Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
TRACE
I felt it the moment that she realized what she was doing and pulled back the shields she had around her heart. Every muscle in her body tensed, and even though I wanted to beg her not to, she pulled her hand free of mine and left before I could even draw enough breath to ask her to stay.
The second she pulled away, I knew whatever thoughts were running through her head would be the ones that forced us apart. There would be no recovering from this.
Fuck Chelsea!
Why couldn’t she just let me be happy? Hadn’t she tortured me enough for all these years?
I stared after Chelsea, making sure that she was leaving. I’d learned long ago never to trust her to do the decent thing. As soon as she rounded the corner, muttering and cursing as she went, I turned to try to find Delaney again. But she was gone. Of course, she was. I wouldn’t want to stick around and watch the car crash that was my life either.
Except she had.
When I’d reached for her, she’d stayed at my side. Delaney had held onto my hand like a lifeline, and it was the only thing that had kept me grounded. She always had been able to do that.
For a moment, I hesitated. Sucking Delaney into my mess probably wasn’t fair to her, but if I didn’t act now, I could never get another chance. I’d made mistakes. I might even be a shit human being, but deep down, if I really wanted to be honest with myself, Chelsea was right.
It had always been Delaney.
My marriage was a disaster before it even had a chance to start because I’d never loved Chelsea. How could I when all I could think about was the girl I let slip through my fingers?
If I wanted a chance to have the future I’d dreamed about since I was a kid, then I needed to suck it up, admit to my mistakes, and beg the only woman I’d ever loved for a second chance.
Dammit, I wouldn’t lose her a second time.
With a sense of newfound determination, I sprinted across the road, heading for the bakery. First, I’d grab us both lunch, and then I was going to find the girl of my dreams, drop to my knees, and hope she was a good enough person to see past all my mistakes.
I parked behind a rental car outside the old James farmhouse, hoping that it belonged to Delaney. Grabbing the bag of food from my passenger seat, I exited the car, looking around to try to see where Delaney had disappeared to. She was nowhere in sight, so I started the familiar walk to the south pasture, hoping she was there. It had been years since I’d been out this way, but I hadn’t forgotten a single step.
When the south pasture came into sight, I spotted her on the other side of the gate, drawing me in like a moth to a flame. The iron gate’s hinges squeaked suspiciously as I climbed over, and I dropped down into the mud on the other side, no doubt ruining the leather of my Italian loafers.
Delaney didn’t turn around. She stood a few meters further into the pasture, staring out across the land.
There was a reason why I’d chosen this place. The James’s land sat slightly higher than most of the surrounding parcels, the pasture had a gentle slope down toward the town, and the views were honestly spectacular. They cut across the fields, revealing all of Willowbrook sprawled out below.
I never understood why the farmhouse had been built where it was. This is where I would have put my house, with a full wrap-around porch and a porch swing where Delaney and I would drink coffee every morning.
“I always forget how beautiful it is out here,” Delaney murmured as I approached her. “Everything always seems too peaceful.”
“I’m sorry about what happened with Chelsea. She had no right to do that to you.” My fingers itched to reach for her, but I held back. I hadn’t earned that yet, but I would.
“This time, or ten years ago?” she asked.
Ten years ago had been a misunderstanding. I was a kid. I wasn’t thinking straight. Surely she could see that now. If I was honest, I was a little pissed as well. She was the one who left. Delaney could have stayed and fought for me. She could have tried to talk to me, believed the best of me. Instead, she chose to leave. To cut me out. Hell, I’d wanted to marry her. Delaney was the love of my life. She still was.
She didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t let it drop. Even if it was just to make sure that she knew the truth. The terrible, awful truth that I’d never wanted to tell a single soul before. She had to understand, and the only way that could happen was if she knew the truth.
“Chelsea and I got married four years ago. I promise you, there was never anything between us when we were together. Whatever else I’ve done in the past, I can promise you that I was always faithful to you. The marriage was a mistake. I think we both knew it at the time, but we’d dated on and off for a couple of years, and it was expected of us. I knew better, but I guess I just did what I thought I was supposed to do. It didn’t even occur to me if we’d be happy.” I wanted to stop. I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat just at the thought of saying the rest. But I wanted to cut myself free from this awful fucking life I’d hidden from the rest of town.
“She always had a possessive streak. She hated seeing me with anyone else, near another woman. We argued all the time, and then she gradually got more and more aggressive. It started slowly at first. A thrown vase, a slammed door when I just happened to be standing there. I never raised a hand to her, Delaney. I swear I didn’t. But after a while, I couldn’t take it anymore. She spent half her nights in some other man’s bed, and then when she was at home, she was always so fucking angry. Lashing out. She busted two of my ribs once when she thought she smelled perfume on me. Booker was the one who talked some sense into me. I was so fucking ashamed. What kind of man lets his wife beat him up? Anyway, I filed the paperwork, and the divorce came through last year. Not that she seems to want to accept it. She even just shows up inside my house, and I have no idea how she gets the key.”
Delaney was staring at me with the fiercest expression on her face. There was none of the pity or awkwardness that I’d always expected would come if I ever had the balls to admit this stuff to someone.
“She fucking laid a hand on you!” Delaney suddenly shouted, and I couldn’t help but grin. This was the Delaney I remembered. The one I’d fallen for so hard and so fast there had never been any looking back.
“It’s okay?—”
“It most definitely is not okay,” she interrupted. “There was always something off about her, but I never thought she’d?—”
“Hey. Look, I know it’s not okay what she did. I’m just saying that it’s okay. I’m out of that situation now, and there’s no way I’m ever going back. Hell, I don’t even know why I stayed as long as I did. The last time she broke into my house, I called Ethan and had her arrested. It’s not been the easiest thing to go through with the courts, but Booker has been trying to get me to take out a restraining order against her since this whole thing started and, well, I’m doing it this time. I guess I just didn’t want it all to get out, you know. I’m…I’m embarrassed.”
I couldn’t look at her then. Not when she realized what a complete and utter failure I was as a man. I’d gone to so many lengths to keep this stuff private, and pretty soon it would be all over town.
It was easy to tell Delaney. She was different. There had never been anything I couldn’t tell her. She’d never judge me. Never hate me. This was Delaney James. My childhood sweetheart and the keeper of all my secrets.
When I finally had the courage to look back at her, a single tear broke free from her lashes and rolled down her cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Trace,” she whispered.
I shook my head. I didn’t want her sympathy. I didn’t need it. It was a shitty break, and I wasn’t the only person in the world that it had happened to. I wouldn’t be the last. At least I had Booker to help me do whatever needed to be done, and I’d forever be grateful to my bother for that.
“I’m sorry too, Delaney.”
Her tears started flowing faster then, and I hated that I was the cause of them. I was just about to tell her not to waste her tears on me when she flew toward me, wrapping her arms around me with the same fierceness she always had. My arms closed around her, and I tangled my fingers in her beautiful hair as I clung to her. Holding her as close as possible. I felt the dampness of my cheeks as my own tears joined hers, both of us purging the pain of a world that didn’t understand us when we needed it the most.
It hurt. It tore at my heart with a viciousness I wasn’t prepared for, because the pain she was feeling was partly because of me. Even so, it was the best I’d felt in years, because it came so close to finally feeling like I was free.
We didn’t break apart until the first drops of rain hit us and the soft crack of thunder sounded in the distance.
“Shit, there’s a storm rolling in.”
I peered up at the clouds, hopeful it wasn’t as bad as it seemed, and it was like they were waiting for me to acknowledge them because at that moment the rain started to pour.
Delaney screamed, and then laughed. Her arms were held out to the side as she looked down at her clothes that were already saturated and clinging to her body.
I could already feel the shirt sticking to my skin, but at least I didn’t have to worry about the mud ruining the leather on my shoes anymore. The rain was doing that for me.
The tension between us broke as quickly as the weather had, and she grabbed my hand, yanking on it as she turned and started to run.
“Come on,” Delaney shouted over her shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”
The bag of food was left abandoned on the grass where it had fallen, not that it was probably edible anymore, and we both ran, laughing like idiots already soaked through from the rain.
When we reached the gate for the paddock, I was just about to boost Delaney over when she easily opened the damn thing, looking at me cheekily and then laughing some more as she darted away.
I gave chase, letting the gate slam closed behind me. I should have remembered that no one around here kept the damn things locked anyway.
She looked so carefree as she ran through the rain, her head tipping back as she grinned at the drops that landed on her face. Her auburn hair was too wet for it to flow behind like it did in the memories I held of the last summer we’d shared. In some ways, Delaney seemed more carefree than her younger self. Almost like she’d taken a look at the world and decided not to let it weigh her down. And as I chased after her, it touched me too. The freedom I’d been denied for so long. The weight of everything that was usually shackled around me fell free, and I let myself just be for once.
When we reached the house, Delaney jogged up the porch steps and spun around to face me. My feet stalled at the bottom of the steps, and I stood in the pouring rain, looking up at her. Every memory of the younger Delaney I contained flowed through my mind, along with every daydream of what our life would have been like together.
She looked so beautiful, even when she was completely soaked.
I wanted to go to her. I wanted to sweep her up into my arms and taste her lips once more.
But I’d lost the right to do that a long time ago, even if I might not have fully stuck to that recently.
“What are you doing?” Delaney laughed as she stared down the steps at me.
“I should…go…”
Fuck, what was I doing?
I looked back at my car, knowing that I should just get in it and drive away, but when I turned back to her, she looked so perfect, like everything I dreamed about.
I knew my future lay with Delaney James. I just didn’t know if I deserved it.
My foot moved to the bottom step. I was a moth, and she was the moon. I couldn’t resist her light. As soon as the smile touched her lips, I continued on.
This was it. This was the moment that would change everything. I could feel it in my bones. As the smile slowly dropped from her face, I knew she felt it, too. She felt the way the world held its breath to see if we’d take the plunge.
I paused at the top of the steps, and when she took a step closer to me, I smiled. Her chest heaved with every breath as her eyes darted from side to side as she studied my face. I could see the questions in her eyes, the doubts and the hopes.
We’d been so young when we were together, and yet I’d had everything I’d ever wanted in the woman who stood before me now. How did we get to this point where everything was so broken? Where I was so broken. She was the only person in this whole world who saw me for who I was. I should have made sure that she knew that with every piece of her heart.
Part of me wanted to wait for her to make a move. To be the kind of man that would stand here dripping wet and freezing cold for as long as it would take.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t resist, I couldn’t hold back. I had everything I wanted in front of me, and I was taking my second chance.
“Fuck it,” I mumbled, closing that single step between us as I did.
My hands came to her cheeks as I cradled her face, and my lips landed on hers without a second’s hesitation.
Delaney gasped, and for a moment, I thought I’d made a mistake, but then she clenched my shirt in her fists and kissed me back.
One of my hands slipped back into her hair as we poured every emotion we clung to into that kiss. The pain, the heartbreak, the hope and joy.
It was the single most perfect moment in my life, so it made sense that it would be with the single most perfect person I’d ever had the fortune to know.