19. Carter
Chapter nineteen
Carter
Carter lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Moonlight streamed in through his window, casting shadows across the walls.
A tree branch scratched against his window as a light breeze picked up outside.
Sleep wasn’t coming tonight. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Ashley: laughing with Lena as they planned out the festival, smiling at him across the table, the way she looked while she rode him, head flinging back, hair trailing across his thighs…
Then the after, before Gabe and Lena showed up, and it was just them in their after-sex glow. She had looked at him as if… as if she still loved him. He didn’t want to get his hopes up; she had every reason to hate him. Hell, he hated himself for so many years after that dreaded night.
A floorboard creaked somewhere in the hallway. Winterridge was full of noises at night—old pipes, settling wood, the occasional staff member sneaking down to the kitchen for a midnight snack.
He rolled onto his side and glanced at the clock. Almost midnight. Ashley was probably asleep now. The whole house probably was. The Wetherbys had always been morning people.
The handle on his bedroom door slowly turned, and Carter sat up straight. The door cracked open and Ashley slipped in, closing the door behind her.
“Hi,” she whispered.
A grin immediately tugged at the corner of his mouth.
She pressed against the door, an amused smile spreading wide. “I might have slipped into Bobby’s room on accident.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry, I convinced him he was dreaming, and he went right back to sleep.”
“Seriously?”
“Out cold, though he did mumble Celia’s name, which is interesting. I bet he has a crush on the girl.”
“Of course he does. Everyone else around here is three times his age.”
“Tiny isn’t.”
“She’s at least five years older than him.”
He held his hand out to her, and she pushed off the door, stopping between his legs. She wore only a flannel nightshirt that stopped at her knees and a pair of oversized socks. He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I couldn’t sleep.” She wrapped her arms around him and rested her forehead on his.
“Me neither.”
She straightened, head tilting, bangs falling to the side. “Why not?”
“Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
He tucked her hair behind her ear. “Not at all. It’s why I couldn’t sleep. It’s like a movie I never want to end.”
She smiled. “That was a good line.”
“Only because it’s true.”
“You rehearsed that.”
“I did not.”
“You absolutely did.”
A laugh rumbled from his chest as he held her tighter. “You caught me. I spent the last three hours staring at the ceiling, practicing romantic speeches.”
She poked a finger into his chest. “I knew it.”
“Actually, most of them were much worse.”
Her smile widened. “Now I want to hear them.”
“Oh no, those are going to the grave with me.”
Ashley laughed softly and settled against him again. The room fell quiet except for the distant hum of the furnace and the occasional creak as the old house settled in for the night.
It should have felt strange, having her in his rooms, in the staff quarters, curled up against him like she belonged. Instead, it felt familiar, like something he’d been missing for so long he’s forgotten what it felt like to have it.
“Carter?” she said, turning her head up toward him.
“Yeah.”
“You never told me why you said what you said on our last night together.”
“I thought maybe you’d forgotten.”
“I can’t. It’s bothered me for eight years. I need to know.”
Carter’s mind drifted to that night, standing in the kitchen, filled with more joy than he’d ever felt in his life, only to turn around and see Gabe glaring at him.
He and Ashley had just lost their virginity to each other. It was the best night of his twenty-one years on earth. He didn’t want to leave her alone in the stables, but she wanted a hot cocoa, and he would do anything for her. So he grabbed his clothes and got dressed.
He could still smell the hot chocolate.
“I’ll be right back,” he had said as he leaned down and kissed her. He hurried across the property, pulling his shoulders up to his ears in an attempt to ward off the cold.
He made his way into the kitchen, glanced around to make sure the coast was clear then grabbed two mugs and the homemade hot cocoa powder Ms. Porter always had on hand.
“Walk away.” Gabe’s voice slammed into him like an unexpected uppercut. He spun around, meeting his glare.
“There’s more than enough for you. Here I can make you a cup,” he’d said, holding up the extra mug.
“I’m not talking about the fucking hot chocolate. I’m talking about my sister.”
Carter’s grip tightened on the mug. “What about her?”
Gabe laughed, but there wasn’t an ounce of humor in it. “Whatever fantasy you’ve built in your head about you and Ashley ends tonight.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I? I saw her go into the stables, and I saw you coming out.”
Silence stretched between them, tension crackling around them.
“Walk away.”
“Gabe—”
"You think this only affects you?"
"My grandfather finds out you've been sneaking around with Ashley, and you think you're the one who pays for it?"
"Your father works here. Lives here. Depends on this place. You really willing to risk his job, his benefits because you can’t keep your hands off my sister?
Carter’s entire body had frozen. Caught between the girl he loved and the father who could have walked away from him after his mom passed but stayed because he loved him.
The man supported him through every high and low, wiped his tears when he scraped his knees when he fell off his bike at five.
Lifted him up high to see over the crowd to watch the tree lighting.
He had just been diagnosed with cancer. He needed this job, the family he created here, to get through this hard spot in his life. He wouldn’t just lose his job; he’d lose his insurance and, most importantly, his support system.
"If you love her, you'll walk away."
Gabe had walked out of the kitchen, those words lingering in the air long after he was gone.
Carter had thought about going to New York City to find Ashley so many times and tell her the truth, even more so after his dad passed, but he knew how much Ashley loved her dysfunctional family.
He didn’t want her to know who her brother really was.
But Carter was done protecting a man who hated him for no reason other than he was born with the wrong last name in the wrong zip code.
If they were going to move forward, he had to put everything on the table. No more lies.
“That night I had left to go get hot cocoa.”
“And you came back cold and distant. You told me you didn’t love me, and it had all been a game. You just wanted to say you fucked a Wetherby.”
He closed his eyes and physically recoiled at the reminder. Those words had haunted him every single day since they came out of his mouth so easily.
“You believed it.”
“I didn’t know what to believe. You left the man I had spent years falling in love with and came back as someone I didn’t even recognize.”
“I ran into your brother that night.”
“Gabe? But what did Gabe…” Her words trailed off because deep down she knew what Gabe was capable of. “What did he do?” Her voice turned lethal.
“He told me to walk away from you, and if I didn’t…
in not so many words, he said my dad would get fired, lose his job, his benefits, and Ash…
” He took her face in his hands because she needed to hear him clearly, see into his eyes that it was the hardest choice he ever had to make.
“My dad had just been diagnosed. He needed this job. His benefits. His support system in Ms. Porter, Hawthorne, Clint, Wendell, Luca, all of them. If my dad was fired, I would be fired too, and then both of us would be out of a job, homeless, and no insurance to cover his chemo.”
Tears welled in Carter’s eyes, and it was the first time since his dad died. “He made me choose between the two people I loved most in the world. It was an impossible choice, but I chose the person who needed me most.”
He ran a thumb over her cheek, zeroing in on that grayish-blue gaze that glistened in the moonlight.
“I knew you’d be okay without me. I convinced myself for years you deserved better because it was the only way to make me accept what I did.”
“I’m going to murder my brother,” she said, emphasizing each word. She stared straight ahead, jaw tight, eyes blazing with a fury he’d never seen before.
A knot formed in Carter’s throat. For years, he protected a man who wouldn’t even cross the street if he saw Carter bleeding out on the other side.
He protected his reputation and his image with Ashley by making himself the villain.
Even after his dad died. Even after the guilt had eaten away at him every Christmas, every birthday, every night he lay awake wondering what his life would have looked like if he’d made a different choice that night.
“Ash, I know he’s your brother and—”
She shook her head. “Do you have any idea what he took from us?”
Her question was like a swift kick to the balls. It was a question he asked himself constantly.
“He took your choice away,” she whispered. “And mine.” Her voice cracked, and he closed his eyes, wishing he could take her pain away. He opened his eyes, and Ashley stared at him as if she were seeing him clearly for the first time.
“He never should have put you in that position,” she said. She shook her head again, her bangs swaying with the movement. “I spent years trying to hate you.”
The admission twisted something deep in his gut.
“But even then, none of it made sense. I knew something was off. Instead of confronting you, making you tell me the truth, I accepted your rejection and ran away, hoping you’d follow.”
“I never should have given you any doubt about how I felt.”
Her hand settled against his jaw. “You loved your dad. And I know you loved me.”
His stomach clenched, waiting for her to tell him he should have trusted her.
He should have chosen differently because he should have.
He never should have let Gabe dictate their story.
He should have grabbed the hot chocolate, gone back to the stables, and told Gabe and whoever else opposed to go to hell.
“But you were forced to choose between the people you loved, and you made the right choice.”
The words hit him so hard he almost forgot how to breathe. Tears clung to her lashes as her statement hung between them.
So many times he had imagined this exact conversation. He played it over and over in his mind every time he was weak and wanted to go to her, but then he imagined her taking Gabe’s side, telling him it was a test, and he chose wrong.
His eyes burned as too many emotions slammed into him. “You really believe that?”
“Your father was sick. He needed you.”
An annoying tear slipped free before he could stop it, and Ashley swiped it away with her gentle touch.
“You needed me,” he said, knowing now how hard life was without the other in it.
“And you needed me,” she said with a half-hearted smile.
“I did.”
Their foreheads touched. “We have each other now. Just promise me one thing.”
“Anything.”
“No more secrets. If Gabe threatens you, I want to know. I can handle my brother.”
“Deal.”
She kissed him then, tender and sweet, not washing away the years apart, but mending the heartache they both endured because of it.
He had no idea what would happen between them after Christmas. His job was at Winterridge and her life was in New York, but right now all he cared about was having her in his arms.
He flipped her beneath him and spent the rest of the night making up for their time apart.
Carter promised Ashley no more secrets, but he had one hovering overhead. It wasn’t his secret to tell, but he knew about it. He’d fucked up with Ashley once, and he had no intention of doing it again.
He didn’t even bother to knock on Bill’s door; he just walked right in. “You haven’t told them yet.”
Bill didn’t look up from the paper he was reading. “I’m waiting for my moment.”
“Wait too long, and it’ll be next Christmas.”
He wrote something in a margin and threw his pen on the desk. “Don’t get smart with me, boy.”
Bill got defensive when he knew he was wrong. Carter was used to it, but he also knew how to make him see reason. “You’ve all been through a lot—probably more than any of us even know. But this is a secret that you don’t have to hold tight. You can release it; let them in. They’re your family.”
“They still hate me,” he snapped.
“Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But if you keep this from them… I’m not sure any of you will ever heal.”
“I’ll be dead by then. Problem solved.”
“You think it’s that easy? What if it were Lily?”
“Watch yourself.”
“If I have to bring her into this to make you understand, then I will, because it’s what she’d want. If she passed, and you didn’t know she was sick, she kept it from you, how would you feel?”
“She would never have kept a secret from me.”
“But what if she did?”
“I’d be furious.” His face reddened, then dimmed as understanding flashed in his eyes. “Oh.”
“Exactly. Your family is already mad at you, but you keep this from them, you’re leaving them with a loose end they’ll never be able to tie. That’s not okay.”
Bill pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll talk to them at dinner tonight.”
“Are you just saying that to get me out of your office?”
“No, damn it.” He put the paper down and met Carter’s gaze. “You have my word. I’ll talk to them at dinner.”
Relief flooded through Carter. He’d only have a few more hours of holding onto this secret, then he and Ashley would have a completely clean slate.
“Good.”
Carter about-faced toward the door when Bill called out to him. He stopped and turned back.
“I expect you there.”
“Why?”
“Because if the shit hits the fan, I need someone on neutral ground to get control of the sinking ship.”
“And you think I can what? Rally the Wetherbys? Have you met your family? Not to mention, I think most of them hate me.”
“Maybe Gabe, but that’s just because he doesn’t like the fact that I trust you more than him.”
“He said that?” Carter asked.
“He doesn’t have to.” Bill waved his hand as if he was done with the conversation. “I’ll see you tonight. Then you can tell the staff.”
“Me?” Carter exclaimed.
“They like you better.”
“Sir, that’s ridiculous. You’re their boss.”
“And you’re their friend.”
“A lot of them consider you their friend as well.”
A slight smile tugged at the corner of the old man’s mouth. “Even more of a reason as to why you should tell them.” He saluted Carter, and he knew there was no use trying to argue.
He walked out of Bill’s office, hoping this news would bring the Wetherbys and the staff closer together, but not holding his breath.