Chapter Four
Ash
“You son of a fucking bitch!”
That’s all I heard before I was slammed back against the wall, Hayes’ hands gripping my shirt, eyes burning with rage, his teeth bared.
Pain shot through my shoulder, a parting gift from Benson’s bodyguard before he left this planet.
I grunted, biting down. My eyes snapped shut.
The pain was searing hot as it stretched through my damaged muscles.
“Before you beat him into the new carpet, perhaps it would be best if I conducted my debrief.”
Fucking hell.
Dominic.
He was the last person I wanted to see today.
I’d been back in Portland for less than six hours.
After my flight landed, I thought about going back to my empty apartment.
But though the mattress on the floor was no doubt much more comfortable than the shit holes I’d been sleeping in, I wasn’t in the mood to stare at blank walls until sleep finally decided to grace me.
I should’ve been riding the high of justice, the high I’d been dreaming about for nearly three damn years.
But when justice was finally served in the form of my reaping, I’d felt nothing.
I was numb. I’d been chasing something for so long, and I hadn’t prepared for the numbness that would follow when I completed my mission.
I had been prepared for satisfaction.
I had been prepared for gratitude.
Hell, there was even a small part of me that had prepared myself for an ounce of joy.
As Benson bled out on the shiny marble floor of his penthouse condo, I didn’t feel a damn thing.
The rage that had been fueling me for so long evaporated as the fucker took his last breath.
I waited for something—anything. Even when I cleaned up most of the mess, there wasn’t a spark of fear or doubt that I might get caught in my chest.
No.
Nothing.
I was numb.
There was nothing left for me, not without her. I didn’t expect anything, but I’d hoped to at least…be friends? Have a conversation? I don’t know. Ever since she walked into the damn bookstore, my mind hasn’t been right. Actually, my mind hasn’t been right since I was trapped inside Devil’s Den.
“Let go of him, Hayes.”
“Where the fuck have you been?” Mitchell growled, his eyes scanning mine.
I raised my hands. “Either start swinging or drop your hands,” I clipped. “I don’t have time for this.”
He gave me a final shove, his chest heaving and shoulders tight with fury. Once he was a few feet from me, he raised his finger. “You have some fucking nerve coming back here as if you never fucking left.”
It was true. I’d come into the office like it was any other day, my body operating on autopilot.
When I’d gotten here, they were gone. Maybe I was a coward for waiting until they left to go meet with a client across town before getting out of the rental car and heading inside.
When I’d swiped my key card, I felt something for the first time in days—surprise.
I fully expected the panel to turn red. To set off the alarm and alert the team.
Instead, it turned green.
The only thing different about the floor Red Snake Investigations occupied was the carpet.
It had been a light gray the day I came in, packed all the shit I would need, and headed out.
Now, it was a darker gray, almost blue. When I walked in, the sight of the change moved something inside me.
It was a reminder that, though I’d paused my life to chase a ghost, everyone else’s moved on. The world had continued spinning.
I didn’t answer Hayes. Instead, I looked at Grayson.
He was leaning back against my office door, arms over his chest, a shadow over his face.
I couldn’t see his eyes, but I could feel them on me, studying me, assessing me in a way that used to make my skin crawl.
Now, it seemed, I was numb for that too.
“Need to know if I still have a job here or not,” I said, my voice monotone. “If not, I can pack up the rest of my shit and head out.”
I had no idea where I’d go, but I’d known the stakes when I left. I knew there was a strong chance I wouldn’t be welcomed back. Hayes’ reaction hadn’t been expected, but I was still anticipating a right hook from either Jake or Dominic.
“You don’t look like you’re in the mood to beg for it.” This came from Jake, who was standing beside Dominic. His red beard was thicker now, more disheveled, matching the hair that stopped just past his shoulders. His glasses were new, no longer black but deep brown.
“No, I’m not in the mood. It would be a waste of time,” I told him, swinging my attention back to Gray.
“You and Mitchell told me if I ever went rogue again, I wouldn’t have a place here at Red Snake.
When I went into Devil’s Den to look for Angel, I didn’t care or think about the position it put Red Snake in. ”
“And when you left over five hundred days ago?” Grayson asked slowly. “Did you think about the harm you caused not only Red Snake, but us as individuals?”
“Yes.”
“And you still left.”
“I had shit to take care of.”
“Did you?” Hayes challenged me, ticking his head to one side, eyes narrowing. “Or was this a direct reaction to seeing her?”
I finally looked over to him, understanding where his anger came from. He wasn’t mad at me. Not entirely. He was mad at the situation, because it was out of his control and it hurt the people he loved. “I left because of her, yes.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Dominic clipped, his calm demeanor weakening. He snapped his fingers and pointed to me. “You, in my office. Everyone else, fuck off.”
Jake’s head snapped toward him, the crease in his brow deepening. “You’re kidding, right?”
Dominic’s jaw jumped as he shot me a look before turning to face the rest of them. “No, I’m not kidding. Whether or not Ash is still part of Red Snake, I need to debrief him.”
“But—”
“No,” Grayson interjected. “Dominic is right. Per Red Snake’s policy, Doss is still on the payroll, thus making him an employee. Debriefs are required after missions.” He stepped out of the shadows, his scar and dark eyes on display. “Sanctioned or not.”
I stiffened but kept quiet as the three of them walked out of the office. Hayes didn’t spare me a second glance, and if I weren’t so fucked in the head at the moment, his complete dismissal of my return would have stung.
“Are you going to try and get out of this?” Dominic sighed, unbuttoning his suit jacket and retrieving his glasses. I watched as he slipped them onto his nose, a strange comfort settling over my shoulders. It was a small taste of the home I’d left behind. The home I may never have again.
“No,” I answered, lifting my chin. “I knew what to expect when I came back.”
“You mean when you decided that you would come back?” he asked, raising a brow, waiting for me to correct him.
I wasn’t here to play games. I’d come back to Portland to get on with my life after losing something I’d convinced myself I would have. It was a foolish choice, not to mention a damaging one. “I was always going to come back, Edwards.”
He blinked, remaining still for a few seconds, watching me with his indigo eyes.
Finally, he nodded. “Very well, then. Come with me.”
As we headed down the hall to his office, I heard someone feminine laugh in the lobby. Without a second thought, I looked over my shoulder, in search of the owner of the voice. That laugh didn’t belong to Carrie or Margo, and they were the only women who ever came here.
“That’s Dana,” Dominic said, answering my unasked question. “She is our new receptionist.”
“Our?” I repeated, shooting him a look as he opened his door.
Dominic was the calmest of all of us. Perhaps it was due to his doctorate in psychology.
He was too self-aware for his own good. Or perhaps it was the crippling perfectionism that created a safe space for him to operate in when he wasn’t alone.
“Yes, our. You and I both know neither Hayes nor Grayson will let you walk away from this job unless you truly want to. And they know you don’t.
I know you don’t. Jake is uncertain, but then again, there isn’t much he is certain about these days. ”
Before I could respond, he jerked his head. “Go. You can talk when you’re on the couch.”
Dominic’s office wasn’t bare like mine or Hayes’.
In fact, he’d hired a decorator to come in and design a workspace for him.
He’d done the same thing with our Denver and Charlotte locations.
The same interior designer also set up his apartment.
He told us once that it gives him peace, and not having to worry about something such as making his space comfortable was a luxury he could now afford.
This was because of his childhood, a subject he rarely brought up.
I stepped inside, the scent of lemongrass incense hitting my nose.
My eyes shot directly to it, noting the elegant incense stand and how the smoke danced.
His office was a corner office, like mine, Gray’s, and Hayes’.
He’d had the walls painted a warm cream color.
His desk, a dark wooden piece, was in the center of the room, with two brown leather chairs in front.
There was a tan couch to my right and a small table just beyond that.
And directly across from the couch, behind his desk, was a wall of bookshelves, each one filled to the brim.
The books were organized by genre and then alphabetized from there.
“Take a seat, Ash,” he invited as he glided behind his desk, removing his suit jacket. That’s what Dominic did. He didn’t walk. He fucking glided. Like a damn vampire.