19. Giselle
With her hands buried in a fresh mound of dirt, Giselle turned over a new leaf.
She spent the last few days between shorter shifts at the nursery and her blooming garden, keeping busy enough to entertain. The open schedule allowed her time to reflect, finding herself at the undeniable truth that she had never been happier.
She noticed the absence of her parents” presence around the house more; it was like they went out of their way to avoid her. Since her disowning them over dinner, the snowball effect pushed her to take charge of her life.
Change finally came, much like the spring after a cold, hard winter.
Giselle liked who she saw in the mirror, in no small part due to a handsome guy who bought her peach soda and yellow tulips and knew the woman she desperately wanted to be.
Glancing toward the direction of the sea beyond the fence, her thoughts chased after the memories from the other day at the beach. Someone could”ve asked her months ago if she expected to find herself healing from her high school sweetheart breaking her heart, and she would”ve laughed.
When she huddled in the dark of her room and cried herself numb, she never imagined herself recovering from James within years. Yet there she stood, mere months later, living her dream life with friends who wanted the best for her.
The faint tang of ocean brine buffeted against her cheeks, and Giselle thought of Jude in all his tousled hair and partially unbuttoned dress shirt glory. She missed him.
He mentioned his spring break started earlier that week, but their conversations hit an awkward lull. Few and far between, their messages became like an afterthought, at least from Giselle”s point of view.
But maybe school had him distracted. Rationality embraced that narrative with open arms, yet the small voice in her mind had other plans. Its dark, trembling rasp lurked whenever Jude crossed her mind.
It warned her, whispering about the cold distance between each conversation, longer than the last. Same as James in the weeks before the split.
She tried to ignore the warning, convinced it chose the worst-case scenario. Jude was better than James. He’d never treat her like something disposable. They might have an expiration date, but she trusted him not to shatter her heart after he helped piece it back together.
Giselle stuffed her hands deeper into the mound of dirt. All her confusion and anxiety channeled into the rough movements as she carved a small alcove for some new plants. She would be fine; everything was fine.
She toiled under the March skies, humming a garbled tune while clawing through the dirt. A light sheen of sweat dotted her brow, consolidating into a thin layer around her cheeks and the entirety of her hairline.
Giselle panted, in need of water under the hot sun. She pushed away from the garden bed, stripping and discarding her soil-stained gloves in one fell swoop. She headed inside, seeing Carrot lounging on the living room floor with his paws stretched toward the sky. What a little weirdo.
She wiggled out of her dirty boots, leaving them outside the screen door so as not to track mud across clean floors. She had every intention of grabbing her water and heading back to the garden with her thirst quenched, but a knock at the door derailed those plans.
Curious, Giselle stared at the door. She hadn”t expected company, so maybe her parents had someone coming over. She sighed, ”Coming!”
Giselle pulled the door open without checking the peephole, so the sight of Jude made her breathless. She gripped the door and gawked.
”Hi! I didn”t know you were coming by! What are you doing here? Not that I”m upset to see you. . . Um, I’ll shut up,” Giselle stammered, elegantly fumbling her words like a fool while Jude stared at her.
His face, beyond the quiet edge to his eyes, took on a more stoic appearance; his brow furrow deepened as she talked.
”I was in the neighborhood. Can we talk for a moment?” asked Jude.
”Of course!” Giselle swung the door wider and stepped out of his way. Jude ducked inside her house with his hands jammed into his pockets while he passed. Giselle nudged the door, not checking if it closed fully behind her. ”Please, come in. Make yourself comfortable. Want anything to drink?”
”I”m alright. Thank you.”
”Okay, let me just get changed out of these grimy clothes! These are good for garden wear, but not necessarily spending time with friends.”
”Giselle,” Jude interjected gently. “We need to talk.” But even with his face turned away, his voice greeted her with a tension too palpable to remain unspoken. It was as if his voice pulled tight like a rubber band, stretched to the limits of feigning calm. Giselle knew him well after months of being attached to his hip, dazzling their audience with their pretend relationship.
Something was wrong.
A slight tremor buzzed across her shoulders, climbing up her neck with a slow crawl, leaving her skin numb. Heat in her stomach planted faster than a seedling of doubt from her anxious thoughts.
Giselle swallowed. ”Jude, is something wrong?”
Jude paused, turning around to face her. But his silence proved enough to knock down the assurances she spun for the last several days. Laid bare, numbness consumed her beyond the selfish sting behind her eyes.
His face changed immediately. Stoicism swept away on a tide of concern. ”Hey, please don”t cry.”
Jude”s voice softened into a whisper, gentle to her ears. Yet, her heart couldn”t stop its frantic slamming against her ribcage, rattling her to the core. In Jude”s place, James materialized before her eyes from the day he broke up with her and the quiet disdain painted into his features. The two men flickered before her eyes—switching from Jude to James—with their wildly different expressions.
But the situation stayed the same.
Giselle choked, finding breath in short supply when Jude sprinted to her side. His arms slid around her waist as they sank toward the floor, but she felt stuck to the memory. She clung to Jude”s biceps even when they touched the ground, sitting on a disjointed heap of limbs.
”I knew it. Your texts got all distant these last few days, and I kept thinking that something went wrong,” Giselle mumbled. ”Did the scholarship come back? It”s around the right time—”
Guilt flashed in Jude”s eyes. ”Yes. The news came back, but I didn”t receive the scholarship. It”s okay, and I”m not upset about it. That”s why I wanted to talk to you.”
The last time she had a talk with a guy, she ended up dumped. Giselle couldn’t say a word, nodding to show her attention still belonged to him.
”I needed a few days to mull over how to broach the subject since my parents expect me to be more disappointed. Since the semester is almost at the end and I heard back about the scholarship, my end of the bargain is done. But since your end of the agreement isn’t done, I’m here for you as long as you need me as a fake boyfriend.”
”About that. There’s something I need to tell you.”
”Giselle, what are you talking about?”
”Remember when we talked about what we wanted out of our agreement? How I wanted some closure and him groveling?” Giselle cringed when Jude nodded, visibly confused. ”Well, James approached me a while back with an apology, if anyone can call it that, and begged us to get back together. I meant to tell you earlier, but I forgot for a while. When I remembered, I hadn”t figured out the right time to break the news.”
Jude”s face darkened when James” name slipped off Giselle”s tongue, and the tight tug from her stomach panicked that she had gone too far. She lied to him, and he might hate her for it.
Through a clenched jaw, Jude asked, “So what are you saying? You’re getting back with him after everything he put you through?”
His disappointment oozed off every word. Giselle”s heart rattled harder against her chest, bouncing around like a helpless pinball against all her ribs. She shook her head.
”No, of course not!”
”So, then what”s making you upset, Giselle? We can talk through whatever it is. . . he didn”t hurt you, right? Threaten you or say something out of line?”
”It”s not that. It”s us. You and me. We completed each end of the bargain, meaning our relationship is finished. No more ”boyfriend-girlfriend” Jude and Giselle because we”re friends now.” By then, Giselle”s last restraint crumpled in time for the waterworks. She choked on a quiet gurgle. ”Thank you for everything you”ve done for me, Jude. You”ve made me a better person, happier than I”ve been in years, and I hope I was the same for you.”
”Giselle, of course you were. You were everything—”
”You know, we were supposed to be all for show. . . but I stopped pretending a long time ago. I couldn”t pinpoint exactly when, yet I know this became real to me somewhere along the line.”
Jude froze, features painted pale from shock. ”What?”
”I don”t expect you to change your mind about our bargain or what we are. I shouldn”t have waited this long to say anything, but I didn”t let myself see what was right in front of me for years. That”s my fault and mine alone. If you”re not interested, please find a girl who realizes how good she has it with a guy like you,” Giselle said, words blurring together without a pause or breath in between.
”Giselle, I can”t—” Jude begged. The strain in his voice preceded the watery, tear-filled glaze over his eyes, pleading for mercy. However, Giselle knew she needed to give him the out.
”You can”t be with me? That”s alright. I confessed kind of late.”
”Don”t soften this to spare my feelings. . . be honest with me.”
”I am being honest! You”re going to find some girl out there who is everything you desire, and she”s going to be so crazy about you. It”s the least you deserve for how good you”ve been to me.”
”No, that”s not what I meant. I can”t find someone else to love, Giselle.”
Giselle wasn”t proud to admit she pulled a face. Hearing Jude say such a ridiculous statement baffled every sense of rationality she had left while sobbing on her floor because the boy she fell in love with probably didn”t love her back.
How could he think he wouldn”t find some gorgeous, model-esque girl with a college diploma, a good family, and familiarity with the affluent lifestyle to fawn over him? He was perfect, too good for this world.
She relinquished her hold on his biceps, shaking her head while the tears fell. ”Jude, you can. Why do you think you”re incapable of finding someone who”ll love you so wholeheartedly?”
”Because I”ve only been in love once in my life. . . and it”s with you,” Jude grasped her face between his hands, gently trembling. His movements plunged Giselle into silence, further pressed when one of his thumbs grazed across her lips. ”I knew it was you from the day we met. I thought time helped my feelings to pass because I didn”t watch you walk by me in the halls with the gut-wrenching wish that I was the one you wanted. I never moved past you, Giselle. No one else ever measured up to the vision of you in my head. . . until we began pretending, and I realized you were more perfect than I dreamed. I thought it would be fine, but the thought of having you and losing you kills me more than never having you at all.”
The confession poured from Jude, as bittersweet as wine, and Giselle took it all to heart. Her heart buzzed with lightheadedness so dizzying as the room threatened to spin around her, taking her down for the count.
Jude loved her?
Jude loved her.
And she loved him.
Still in shock, Giselle”s body screamed at her to move. The numbness left her alone as adrenaline burst through her veins, overriding every muscle frozen in time. Her hands curled into the fabric of Jude”s long-sleeved crewneck and yanked him to her.
Their lips crashed together a tad clumsier than their staged kisses but so much better in every other way. A burst of energy awakened in Giselle”s stomach, carrying the fire of a million stars when Jude”s mouth moved against hers, falling into the desperate rhythm of craving.
He tasted of something unidentifiable, fresh, and the faint echo of her favorite chapstick smeared across his mouth from the ferocity of her confession. Her kissing did the talking, and Jude eagerly embraced a wordless ending.
Their bodies gravitated together, drawn in like the tides to the sand, and the sudden movement sent them careening. Giselle lurched forward, but her hands caught her fall, holding her over Jude, who sprawled across the floor and cupped her face like she might vanish.
Their mouths moved in sync, speaking the sweet language meant for them alone. As they conversed, one of Jude”s hands slid from her face to caress down the length of her back, prompting a shiver from Giselle.
But the desperate, pleading hand grasped a fistful of her gardening overalls. Giselle moaned, passing the sound onto Jude”s tongue that darted along her lower lip. Her noises broke the embrace enough, but neither strayed too far.
Their lips rested, pressed together with a sliver for talking, and Jude panted. ”I wasn”t expecting this when I showed up.”
”Are you complaining?” Giselle asked.
”Never.” Jude laughed, stoking the heat roaring inside of Giselle with the rumbling timbre of his husky voice. His eyes admired her, unabashedly bright, and never before had Giselle seen a more beautiful smile than his.
”Mmm, good. Now, I think we”ve wasted enough time. . . so how about you take me to my room?
”God, I love you.”
”I love you.”
Giselle gasped when Jude”s arms curled around her waist, scooping her to him as he ambled to his feet. He carried her through the living room with strength that shouldn”t shock her. The two raced for Giselle”s room, frightening poor Carrot from his spot on the living room rug.
Giselle”s chest brimmed with bated breath and excitement as she pulled her bedroom door closed behind her and Jude. Their lips slid together, locked in another heated embrace, but Jude led that time.
His hands roved from her hips to the straps of her overalls, tugging gently. ”May I?”
”Please,” Giselle breathed, shrugging out of her overalls after Jude pulled on them. A light jingle and the rumple of fabric hitting the ground filled the room, but Jude”s groan jumped after it.
”I expected a pair of leggings or something underneath the overalls.”
”Bib overalls are meant to be worn as is. They make less mess in the garden and are way easier when stripping for a shower.”
Jude didn”t hesitate before kicking the overalls toward her hamper, hands playing with the elastic of her lacy pink underwear. Once a rich brown, his eyes took on the appearance of dark soil, arousal drenching his gaze.
”I”m going to take my time. . . explore every part of you until I”ve memorized your shape by touch alone. I need you to tell me if this is too much because I’ll have difficulty stopping,” Jude remarked, as serious as possible.
A flicker of heat fanned between her thighs, which Giselle clamped together while under Jude”s gaze. She shook her head, ”I”m ready. So ready. I”m on the pill, but I should have some condoms around here.”
Jude nodded, but the expression in his eyes screamed one-track mind. His hands backed Giselle across the room; a devilish grin stretched across his face when her knees bumped against her abandoned desk.
”How long has it been since you”ve been touched, my dove?” Jude asked, and before Giselle responded, his hands lifted her off the ground. He set her on the desk without breaking a sweat and buried his face in her neck. Jude”s hands roamed aimlessly down her thighs, pushing them wider to box around his hips.
He asked her a question, but Giselle”s thoughts went to another galaxy entirely. Jude was too dressed for her liking. Way too clothed.
Giselle”s hands reached for the hem of his shirt and curled the fabric between her fingers. But the press of two fingers to her clothed clit over her underwear scrambled her brain hard, leaving her thoughts staticky.
Jude chuckled, rubbing his fingers in a slow motion along her panties. Heat singed at her cheeks when she felt a damp spot blossom against the fabric, but Jude inhaled a sharp breath through his nose.
His fingers moved a little quicker against her clit, rolling in fast and tight circles to the buck of her hips against the air.
”I”m sorry—can you—repeat the question?” Giselle begged, loosening her grip on his shirt. But Jude”s other hand laid over hers, guiding her to pull his shirt up.
She received an eyeful of Jude”s lean chest and torso. His limber but toned frame poured gasoline onto the arousal wildfire burning between her legs, and Giselle fought the urge to rub her thighs together in case she sparked real flames.
Jude chuckled while he tossed his shirt behind him. Then, he reached for the plain green t-shirt Giselle picked from her gardening clothes, inching it up agonizingly slow. ”I asked how long it”s been since you”ve been touched?”
His hands pulled the t-shirt over Giselle”s head, and she swam out of the fabric. Her eyes adjusted on Jude”s face but followed his line of sight to her chest. She picked out a flimsy, thin white bra from her pile that morning, but the lack of fabric had her hardened nipples poking through the bra.
Jude stared at them, chest heaving like he ran a marathon. The slack-jawed expression did little to stop Giselle”s nipples from pushing into the fabric, screaming to be touched.
She shifted on the desk with hands tucked behind her ass. ”By someone else or myself?”
She wiggled her hips, and her legs spread wider for Jude, whose eyes widened to full moons. His throat bobbed in a silent demand, and his head rolled back, fighting against the groan that escaped him. ”I”m here now, Giselle. . . and I”m done wasting time when it comes to you.”
Jude”s eyes held hers as he sank to his knees, fingertips skirting down the edge of Giselle”s thighs. He cupped her knees and dragged her closer to the edge, bringing her hips level with his face.
He smirked at her, eyes darkening as one of his fingers curled into her panties, pulling them to the side. Giselle”s hips arched off the desk, and the whimper tore off her tongue before Jude even touched her.
Jude smirked. ”Atta girl. Let me get a taste of how sweet you are.”
Giselle”s head rolled back when Jude”s mouth hovered over her clit, but she tensed when his lips wrapped around it. The hot, wanton touch of his tongue lapped at her sensitive bundle of nerves, stroking her with eager exploration.
She shouldn”t compare, but Jude”s tongue teasing her pussy erased any memory of James” technique. . . or lack thereof. For Jude, his touch became the only one she knew.
Wet noises from between her legs and Jude”s mouth caused her thighs to clamp around his head. A rumbling chuckle reverberated against her thighs, but the sensation threatened to yank Giselle”s brain into overdrive.
It was too much and not enough to have Jude eating her out, spread across her desk for him. She needed every part of him to make her his, claimed by the ravenous touch of his lips.
Giselle felt the glide of Jude”s hand up her torso, and she grabbed it, sliding his hand underneath her bra. His thumb circled one of her stiff nipples, teasing the hardened peak until her thighs squeezed harder around his head.
She folded to his every will harder than origami, losing all control. ”Jude, oh my—”
Her hand threaded into his hair like her anchor, gripping hard when her hips rocked up and down. Panting, she rolled her body to the pace Jude set. His arms hooked around her thighs, opening her up for him, burying his face deeper.
The slip of his tongue from her clit brought his nose to brush against her, and Giselle”s choked moan cried out as a warning and a plea for him not to stop. His tongue dipped inside of her, teasing her entrance, leaving Giselle to see stars.
Her grip on his hair tightened, and her hips bucked faster, whining, ”Jude, please. Please don”t stop. I”m so close.”
Jude”s face stayed pressed against her. He inhaled sharply, caressing her skin with his hot, heavy panting. ”How close are you, my dove? Tell me.”
”So—so close, please,” Giselle begged, with shaking thighs and heaving breaths too hard to speak through. ”I need it.”
”Tell me how much you need it,” Jude murmured, bringing two fingers to drag along her inner thigh. He inched closer to her but not close enough.
Giselle shut her eyes, head rolling back. ”More than I”ve needed anyone or anything. I need it more than the air I breathe, please. I”m so close—ahhhh—”
A moan interjected when Jude slipped one finger inside of her, pumping a slow thrust to test. She clenched hard around the finger, greedily letting it stretch her a little more open. Yet, the second finger pushing in threatened to take her down.
Giselle cracked her eyes open enough to see Jude”s determined gleam as he pumped his fingers, picking up a speed faster than before. Giselle”s shaking thighs vibrated as Jude fingered her pussy, filling the room with the sloppy sounds of what he had reduced her to.
A wet, aroused mess.
Giselle”s hands pathetically grabbed the desk for support while Jude crooked his fingers. Another strangled moan clawed from her throat while his ministrations turned her legs to jelly.
”That”s it,” Jude cooed while he stared up at her, hair falling into his eyes and smile so devilish that Giselle almost finished on the spot. ”Be a good girl for me. You can finish, sweet thing.”
Giselle didn”t hold back and clamped around Jude”s hand, bucking her hips until the orgasm hit. Her body tensed up until euphoria swept her up in its afterglow. She leaned forward, and Jude scooped her into his embrace, holding her close.
He kissed her forehead. ”You did amazing.”