The Life Makeover Club

Chapter 10

TEN

Grandma Joy’s Words of Wisdom:

‘Make the most of your life NOW. All you ever have is now, and now, and now. See? It’s gone so quickly.’

‘That’s wonderful, Benjamin, your mum and dad are going to love it!’ Cara patted the four-year-old’s back as he proudly held up his artwork. Today in her new class they were making giant cardboard Easter Eggs, decorated with a variety of mixed media including cellophane, fabric, buttons, and of course, the essential requirement for any aspiring childhood artist and every parent’s worst nightmare: glitter.

‘Let me see yours, Sienna. Oh, how... unique!’ It was atrocious. In the few weeks Cara had been teaching the art classes, she’d come up with a list of appropriate words to compliment the not-so-talented little artists, to avoid upsetting them and having them run to their parent crying, ‘ Muuum! She said my artwork needed more contrast and depth ... waaa!’

Cara looked forward to Wednesday afternoons, and so did Jacob, proudly hanging onto her hand to make sure the other kids knew his mum was the ‘Art Teacher’. No doubt in ten years he’d be doing the opposite: ‘What? No, she’s not my mum. I’ve never seen her before in my life.’

As the last of the happy, budding artists left the class when time was up, an idea sprung in Cara’s mind. She tidied up the creative aftermath then knocked on the door to Mrs Fern’s office, clearing her throat.

‘I, ah, was wondering if I could propose something to you?’ Cara raised her eyebrows.

Mrs Fern glanced up from her desk. ‘You sound like my husband, forty years ago,’ she said. ‘He’s not the most romantic or assertive man that’s ever lived, but I love him just the same.’ She smiled. ‘What’s on your mind?’

‘I really enjoy seeing the kids’ smiling faces when they’ve created their artworks, and I thought it might be a good idea – if it’s not too much trouble – to hold an art exhibition to showcase their work to the parents?’

Mrs Fern removed her glasses and narrowed her eyes. ‘An art show, hmm... I think that sounds like a grand idea.’

‘You do?’

‘Yes, and maybe it could also be a fundraiser of some kind.’ Mrs Fern rubbed her chin between her thumb and forefinger.

‘Sounds great. What about for those affected by childhood cancer?’ Cara had already thought of this while tidying up the art room. ‘Oh, unless you meant for the pre-school itself, which of course would be – ’

‘No, a charity such as that would be perfect! I can’t think of anything better.’ Mrs Fern stood. ‘Why, what a bright young mind you have, Cara.’ She grasped Cara’s hands. ‘Here, take a seat and let’s discuss this further.’ She pointed to the chair in front of the desk, and before sitting, Cara peered out the office to where Jacob sat happily colouring in, waiting for her. She had to get home and get dinner organised, but maybe it could wait just a bit.

At the Life Makeover Club meeting last week, Liz had spoken to Cara about the importance of enjoying the moment. This would be a challenge, as Cara constantly thought about what had to be done next in an effort to stay on top of things. She was told to write up a schedule, allocating times during the day for each area of her life, making sure to prioritise time for herself, her kids, and her husband. ‘Consciously tell yourself what to focus on during each segment of the day,’ Liz had advised. ‘For example: ‘Now is family time’, or ‘Now is me time’.’ By doing this, she could give her full attention to each moment without feeling guilty or overwhelmed. With Easter holidays in a few days, plus her seventh wedding anniversary, Liz had also suggested Cara and her family get away from the house and go somewhere different. Luckily, Pete had secured the Easter weekend off, having worked it last year. Come Saturday they’d be spending quality family time at a quiet beachside town. The plan was to exhaust the kids during the day and hope like hell they’d sleep through the night, allowing Cara and Pete some quality time of their own. If that failed, a little Easter egg bribery wouldn’t go astray.

‘Pete! Where’s Dorothy the dinosaur?’ Cara called out from the four-wheel drive.

‘Dunno, I’ll look under the bed.’ A minute later Pete poked his head out the front door. ‘Nope, not here!’

‘Jacob, where did you leave it last?’ Cara asked.

‘I don’t know ... I ... need ... Dorofy!’ he managed in between wails.

‘Okay, okay, Mummy will go have a look.’ Cara trudged into the house for the umpteenth time. ‘Why do these things always happen when we’re about to leave?’ she muttered.

Ten minutes later she returned to the car with a soggy Dorothy in tow. ‘Bobo had her hidden in his kennel, Jakey.’ Jacob grabbed the toy with fierce love, oblivious to the wet fur and doggy smell.

When the kids settled in their seats, all their bags in the boot (half of which contained toys), they finally drove away. ‘Thank God you remembered the iPad,’ said Pete. The kids had been silent for the last forty-five minutes, engrossed in Madagascar 2 . ‘That’s gotta be a world record for the longest time without an ‘are we there yet?’’

‘Quick! Where’s some wood I can touch?’ urged Cara. Pete laughed. He’d told her when they were engaged how he loved her sense of humour, and how it had been one of the things that attracted him when they’d first met.

‘In two hundred metres, turn left,’ said the English voice from the old but might-as-well-still-use-it car GPS suction capped onto the windscreen, or ‘Betty’ as Pete called it. With the GPS, iPad, two phones, and a laptop, their car looked more like it was set up for a twenty-four hour surveillance operation than a family holiday. How on Earth did people cope fifty years ago?

‘Moooo…’ a cow noise sounded.

‘What the…?’ Cara looked around for a stray cow.

Pete smiled. ‘It’s Betty. She moos whenever we’re in the vicinity of a petrol station.’

‘Oh, I didn’t know the GPS could do that!’

‘Wait. There’s more.’ Pete’s cheeky grin expanded.

‘Do I want to know?’ asked Cara.

‘You’ll find out soon enough.’

And soon enough, Betty shared more of her talents.

‘Oink, Oink.’

‘That one tells us there’s a school nearby,’ said Pete, as the kids laughed in the backseat.

‘Piggy!’ exclaimed Jacob, who then tried to replicate the sound. ‘Again, Daddy, again!’

‘We have to wait till we pass another school, Jakey. How ‘bout we see who can make the best piggy noise huh?’

A symphony of oinks and laughter ensued, Madagascar 2 taking a temporary backseat to the more advanced entertainment of farm animal imitations.

‘ Neigh!’

‘A horse? What’s that one for, Pete?’ asked Cara.

‘A church, I think.’

‘Why we need to know when there’s a church or school coming up I have no idea, but I’m sure you had fun setting it up, honey.’

‘I did.’ Pete laughed.

‘I’m hungry, can we stop for a snack?’ asked seven-year-old Lily, when the credits of the movie rolled.

‘Sure sweetie, there’s a town up the road a bit, won’t be long,’ Pete assured.

‘I need to do wee-wee.’ Jacob squirmed in his seat.

Cara turned to face him. ‘We’re almost there, can you hold it? ’

‘Noooo … Mummy, need to go wee-wee now!’

‘Okay, um…’ Cara looked around. ‘Oh look! The town’s up there, just hold on and you can go in one minute, Jakey, one minute!’

‘Moooo…Oink, Oink…Neigh!’ Farm animal hysteria heralded their approach to civilization, with a petrol station, school, and church obviously nearby. Laughter erupted in the car, except for Jacob whose scrunched up face grew redder by the minute in an effort to hold on.

‘Moooo…Oink, Oink…Neigh!’

‘Muuummm! Wee-wee, now!’ Jacob seemed about ready to explode.

‘Maamma, I gots tummy ache!’ Toby added to the mix.

‘Oh God, not you too!’ Toby was wearing pull-up nappy pants at least, but his ‘events’ were often known to extend beyond borders and Cara had been meaning to ask the doctor whether he might have a food intolerance of some kind. ‘Toilet! We need a toilet! Quick, Pete, pull over somewhere!’ Cara urged Jacob to keep holding and told Toby to rub his tummy.

‘I can’t yet, there’s nowhere to stop. Hold on, I’ll turn off here.’ Pete swerved left.

‘Turn around when possible,’ Betty instructed, detecting a change of route.

‘Oh, for crying out loud! Doesn’t Betty have a noise to tell us where a toilet is?’

‘Damn. I knew I forgot something!’ Pete slapped his forehead. ‘The petrol station, over there. They’ll have one.’ He drove in quickly, stopping in front of the outdoor toilet, his ambulance driving skills coming in handy.

Within seconds Cara unbuckled Jacob (who was now purple), and, carrying him with one hand between his legs, shipped him into the cubicle where he rapidly released the pressure, missing the toilet bowl by an inch. ‘Oops. Close enough, sweetie. Better than in the car . ’ She’d forgotten to bring the air freshener too, so not only would their vehicle sound like a farm, it would have smelled like one too.

Moments later, Cara and a relieved looking Jacob exited the cubicle to find Toby waddling towards them, wearing what looked like MC Hammer pants. Pete buckled Jacob in the car, while Cara went back to the toilet with Toby this time, to change his nappy. ‘Pete!’ Cara popped her head out of the cubicle. ‘Can you throw me a spare pair of pants for Tobes?’ She caught them in one hand and mentally reminded herself to ask the doctor about this additional issue of Toby’s. She didn’t remember Lily and Jacob having this much tummy trouble when they were younger.

After a (very) early start the following morning; Easter Sunday, the kids tearing open the foil on their Easter eggs and eating them for breakfast, the Collins family left the motel room and headed to the beach to make the most of the sunny autumn weather before the cool afternoon breeze arrived.

‘I’m going to look for fishies,’ Lily said, wandering towards the rock pool after getting bored with constructing a giant Easter egg sandcastle. Jacob’s eyes lit up at the large mound of sand and with eager hands he finished it off for his sister, adding a zigzag marking around its circumference and making it look like it was about to hatch.

‘What are you doing, Jakey?’ Cara eyed her son with a curious smile as he crouched over the sandcastle .

‘I has to keep the egg warm.’

Cara giggled and snapped a photo of him with her phone. ‘One for the twenty-first birthday,’ she mused. She dropped the phone in her beach bag as Toby rummaged through it for hidden treats. He pulled out a chocolate Easter Bunny which Cara had put in there for emergencies or unexpected situations requiring bribery. Toby’s hopeful eyes looked into hers and she nodded. ‘You can have it, Tobes.’ He tore off the wrapper and decapitated the poor bunny in one bite.

Cara looked towards the ocean and smiled as the salt water glistened on Pete’s tanned skin, his back muscles rippling side to side as he manoeuvred through the waves. He’d always been fit; staying active through cycling, tennis, and swimming laps at the local pool. Cara caught a woman eyeing Pete, and a rush of satisfaction and pride enveloped her.

The woman walked past Cara, glanced at her briefly, then did a double-take. ‘Cara?’ She lifted her sunglasses onto her head.

‘Donna, is that you?’ Cara asked.

‘Yes, hi! How are you?’

‘Good, thanks. Wow, long time no see, huh?’ She hadn’t seen Donna since university, they’d lost contact after she’d become pregnant with Lily. ‘Are you holidaying here?’

‘No, well sort of. I own a cottage – just up there on the hill.’ She pointed. ‘But I’m only here a few times a year, I’m based mostly in New York.’

Cara’s eyes widened. ‘Really? What do you do there?’

‘Freelance design and marketing in the magazine industry. Vogue mostly, Cosmopolitan also. ’

‘Wow, that must be exciting!’ Cara felt as though her face was literally green with envy.

‘I love it, and most of my work can be done wherever my laptop is, so I’m able to travel a lot.’ Donna’s teeth glowed white through her smile. ‘What about you?’ She glanced towards Toby who was now amputating one of the Easter Bunny’s legs with his chocolate-stained mouth. ‘I take it he’s yours. How many do you have?’

‘Three,’ Cara replied, pointing to Jacob and Lily. ‘Oh, and a husband.’ She cocked her head towards Pete in the water.

Donna turned to each of them, her gaze lingering a little more on Pete. ‘He’s your husband?’

Cara nodded proudly.

‘Is he the guy you hooked up with at uni? What’s his name again … Phillip? ’

‘Pete.’

‘Pete – that’s right. Still together, huh?’

‘Yep.’ Cara nodded again.

‘So, what else are you doing these days, did you go back to finish your degree?’ Donna held up her hand. ‘Wait, let me guess – you run a little graphic design business from home, am I right?’

Oh yes, in between having two more kids, no sleep whatsoever, not to mention a shortage of money that we’d need for child care, no office space, and no spare time. ‘Um … no, I never finished my degree, I’m a full-time mum.’

Why did that feel like it wasn’t enough of an accomplishment?

Donna’s hand flew to her mouth in a gasp. ‘Seriously? But it’s such a shame to waste good talent.’

That’s why .

‘Why don’t you get back into it?’ Donna asked.

‘Well, I’d like to, but I don’t have a lot of time. Maybe one day,’ Cara explained. ‘But I do teach a kids art class,’ she piped up.

‘That’s nice.’ Donna smiled through gritted teeth. ‘Well, I hope you’ll find a way to resume your career. Plenty of women work while raising kids, you should try it.’

Cara returned a ‘gritted-teeth smile’ to Donna. She has absolutely no idea .

‘Anyway, better get going. I’m flying back to New York tomorrow.’ Donna ran a hand through her glossy hair. ‘Nice seeing you again, Cara.’

‘Nice seeing you too.’

Not.

It was only after a fly landed on her nose and she flinched and waved about in a ninja-like way, that Cara realised how tense her muscles had become. Look what Donna had achieved in the last several years. But to be honest, Donna was never as good at design as Cara was. She could easily have worked her way up into the magazine industry too if she’d had the opportunity. Not that it was necessarily what she wanted, but she knew she could have done it. Maybe she could still do it, give it another go, but how? She barely had enough time or energy for daily life. All Cara knew was that despite the outward appearance of her life; great husband, happy children, and a comfortable home, a sense of emptiness still gnawed at her. Getting back into art had trickled some joy into that void, but it would take more than a kids art class to fill it.

‘There you go, Tobes.’ Cara tucked her son into bed at the motel after rubbing on eczema cream, and inserting under his blanket the large toy Easter Bunny that had passed the can’t-fit-through-the-cot-bars test earlier. The kids were exhausted as planned, helped by the fact they were up past their bedtime. They’d had dinner at Hooters, as their choice of restaurant had been booked out and they’d forgotten to make a reservation. Despite a broken glass due to Lily’s enthusiastic toast to her parents’ anniversary, it had been a fun evening. Pete had teased Cara when she’d been reluctant to go to Hooters because she thought it was a place where women rolled around on roller skates in their underwear.

She giggled at the memory as she sauntered towards the small bedroom, steam exuding from the bathroom as she passed it, where Pete emerged wearing a towel. She climbed into bed and Pete followed, planting a kiss on her mouth.

‘Happy anniversary,’ he whispered in her ear before kissing it.

‘Happy anniversary to you too.’ Cara said with a lazy yawn, wrapping her arms around his neck, enjoying his soft skin, warm from the shower. ‘Maybe one day we can go away for our anniversary, just the two of us,’ Cara suggested, between kisses.

‘One day,’ Pete echoed. ‘When Toby’s a bit older. You know how he gets when he’s left with Grandma for more than a couple of hours. I’d hate to think what he’d be like overnight.’

Cara’s parents lived only a half hour away, in the same house she’d grown up in, and they’d been a great support to her and Pete when their unexpected offspring arrived. But with years of, ‘Can you mind Lily tomorrow, Mum?’ and ‘How is next Tuesday afternoon, Mum?’ Cara often felt guilty at the repeated babysitting requests.

Pete’s parents lived in their native Canada, having moved back to take over the family restaurant when Pete finished high school in Sydney, unaware they’d soon become grandparents. Pete had opted to stay in Australia, having made strong friendships and knowing what he wanted to do with his life. Although kids at a young age weren’t part of that plan, he took the responsibility in stride. He was a natural at fatherhood.

‘Did I tell you Lily’s friend invited her to a slumber party?’ Cara asked, as Pete trailed a finger along her shoulder.

‘She sure is growing up,’ he replied.

‘I know, but I think she’s too young for a sleepover. What do you think?’

‘I think we should talk about this tomorrow.’ Pete smiled, pulling her closer.

‘Honey, I was thinking maybe I could go back to university when Toby’s at school. God knows all the technology’s changed now, and I’d probably have to start my degree all over again. But it’d be good, don’t you think?’

‘What’s brought all this on?’

‘I saw someone from my uni course, down at the beach. She’s got a great design career now.’

‘And you’re wondering what might have been, is that right?’ Pete bent his elbow and propped his head onto his palm.

‘I guess. And what could be.’

‘But what if we have another child?’ Pete asked. ‘Hmmm, maybe we could start making one now.’ He ran his fingers through her hair, and kissed her again.

Cara broke away. ‘Another one? Pete we never talked about having a fourth child.’

‘Well, let’s talk about it then.’

‘Why do you want another child?’

‘Why not? I’d love a bigger family. And it’d give Toby a playmate, and maybe a little sister for Lily – she’d love that.’

‘But, I’m not ready, I mean … I don’t know if…’

‘Cara, you’re a great Mum. We’re still young, and it’s the perfect time to have more kids. Just think, when they’re in high school we’ll be the cool young parents their friends will envy, and we’ll still be fit and healthy to play with our future grandchildren.’

‘Grandchildren?’ Cara pushed herself up to sitting. ‘Whoa, hang on a minute! Less than a year ago I was a human vending machine, and now you’re talking about grandchildren?’

‘Honey, calm down.’ Pete grasped her arm, but she pulled away. ‘I just meant that having more children while we’re younger will allow us to travel and enjoy time to ourselves when we’re a little older.’

‘I’ve been waiting too long already for those things; I don’t want to add another twenty years to the mix!’ Cara stood, tears working their way from her heart to her eyes.

Pete climbed off the bed and held onto her shoulders. ‘Hey, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ He lifted her chin to meet his gaze. ‘We don’t have to talk about it now.’

‘Pete, I don’t think there is anything to talk about.’ Her eyes pleaded with his and she drew a deep breath. ‘I don’t want any more children.’

Pete released his grasp and sat on the bed.

Cara stepped towards him. ‘I’m worn out. I love our kids to death, but three is enough,’ she confessed. ‘I feel like I’m always giving, giving, giving; to everyone but myself.’

‘I’m tired too, Cara, you’re not the only one.’ Pete crossed his arms. ‘Sometimes, as soon as I get through the door after work you hand the kids over to me when I just need a few short minutes to myself, but I take them because I know you’ve had a long day with them.’

‘Then why add more tiredness to the mix?’ Cara threw her hands up in confusion.

‘It’s not going to last forever, and the good times outweigh the bad.’ A faint smile touched Pete’s lips. ‘Don’t you love it when they jump on our bed in the morning and cuddle us half to death? And the look on their little faces when they take their first steps? What about the cute baby giggles, and the first day of pre-school when they cry but come home so happy? And remember how Lily seemed to grow up into a proud big sister as soon as Jacob was born. I just love watching them grow.’

‘I do too, I really do,’ Cara replied. ‘But what about the sleepless nights? We’re still going through them with Toby, a new baby would only add to that. And there’s the nine months of pregnancy, the pain of childbirth – oh wait, you don’t have to go through that – and what about the increased washing, cleaning, cooking, and not to mention the financial burden of raising four kids.’

‘We’d manage. We always do.’ Pete ran his palm down her arm.

‘Well ... I don’t think I am managing right now.’ Cara lowered her head. ‘I feel like I’m hanging onto an unravelling thread, ready to fall at any moment.’ She picked up his hand and held it gently in hers. ‘I’m so grateful for everything you do for us, and I’m sorry I don’t always respect the need for your own space too. You work hard helping people all day, or night, and of course you’re going to need some down time after work.’

Pete looked up at her, love and disheartenment sharing space in his eyes.

‘It’s just, I need to have a life of my own as well,’ Cara continued. ‘I get to the end of each day feeling like there’s something missing, something inside that isn’t being tended to. You’ve got your job, your friends, and your sport.’ She sighed and sunk to the bed as though sharing these feelings exhausted her. ‘I’ve only ever been a Mum, but I need something more.’

Cara sat hand in hand with Pete on the edge of the bed, a painful silence between them until Toby’s cries broke it. Cara stood and Pete touched her shoulder. ‘I’ll go,’ he said.