Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
Sarah could remember chatting to Louisa about young love never running smooth. And oh how she now knew. When she and Jessie started dating, they’d been full of plans for the future. Now a year later, and after five months at college, she’d found out she was pregnant.
She didn’t know what to think about the news. With Jessie at work, there was only her mum at home and she wasn’t going to confide in her. She knew she wouldn’t be fussed as she didn’t care what happened to anyone but herself.
Yet her mum could read her better than she thought.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ she said as Sarah flopped onto the settee.
‘Nothing.’
‘Anyone would think you’d had some bad news.’
Sarah stayed quiet, hoping she could watch the TV in peace. But her mum went on.
‘There’s nothing worse than being pregnant at your age like I was, so there is that you have to be grateful for, whatever is the matter with you.’
‘Would it be so bad if I was?’ she queried.
‘What?’
‘Pregnant.’
‘Oh for crying out loud, please tell me you’re not.’
Sarah’s cheeks reddened as she stared at the TV.
‘Have you taken a test?’
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
‘It’s positive.’
‘You stupid, stupid girl. I thought you were on the pill.’
‘I am.’
‘So you must have forgotten to take it? Typical.’
‘Why is it always my fault?’ Sarah cried.
‘You’re the one who opened your legs willingly.’ Her mum paused. ‘He didn’t force himself on you? Because that would be a very different matter.’
‘No, Mum. He didn’t.’
‘Thanks for small mercies. Mind, you’ll have to move out once you’ve had it. I’m too old for all that nappy changing malarkey. And I’m not looking after it while you’re at college. You’ll have to quit.’
‘But I need to get an education so I can get a better job now,’ she protested.
‘You should have thought of that beforehand. I’m not made of money either. Babies are expensive, you know.’
‘Jessie will take care of that. He’s working now and—’
‘—already has one child to pay out for. There could be more, knowing him.’
‘Mum!’ Sarah cried. ‘He’s not that bad.’
‘Not while he’s clean. But the minute he gets drugged up again, he’ll dump you as quick as he can say have an abortion.’
‘I am not getting rid of it.’ Sarah choked back tears. ‘You can’t make me.’
‘Like I said, don’t expect me to babysit for you. I’ve provided you with a roof over your head for long enough now. You’re on your own if you go through with it.’
Sarah ran out of the room and upstairs, throwing herself onto the bed. As she cried, she pummelled the mattress. Why was everything going wrong for her?
She called Louisa but the phone rang out, unanswered as usual. She threw it down, frustration boiling up alongside hurt. It was as if her sister had forgotten she existed. No wonder she wanted something of her own to love, to nurture, to cherish. Someone who would love her back unconditionally.
It wasn’t ideal that she’d got pregnant, but she couldn’t get rid of it. She’d made her bed and she would lie in it. Where, she didn’t know. But it wouldn’t be here. This house had never been a home, nor would it ever be.
She thought back to the night before Louisa had left.
Mum had come in drunk, there had been another row as usual and she had slinked off to bed.
The two sisters had sat up until the early hours, talking about life and plans and their futures.
Sarah hadn’t realised then that she wouldn’t see Louisa for so long.
She missed her sister so much. Couldn’t stand the new fella her mum had shacked up with this time.
But Sarah was seventeen now, an adult in her own right. An adult soon to be a mother. She needed to have a word with Jessie to see what she should do next.
Jessie wasn’t keen at all. ‘We’re so young,’ he argued. ‘We should have some fun first before we settle down. Go on a few holidays, get some money saved.’
‘So it’s okay for you to have Shannon’s baby and not mine?’ She’d stormed off in a huff, but he’d followed her.
‘Of course not! But—’
She slapped his hand away as he came towards her. She hadn’t expected him to be unhappy. Of course they were young, but Shannon had barely been fifteen when she’d had his son.
‘Don’t you want to have a baby with me?’ she asked.
‘Of course I do.’ Jessie nodded. ‘Just not yet.’
‘You don’t love me!’
‘I do!’
‘No you don’t. You’ll leave me, just like my sister did. Well, at least I know where I stand because I’m having our baby,’ she said defiantly. ‘It’s your choice to stay with me or not.’
‘I’m not going to leave you.’ Jessie reached for her again. ‘It isn’t ideal timing, but we’ll make it work.’
‘Really?’ Her smile was shy.
‘Really. It’ll be fine.’
‘Then you need to get used to the idea that you’re going to be a dad again.’
‘It will do wonders for my street cred,’ he joked.
She slapped him playfully and he drew her into his arms. It was where she belonged, where she felt safe.
Jessie was her world. Their baby would be the best thing to happen to them. They would become a family, the one thing she wished for more than anything.