Chapter Fifteen #3
He held up his hand. “When you coded that first time, a part of my soul died, and then the second time, I figured it was some sort of twisted punishment. Fuck, Grayson felt the same. Then when you told us about her, everything shifted. We watched a part of your soul die with every dead end. The more time passed, the more of a ghost you became. You put on a show for everyone, joked and laughed, but then you would chase danger as if it owed you something. You wanted to die, didn’t you? ”
My throat bobbed. “For a time, yes. I didn’t see the point of going on if I couldn’t find her.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I repeated. “What do you mean? Because I failed her.”
“Angel wasn’t the first you couldn’t save. She wasn’t Red Snake’s first failure, Doss, and unfortunately, she isn’t the last. You know this—or I thought you did.” He moved closer, running a hand through his hair. “So why her? Why was she the tipping point?”
I bit down, grinding my teeth. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me,” he challenged.
I moved away from the window and leaned against the wall, watching Margo’s ceiling fan rotate.
“When I was seven or eight, my Nonna sat me down and told me a story of anima gemella. Twin souls. Soulmates.” I dropped my eyes, the memories of that day rushing back to me.
“We were actually just a few miles away from here when she told the story. My parents had dropped me off at her house for the summer, to help her with her garden and harvesting. As the weeks went by, more of my cousins showed up. One afternoon, she made all of us sit at her feet on the porch, and she told us the story of our grandfather. She said that the stars created a person for everyone on this planet, a soul to match yours, a heart to love forever. She said, ‘Each of us has a soulmate, Asher. In some lifetimes, we don’t find them, but in others, they find us. When that happens, don’t you lose them.
If you lose your soulmate, the sun inside you will die. ’”
After a moment, I looked up, finding him in the same place, listening intently.
“I asked Nonna how we would know when we find our soulmate, and she said I would feel it in the heart of my soul. Of course, I didn’t know what the fuck that meant.” Anger simmered in my blood. “Until I locked eyes with Angel when she was chained to that fucking bed,” I growled.
Realization dawned on his face, and he opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it.
“Look, I know you’re logical and always will be.
You don’t believe in this spiritual shit, and for a while there, I didn’t believe in it either.
I stopped looking for my soulmate just before I joined the SEALs.
I figured my Nonna was just telling stories.
But when I saw Angel? When my eyes met hers…
Hayes, everything snapped into place for me.
I don’t know how else to explain it. She’s mine.
She’ll always be mine, even when she doesn’t want me. ”
“I believe in more than you and the others think,” he replied, a small smile on his face.
“Trust me.” When I didn’t respond, he tacked on, “When you left without telling anyone, I was pissed. Pissed you didn’t come to me, pissed you left us.
” He stood. “After what happened in Devils Den, we made a promise to each other—all of us—that we would communicate.”
My jaw tightened. “I know.”
His gaze hardened. “Your life is your life, but it’s also tied to four others. Four people who care about you, who love you, who all lost their shit when you were in the ICU. You leaving wasn’t fair to us. We deserved to know why.”
“I went after him,” I said, monotone.
Hayes’ head leaned to the side, his eyes narrowing. “Who?”
“Alan Benson.”
“The pastor? He was a dead end. Red Snake couldn’t find him,” he stated as if I didn’t know. “We used all of our resources—”
“Not all of them,” I cut him off. His mouth snapped shut. I blinked. “Wow, I guess Dominic does follow HIPAA laws. He didn’t tell you?”
He shook his head once and folded his arms over his chest. “You know Dominic would never break that law, Ash. Grayson and I are still in the dark here.”
“What’s done is done. There’s no changing that.”
His eyes narrowed. “Ash, I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m okay.” I checked my watch. “Look, I have to get down to the restaurant. I don’t have time to go over the last year and half of my life.”
“But you will, won’t you?” he pressed, stepping forward. “When the dust settles, you’ll fill me in?”
My feet carried me to the door, my mind screaming at me to shut up.
Hayes and I were cut from very different cloths.
He lived by a certain code, which made him the golden boy.
There was no way I could tell him who I sourced for outside help.
“Maybe. It’s not really a chapter of my life I want to revisit, especially with Angel in this new one. ”
“Just tell me this,” he requested. I paused and looked over my shoulder, waiting. “Did you find Benson?”
“I found all of them.”
Hayes’ face changed, but I didn’t have the strength to see the rest. I opened the door, gave him my back, and said, “You’re forgiven, by the way. There will never be any bad blood between us, man. You’re my brother. See you later.”
Then I was gone.