Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
Grandma Joy’s Words of Wisdom:
‘Sometimes, stillness can move mountains.’
A week later, Miranda was recuperating at home with the help of her new best friend: pain killers. Modern medicine was great, but there was no medication for dealing with built-up grief. Although her father died a long time ago, she’d never really discussed it with anyone or stopped long enough to take stock of how she felt. As a child she simply escaped into her fairy-tale world to block out the pain, later followed by seeking out things that made her feel good; fancy food, clothes, and parties. What had she said to Trisha the day she’d moved into her new place? ‘Focusing on things that are beautiful and perfect takes my mind of things that aren’t’.
Now, spending her time resting at home, her thoughts roamed free. She’d managed to work her way through two thirds of her to-be-read pile of self-improvement books, most of them boiling down to the same basic principles – eat a healthy diet, get enough sleep, exercise, and believe in yourself. Why were the simple things often the hardest to do? Miranda was starting to enjoy the exercise part, but with her injuries, she’d be unable to continue her program until closer to Christmas.
Naomi had called when Miranda failed to show for her training session on Wednesday, starting her lecture on the value of commitment, when Miranda interrupted and explained what had happened. Naomi was quite sympathetic, and suggested she come in when the ribs had healed so she could plan a gentle recovery program for her. She also advised Miranda to walk around the neighbourhood when she started feeling better, but for now, all Miranda wanted to do was lie down and recover. Recover her body, but more importantly: her heart. The realisation she’d had in hospital that her opposition to the idea of adopting a baby was mostly due to not being ready to let her father go, had shifted something inside her. It was painful and raw, but hopeful. Hopeful that she’d be able to come to terms with it and be open to other possibilities if needed. It wouldn’t be fair for a child to be seen as a comforting link to her past, a remnant of her father’s legacy. A child deserved to be unique and special and loved in their own right, not for what they could remind her of.
The ding-dong of the doorbell broke through her thoughts, and she eased over to the door, one hand on the side of her chest.
‘Oh, Miranda, you poor thing!’ It was Cara, with Toby perched on her hip. Miranda had asked her to come over so she could give her something .
‘Can I get you something; a coffee, cold drink?’ asked Miranda.
‘Don’t be silly! You rest, I’ll handle things. What would you like, coffee?’
‘Actually, I’m starting to drink green tea. It has a lot of antioxidants, you know. Do you want some?’
‘No thanks. I’ll stick with my daily indulgence!’ Cara flicked on the kettle and withdrew a bottle of milk from Miranda’s fridge. ‘Oh, I brought soup, I’ll just leave it in here.’ She opened the fridge again.
‘Thanks for that, hun, how nice of you! Did you make it?’
‘I’d like to say yes, but no. Hubby made it. He’s become quite a whiz in the kitchen since Toby’s diagnosis.’
‘How is the little fella going?’
‘Much better. He’s finally sleeping through the night, no more tummy aches, and his eczema has cleared up. Who would have thought food could cause all those problems?’ She ruffled Toby’s hair as he played on the floor with his talking alphabet book.
‘Amazing. And how’re Jacob and Lily?’
‘They’re good. Although, Lily’s debating whether or not to become vegetarian. She thinks it’s cruel to eat a lamb’s leg and rude to eat chicken breasts, or chicken boobies, as she calls them.’
Miranda snorted, then winced as she held onto her ribs.
‘I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to cook gluten free, dairy free, soy free, and vegetarian meals – I’ll go mad!’ Cara tipped her head and looked at the ceiling as if for divine intervention. ‘Anyway, what’s happening with your work?’
‘I’m taking some time off. I’m going back to Harbourside in the second week of December, the doctor says I should be fully healed by then. I might be able to do a few shifts in another three weeks or so, but I’ll see how I go. As for the salon, they said they’d keep my casual position for me, and hopefully I can return as soon as physically possible. I’m sure I’ll be okay soon, but whenever I laugh, cough, or move my torso, it kills!
‘I’ll try not to say anything funny then.’ Cara smiled. ‘Do you want me to put these away in the cupboard?’ Cara pointed to packets of crackers, cans of food, and pasta.
‘No thanks, Mum put them on the bench for me because I can’t reach up high to get them from the cupboard.’
‘Oh, of course. Is there anything else you need, want me to duck up to the shops for you?’
‘Oh, thank you, lovely lady. You’re so helpful, but Mum’s at the supermarket as we speak, she’s stocking up on supplies for me.’
‘Sounds like you’ve got a great mum.’
‘I do.’ Miranda gave a nod.
Cara poured boiling water into the tea cup with a green tea bag in it. ‘I’ve never had green tea before, do you put milk or sugar in it? I have no idea.’
‘No, no, just water, thanks.’ Miranda took the cup from Cara.
‘So, what happened to the guy you were supposed to go on a date with, the night of your accident?’ Cara sat in the armchair opposite Miranda and blew across the top of her coffee, steam wafting in front of her face.
‘He actually passed on a ‘get well soon’ card to me, which Trisha dropped round yesterday. He left his number and asked me to call him when I’ve recovered, if I want to get together again, minus the high heels.’
‘Oh, that was sweet. Are you going to call him?’
‘I don’t know, maybe. It’s just that, well ... I’ve been reading this book...’ Miranda picked up a copy of ‘Secrets of Destiny’. ‘It says that you have to look for signs in life, to point you in the direction of your destiny.’ Miranda opened to a page in the book and jabbed it with her finger. ‘Apparently, coincidences don’t exist, and everything that happens to us is part of a bigger plan to lead us to where we’re supposed to be. The author says that when obstacles keep appearing, we may be on the wrong path, or, the obstacles are opportunities in disguise, leading us to something different.’ She put the book back on the coffee table. ‘Think about it... I’ve been trying so hard to find a man, and things keep going wrong. I think I’m supposed to step back a bit, and let the serendipity of life unfold, or so the book says.’
‘Sounds interesting. But, you have to make your own luck too. Liz keeps telling us to go out there and make things happen. Who knows, maybe this guy is worth seeing again? Or, remember I said that Pete has a friend we can set you up with?’
‘I appreciate the offer, but you know what? I’m happy to just let things be for now.’
‘Fair enough. Well, now’s a good time to focus on yourself, I guess.’ She sipped her coffee.
‘It is. Although I have to keep taking pain killers so I can breathe comfortably, it’s kinda nice just being at home; thinking, watching movies, and reading books. I don’t remember ever doing anything like this for more than a day before.’
‘I’m jealous, maybe I’ll have to break my ribs so I can get some time out for a while!’ Cara laughed.
‘I don’t recommend it. Ow!’ Miranda lifted her hand to her side, the laugh stinging her chest.
‘Oh, sorry! I forgot, no funny stuff,’ Cara said, as Toby brought his book over to her. Cara exchanged it for another; a Winnie the Pooh book with musical buttons, and he happily plonked himself on the floor.
‘I hope I have one of those one day.’ Miranda took a sip of tea, and looked longingly at Toby.
‘You will.’ Cara placed a reassuring hand on Miranda’s arm, then yawned. ‘But let me offer some advice. Sleep now while you can. As much as you can, as often as you can.’ Her voice took on a deadly serious tone, like she was warning her to get out of a haunted house before the monsters came. ‘I can’t see myself getting to sleep through the night for at least another decade.’
‘I will,’ she replied. ‘Oh, I almost forgot, I wanted to give you these.’ Miranda pulled some papers from her bag. ‘I was going to bring these invitations to the meeting next week, but since I’m not coming, could you pass them around for me?’ She handed them to Cara.
‘A New Year’s Eve ball at Harbourside Towers? Wow!’ Cara’s eyes lit up as she read over the invitation. ‘Sure, I’ll pass them around. I’ve never been to a ball before, I’d love to go!’ Cara jiggled in the armchair. ‘I’ll check with Pete, I don’t think he’s working New Year’s this time, and I’ll see if my parents can mind the kids. You know, we’ve never had a New Year’s Eve without the kids since we’ve been married?’
‘Oh, I hope you can come! You’ll love it, last year’s was awesome.’
‘Thanks, Miranda.’ Cara put the invitations into her bag. ‘You know, you’ve really become a great friend. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have had that gorgeous weekend away at your hotel, and I wouldn’t have realised how lucky I am to have my family, so thank you.’
Warmth moistened Miranda’s eyes. ‘Aww, you’re very welcome. I’m so glad we met too. ’
Cara placed her mug on the side table and approached Miranda, wrapping her arms around her gently, careful not to hurt her ribs. ‘And ... if it wasn’t for you taking me out on the town, I wouldn’t have known there were people on this earth named after alcoholic beverages.’
‘Oh, Martini! What a night that was.’ Miranda smiled.
‘Is David still with her?’
‘I think so. She’s come into the hotel a few times. She gave me that glare again, the same one she had on her face in the ladies’ room that night, so I retreat to the staff room whenever I see her. This must be a record for David, I was sure he would have found his next victim by now.’
‘Maybe they’ll get married,’ Cara said, ‘and If they have kids, they’ll probably name them Brandy and Tequila.’
Miranda’s side hurt as she laughed, but she didn’t care. ‘And a dog called Scotch!’ she added.
Cara slapped her thigh with her hand, tipping her head back with laughter. ‘And a cat called Whiskey!’
A smash sounded from down the hallway. ‘What was that?’ Miranda craned her neck in the direction of the sound.
‘Toby?’ Cara called. ‘Oh no, where’s he disappeared to? God, I get caught up in a great conversation for one minute and he decides to play Houdini. Toby?’ She walked off.
What could have broken?
‘Toby! You shouldn’t touch other people’s things. Ugh!’ Cara’s voice took a serious, scolding tone.
Oh dear.
Cara reappeared with Toby by her side, and something cradled in her hands. ‘Now, say you’re sorry, please.’
He looked up at his mum then at Miranda. ‘Sowwy.’
‘I’m so sorry, Miranda, I should have kept a better eye on him. If it’s something I can replace, I will. ’
Miranda eased herself up and over to Cara. In Cara’s hands were broken pieces of glittery glass. Her butterfly statue. Miranda’s heart sunk.
‘Was it something sentimental? I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s okay, don’t worry. Just a decorative thing.’ She flicked her hand as if it was nothing, but her heart became fluttery. No need to make her feel bad for something that was an accident.
‘You sure?’ Cara asked. ‘I’ll have to make it up to you somehow.’
‘Seriously, it’s fine. Just pop it on the kitchen bench for now. Forget it even happened.’ She forced a smile.
Cara put the pieces on the bench. ‘It’s a clean break, I couldn’t see any shards in your room. Do you want me to get the vacuum cleaner out just in case?’
‘Nah, it’ll be right. My mum will probably attack the house with the vacuum cleaner soon anyway. But thanks.’
‘Well, I better get this little monster off to PlayLand before he causes any more destruction!’ She gathered Toby in her arms. ‘C’mon, let’s go.’ Cara leaned towards Miranda and pecked her cheek. ‘Do you want me to FaceTime you during the club meeting so you can take part?’
‘No, don’t worry. I think I’ll just focus on resting and come back good as new at the next one. Liz said she can do a phone session with me if needed.’
‘Oki doki. How about I pop in next Wednesday? I can fill you in on what went on at the meeting instead.’
‘It’s a date.’ Miranda gave a nod.
‘Hang on, I thought you were giving dates a miss for now?’
‘I’ll make an exception this time, just for you.’ She smiled.
Miranda slurped her soup and eyed the broken statue on the bench. She waited for the tears to come. They didn’t. She thought she’d be a mess, with her father’s gift breaking like that. Maybe it hadn’t sunk in. Or maybe she’d used up all her tears at the hospital.
The slam of a car door sounded from outside.
‘Phew! Summer’s come early, I think.’ Sue Sheppard barged through the front door armed with bulging shopping bags, sweat beading on her forehead.
‘I’d offer to help, but...’ Miranda pointed to her side, flashing a cheeky smile.
‘You’re loving this, aren’t you? I’ve become your own personal maid!’ Sue said. ‘Hmm ... brings back memories.’ She winked, and wandered outside to retrieve the remaining bags.
‘Thanks, Mum, I really appreciate you helping me out,’ Miranda said as Sue re-entered, closing the door behind her.
‘That’s what mums are for.’ Sue swooped in and retrieved the empty soup bowl from under Miranda’s nose, replacing it with a small chocolate bar.
‘Oh, thanks Mum. I’m trying to be healthy, but ... I guess one little bar won’t hurt.’ She ripped open the wrapper and devoured it instantly. Didn’t chocolate have pain-relieving chemicals of some kind? Maybe she could have a little extra during her time off, it might help her recovery. She liked to think so anyway.
‘How many books have you gone through so far?’ Sue asked.
‘I’m onto my fifth. Secrets of Destiny.’
‘And have you found the secrets, of your destiny?’ Sue sat at the table and downed a glass of water, a slight sheen glossing her forehead.
‘Well, I’m learning. They say to secure a successful future you have to watch for signs in your life and follow them. They call them ‘Destiny’s Signposts’.’ Miranda made quote signs in the air with curled fingers.
‘Hmm...’ Sue Sheppard always glazed over when Miranda spoke about a new craze, or a new fad she was getting into.
‘So, for example, if you’ve been thinking of a friend, then you bump into them or they call you, it must be significant.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Like, they might tell you something that’s important in your life right now, or introduce you to someone who’ll be important in your life. So, it’s about being aware and taking notice when these things happen, and being open to the opportunities that result.’ Despite her injuries and limited range of motion, her hands still joined in the conversation, waving about in front of her, albeit in a more restrained fashion.
‘Well, darling, I’m glad you’re feeling positive about things.’
‘It’s not just about feeling positive, it’s about understanding how the universe works, and becoming aligned with the power around us.’ Miranda realised she was talking too much upon seeing her mother’s wide-eyed face; as though she’d just revealed she was going to become a Buddhist monk. ‘Sorry Mum, I shouldn’t ramble on, it’s the kind of thing you need to read yourself to understand.’
Sue interlocked her fingers on the edge of the table and took a breath. ‘My philosophy has always been to just focus on now. Prepare for tomorrow, and the next day, yes, but put your focus on the present . Otherwise, where is your life? If you’re not living it now, when will you be?’
‘That’s true.’ Miranda nodded.
‘No matter what happens, you have to keep bringing yourself back to the present moment. Too much worrying about the future or wondering about the past only causes distress. The best way to get on with life is to, well, get on with it!’ On that note, Sue got up and started packing away the groceries. ‘Oh no, what happened?’ She pointed to the glass fragments.
Miranda wandered over. ‘My friend’s son accidentally broke it.’
Sue eyed her daughter with concern, as if waiting for the tears she too thought would come. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I think so. I mean, I’m sad about it, but...’ She shrugged then winced.
‘Got any super glue?’
‘For my ribs?’ Miranda joked, then pointed behind her mother. ‘Second drawer.’
‘Here, let’s see if we can put it back together.’
‘Don’t worry, Mum. It won’t be the same.’
‘Don’t be silly. We can fix it.’ She laid out a sheet of newspaper and arranged the pieces like a jigsaw puzzle. ‘Here, you hold this.’ Miranda held one piece in place while her mum held the other until the glue set, and repeated it for the remaining pieces. Just like they’d held each other together throughout their lives ... the grief, like the glue, uniting them. They weren’t a perfectly formed family with Miranda’s father gone and the ache of his absence staining the air around them, but they stood strong nonetheless. ‘There.’ Sue sat the mended butterfly against the wall where its wings caught the light through the window and sparkled. ‘ It’s a bit like life, really,’ she said. ‘Sometimes things break, but you put them back together again as best you can. It doesn’t have to be perfect.’
Miranda tilted her head and smiled at the butterfly, seeing it from a new perspective, glad her mother had insisted on repairing it. Maybe she gave up too easily sometimes. If something wasn’t going to be just right, she often didn’t bother. Her butterfly wasn’t the same as before, but it was still standing, and its wings still sparkled. Were her standards too high, in life and in love? She glanced at her mother whose gaze also rested on the statue, though her mind seemed elsewhere. ‘How do you do it Mum?’ Miranda asked.
‘Do what?’
‘Cope on your own. I mean, do you think you’ll ever find another man?’
Sue took a sack of apples from the shopping bag. ‘I’ve become so used to being by myself, it’s hard to imagine opening up my world to another person. Sometimes I wonder about it, I mean, it would be nice, but...’ She opened the sack of apples and placed them one by one in the fruit bowl. ‘...it’s harder at my age, I just don’t know if it’s worth it. I have my part-time job, my friends, book club, not to mention Mum and Dad to look after. I’m settled, and...’ She leaned on the kitchen bench, redness swelling up in her eyes. ‘Your father was the love of my life, Miranda. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was, how lucky we were, to have such a wonderful man in our lives. And then he was gone, just like that.’ She clicked her fingers and turned away, wiping her eyes with her hand.
Miranda moved closer to her mother, placing a hand on her back.
Sue turned to face her. ‘I guess I never believed I’d find anyone that measured up to him. Every time I met a man after your dad died, I’d keep saying, ‘He’s not Brian, he’s not Brian.’ I couldn’t let go, don’t think I wanted to let go. It was easier somehow to just get on with things.’ Sue gave a teary smile. ‘Plus, I had a beautiful daughter depending on me. I had to be strong.’ She patted Miranda’s face, and resumed packing away the groceries.
Another realisation dawned inside Miranda. She too, measured every man she met against her father, and no one was ever good enough. She wanted a man her dad would’ve approved of, someone who’d be a great husband and father like he’d been.
‘Darling, you’ll find your love. When the time is right, someone will enter your life, I’m sure of it,’ Sue said, as though reading her daughter’s mind. ‘Oh, I have a little something for you.’ She scurried over to her handbag and removed an envelope, handing it to Miranda.
‘What’s this?’
‘I was going to give it to you for your thirtieth birthday, but considering you have some time off work, I thought you could make use of it sooner rather than later.’
Miranda opened the envelope. It was a gift voucher for a one-week indulgence package at Serenity Retreat in Byron Bay. Accommodation, meals, and activities included. ‘Oh, wow! Mum, thank you.’ Miranda’s eyes took in the pictures on the enclosed brochure; a room overlooking the beach, tiny fish swimming in rock pools, people doing yoga on a hilltop, and a woman relaxing on a deck watching the sunset.
‘It’s valid for six months, but I took the liberty of checking if they had any availability in December, and they do! I got them to hold a room for you, beginning the day after your birthday, but you’ll need to confirm by the end of the weekend.’
‘I’ll confirm now!’ Miranda eased onto the bar stool at the kitchen bench and picked up the phone. ‘The timing is perfect. By then I should be pretty much back to normal, and I go back to work the week after.’ Minutes later her retreat was booked. ‘Thanks Mum, it’s the best birthday present I’ve ever received ... along with the...’
‘Butterfly statue your father gave you,’ Sue said, and Miranda nodded. Sue put away the remaining groceries and lifted her handbag off the bench. ‘I’ve left dinner in the fridge for you, and I’ll be back on Sunday to do some cleaning. Now you rest up, okay?’ She kissed her daughter’s forehead.
‘Mum, can you take these books to the second-hand bookstore?’ Miranda pointed to her collection on the coffee table.
‘Why? Don’t you want to keep them?’
‘Mum, your words of wisdom are more profound than any of these books.’ Miranda stood, and welcomed her mother gently into her arms. They embraced for a long time, still and silent. Strong and together as they’d always been. And Miranda knew that everything would be okay.