Chapter 39
CHAPTER
THIRTY-NINE
JAMIE
“ C ome back to me, little crow. You can’t leave me.”
The drugging darkness had sunk its claws into me, and no matter how much I fought its hold, it didn’t want to let me go. It was like I was fighting against a riptide, expending all my energy to get away, but it just dragged me back into the depths. Indistinct images and memories flickered through the darkness, but I couldn’t discern if they were real or part of a fractured illusion.
Snippets of conversations and phantom touches had me clinging to the hope that I would find my way out of this rabbit hole and back to myself. I didn’t want to give in to it, even though it felt like the easiest thing to do. My heart burned to be reunited with its other half, and as trapped as I was, I didn’t forget him. He was the anchor I was searching for, and the one thing that could tether me and bring me back.
“Can anyone hear me?” I screamed into the dark void, but there was only silence. Always present and unending. It was suffocating, and I… I…
“How much longer is he going to be like this?” Agony stained every word.
“It’s hard to tell. It’s up to him now. The swelling has gone down, and his vitals are stable. Hang in there. He’s young and strong. He’ll fight for you.”
Warm wet drops splashed on my forehead. I wanted to wipe them away, but I couldn’t move. “Please. Please come back to me Jamie. I… I don’t know how much more I can take, baby…” It was fading. He was fading. Even with my arm outstretched, reaching for him, my fingers were swallowed by the darkness as it pulled me back under. No! No. No. Let me go…
I felt lighter, like the crushing weight holding me down had dissipated. I sucked air into my lungs and it burned. White-hot pain engulfed me like a tsunami, flooding my limbs. Any little movement intensified the pain. I tried to pry my eyes open, but they were welded shut.
“W-what’s happening?”
The steady beeping increased its tempo, getting more frantic as I tried to pry my eyes open.I needed to be free. I shook the bars of the cage holding me prisoner. I wanted to be free. To be back with them.
“Doctor? What’s going on?”
Footsteps echoed and the ground shook beneath me. Coldness swept through me, chilling me to the bone.
“What did you do?” His rage was palpable, even as I started to drift.
“He was fighting too hard. We’ve sedated him so he can’t cause himself any more damage. The swelling might have receded, but he’s still in a very delicate state. You should try and get some rest.”
“I’ll rest when he’s back.”
The cloying scent of bleach and disinfectant seared my nostrils and coated my lungs with every inhale. The rhythmic beep beep beep grated against my nerves like sandpaper. I managed to open my eyes a crack, but it was nothing but a grainy haze. The bright lights made my brain ache and pulse in time with the beeping. Tears pooled in my slitted eyes and flowed down my face. I still felt numb, or maybe disassociated was the right word? But I was grateful, because it held back the avalanche of pain I knew was waiting on the other side.
The air moved and pressure increased somewhere on me. It was like feeling heat on the other side of a barrier that tempered it. I couldn’t move my head or anything else, and it was quickly becoming too hard to keep my eyes open. I sighed when the blackness blanketed me.
A door clicked shut and soft footfalls moved around me. The rich aroma of coffee overpowered the bleach and it made breathing easier. The scraping sound of a chair being moved pierced through me, and I tensed.
“Dillon, darling. You really should go and get some rest. You need to eat and sleep. He’ll still be here when you get back. You haven’t left his side.”
“And I won’t fucking leave him, not until he tells me to go. I-I promised I’d protect him… t-that I’d keep him safe, and I f-failed him, Clara. I can’t leave him. I’ll grab a shower and a change of clothes, but I’ll be back. Thanks for the coffee.” Heavy footsteps faded away, and my heart dropped as his presence dissipated.
“Oh, Jamie.” She sighed. “Your man is one of the most amazing young men I’ve met. He’s told me everything that happened between you. I’m so proud of you for taking the leap and giving him another chance.” Her breathing stuttered. “You didn’t deserve what he did, but fear is a powerful thing.”
I wanted to answer her, but I didn’t have the strength to fight against my body. Her soft voice accompanied me as I drifted in and out of consciousness. Other people came and went, talking in hushed tones like they were afraid I could hear them. I’d always laughed at the idea of talking to coma patients, but now I understood. It was like listening to a CB radio—sometimes clear, sometimes garbled, and there was no real frame of reference besides the images your imagination conjured.
Slowly, I became aware of every ache and pain that flashed and rolled through me, and the enormity hit me all at once. Everything I’d felt up until this point had been nothing but a faint echo. Now, the pain burned with an intensity that consumed me like a wildfire, and I longed for the cool dark abyss of my previous semi-conscious state.
A heavy weight was draped over my right arm. The heat radiating from it permeated my cool skin, making me shiver. I tried to flex my fingers, but something tightened around them with the slight movement. I was too scared to open my eyes, because what if I was wrong? What if I wasn’t awake, but in heaven? My heart stuttered and my body jolted at the realization that I could be dead. I didn’t want to have had my chance at a life with Dillon ripped away from me by my vile dad. I wanted years of waking up next to him and watching him sleep. I wanted many more stolen moments between us as our lives sped on around us. I wanted and I wanted. I wanted my dreams to come true. I wanted a house. A husband. Memories of our lives and children growing up. I wanted to sit on the porch swing when we were old and gray and watch our family around us.
I wanted it all. And if that bastard has taken my chance of happiness away from me, I’d go down to hell and kill his ass myself.
Tears welled behind my closed eyes, making the pressure unbearable. I had to either feel them trickle down my face, or be brave enough to face whatever reality confronted me. I could do this. I knew I could. Trepidation rolled through me. I sucked in a stuttering breath and slowly opened my eyes. Anticipating the bright lights I’d seen before, I squinted as my vision slowly cleared and breathed a sigh of relief when a darkened room came into focus.
My eyes darted over the small space. Dull off-white walls, a muted TV hanging opposite me, and a small table at the end of my bed with empty snack wrappers. A white closed door with a small window in the middle showed a dark corridor beyond, and if I strained hard enough, I could hear the nurses chattering. The window on the opposite side of the room had a slatted blind, but it was open enough for me to see the parking lot beyond it. Orange street lights illuminated the cars, and odd shadowed blobs moved around.
My tears fell when I managed to turn my gaze on the weight I’d felt on my arm. I hiccuped a breath as my heart grew a millions times too big for my body. Every one of Dillon’s words and protests echoed in my mind. He refused to leave. He stayed and guarded me when I wasn’t there to do it for myself. My heart, my soul, my body is yours, baby. Always and forever. I’m yours.
I’d follow him to the ends of the earth and beyond like he had so willingly done for me. A smile flickered at the corners of my lips as I traced the rose on the back of his hand that was wrapped around mine. His skin felt rough under mine, the hairs course, but it didn’t do anything to dampen the electricity that ignited from such an innocent touch. “I love you, always,” I breathed, my throat aching and raw.
“I love you too, little crow,” he muttered, his voice thick with sleep. I couldn’t see his face, but I mapped its sleeping form in my mind. How I’d trace my fingers across his brows, down his nose, and along the bow of his full lips. Every part of his body was imprinted on my memory, but I hungered to taste him again, to feel his solid muscles under my fingertips.
“I’ll be here when you wake up, Dil.” Time moved slowly as I slipped in and out of a sleepy doze, but Dillon’s hold on me never wavered. It filled my heart to bursting. The sky beyond the window went from an inky black, to indigo, to the pale blue of a new dawn. When oranges and reds chased the darker shades of night away, Dillon started to stir. He moved his head onto my lap and wrapped his arm around my legs. He couldn’t have been comfortable. His unrelinquishing hold kept my overwhelming emotions at bay. I carded my hand through his hair, trailed my fingers around the shell of his ear, and down to the roman numerals on his neck. It was the date we first met; when I was eight and he saved me from an ass whooping.
“How’s he doing?” Aunt Clara’s voice was soft, but the tiredness that laced her tone hurt. My eyes slowly fluttered open. Bright sunlight shone through the slatted blind and made my head pulse, so I closed them and stayed still so I could listen to them talk. Partly because I wanted to know what was going on, and partly because I’d alway been nosey.
Dillon sighed and stretched, rubbing his neck. “You know I dreamed he spoke to me last night?”
“Oh?”
“Mmm. He told me he loved me, and he’d be here when I woke up. It was so real. I could almost believe he traced the rose on my hand.” His voice grew thick, and his breathing stuttered.
“Oh, baby. You know I felt like I knew you that night when we all ended up here. Selene spoke about you so much, and you’re exactly as she described you. Strong, loyal, and totally devoted to him.”
“I let him down, Clara. I hurt him, and it’s inexcusable.”
“We all make mistakes, kid. Even Jamie isn’t perfect. He kept the stuff about his dad from you because he thought he was protecting you, but all he did was make both of you vulnerable.”
“No. His heart was in the right place. He always put others before himself. Even if that means he has to suffer.”
“I know. He’s so like his mom in that way. She hid her pain at the end.”
“He never told me what happened to her. That’s why I…” He huffed out an exasperated breath. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, demanding she be here.”
“Water under the bridge. Anyway, I need to dash back for Zack and Jessie. I thought I’d bring them by after dinner to see him. He’s always loved his little sunbeam.”
“Sounds good. I can’t wait for my hugs.”
Aunt Clara chuckled. “They adore you just like they do Jamie.” She kissed my cheek and ran her fingers through my hair. It took everything in me not to react. Selfishly, I wanted Dillon and I to have some time alone before the rest of the world barged in and burst our bubble.
The door clicked shut, and I opened my eyes. They were drawn to Dillon’s face like they instinctively knew where he was. His profile was as stunning as the rest of him. His strong jaw was hidden under a dark beard that hid its sculpted lines, but he was no less impressive. I breathed him in for a minute and felt the melancholy coming off him in waves. He was staring blankly at the door and hadn’t noticed me move. “Dil?” I rasped.
His chair flew out from under him and went skidding across the room as he jumped to his feet and faced me. Disbelief flickered across his face seconds before his eyes started leaking.
“Are you crying?”
“Nah, it’s just allergies.”
I snorted and winced. “Y-you don’t have them.” My voice wavered as mine started to water too. The air thickened, and the next thing I knew, he was blanketing my chest, and I was in his embrace. I inhaled his musky sea salt scent and finally felt like I could breathe through the unending pain.
He gave me a watery smile and cupped my face, thumbs stroking over my cheeks. “Is this real, or am I dreaming?” He inched closer until his lips brushed mine.
“If it’s a dream, it’s just about the most perfect one I’ve ever had.” I chuckled and felt his wicked grin against my lips, but I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. My tongue ran across my bottom lip, teasing him with the barest touch and making him groan.
“Oh, baby, I want to kiss you so badly, but I don’t want to hurt you.” Instead of answering, I closed the distance between us and melded my lips with his. As his lips brushed mine, I felt whole. Dillon completed me on a molecular level; his atoms merged with mine, fusing us together in a way not even death could take from us.
I lifted my hand and stroked my fingers along his nape as he sunk into the kiss. It was chaste, with only our lips teasing against each other, but I could feel the ramifications in my soul. Nothing had ever felt so perfect. I pulled back when my neck started to ache, and my lungs screamed for air. “I need to brush my teeth,” I whimpered as I choked on emotion. “My throat hurts. Do you think I can have a drink?”
Dillon looked at me like I had two heads, and that cute little furrow formed between his brows. “I have no idea, little crow. Let me get the doctor. She’ll want to know you’re awake, and then I can let?—”
I held up my hand to stop him. “Can’t it just be us for a little while?” And oh, how he melted into a puddle of goo before me and turned into a blundering fool unable to get his words out. When I laughed and wheezed, he gave up, nodded, and went to get the doctor, promising to return with a drink.
The day passed in a blur of doctors, tests, and random people stopping by to see me. I didn’t recognize them, but I felt deeply indebted to each and every one of them. Without them and their help, I might not be here, so I could suck it up and be polite. I plastered a smile on my face until I was losing the battle against my heavy eyes, and Dillon growled at the last nurse that came in to remove my drips and catheter. Ugh. That is a process I don’t ever want to repeat. I’d made Dillon leave the room and get me a latte so I wouldn’t have to live with the embarrassment of him watching. After that ordeal, she gave some of the good stuff, and I faded away into a blissful painless sleep for a few hours.
When I finally woke, my eyes immediately darted to the window. The sky was an array of pastel shades; the yellows, reds, and oranges merged into deeper blues that announced the onset of night. A yawn split my face, and I heard a loud squeak that had me wincing as my heart took flight.
I blinked a couple of times to clear the last remnants of sleep that clung to me and focused on the little princess bouncing like the Energizer Bunny at the bottom of my bed. Her curls danced across her shoulders, but it was her shimmering amber eyes that had me fighting the damn waterworks again.
“Hello, my little sunbeam.”
“JJ!” she cried and jumped up onto the bed, which shook with the force of her exuberance. Luckily, Dillon caught her before she landed on me and sat her on his hip to keep her weight off of me.
“Hey, beautiful.” I held my arms out and wrapped them around her. Her body shook with the force of her emotions, and her tears soaked my chest. I held on to her until her cries turned to whimpers. She looked at me through glassy eyes. “I was so scared, JJ. I didn’t want to lose you like Auntie Selene.” Her words landed like a punch to the solar plexus and stole the air from my lungs.
“Me either, sunbeam.” I cupped her face and smiled. “I just need a little rest, and then I’ll be home so we can celebrate Christmas.” The silence in the room was a dead weight. I looked at everyone gathered in my room and saw them visibly wince. “What?”
“Christmas has been and gone, Jamie,” Zack said as he sat down on my other side and gave me a gentle hug.
“Oh.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “H-how long?”
“That’s probably best for the doctor to talk to you about, Jamie,” Uncle Daire said, guilt shining in his eyes. “Having us all here is a lot for you to cope with, considering you only woke up a few hours ago.”
“But he’s been napping all day!” Jessie grumbled as Dil set her on the ground. Aunt Clara pulled my little sunbeam into her side. “He’s fine, right?”
“He will be, little lady, but Jamie still needs lots of rest and time to heal. So how about we head home and get the house ready for when he can leave?”
“Yay!” She squealed and clapped her hands. “Can we decorate his room too?” Aunt Clara cast me a worried glance, and her lips thinned.
“Of course, you can. Just don’t make it too bright because I don’t have any shades.” Jessie chuckled and dragged Zack and Aunt Clara to the door, telling them what they needed to buy.
“She doesn’t have an off switch, does she?” Uncle Daire said, smirking. “Glad you’re out of the woods, Jamie. I was really worried I wouldn’t get there in time.”
“But you did, right? Or I wouldn’t?—”
“Don’t!” Dillon barked. I opened my mouth, but he covered it and shot me a warning glare. “I said don’t, little crow.” Effectively silenced, I nodded.
Uncle Daire slapped Dil on the shoulder. “You’ve got a good one here, Jamie. Let him tell you what happened. Just know it’s not me you need to be thanking, he’s the real hero.”
Nerves swarmed inside me like locusts. “Will h-he ever…” I couldn’t force the words out, even if it was imperative that I knew if I would be spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.
Understanding dawned on Uncle Daire’s face. “No one leaves hell once they enter, Jamie. He’s never coming back, and he will never hurt anyone you love again. He’s gone.”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a hug—our first one ever—and held him tightly. I’d resented him, hated him, and feared him, but he’d done everything he could to keep me and my mom safe. “Thank you. I-I don’t know…”
“You don’t have to say anything, Jamie.” His large hand cupped my face in a tender gesture that made my throat feel thick. “You’re family, and I’ll do anything to protect mine. Let me know when you’re home, and when Jessie decides our Christmas will be, and I’ll see you then. But if you need me, my number is now in your proper phone.”
“Thanks, Uncle Daire.” He waved goodbye, and it was just Dillon and I left, holding hands in the silence that remained.
“When I get home…” I licked my lips as my eyes roved over the tight Henley hugging his chest. I could see the visceral reaction his body had to mine.
“Nope. Don’t you dare!” He slapped his hand over my mouth to silence me. “When we’re home, we’ll talk about things like that. Until then, any S. E. X. talk is banned, so we don’t face a nuclear meltdown. Understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
Dil threw his head back and groaned as his pants tightened, making me snicker. “I need to take a long walk, you little shit. Doctor Aimes will be here in a second to talk you through everything.”
“But…”
“I’ll bring you back another latte.” He kissed my lips and slipped out the door just as a short raven-haired lady came in with a gentle smile on her face.
I was up early and dressed before breakfast was served. After nearly four weeks in the hospital, I was ready to get out of here. I was both excited and terrified about going home. Well, back to Aunt Clara’s. I was looking forward to not spending another night on the itchy hospital bed but feared not being able to cope with the pain, brain fog, and bouts of patchy memory I still suffered with. Doctor Aimes said it was still early days, and with time, I should regain my full memory. Although after Dillon explained what happened the night he rescued me, the state I was in, and what he did for me, I’m not sure I want to remember.
Sheila chuckled as she walked in with my oatmeal and fruit. “Release day, is it?”
“It sure is, and it can’t come soon enough.” I beamed as she set it down on the table and wheeled it over the bed for me.
“How’s the pain, Jamie?”
“It’s alright,” I said, opening the pot and pouring the small sachet of honey on top of the oatmeal, making sure to keep my eyes trained on my hands.
“Sure it is, young man.” My shoulders slumped and she laughed again. “Broken ribs and a serious concussion are no joke, especially when you had to be placed in a medically-induced coma.”
“I know, I know. I just hate the way they make me all sleepy, y’know?”
“I do, Jamie, but that man of yours sure loves you all sleepy and snuggly.”
The door opened at that exact moment, and Dillon snickered. “I sure do.” He walked around Sheila and took the seat next to the bed while I shoveled food in my mouth and prayed they weren’t going to pick on me anymore.
“I’ll leave these here for you, Jamie.” I rolled my eyes and smiled at Sheila as she waved goodbye and left me to Dillon’s scrutinizing attention. I glared at him and continued to eat until he turned away and started flicking through the channels on the TV. Elise and Chad’s photo flashed across the screen, and Dillon’s shoulders stiffened before he changed the channel. They both made it through surgery and were promptly arrested for kidnapping and assault once they were in recovery. At least I wouldn’t have to see them when I returned to Briar U. Stevens was also expelled due to the part he played in my bullying and the sexgate scandal with Chad. We could thank Taylor for that development.
“It’s going to be okay, little crow. I promise.”
Tears stung my eyes and my bottom lip wobbled as I nodded. “I know, it’s just…”
Dillon pushed the table away and sat next to me. I collapsed into his arms, seeking the comfort only he could offer. He was my home. It wasn’t a place or a memory anymore. It was a person. My person. Dillon.
“I know, baby.” He cupped my nape and pressed my head against his formidable chest, his steady heartbeat soothing me. “I do have some good, albeit morbid, news to share.”
I sat back and blinked away my tears. “Do tell.” I laced his fingers with mine as he got this faraway look in his eyes, and his grip on my hand tightened. I stroked my thumb over his knuckle and traced the patterns in the rose with the other.
“I got a call from the sheriff back home. He told me d-dad was involved in a drunk driving accident. He was the only casualty, thankfully. He drove into a tree and died instantly. They think the high blood alcohol level coupled with the icy road conditions and lack of skid marks, that he didn’t have a chance to react,” he said clinically. “Just drove eighty miles per hour straight into a tree.”
“Are you okay?”
Dillon’s face was a war of conflicting emotions. “I… I don’t know, to be honest. Am I sad he’s dead? Not really. The guy was a controlling asshole, but he was my dad.”
“And you miss who he should have been?”
His sigh broke the shackles holding his emotions back. It was a palpable thing, like a current moving through him. Dillon buried his head in the crook of my neck and wrapped his arms around me, holding on like I was a fragile thing that was going to be ripped away from him. Oh, my sweet baby. “Something like that.” His gravelly voice cracked as he choked on a sob.
“Let it all out, babe. You’re entitled to feel your feelings without having to explain or justify them to anyone.” I ran my fingers through his hair as he shuddered in my embrace. His tears slid down my neck, and I clutched him closer to me. I’ll never let you go.
“I-I’m so glad you gave me another chance, Jamie.” Dillon looked at me through wet lashes, and it was like seeing through a window into his soul. He wasn’t perfect—he’d made mistakes, but I loved every part, even the ones he hated.
“I love you so much, Dil. Broken pieces, mistakes, shitty dads, and all. I don’t want to live another day without you by my side. You complete me in every way. You’re my home.”
He sealed his lips against mine, and I lost myself to the drugging sensation of his tongue wrapping around mine. I drowned in the depths of the feelings his possessive touch invoked. He was the air in my lungs, the blood in my veins, and the marrow in my bones. We had been to hell and back together since we’d met as kids and again as adults. We’d faced more challenges than most couples did in a lifetime, and it only served to make us stronger as individuals and as a couple. Even death had knocked at our door, and we’d sent him packing.
We had a lifetime of memories to capture, and we would—one day at a time. This was our new beginning, and I couldn’t wait to see what our futures held.