Bridget
Aunt Diddy.
The name plays on repeat on my head the whole drive back to my place. Elias kept his hand on my thigh—anchoring me to him—as the two of us drove in silence. He was as sweet as ever as he walked me up to my apartment, and when it came to saying goodbye, he kissed my cheek before leaving.
I know he could feel the change in me, but I couldn’t find it in me to apologize for it, because what would I be apologizing for?
The fact that this little white lie has caught up to me and that the thought of lying to people makes me sick to my stomach?
The two of us knew what we were doing when we created this mess, but I don’t think we really thought it through.
Sure, it’s easy to assume you’ll be able to detach feelings but it hasn’t been and I think we can both agree that’s not the case anymore.
I feel it every time I look at him.
The feelings that are growing for him hit me like a tidal wave every damn time his eyes lock with mine—emotions coming at me from every direction and I’m having a hard time trying to stay afloat. He is everything I want in a man, and every time we’re together he makes me feel so safe and wanted.
Not to mention the sex is fucking life changing.
That man’s middle name should be Passion, not just because of the sex, but because he is the most passionate man I’ve ever met.
He’s passionate about his friends and family and, most importantly, life.
I’ve never met someone who is so positive about everything, and honestly it’s so refreshing.
Tom was a pessimist through and through, always so negative about everything and everyone in his life; but not Elias.
That man couldn’t be negative even if he tried.
As I lie on Natalie’s bed, surrounded by piles of laundry, I can’t help but think about him. His presence, his caring nature, and the way he has to be touching me at all times.
That’s one of my favourite things about him—like he can’t get enough of me.
I love the feel of his hands on my lower back, or his fingers brushing against my hand whenever they’re interlocked. He grins so boldly and without a care in the world and it’s the most beautiful sight.
“Stop smiling like that, you lovesick loon,” Natalie grumbles from where’s standing, folding a pair of pants.
I scoff as I prop myself up on my elbows. “I’m not lovesick.”
Natalie looks at me with a look of disbelief.
“I’m not in love, Nat.”
My sister hums with a smug look on her face. She thinks she’s called me out, but she hasn’t.
I’m not in love with Elias.
We spend a lot of time together—when we’re together it’s amazing, and whenever we’re apart I feel slightly hollow—but I’m not in love.
Being in love is consuming—mind, body, and soul—and not always in a good way.
It’s painful, hard work, and sometimes filled with little reward.
But it’s also beautiful and rare, like seeing a four-leaf clover in the middle of a clover field.
It’s when you take the first bite of your favourite dessert and the flavours hit you at once, and all you want to do is go back so you can experience that first all over again.
It’s unrealistic.
But it could be realistic with a man like Elias.
“Honestly, seeing you like this is making me feel nauseous—I can pretty much see the love hearts floating around your head,” she grumbles, throwing a pair of socks at my head. “Just admit you’re in love with him and we can go about our day like normal.”
I sit up and put the socks on the pile in front of me. “You’re right. I do like—”
“Obviously,” she cuts me off, chuckling under her breath.
I roll my eyes, folding my legs against my chest and wrapping my arms around them.
“Whatever it is I feel, and whatever is going on with us is going to end soon, and I don’t want to get too attached.
The last time I got attached to someone, it blew it up in my face.
I thought getting over Tom was hard, but I know that getting over Elias will be next to impossible. ”
“Sissy, worrying about getting attached to him is redundant at this point. It’s obvious you already have feelings for him—big or small, they’re there.
Elias isn’t Tom, and you can’t spend your life comparing every man to Tom, because you’ll never move past it.
If you don’t put yourself on the line every once in a while, then you’ll keep letting things pass you by.
” She pauses before continuing. “I’ve met Elias and I can hand on heart say that he doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would take you for granted.
Shit, he backed you up so fucking fiercely in front of Mom the other week, and it was so amazing he had me questioning my sexuality. ”
I laugh, and her eyes warm at the sound.
“It doesn’t matter if it started off being fake, all that matters is that he’s in your corner.
He stood up for you, protected you, without hesitation—and that’s what you deserve.
Dad’s convinced he’s head over heels for you, and I can’t say I disagree.
He looks at you like you’re the only person in the room—like you’re the only thing he fucking sees.
And…Bids, he’s giving it to you. You just need to allow yourself to have it—to have him.
” Natalie comes to sit next to me and pulls me into her side.
“He isn’t going to wait around forever, so what are you waiting for? ”
“I don’t want to get hurt again.”
“Sometimes, some people are worth the risk. You’ve just got to figure out what Elias means to you and if he means as much to you as Katherine does to me, then you’ll fight for that. You won’t want to let him go, and trust me he’s a man worth keeping.”
I keep my arms wrapped around my sister as she places a kiss against my hair. “His niece called me Aunt Diddy.”
“Oh man,” Natalie breathes out. “That’s too cute, but where did Diddy come from?”
I chuckle softly at the memory of her trying to pronounce my name. “That’s how she says Biddy, apparently.”
My sister laughs as she pulls back and pinches my nose before getting up from the bed. “So, that’s why you’re having an existential life crisis on my bed right now?” I nod. “There’s something else you want to tell me. I can sense it.”
I roll my eyes. “Calm down, Edward Cullen.” Natalie laughs at that. “Things got a little intimate with—seriously?” I gasp as one of Natalie’s decorative pillows collide with the side of my head. “What was that for?”
Natalie waggles a finger in front of my face with a playful glare on her face. “That was for being stupid and sleeping with him.” I’m about to protest, but she puts her hand over my mouth. “Don’t even try to deny it, you’re practically foaming at the mouth just thinking about it.”
I bark out a laugh and shake my head. “Is it that obvious?”
“You’re hardly subtle,” she muses. “But, c’mon, I need details. How does he look naked? Any tattoos? How big? And most importantly, did you come?”
I hide my face in the pillow, and as I look up, I can’t fight the grin pulling at my cheeks. “Immaculate. No. Bigger than average, but I didn’t feel like I was being impaled…and no, but he works wonders with his tongue.”
My sister nods along. “You’ve just made things so much juicier. I didn’t think you guys were going to fuck, I thought it would be some mutual pining from afar.”
I raise my right brow as I look at her. “He looks like that and you think I’d have managed pining from afar? You’re crazy. He’s so attentive, Nat, it’s amazing. We got hot and heavy a week or so ago, and I suggested I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing where things went and he agreed.”
My sister grins and shimmies her shoulders in delight. “See, I told you he liked you. What stopping you from making it exclusive?”
I shrug. “I guess knowing that this whole thing started off as a lie, makes me feel weird. What if it’s still fake for him, or what if it’s not as serious as I think it is?
I want him to want me for me and because it’s real, not just because we got ourselves into this situation.
I want him to want me even if we hadn’t met the way we did.
I would like to know that, maybe, if he’d have seen me walking through Briarwood with my grocery bags he might’ve stopped and helped me carry the bags to my car.
I feel like that’s not too much to ask.”
“You’re right, it’s not too much to ask,” Nat says.
“But do you think that, maybe, this is the universe’s way of helping you out?
Maybe it would’ve taken longer to meet him, so maybe this is a sign that you’re meant to be together now.
Maybe the universe is sick of waiting for one of you to make a move.
I say give it a go, because at the end of the day, it’s not going to fall into your lap.
You’d have to work for it, whether or not its real or fake. ”
I look at my sister and narrow my eyes. “Since when did you become an Agony Aunt?” I ask, causing her to laughs.
“Since you’re incapable of making good choices when it comes to men.”
We both laugh as we finish her laundry and I revel in the warmth of my sister’s company. I’ve got the best sister in the world and I’m so lucky to have her.
Friends may come and go, but sisterhood is for life.