that day, why her parents?
They had been good people. Normal, nice, had worked hard and loved their daughters.
But the old man had been having a mental breakdown, or so Chloe had heard. He’d been confused and panicking.
It didn’t make the loss any easier to bear.
She buried her face in her palms, sobbing, her heart in splinters.
It was on this very step that she had opened her GCSE results, Mum and Dad sitting either side of her, congratulating her on getting an A in English.
She sniffled, wiping her dripping nose. This wasn’t how she was supposed to feel after such a great date.
Could she possibly stay in Wellbridge, with all the memories here? Running away and staying in the city hadn’t helped much. And what about Gwen? Would she be abandoning her if she moved away? And what about the library? Harry?
Chloe hugged herself, and then texted Hannah, asking for funny pictures and memes to cheer her up.
Within minutes, Hannah had sent a picture of her daughter Lily, covered head to toe in bubbles from her bubble bath, only her face visible.
Chloe snorted and went to grab a tissue.
She felt a bit better after crying. It had been a real ugly cry, too.
She hadn’t bothered to be quiet or tried to muffle the noise.
Along with the pain came guilt. Guilt for not spending more time with Mum and Dad.
She had been so eager to escape this place, to leave Wellbridge and its memories of Liam and the botched wedding behind and finally go to university, that her contact with her parents hadn’t been much more than the occasional phone call.
She had spent so much time running away, but it hadn’t really helped.
She let out a rattling sigh, laying a hand on her chest as Mum and Dad’s smiling faces filled her mind’s eye. Then Gwen’s. If she was going to leave Wellbridge behind again, she would do so with better memories. There was no point in feeling guilty. Mum and Dad had known she had loved them.
Even with this mantra echoing in her head, Chloe went to bed with a heavy heart. She curled up under the blanket and said goodnight to Hannah.
Text me anytime you’re feeling low messaged her best friend, perhaps sensing that Chloe was missing her parents.
I’m always here. I love you, Chloe.
Thank you, I love you too she texted back, sniffling.
She closed her burning eyes, thinking instead of the fireworks display and her first kiss with Harry.
She considered whether to tell Hannah, and couldn’t help smiling to herself, feeling like a teenager and her first kiss.
That had been with Liam. How different he had been from Harry.
She had gotten over Liam a long time ago, and wondered how different things would be now if she had married him after all. Maybe she would be Lily’s mum. But would she be happy? She hadn’t felt anything when she’d seen him.
She punched her pillow and snuggled into it, telling herself that now wasn’t the time to dive into that rabbit hole. Her nose still blocked, Chloe managed to fall asleep, and didn’t hear when Gwen came home later that night.