Chapter 36
CHAPTER
THIRTY-SIX
JAMIE
“ H oly shit! Holy shit,” I chanted as adrenaline coursed through my body, making me vibrate with the overabundance of energy. I felt like I was soaring and falling simultaneously.
“JJ, babe. You’re magic! Just magic out there. I’m so proud of you.” Levi squealed as he wrapped me up in his arms. “Did you have a chance to chat to Derek before the show? He was eager to meet you after I sent him some of the pictures of our dress rehearsal.”
I gulped as my stomach fell through the floor. “Uh, ah, y-yeah.” I started to shake, and the world swirled around me. I flushed hot and cold, and my throat tightened.
“Shit! JJ? What’s wrong? Can someone get me some water?”
“L-Levi…h-he… tried…” I heaved in a gulp of air.
“Here.” A cold metal straw pressed up against my lips. “Drink this, Jamie, it’ll help. Just focus on taking little sips, okay?”
I gulped down a few mouthfuls of cool water and it eased the tension that had suddenly ripped through me. With each swallow, I came back to myself and was able to order my thoughts properly. “H-he propositioned me and h-he touched?—”
“He did what?!” Levi cried in outrage and started pacing in front of me, waving his hands around frantically. “I mean, I’ve heard rumors, but I’ve never known… I’ve never…” He shook his head and knelt at my feet, taking my hand in his.
“I-it’s okay, he didn’t tou… Dillon was there, he…” I bit my lip and silenced my words. I didn’t know what he did after I left, but he took care of me, and that was all that mattered. He was my very own hero. No, that wasn’t right. I knew he’d burn the world down to save me. That made Dillon my villain, and I loved him for it. Every possessive touch and word just did it for me, in a way nothing else ever has. It was him. It was always him and always would be.
“Good. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m glad that oaf was there.”
I barked a laugh and slapped his shoulder. “Dillon is anything but.” I sighed, probably with hearts in my eyes even though they stung with tears I refused to let fall. I was stronger than that; nothing happened. It just shook me that Derek was so brazen. The full room didn’t deter him in the slightest. I shuddered at the thought.
“He’s a beast on the field, and I bet he is in the bedroom too!” I gasped as Levi wiggled his eyebrows. “Some of those players are amazing, especially when they’re throwing you around the room.” He sighed, fanning himself.
I cocked my head to the side, eyeing him with suspicion. “And who on the team have you ‘exercised’ with?” I used my fingers to make air quotes as a teasing grin lifted my lips. Levi bent over double, clutching an arm over his stomach as he laughed at me. With me? Who knows.
“Jesus, Jamie, you’re too much,” he wheezed. “Anyway, I’m a good boy—I don’t kiss and tell. Most of them are so far in the closet, they’re not ready to be discussed like this.”
My shoulders slumped, and I nodded, because I got it more than he knew. “Yeah. I totally get that. I think that was a massive part of the issues Dil and I had.” I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth. “But now, I think we’ve come through that. I’ve seen all his ugly parts, and I know all his mistakes. I know he’s sorry for what happened.”
“You mean siccing his friends and everyone else on you?” The serious look on his face told me he didn’t approve one bit.
“Yeah. That. But,” I held up my finger as he sucked in a sharp inhale like he was about to speak. “It came from a place of fear—I’m sure you can understand?” Levi’s eyes dropped to the floor, and he scuffed his boot against my chair. When he looked back up at me, his eyes swam with painful memories.
“I totally do. Growing up, I always knew I was different. I always liked boys. Girls were pretty to look at and all, and I love them, but boys...ugh, their muscled arms. Forearm porn is a thing, and if anyone tells you differently, they’re lying.” He snorted and smirked as I rolled my eyes. “And dick. You can’t beat dick.”
“I guess not. Dil’s is?—”
Levi slapped his hand over my mouth, so I licked it. “You can not tell me about your man’s dick!” The outrage in his voice buoyed my spirits even more. “That man is a beast. His arms. Oh my god! His ass, damn…that thing looks like it’s carved from marble.” I snickered and finished my drink as Levi drooled over Dillon. I was surprised I didn’t feel a hint of jealousy, because I did daily when people looked at him. But with Levi? Nothing.
“Oh it is, and his dic?—”
“Shut up! I can’t take this,” Levi whined and placed his hand on his forehead like a dramatic fainting maiden. “I bet it’s goddamn perfect, isn’t it? Thick and long, hits all the right places when he’s pounding?—”
“Now it’s your turn to shut up.” Heat flushed from my chest to the tips of my ears. I blew out a heavy breath and smiled. “Thank you, Levi.”
He wrapped his arms around me, giving me a tight squeeze. “I’ve got you. Doesn’t mean I’m not insanely jealous you bagged the second hottest guy in school.”
“Only second?”
“Yeah, in my eyes anyway. You two make the hottest couple though. Chad and Elise have nothing on you.” He cupped his hand over my ear and whispered, “Just don’t tell her that. I can’t lose my runner for the night.”
I blinked up at him in confusion. That bitch was here? Thank every star in the sky I hadn’t seen her. She made my skin crawl. It made me so damn angry the way she’d acted all proprietarily over Dillon, the way she clung to him and touched him all the time, even though a blind person could have seen he wasn’t into her.
“Ten minutes, you two,” Kaileigh said as she scampered past, wheeling a loaded clothes rail. “Justin is waiting in makeup for the final look. I suggest getting it on before you see him.”
I looked over at Levi’s large grin and narrowed my eyes. “This is the only outfit you haven’t shown me. Why is that?”
Levi blushed—something I didn’t even think was possible for him—and sighed, plopping down in the vacant seat next to mine. “One, because I only finished it this morning, and two, because it is the most sensual thing I’ve ever created, and I designed it with you in mind.”
“It’s in the changing area.” Kaileigh scurried past with a beaming smile on her face before I could question him further about it.
“I really want to know, but I also like that it’s a surprise.” I chuckled half-heartedly as my heart rate picked up and sweat slicked my palms. This was what excitement felt like; a drop of anticipation and a dash of trepidation. I’d never thought I would walk in a fashion show, let alone wear the design his collection centered around. But to find out he’d designed it with me in mind, before he’d even asked me to model, felt like an honor I couldn’t refuse.
“Everyone will want you after this, and I don’t doubt there are a few straight men questioning themselves after seeing you out there tonight.” I hummed in agreement, but I didn’t care—I only had eyes for one man. As long as he liked what he saw, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. This was just some fun for me, but for Levi, it counted toward his final grade, and I would never let him down.
“It’s an honor to be the last to walk, to close the show, Jamie. And considering this was your first time?” He shook his head. “You’ve shone like the brightest star in the sky. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.”
“Oh my god, don’t.” I fanned my hand in front of my face as tears pricked my eyes. “You’re getting me all emotional. How dare you!” Levi smiled and held out a hand for me. Thank god he did, because my legs felt like Jell-O under the weight of expectation. What if this outfit looked dreadful on me? What if I fell on my face and made an ass out of myself?
He held back the curtain and ushered me into the small changing area. There was a silver garment bag hung on the rail and a mirror propped against the only solid wall. “Stop stressing. You’ll be fine. Just look at your man and focus on him. Trust me when I say you need to look at him, because he won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”
My eyes fluttered closed as I inhaled deeply and counted to ten and then back down again. When I peeled them open, I felt nothing but excitement zinging through me. “Alright. I’m ready.”
Levi clapped his hands together in excitement, unzipped the bag, and slowly peeled out my next outfit. My heart was in my throat when I saw nothing but the finest net glittering in the lights. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the minute intricate details that made up the garment. It was exquisite. Tiny snowflakes glimmered next to diamantés and a smattering of pearls. But one thing didn’t escape my notice. “Ah, Levi?”
“Yeah, babe?” The devilish look in his eyes said everything.
“I-it’s see through.”
He threw his head back and belly laughed. “It’s not entirely, babe.”
“Everyone will see my dick!” I pointed out, and the little shit snickered again.
“I’ve got something for you that will cover it.” He dived back into the bag and pulled out a micro G-string that only had enough holographic material to cover my dick; everything else looked like floss.
“I’ll break that putting it on!”
“You won’t, I promise.” His eyes glinted with mischief. “I can always help you put it on.”
A giggle slipped past my lips. “Yeah, thanks, but no. Dillon would have something to say about that.”
He laughed and nodded. “But I will help you with the main piece. You’ll never be able to button it up on your own.” He rolled on the balls of his feet. “You good?”
“Yeah,” I squeaked and swallowed as a lump caught in my throat. “I’ve got it. Now get out and let me get in this teeny-weeny thing. I’ll shout when I’m done.”
Beads of perspiration dotted my brow and trickled down my spine as I stripped and folded my clothes into a neat pile, setting them on the back of the chair. I took a few calming breaths as adrenaline spiked through me, making my hands tremble. I shook my head at the tiny piece of material posing as underwear. I’m going to hell for this. I stepped into it and pulled it up, terrified the strings on the side would snap and I’d end up flashing myself to the audience. Once it was in place, I looked at myself in the mirror and grinned. Maybe I could keep this for Dillon.
“I’m ready. I think?” I called out and Levi chuckled while talking to Kaileigh about where my boots were. I’d never worn heels before the dress rehearsal. I’d ended up with bruises in places I didn’t think possible from wearing shoes, but he promised they’d make the outfit along with the wings.
Excitement eddied through me as Levi appeared with boots in hand. They’d been upgraded since I last wore them. They were now a shimmering silver with the same beadwork as the outfit I was going to be wearing. He looked up at me with eyes so bright they glowed. “They look incredible, if I do say so myself.”
“Did you make them?”
“No.” He shook his head and dragged a small stool over, sitting down. “I gave the design to Kaileigh, and she did the beadwork while I finished this showstopper and the wings.”
“I can’t wait to see it all finished,” I said as I stepped into the outfit Levi held out for me. I dared not breathe for fear of the fine lace splitting. “Did you manage to get the lighting working?”
“I did, and they look...” He brought his fingers to his lips and gave a chef’s kiss. “Now, step back slowly and hold your arms out while I slip this on for you.”
The piece Levi designed fit like a second skin, and the soft lace felt like silk flowing over my skin. The material was loose enough to move freely, which prevented the many embellishments from chafing. Levi positively radiated excitement, and I could hardly stand still while Justin applied my makeup. He used cool blue, silver, and gray tones to accentuate my eyes and swiped a shimmering sheen across my cheekbones.
I picked up a host of tips from him, and couldn’t wait to put them into practice and bring Dillon to his knees.
By the time we worked the delicate gladiator-style knee-high boots up my legs, I was bouncing on my toes, ready to go. All the trepidation and fear bubbling under my skin melted away, and I felt like I was flying.
“Two minutes,” Kaileigh called from the curtain. “Fog’s up and lights are lowering runway side.” She turned to look at me, and her mouth fell open on a gasp.
“Does it look okay?” Insecurity bled through me as I chewed on my lip, earning a slap from Justin who had to touch up my lip gloss.
“Behave, Jamie,” he muttered as he covered my face with his hand and sprayed my hair with glitter spray. I felt like every femboy’s dream, and I loved it.
“Jamie, you look…you… wow! The design was good to begin with?—”
“Thanks, babe,” Levi interjected, strolling past her with my wings.
“But honestly, you complete it. You look like a fairy. No. A snow angel.”
Levi snickered as he guided the straps over my arms and clipped the harness over my chest. Thank god for the addition of padding, because these things weighed a ton. They stood two feet above my head and trailed on the ground, even with my four inch heels on. They were the most elegant piece of construction I’d ever seen, with layer upon layer of sparkling white feathers covered them. They really did look like angel wings. I turned in a slow circle when Levi made a circular motion with his finger and made his final checks.
“Comfortable? Does the weight feel evenly distributed?”
I nodded, unable to speak as nerves shot through me. It didn’t matter I’d done this four times already tonight; this was the show stopping showcase design, and I dreaded messing it up for him.
His hands landed on my shoulders, and I looked down at him. “Just remember how we practiced. The room is dark right now, so they will see you silhouetted once you’re behind the curtain. Kaileigh will pull them back, and the runway will be illuminated under the smog. Focus on your man and walk straight down the middle. Take it slow, because these babies are heavy. Most of all, remember to breathe and enjoy it. Okay?”
“Fun, right.” The air whooshed out of my lungs as I stepped up behind the curtain and a hush fell beyond it. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes to center myself before nodding at Kaileigh. Levi gave me a thumbs up, and I cracked a smile. My heart thundered behind my ribs, and exhilaration uncoiled inside me. My arms braced against my wings, and I focused on Kaileigh counting down with her fingers before the curtain pulled back. I could see before me was the glowing smog of the walkway. I lifted my eyes and searched for Dillon. Even though I knew where he was, I still searched until that instinctual pull between us locked on to him.
My first step was tentative, and I feared the floor beneath my feet was an illusion. But once I knew the ground was solid, my nerves bled away. After my second step, the wings on my back glowed, and the audience gasped. Dillon was out of his seat, halfway to the stage, his dark eyes burning with lust. He looked like he wanted to devour me. A smirk lifted the corner of my lips as I drew closer to him. Catcalls sounded around me as I stopped at the end. I bit down on my lip when Taylor and Mal had to hold Dillon down in his seat as I peered down at him.
I winked at him before turning and walking back up the runway, his deep groan ringing in my ears. The rest of my walk faded away, like I was lost in a dream. Nothing seemed real—not getting hugged by Levi and Kaileigh, not doing a final walk with Levi, not receiving rapturous applause, or doing too many interviews to remember. I vaguely recalled a guy named Matthieu Montoya who raved at Levi and begged me to work with him, but it all flowed around me like an ocean current.
By the time I wobbled back through the curtain with aching feet, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was fall into a chair, drink a million bottles of water, and have Dillon carry me away. I couldn’t walk another step. “Wait up, Jamie.” Kaileigh ran after me with a broad brown-haired guy. “We need to get your wings off before you collapse and break them and end up hurting yourself.”
I waved her off, staggering a bit as my burning feet turned numb. “I’m good,” I lied, my eyes heavy as the adrenaline crash hit like a Mack truck.
“No you’re not. Prescott, grab him for me before he collapses,” Kaileigh said, frantically undoing the harness before slipping it from my shoulders.
“Ahh,” I groaned as the weight dragging me down was gone, and I was suddenly floating.
“Let’s switch,” she said to Prescott, handing him the wings for him to put away before leading me to a chair.“Just a couple of minutes, and I’ll get your boots off, Jamie. I promise. I’ve got some water for you to soak your feet in too. I bet they hurt like a bitch.”
“You can say that again.” I huffed a laugh and grabbed the bottle of water that was on the stand beside me and downed it. Kaileigh snorted and set a bowl of warm water at my feet and fuck, did it feel amazing. She studied me for a second and glanced around the backstage area before turning to me with a bright smile.
“You did so well out there, Jamie. Levi is over the moon.” She looked over her shoulder again and sighed. “He said he was gonna come back and talk to you, but he must have gotten held up. You can catch up with him during the gala. I’m sure he’ll fill you in on all his news there.”
I flexed my toes in the water as the feeling slowly came back to them, but my legs still felt like rubber, and the idea of standing around drinking was growing less and less appealing by the second. I rolled my head, the muscles in my back aching. A wave of exhaustion washed over me, and my eyelids felt heavy. “We’ll see, but to be honest, I’m beat and just want to Netflix and chill.” She snorted and guided me forward so she could unbutton the back of my outfit. “Could you get Dillon for me? I don’t think I can walk.”
She pressed a kiss to my cheek when she was done and smiled at me. “You got it, hun. Oh, before I forget, this was left for you. I’ll leave it here with a fresh bottle of water and go and get your man.”
I focused on stripping out of my outfit and managed to get it off without damaging it or dropping it in the bowl of water. I pushed it away with my foot, because knowing my luck, I’d trip over it and end up face first in the damn thing. I snorted at the image of Dillon’s horrified face when he found me floundering in three inches of water.
Once dressed, I put the garment back in its bag—sans cute teeny-weeny G-string—and pulled on a pair of Dillon’s sweats and his hoodie. The soft material felt like butter on my skin as I slipped my shoes back on. I stumbled over to my chair and snagged the bottle of water Kaileigh left me and downed that too. Exhaustion ate away at me, piece by piece. My eyes shuttered as I sighed. Why was Dillon taking so long? As I began to drift, Kaileigh’s words ran through my mind, and my eyes popped open.
The black envelope on the table in front me wavered before my eyes. It couldn’t be. I snatched it up with trembling hands, nearly dropping it as I tried to open it. Bile stuck in my throat, the taste getting stronger with every breath I took and it made my eyes water. I upended the envelope, and four Polaroids and a card fell out.
“Oh, fuck no!” The first tear fell as my mind recognized the image. Someone in the audience took a picture of me with glowing wings and a beaming smile on my face. My heart fought its way up my throat. The next was of me standing in front of Dillon with his face scored out and the word slut written across the bottom. The last two were of me before the show, getting ready backstage. Ice sheeted my skin as a violent shudder rocked through me.
“This can’t b-be happening.” My voice was hoarse as it pushed past my lips, and I tasted my tears on my tongue. I released a tremulous breath and turned over the black piece of card, as I read the words.
I’ve found you!
It slipped from my fingers as I frantically scrambled off my seat. My feet slipped out from underneath me as I tried to run to the backstage door, my heart and head pounding a staccato rhythm. The walls wavered around me. My slick palms slid off the handle, unable to open the door. Darkness crawled across my vision.
“Not like this. Not like this. Please…not like this,” I muttered and tried to yank open my bag and get my phone to call Uncle Daire.
Tears burned down my cheeks. Sobs ripped my throat raw as unintelligible sounds passed my lips. I swiped my hand across my eyes, trying to clear the darkness. My fingers latched around the burner at the bottom of my bag just as the door opened. “T-thank g-god, Dil…”
“There’s no god here,” a shrill voice cackled. “It’s time to meet your maker.” My heart froze. No. No. No. “Pick him up. Chad. I want my money. and that sick fuck’s not going to pay until we hand him over.”
“Ugh. I hope I don’t end up covered in fucking glitter.” The world around me blurred. I felt like I was at sea, the rough water rocking side to side as lights flashed around me. Dillon…
The loud bang of a door jolted me awake. The faint thudding of music reached my ears, but everything was black. “About fucking time, young lady,” a dark voice growled. “Take it and fuck off.”
“I’d say it’s been a pleas…” The voice trailed off as two loud shots rang out. I was floating. Falling. Cold hard ground hit my face.
My head was wrenched backward, and my eyes flung open. “Hello, son.” Pain exploded in my head. My dad’s vile sneer was the last thing I saw before it all went black.