Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
When Sarah got in from work that evening, Paulette was sitting with Poppy on her knee.
‘Where’s Jessie?’ Sarah asked her.
‘He went out an hour ago. Said he was meeting Hudson.’
Sarah’s features darkened. ‘He promised to stay in with me tonight. He also said he’d look after Poppy.’
‘One out of two isn’t bad,’ Paulette humoured.
‘Don’t tell me he’s been here all day, because I know that’s probably not true.’
Paulette blushed, giving it away. ‘He looked after her this morning and then I said as I was in, he might as well go out.’
Sarah sighed as she took Poppy from her. ‘I want him to be more involved with Poppy. He’s not like he is with Ethan.’
‘Boys will be boys.’
‘That’s not how it works.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to joke. But you know Jessie, he’s one of the lads.’
Sarah wondered whether to discuss her concerns with Paulette. It was difficult because he was Jessie’s mother. But she was also Poppy’s grandmother and if she was fearful for her child, perhaps she’d be better speaking out about it. She decided to bite the bullet.
‘Paulette, do you think Jessie has changed recently?’
Paulette looked up with a quizzical look. ‘In what way?’
Sarah dropped Poppy into a highchair. ‘He seems to be angry all the time.’
‘Has he done something to you?’ Paulette gasped. ‘He hasn’t hit you?’
‘No, and he’d better not. I’d wallop him back if he did and we’d be gone the next day.’
Paulette nodded her approval. ‘That’s good to know, though. His father used to clout me all the time. I was hoping it wouldn’t be passed down to Jessie as he grew up around it.’
Sarah gave out a huge sigh. ‘I just wish he’d take more responsibility with Poppy.’
‘I’m sure the men in this family don’t want to do that about anything, and that has nothing to do with me.’ She stood up. ‘I’ll make us a cuppa.’
Sarah ran a hand over her daughter’s forehead, pushing away her hair as she prepared to feed her. Jessie’s huge brown eyes stared back at her, the shape of his nose. Poppy had Jessie’s colouring too. She was the spit of her father, a constant reminder of him.
Why didn’t Jessie want to spend time with them? Why did he always want to be with that stupid Hudson more?
Her phone beeped as a message came in. She read it and sighed. It was from Jessie.
I have a shift at the pub tonight, so I won’t be home until late. Jx
Sarah huffed. She was all alone again. Okay, Paulette would be in, but that wasn’t the same as spending time with your partner.
She couldn’t help but think that Jessie was tiring of her.
They seemed to be getting on but she felt like they were an old married couple before their time, and they weren’t even married.
She was eighteen years old with a nine-month-old daughter and a part-time man.
What was all that about? Why couldn’t she have some good luck in her life?
And every time he stayed out late, thoughts ran through her mind about other girls.
On the odd occasions they did go out on a date, she’d watched them willingly throw themselves at him when he’d gone to the bar to fetch a drink.
He was such a flirt too, always laughing and egging them on.
Then when she got upset about it, he’d call her a nag.
So was he really working tonight or was he with someone else? She squeezed her eyes tightly shut to rid herself of the images she was conjuring up. Still, she didn’t bother to reply to his message.
When he staggered into their bedroom at half past one, Sarah smelt the booze from across the room.
‘You’re late,’ she snapped.
‘There was a lock up when my shift finished.’ Jessie burped loudly.
‘Be quiet!’ she whispered. ‘You’ll wake Poppy up.’
‘Sorry.’ Jessie flopped face down on the bed. ‘I’m wasted.’
‘When are you ever not?’
‘Don’t start. I haven’t got the energy to argue,’ he muttered and turned his face away from her.
She switched off the lamp and lay back fuming. Why couldn’t she have found herself a decent boyfriend? One who would treasure her and Poppy? Or why…
She stopped herself mid-thought. This wasn’t Poppy’s fault.
She’d brought her into this world. But Sarah wished she’d waited now, had Poppy in a few years’ time.
When it would have been easier to cope. When she would have seen more than this crappy estate.
When she would have felt ready to be a mother.
A few minutes later, she wanted to cover Jessie’s face with a pillow as he snored beside her while she struggled to get back to sleep. He hadn’t even bothered to remove his clothes. What a loser.
Poppy snuffled in her sleep, and she listened to see if she was going to wake. Thankfully, she never stirred.
Rearing a child would be hard, her mother had said. That was okay really. It was having to do everything by herself when she was part of a couple that riled her. She needed to have a good talk to Jessie.
But then she realised how much Paulette did for her and for Poppy and knew she was trapped. Perhaps things would get better when Poppy was older. She prayed they would.