Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
DELANEY
M y coffee had long since gone cold as I stared at the empty fireplace, trying to decide what I wanted my life to look like.
Could I go back to making a life with Trace?
How easy would it be to forgive the past and move on to build some kind of future?
Was I blowing this whole thing out of proportion after one amazing night? It wasn’t really the foundation for a long and lasting relationship.
Or was it?
I didn’t need to have my heart broken again. I doubted I’d be able to survive it. But that kiss in the pasture? It felt like the start of something. I still held that same blissful addiction from when we were teenagers. It reminded me of how good it had felt to be loved by Trace Farrington.
But now, sitting here alone with nothing but my doubts and insecurities to torture myself, all I could think about was how it felt to have my heart broken by Trace Farrington and if the possibility of getting back to the way we were was worth the risk of it all ending exactly the same way again.
It wasn’t just my heart on the line this time, and I kept coming back to the thought that the risk of him hurting my son was far too great for me to even consider right now. If I was going to change my mind, then we needed to have the hard conversation, and Trace needed to give me a hell of a lot of reassurances. Leaving it hanging over us for the next couple of weeks wasn’t going to cut it. I could see why he wanted time to prove to me who he was now, but life wasn’t that simple. People weren’t that simple.
The sound of car tires had me leaping from the couch and grabbing my phone to check the time.
Shit.
I’d been sitting here for over an hour trying to figure out what I wanted to do next.
I watched an SUV pull up outside that I didn’t recognize and sprinted straight for the door. There were only two people I was expecting today, and I was really hoping it was them.
As I rounded the corner, the front door flew open, and a ball of energy in the shape of a ten-year-old boy flew across the hallway and slammed into me.
“I missed you so much,” I rushed out as I hugged Cade fiercely.
“I missed you too, Mom.”
Cade slowly wiggled out of my iron-like grip on him, giggling and complaining about it the entire time, and my place in the world felt solid again for the first time since I’d left our apartment.
I looked up to see Blake smiling in the doorway.
“You’re early.”
“Yeah, we decided to set off super early. Like before the birds even woke up.”
Knowing how Blake was with early mornings, I had reason to doubt if that was true. But then again, it was only 10:30 in the morning, and it was a five-hour drive from the city.
Yikes. I might owe Blake more than a few glasses of wine for this.
Cade rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t that early, Aunty Blake!”
Blake stared at me with a look of utter horror. “I thought you were joking when you said he gets up at 5 a.m.!”
The laughter just bubbled out of me at that point. It was partly from the look on her face and also the realization that not only was there no food in the house, but Trace and I had also finished off the coffee.
This was not going to go down well.
“How about you go and have a nap for a bit, and Cade and I will head into town and hit the grocery store?”
Blake squinted in suspicion, and even the most innocent smile that I tried to form wasn’t dissuading her.
“Why the grocery store? There had better be snacks, Lanes!”
I pinched my lips together, looking guilty as hell as she stormed toward the kitchen and started pulling open cupboards with a sound of absolute horror.
“How do you live like this?” she screeched melodramatically.
But then, as she turned to further try to drive her point home, her eye caught on Trace’s untouched coffee mug on the counter and mine sitting next to the couch.
The look of playful horror on her face dissolved into one of glee as she pointed at the mugs, a full grin stretching across her lips.
Of course, this wasn’t a conversation I really wanted to have with her in front of Cade. So, I grabbed my purse and started to bundle a very confused-looking Cade toward the front door.
“Yep, we’ll go and get some groceries. Lots of snacks. All the snacks. You just go have a nap, and when you wake up, there’ll be coffee and pastries and all the sugary goodness your little artist heart could require.”
And then I slammed the front door shut behind us before she could respond.
Of course, I still heard her screech, “There isn’t even any coffee!”
Yikes, I was going to owe Blake more than a few drinks at this point. Damn, I probably owed her an explanation, even though I had no idea how to explain myself or even what I wanted.
Last night had been wonderful and terrible all at the same time.
It was exactly what I’d needed and what I never should have done.
Basically, it was a mistake.
Trace and I were a mistake. There was no other way about it.
So why couldn’t I stop thinking about it?
“Why are you acting so weird?” Cade asked at the same time that I realized I was frozen on the porch steps.
I dug through my purse, pretending that I was looking for the car keys, as a hysterical giggle bubbled out of me.
I really was acting weird. It was pretty much my default setting at the minute. Maybe it was this place. I was confused. Yeah, let’s go with that. All the old feelings and memories were just confusing me because of the really, really good sex all night long with the father of my child who had abandoned us before he was even born.
That was what I should be concentrating on right now. Even if I knew it was time to extend a hand and see if Trace was interested in developing a relationship with his son. Just because he’d be in Cade’s life didn’t mean he had to be in my bed. This was his last chance. It was the only time I’d step out onto this ledge and make this offer to him. Not because Trace deserved a chance to get to know his son. But because my beautiful, wonderful son deserved a chance to have a father figure in his life.
“Tell me about your game,” I said instead of diving into all the chaos in my head that my son had no business knowing.
I didn’t want to traumatize the poor kid.
Cade launched into the finer intricacies of baseball as we drove into town, but as soon as the buildings came into sight, his love of the game was soon forgotten as he stared out the car window.
“Did you really grow up here?” he asked as I pulled into a space outside the small grocery store in town.
“Yeah, I did.”
Turning off the engine, I swiveled in my seat to look at my favorite person in the world. I could already tell that there was something on his mind.
“It must have been nice.”
“It was nice most of the time,” I admitted. I would never lie to Cade, and the truth of it was that I had enjoyed growing up in this town. “Living in a small town is so different from life in the city. There’s always someone around to witness any mischief you get into.”
I struck without warning, tickling Cade’s ribs, and his belly laugh warmed my soul.
“There’s no way you got into trouble.”
“You’d be surprised, kid.”
We climbed out of the car, and after I’d grabbed some shopping bags from the back, Cade took hold of my hand without a second hesitation, and we walked into the store. There’d come a day when he wouldn’t want to hold hands with his old mom, and I was going to enjoy every second of this while I could.
Cade was looking around wide-eyed, and I tried to take a moment to see the whole place from his perspective. The usual noise of the city wasn’t here. Everyone just seemed to move at a slower pace. No one was rushing to get anywhere. Almost like they knew they had all the time in the world.
There were the usual stores that you’d find in a small town. Really, Willowbrook had everything you could need. If we lived here, we’d probably have to head out to a bigger grocery store once a month, but outside of that, there wasn’t much that the town couldn’t provide for us.
The block-paved streets were clean, and there wasn’t that lingering taste in the back of your throat from the fumes of passing cars.
“I think I’d like to live here,” Cade said quietly as we headed to the door of the grocery store.
My heart squeezed, and I started to look back at every decision I’d ever made, wondering if it had been the right one. Was Willowbrook where my son should be? Would this town be enough if Trace turned his back on us again?
We’d bought way too much. My guilt over Blake’s early morning and also a need to try to distract her from Trace being at the house last night had overridden my senses. Now, I’d ended up with at least two bags of junk food, but at least the other two had something resembling real food inside. The problem was I hadn’t exactly parked right outside the door, and now I had to figure out how I was carrying all this to the car.
“I can take that one,” Cade said, reaching for the heaviest bag. My little hero.
I shuffled through the bags, judging which was the lightest, and passed it across to him.
“Do you think you can manage that to the car?”
The sudden flush of red across his cheeks as he grabbed both handles seemed to imply no, but he nodded determinedly and staggered toward the door.
We could do this. It was less than a minute. What could? —
The door to the grocery store swung open at the same time as Cade turned to see where I was. As he stepped forward, whoever was outside went to walk inside, and they both collided. Cade yelped, and the bag dropped, exploding in a scattering of chocolate offerings littering the ground around them both.
“I’m so sorry,” Cade rushed out, dropping to his knees to pick up the fallen items. “I wasn’t looking, and I didn’t…”
“It’s not your fault, kid. I wasn’t looking either.”
I froze. I knew that voice.
I hadn’t considered this being a possibility so soon. I wasn’t prepared.
Booker looked up, locking eyes with me. They widened in surprise and then he smiled, helping Cade to his feet while holding the bag of junk food.
“Delaney. I’d heard you were back in town. I was so sorry to hear about your dad.”
He hadn’t looked at Cade properly yet. He hadn’t realized whose shoulder his hand was currently sitting on, but there’d be no doubt once he looked at Cade’s face. He was the splitting image of Trace when he’d been the same age.
“Booker! Erm, thanks. I…yeah.”
Oh fuck, I didn’t know what to do. There was no avoiding this car crash. I was powerless but to let it play out.
My hand reached out for Cade, and I gently pulled him closer to me. I didn’t know why I’d done it. Out of all the Farringtons, Booker would never hurt him.
Booker frowned. He was obviously confused about why I was acting so strangely. “How long are you staying in town?” he asked, obviously grasping at something to say.
“You know my mom?” Cade piped up, making Booker finally look down at the boy beside me.
It all happened in slow motion. I watched as Booker opened his mouth to respond as his gaze fell to Cade’s face, and then no words came out. His mouth snapped shut and then he opened it again, taking a breath as if he was going to say something but then lost the ability to form the words.
Instead, Booker looked up at me in question and all I could do was shake my head in denial.
Why was this so awkward? I hadn’t done anything wrong. I might have let the Farrington family run me out of town, but I wasn’t the one who had something to be ashamed of.
So, I sucked in a breath to fortify myself and felt my spine straightening as I lifted my head high. I wasn’t going to cower before this man.
“Booker, this is my son, Cade.”
Booker’s gaze dropped back to Cade, and his eyes grew misty as he dropped to his knees in front of him.
Cade glanced up at me in confusion, but I could already see the thoughts forming in his head. This could not possibly go any worse than it was about to.
A look of determination crossed Cade’s face as he faced his uncle. “Are you my dad?” he blurted out.
Booker’s eyes widened in shock to the point where I thought he was in danger of losing one. “No, buddy. I’m afraid I’m not. I’m just…a friend of your mom’s.”
Cade didn’t look convinced. He was staring so intently at Booker that I knew he was looking for the similarities between them. The guilt of not having this conversation with him earlier was almost overwhelming. I tried to tell myself that I was waiting for a time when Cade would understand, and I guess I’d just piled more and more excuses onto it until I’d avoided the whole thing in the end.
“Why don’t we head to the bakery and grab a drink?” Booker suddenly said, and I almost stumbled back in shock.
Why the hell would he want to prolong this awkward situation any further?
I was about to make an excuse about needing to get back, but then I saw the look in his eyes. The sheer desperation. I didn’t understand it, but I also didn’t want to say no.
“How do you feel about a hot chocolate?” I asked Cade and watched Booker wilt in relief.
“Can I have marshmallows?” he asked cheekily.
“And probably a cookie as well.”
Cade fist-pumped the air, completely forgetting the strange situation unfolding before him, and went to dart for the door, the fallen bag of snacks being left completely forgotten on the ground.
Booker picked it up, much to my embarrassment, as he glanced inside.
“Thanks,” he murmured, opening the door and waiting for us both to walk through before him.
I could see the questions he wanted to ask, and I could feel my shields starting to rise. This wasn’t going to be pleasant, but I might as well get it out of the way now rather than put it off. That was one lesson I’d definitely learned today.
We walked to the bakery in the complete opposite of silence. After we dropped the groceries off at the car, Cade launched into telling Booker about anything and everything. He packed in Pokémon, baseball, school, and which was the best type of cookie in a less than five-minute walk across the town square. Booker, to his credit, was absolutely engrossed. Even the finer points of Pokémon battles seemed like his favorite subject as Cade chattered away. It was completely at odds with the quiet, broody Farrington brother I remembered from my teenage years.
As we walked into the bakery, Marie looked between the three of us and then bustled around the counter as she wrapped a surprised Cade up in a hug. “I know this is weird, but just go with it,” she muttered as she gripped him tight.
Cade laughed, wrapping his arms around the older woman, who perpetually smelled like cookies.
“Cade, this is Marie. One of the best people in the whole wide world,” I told him as I grinned at the sight.
Marie held him out at arm’s length as she looked him over. “You’re so much bigger than the pictures I saw,” she gasped. “Tell me all about your game. You had one this week, right?”
Cade looked confused, but she quickly explained. “Your grandfather was the proudest granddaddy I ever did see. He told me all about you. Why don’t we take a look through the display case and package you up a box of cookies to take home.”
The mention of cookies was all Cade needed as he happily followed Marie behind the display without even a glance back at me.
Booker smiled, watching him go, and then slid into one of the booths.
This was it.
He folded his hands in front of him and nodded his head toward one of the seats, waiting for me to sit with him. “Delaney…this is…I can’t even.”
“We’re here for the funeral and packing up the farm, and then we’re leaving,” I told him quickly. But as the words came out of my mouth, my heart clenched, almost like I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.
“And Trace?”
“I saw him yesterday. It was…strange, but we’re working together to sell the farm.”
“You can’t keep this from him, you know. It’s only going to take one look at Cade to know he’s his son. I can’t…I never thought you were the type of person to do something like this, Delaney.”
If he’d slapped me in the face, I wouldn’t have been any more shocked.
Me keep Cade from him .
The actual fucking audacity of it.
I scoffed in disgust, not only at his words but the judgmental look he dared to level in my direction. I always thought Booker was different. The black sheep in the family because he didn’t share the hatred in their hearts. Clearly, I’d been wrong.
“I’m not the one keeping secrets,” I snapped, reaching into my purse and pulling out my wallet, not even needing to look at the contents. I knew exactly where the thing I was looking for was, constantly burning a guilty hole in my wallet. “Perhaps before you go around throwing accusations at people, you should have an honest conversation with your brother.”
I slapped my hand on the table as I stood, leaving behind the check I’d never cashed. I didn’t even make it out of my seat before Booker’s hand snapped out and grabbed my wrist. He glared at the check like I’d thrown a poisonous snake in his direction. He made no move to touch it, and instead, a look of absolute disgust I’d never seen from him before was leveled at the small piece of paper and everything it implied.
“Please don’t leave,” he said softly. “I…I’m sorry. Please don’t take him away yet.”
It wasn’t what I’d expected from Booker, of all people. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to say all the things that had collected in my brain since I’d left this town. But this was Booker. He wasn’t the one who had pushed me away or the one who had tried to pay me to end the life growing inside me. He didn’t deserve my ire.
I slowly sat back down, scooping the check off the table, when Cade started making his way to us with a box of cookies and the biggest smile on his face that I’d ever seen.
“Don’t you dare hurt him,” I whispered, cutting a glare at Booker. “He deserves so much more than your family.”
It was uncalled for, but I felt like a wounded animal lashing out to inflict even the smallest amount of pain on the ones around me.
It didn’t work, though. Booker nodded in agreement as he sagged back into his seat.
“This changes everything,” he responded before Cade could reach us. “I want to be his uncle. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”
It wasn’t what I’d expected, but it was a glimmer of hope.
Maybe bringing Cade to this place wasn’t one of those terrible decisions I would keep looking back on. Maybe this could be the beginning of something good.