22. Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tage
“Coming!” I shout as I shove my shirt over my head, trying to get it down my still-wet body. I glance down and realize it’s backwards, but it’ll have to do. Better than opening the door half-naked.
I hurry to my front door and look through the peephole. I smile as I pull it open.
“Hope you’re hungry,” Lane says, holding up a brown paper bag.
“I thought you were the neighbor or something.” I pull my arms into my shirt and flip it around.
“Do they normally come over here?”
“They have a few times.”
“Let me guess… they needed a cup of sugar for the cookies they were baking?”
“Toilet paper,” I mutter.
He laughs as he steps inside, then looks me up and down.
“What were you doing?” he asks with a knowing tone.
“I just got out of the shower. I’ve spent the day cleaning.”
“It took you a day to clean this place?”
I glare at him. He laughs when I slap his chest.
“Yeah, yeah. My place is small, so what? If you clean right, it takes time.” I take the bag from his hand and bring it into the kitchen to open it. “Oh, my god, this smells so good. I’m starving.”
“See, I knew you needed me.”
I shake my head as I grab two plates. Lane kisses my cheek, then pulls out the containers of Chinese food from the bag and utensils from the drawers so we can put the food on the plates.
We get comfortable on the couch, find a movie, and eat like an old couple that’s been doing this for years.
It’s my favorite Saturday night tradition.
I act like I didn’t know he was coming, but he always does, even though we never make plans for it. It’s sweet and I look forward to it. He’s a little earlier than usual, which is why I didn’t immediately think it was him.
When we’re finished eating, I put the food away and go back to watching the movie, this time cuddling with Lane. I’m full and content.
We’ve gotten into this routine that seems to work for both of us. He stays here every Saturday night, and I stay at his place twice during the week. I always take his car to work, and Blake drives him. Then I go home by bus, train or cab, and he drives himself.
I know it makes his skin crawl to watch me go. I won’t let him give me a ride or let Blake drive me. He hates it.
But I am loving it.
I love this life that I’ve built in only about six months. I have a steady, good-paying job that I love. An apartment that is affordable and comfortable, albeit still coming together. I have a boyfriend who spoils the hell out of me, takes me out on dates, and fucks me so damn good.
What more could I ask for? It’s the exact life that I wanted; that I came here for.
When the movie is done, we find another to watch. I can’t get enough of cuddling with Lane, but I do wonder what he wants out of our future, especially during these quiet moments when my brain has a lot of time to think. Is there a future for us? Or is this where it stays?
I’m happy with where we’re at, but this isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to get married. I really want to have kids; that’s non-negotiable. I want to own a home; a homey home. Not something cold and bare and made for show rather than comfort.
“Lane?” I say, just as Bumblebee jumps into the air and transforms. Yeah, he’s never seen the live-action Transformers movies, so that’s what we’re doing. He glances at me with an expectant look on his face. “What do you want for your future?”
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“Like… with us.”
“Are you asking if I see a future with you?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Yes, I see a future with you.”
“What does it look like?”
He thinks about it for a moment, then gives a small shake of his head. “Whatever you want it to look like.”
“You have no thoughts on it?”
“I never thought I’d settle down with someone, but I can see myself doing that with you. I guess I haven’t thought about it enough, but there’s nothing I won’t do. If you want to move, we’ll move. If you want to get married, I would love to marry you. If you want kids, let’s adopt ten of them.”
Is it too soon to think about these things? It’s been roughly six months since our hook-up… only a few solid weeks of us being in this steady routine. There is a lot of in-between of me fighting off his flirting.
“How are you so sure of yourself?” I ask.
It’s not that I’m not, it’s just the way he says it… like it’s already been chiseled into stone.
“There was something about you the moment I saw you. Each day, it’s grown. I want to be with you every day, Tage, you’re the one holding back.”
“It’s only been a few months.”
“Time doesn’t measure feelings.” He shifts. “And I don’t think it does for you either. There’s something else keeping you from moving forward.”
“What does that mean?”
He gives a small shake of his head. “Something from your past. I see it bothers you. I don’t know what it is, and I assumed you’d tell me when you wanted to. Your hesitation has nothing to do with me, or us; it has to do with whatever trauma you’ve dealt with.”
“Is it that obvious?” I ask, my voice smaller than I mean it to be.
I thought when we got to this point, I’d feel defensive and not want to talk about it.Don’t get me wrong, I do not want to talk about it, but I don’t feel the way I thought. It feels okay to open up to him. I trust him.
“To me, yes. But I’m also very observant, especially when it comes to you.” His hand slides up my leg in a soothing way. “What do you want for your future?” he asks.
I’m so glad that he lets it go that I can’t help but blurt out all that I want.
“All of it. Marriage. Kids. A dog. Maybe a cat, too. A house with a big yard and a pool.”
“I have a house with a big yard and a pool.”
I roll my eyes. “You said yourself that you don’t even like that house.”
“I don’t.”
“Which is why I want a different house. One I pick out. One I fall in love with.”
“You’re secretly a hopeless romantic, aren’t you?” he leans in closer, sliding his arm around me.
“So are you.”
“I’ve never denied it.”
I take his hand, looking into his eyes. They’re dark, but there is so much kindness there. Honesty.
I can see a future with this man. This man that I went after for a quick fuck because I was new to town and wanted to celebrate, who ended up being my boss and I thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And now? Somehow it’s turned into my favorite one.
One that… is so much more than I realized.
Or maybe I’ve been denying it to myself all along because it’s scary. But my feelings for Lane.. They’re big. Very big. Despite wanting to take things slow, I know how I feel about him. It’s only fair I tell him.
“You know,” I begin, my heart pounding harder. “I, uh… love… you.”
I blink and look away, not able to meet his eyes. My heart is pounding so hard now I think I’m going to pass out. I feel him watching me and I don’t know what to do with that.
“Sorry, that didn’t come out right,” I say quickly.
Still can’t look at him though.
He crawls over me, taking my chin between his fingers and staring directly into my eyes so I don’t have the option of looking away.
“It was perfect,” he says before kissing me softly. “I love you, too, Tage. I didn’t want to tell you and scare you away.”
“Why would you scare me away?” My voice is breathless; still hung up on the fact we just shared our first I love you’s.
He smiles. “I’ve learned it’s best to let you come to me.”
I frown. “Like you’re scared of me?”
He barks out a laugh that offends me a little. Like I can’t be scary or something.
“No, not like that. Just… I like to give you space. That’s all. You don’t like when people push you or pressure you into doing things. It has to be on your terms, on your own time, and that’s okay.”
“How do you know that?” I ask.
Sighing, he says, “When are you going to realize that I know a lot about you? Why is that so surprising?”
“I’m just… not used to it, I guess,” I admit.
“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I’m sorry that you haven’t had anyone pay enough attention.”
That hits me way too hard. I can’t breathe. But then he sits back on the other side of the couch and puts my legs on his lap so we can finish watching Transformers, not making a big thing about it.
That’s when I realize it’s those things.
Those are the things that make me appreciate him.
That have made me love him. He doesn’t force things on me.
He doesn’t tell me how or what I should think or do.
He just… lets me be me. And he doesn’t get mad at me about it.
I hadn’t realized I needed that from someone until him.