Chapter Seventeen
Angel
Ash shifted his truck into park and leaned back in the seat. He rubbed his jaw and sighed. “Angel. Angel, beautiful, look at me.”
My mind was numb.
My fingers were tingling.
And despite my effort, I couldn’t break this stare with myself in his side mirror.
My eyes were dim, the bags under them dark and prominent.
On any other day, I would be ashamed of the state of my skin.
There was a time I would’ve given anything to have a little water splashed on my face, and since then, I’d trained myself to take care of my skin, my body, my hair.
All of me. I’d had to convince myself that all of me was precious and deserving of love and tender care.
I’d spent my time here in Astoria teaching myself how to do that.
Then Felix had told me he was leaving.
My routine had gone up in smoke.
Then he was murdered.
And I forgot to take care of myself.
I was in a storm, unable to see the sun, but Ash was here. He was the warmth at my back, the roof over my head, my safety in a sea of danger. And he’d been left behind to die after saving my life.
“This entire time,” I croaked, my voice unsteady.
I needed to go upstairs. Find the damn keys to that old safe.
Find the one number I wasn’t supposed to call unless it was an emergency.
I had been forced to swear I would never call them unless…
but this…this was an emergency. Technically, I was falling in love with a man who was supposed to be dead.
I’d say that’s worth a phone call.
Ash’s rough, warm hand landed on top of mine, his fingers turning it over in his palm. “Look at me, please.”
“You gave up everything for me,” I rasped, “to find me.” But I was never lost. The words halted on the tip of my tongue, and I forced myself to swallow them. This was bigger than us, and if I violated the NDA…
“Yes.”
I turned to face him, my chest heaving again as tears blurred my vision. “You never gave up on me.”
He said nothing.
Oh god.
This man.
My seat belt flew off as I shoved my bags to the floorboard and leaped over the center console.
I scrambled into his lap, feeling his body underneath mine.
He stared up at me, uncertainty dancing in his brown irises, and he gently placed his hands on my hips.
Without a second thought, I shoved my hands into his hair and kissed him.
He grunted, taking me as I collapsed into him.
I kissed him like I was running out of time, out of air, out of life.
Our tongues tasted, our teeth nipped, our breath collided, our lips melded.
My body came alive, damp desire pooling between my legs.
His fingers flexed at my hips, digging in as I moved against him, seeking, searching, silently pleading.
With a growl, he yanked my head to the side, his mouth planting hot, sharp kisses down my jaw and neck.
“Fuck,” he pushed out against my skin. My hands, shaking and desperate, snapped down to his belt. He stiffened beneath me, his mouth between my shoulder and neck. “Angel.”
“Please,” I begged, releasing his belt and pulling down his zipper over his hard bulge. I pushed up on my knees and pushed my panties to the side. “I need you. I need you, Ash. Please.”
His hand wrapped around the back of my neck, pulled our foreheads together. “Give me those golden eyes,” he commanded. I didn’t listen; I was too busy trying to get his cock out. His free hand snapped around my wrist, pinning it between us. “Dammit, Angel, look at me,” he clipped.
My eyes flicked up, finding his staring back, and in those dark, beckoning depths, I saw a gentle soul trapped behind years of anguish.
“I need you,” I told him, tugging his hair. “I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of needing everything to be perfect in order to be happy. I don’t want to go a second longer without having been with you, Ash.”
You’ve lost so much time searching for me.
His eyes flashed with passion at the use of his full name. “You sure?”
I gave my head a small shake as I uttered a sound of disbelief. “Of course—”
“No, don’t just say that because your body wants me,” he cut me off softly.
He angled his head back, studying me. “If this is a direct reaction to what I told you in town, you must know, I don’t need anything.
Searching for you was my decision. Protecting you now is my decision.
Intimacy between us will never be transactional, Starlight. I need you to know that.”
“That wasn’t…” Oh god.
“If you’re needing a quick fuck, I can’t give that to you. What I feel for you, Angel, isn’t something I can push aside for a few hours of pleasure.”
I jerked back, blinking. “Is that…is that the impression I’m giving off?”
He brushed some of my hair back, his chest deflated.
“I don’t know.” His thumb traced my bottom lip, his eyes following it.
“I’ve been dreaming of this, of this moment, for over a thousand nights, and now, I could have you.
” His eyes met mine. “But I can’t have you like this. My soul won’t allow it.”
A tear fell onto my cheek. “Why?”
“Non posso, anima gemella mia,” he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. “Your emotions are running high, and I don’t want you to do something you’d regret.”
I stared at him in awe as he reached under my dress and righted my underwear.
Then, without taking his eyes off my face, he zipped up his pants and fastened the buckle.
“One day soon,” he promised thickly. “When you’re really ready, I’m going to be above you with your legs wrapped around me, and my cock will be stretching you. ”
My core clenched, needing him now, but I shoved down my body’s needs.
“I just,” I croaked, forcing the truth back down. “I don’t know what to do. I feel so out of sorts, Ash.”
One minute I was fine, and the next, all I wanted to do was get lost in him.
The smile he gave me was sad but devastatingly beautiful. “I don’t need anything from you.”
A shrill ring shot through the truck, and I dropped into his lap with a yelp. His arm wrapped around me as we eyed the screen.
Murphy calling.
“Shit,” he muttered.
In one smooth movement, he had the middle console flipped up, and I was back in my seat. He fished his phone out of his pocket, shut the truck off, and put the phone to his ear. “Doss,” he answered as he got out of the car.
Angel, you stupid woman.
The voice, toxic and unrelenting, played in my mind like a broken record as I watched the man I’d been quietly falling for pace back and forth in front of the truck.
He paused and ran a hand through his hair.
Then he let his arm fall, his back to me, and I watched as his spine straightened, his body freezing.
“Uh-oh.” I pushed open my door and hopped down. “Is everything okay?” I asked, coming to his front.
He was looking straight ahead into the endless pine trees, his jaw tight, eyes alert. “Right,” he clipped. “I’ll be up there tonight.” He pocketed his phone and looked at me, regret etched into his features. “I have to go to the office tonight, beautiful.”
My gut twisted, something selfish wanting to take control. “I heard,” I said, touching his scruffy cheek. “Are you able to come to Margie’s first?”
He pressed a kiss against my palm, holding my arm up as he grabbed me around the waist, pulling me to him. I landed against his hard body with a soft whimper. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss that.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I don’t think I could make it without you there.”
My confession hovered in the air, and his eyes grew soft. “Let’s get you inside, yeah?”
Seven hours later.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Margo sighed from my passenger seat.
“I think it’s sweet,” Carrie noted from the back seat, pulling her snow-blond curls into a bun. “When’s the last time we’ve had a dash of romance in Astoria? Oh, that’s right…when you and Hayes were fucking in secret.”
My eyes nearly popped out of my head, and I twisted in my seat. “Wait, what?” I asked, gaping at Margo.
She blew a bubble, the mint green circle covering her face. It popped, and when it was all back in her mouth, she held up her hand and started counting off. “First of all, it was a one-night stand. Second of all, you got to witness it when all the bullshit settled—”
“I wouldn’t call your crazy ex kidnapping you bullshit,” Carrie said, pursing her lips.
“He kidnapped you?” I breathed, my stomach twisting.
Margo’s head fell back against the seat. “Yes. Yes, he fucking kidnapped me, his men shot Jake, and then he took me to some mansion in Seattle in an effort to win me back.”
“Wait—Jake was shot?” I wheezed out.
“He’s fine,” Carrie said, giving me a reassuring look in the rearview mirror.
I blinked, my own trauma struggling to resurface, and focused on Margo. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
Her green eyes hit mine and she gave me a smile. “I’m good, babe. Don’t worry about me. I got to confront my abuser that night. I whooped his ass. Hayes and the guys had to pull me off him, actually.”
Carrie sighed. “I’m still sorry I missed that.”
Margo brought up her knee, resting her elbow on it as she blew another small bubble. “I hope you know that Ash probably already knows you’re here.”
“What?” I gasped.