Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
TRACE
“ W ill you sit down!” Booker snapped, and I glanced across the kitchen at him washing the dishes as I peered out the window for what felt like the twentieth time.
“I’m just keeping an eye out for them.”
I’d been a nightmare all morning. I knew I had. Booker was not normally a man who could tolerate fussing, and I’d barged into his house at 4 a.m. and started cleaning like a madman. I couldn’t sleep, and I’d somehow got it into my head that this first impression of Booker’s ranch was crucial in making sure that Cade liked me. Looking back, I had no idea how I’d come to that conclusion. He was a nine-year-old boy. I doubted his standards for cleanliness ran that high.
Even Val was done with me and was curled up in her bed with her tail over her face in some kind of protest.
Now that I’d run out of cleaning to do—which was bound to happen when I had seven hours to kill, and Booker was apparently a closet neat freak—I’d spent the majority of the time pacing around the house and driving my brother mad.
“I swear to God if you don’t sit down, Trace, I’m going to tie you to a chair and leave you out in the paddock. It can be a fun bonding experience for me and Cade while he tries to find you.”
“You wouldn’t!”
My brothers had done it to me once when I was younger, so I knew the threat was real.
He squinted in annoyance. “Try me.” His corresponding glare was enough to make me move away from the window.
“Wow, just wow. You realize all of this aggression comes from our terrible upbringing, right? You weren’t hugged enough as a child.”
“I was never hugged as a child,” he scoffed. “Neither were you.”
I sagged down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table with a sigh. “That’s really sad, isn’t it?”
Booker hummed noncommittally, and I knew I was getting too close to feelings-territory for him to be comfortable. Yet he did drop the dishcloth and come to join me at the table, sitting down with a sigh.
“You’re allowed five minutes of spiraling. And yes, I’m going to time you,” he said, looking at his wristwatch and raising an eyebrow in challenge.
“What if I can’t do this? I don’t know how to be a good dad. I don’t even know what it looks like. How am I supposed to bond with a kid who’s thought I’m an absolute deadbeat for his entire life?”
My head dropped down into my hands, and I finally let the doubts weigh down on me. I’d already lost nine years with him. I’d missed everything, and there was no getting that back. No making up for not being there when he’d needed me. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t known Delaney was pregnant when she left. I should have done more. I should have tried to find her.
I should have…the list was endless, and as it flowed through my head I felt myself starting to spiral.
I was just one guy. How could I make this right?
Val came over and sat beside me with a soft whine, pushing herself against my legs. She would have been a good therapist. If she could pull Booker out of a black mood, she could help anybody.
Booker’s hand clasped my shoulder, and then he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “You don’t need to have had a good dad to be an amazing one,” he said, pausing until I finally looked up to meet his gaze. “You’re a good man, Trace. That’s all you need to be able to do this. Just be yourself.”
My gaze moved back to the window again as Booker leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms across his massive chest. It would only take a single glance at the two of us to know who worked in an office all day and who ran a ranch. Booker was a bear of a man, but he cared just as fiercely. He just didn’t like people to know that he did.
“What happened when you spoke with Mom and Dad?” I asked, finally ready to deal with whatever hell still lived at that house I’d sworn to never return to.
“Dad was shouting at her when I walked in. I’ve never seen him like that. Caring, that is. The robot was gone, and the man I remember from when we were little was back. He was pissed. Mom, she didn’t say anything. Just sat there looking at him like he was an inconvenience, as usual. You know the look.”
I did. We all did. It had featured nearly every day of our childhood. Nothing had ever been good enough for Regina Farrington.
How did I not see this coming?
“She didn’t even defend herself when I confronted her. She shrugged it off, and then decided she needed to refresh her manicure. Walked out without even looking back.”
Now that was a surprise. And definitely not like our mother. She never backed down. She never retreated. She had a way of manipulating any situation so that she was the victim, or she was just doing it for the family. I’d never once seen her walk away before everyone else was thoroughly put back in their place.
“Dad…I don’t think he’s doing well with this. He said it’s time for them to divorce.”
I scoffed. “He’d never divorce her, and she’d never allow it. They’ll have brushed it all under the carpet of denial by lunchtime, and I’ll just be one more son they don’t talk to anymore.”
“Kind of running out of them,” Booker joked.
He wasn’t wrong. Booker barely tolerated them. It must have been months since he’d been back at that house, and I doubted he’d find another excuse to push him there for a long time to come.
Xander was too busy to come back. Or at least that was what he told them. He had his own medical practice, his own life in the city. One he built without any of the rest of us in it. He might drop by every other Christmas, but he never stayed for long. It was a tactic I wished I’d adopted right now.
And then there was Gage. He disappeared the night that he graduated, taking nothing but his motorcycle and nothing else. His note said not to look for him, that he was going to see what the rest of the world held for him, and he was never coming back.
And now I knew why.
A part of me felt responsible. He was my brother, and it was getting caught up in my drama that made him feel like he couldn’t be part of our family anymore. Not that there was really much family when it came to the house we lived in. The fractured group of people we’d become couldn’t live up to the label.
“Do you think we could find Gage?” I asked Booker quietly. “He could…he needs to know that he can come back here if he wants. That I’m not angry with him.”
Booker shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know how we’d track him down after all this time.”
I could hear the rage in his voice. It wasn’t aimed at me or our lost brother. I knew that because I felt it too.
Gage was one more thing that our mother had stolen from us.
Val’s ears suddenly pricked, and she turned to look toward the front of the house. My heart immediately kicked into high gear as the sound of tires crunching on the gravel driveway flowed into the quiet kitchen. This conversation was far too heavy to have before spending the day with my son. It was a mistake to bring this up now. I didn’t want this to sour our time with him.
This was how my mother worked. Seeping inside the people around her and ruining any chance of having something good.
Then I heard a car door slam shut, and it was like a switch flipped in my head.
They were here.
My head snapped toward the sound before I glanced back at Booker who had the biggest smile on his face. It was kind of strange to see.
“Let’s go see our boy,” he said gruffly, standing from his seat and then waiting for me.
It didn’t take long because I was up and striding toward the door before the second car door even had the chance to close. Val darted ahead of us, and I found myself jogging to catch up.
This was my family. The people I had around me now, and I wasn’t going to let the past pollute the opportunity I had in front of me.
I could hear the sound of Cade’s excited voice as I opened the front door, and the sight that greeted me was nearly enough to choke me with emotion.
Delaney was standing with her back to us as Cade practically vibrated with excitement next to her. The morning sun made her dark hair look like it glowed with copper, and as she tipped back her head to laugh, the breeze gently picked it up away from her neck, flashing the creamy soft skin beneath.
Even in just a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, she was perfection. The memory of how it had felt to hold her in my arms, to run my hands across her skin and revel in the softness of everything that was Delaney filled my head.
She ran her fingers through Cade’s hair as he looked up at her with the biggest smile on his face. The bond between the two of them was undeniable. I always knew she’d be a good mom. There was nothing she couldn’t do, and the greatest honor of my life had been being loved by the woman in front of me.
Growing up surrounded by that made Cade the luckiest kid out there.
This was my future.
This was what I’d always dreamed of, and even though I’d missed out on so much up until now, I wasn’t going to miss a moment longer if I had anything to say about it.
Delaney looked over her shoulder at me, and her soft smile confirmed that she knew exactly what was happening. A touch of pink came to her cheeks as she ducked her head in embarrassment. She never did like to be the center of attention.
“Trace!” Cade cheered when he caught sight of me stalled at the top of the porch steps, staring at the two of them in wonder. “You’ve got a dog!”
Val sat on the top step waiting to be told that she could go to greet them, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that she wasn’t mine. Maybe Booker would let me steal his dog.
When I looked across at him, I could tell by the look on his face that he knew exactly what I was thinking.
“Go on, Val,” Booker said. “Her name’s Valentine. She helps me out around the ranch.”
Then he turned his proud smirk to me as he crossed his arms over his massive chest.
“She’s so cool!” Cade immediately dropped to his knees to fuss over Val, who immediately rolled onto her back so he could rub her tummy. It was times like this that you wouldn’t think she was a working dog on the ranch. Although maybe ‘working’ was a step too far. Either way, she was better trained than any dog I’d ever met before.
“Have you seen the horses?” Cade asked excitedly, pointing toward the paddock closest to the house.
“I have. You wanna go meet them?”
I looked over at Booker, who was leaning against the post of the porch with a soft smile on his face. He nodded toward the field and made no attempt to move. I knew he wanted to come with us. This whole place was his proudest achievement, and rightly so. What Booker was building here was incredible. But my brother was giving me time with my son, not wanting to intrude. As much as I wanted to tell him that he never could, I also needed this, even if just for a little while.
As I jogged down the steps, Delaney moved closer. It felt so natural to wrap one arm around her shoulders and draw her to my side. “You sure you don’t want to stay?” I asked, hoping she’d say she would.
Delaney shook her head. “No. I’ve got a few errands to run this morning, but I’ll be back for lunch.”
Shit. The funeral. The whole reason that she’d come here in the first place. I needed to stop focusing on myself and concentrate on supporting her through all of this.
My feet stalled as indecision filled me. “Do you need some help? Is there anything I can do?”
I didn’t want her to have to do this alone, but I didn’t want to disappoint Cade, either. He was clearly excited about being here and getting to explore the ranch.
Delaney was already shaking her head. “No, it’s fine. It’s just groceries, and I need to go to the bank and sort out some paperwork.”
“I got some stuff I could do at the bank,” Booker said as I heard his heavy boots descend the porch steps. “If you fancy some company.”
Delaney shook her head again, this time with a laugh. “I’d forgotten what it was like to have the Farrington boys looking out for you.” She smiled at us wryly. “It’s honestly quick and boring. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Booker looked about as convinced as I was, but I wouldn’t push her now. Not in front of Cade. It was a conversation for later. Because she was right, she had us now, and we might be down to just two Farringtons, but that wouldn’t make any difference. Delaney wasn’t going through this alone. Not when she had us.
“You sure you don’t want to come see the horses, Mom?” Cade asked.
Her shudder against me was enough to make me laugh. I’d forgotten how much Delaney hated horses.
“Not a chance,” she said vehemently. “You be good, monkey. Trace is in charge.” She squinted at me seriously. “Okay, maybe Booker is in charge. I remember the trouble Trace got me into when I was a kid.”
“Hey! I wasn’t the one who convinced us all to go cow tipping at the McKenna farm.”
“What’s cow tipping?” Cade asked innocently.
“See. Corrupted already,” she joked playfully.
Delaney stepped away from me, and I felt the loss instantly. She quickly kissed the top of Cade’s head and stepped backward, a soft look coming to her face as she looked at us all. “I’ll see you all in a couple of hours.” As she turned and walked back to the car, she called over her shoulder, “And no cow tipping.”
“No cows around here,” Booker replied gruffly. “I’ll keep the kids in line, Lanes.”
“Yeah, because you weren’t the one that taught us how to hot wire a tractor,” I muttered under my breath.
“What does hot wire mean?” Cade asked, and I could see the mischievous look in his eyes as my head snapped toward him.
“Stop trying to get me in trouble,” I gasped as he started to cackle with laughter.
This kid. He was exactly like his mother. And I loved every single thing about it.