Chapter Twenty-Five
Ash
The first stretches of sunlight streamed through Angel’s bedroom windows, a chorus of rays, highlighting the most precious of her things.
The tall stack of books in the corner, their spines hard, soft, new, and worn.
The cup of colored markers and pens on the small wooden writing desk across from her bed, facing the window that overlooked the sea.
The end of her bed, where her cream knitted throw was bunched up over our feet.
Her enchanting curves were covered by a thin sheet.
The freckles on her shoulder. The golden band on her pinkie.
I’d been awake for nearly two hours, not daring to move, to end this.
Angel’s head was on my chest, her arm curled, her fingers woven through my chest hair.
Her leg was thrown over mine, her body close, my hand resting on her waist. Slowly and as quietly as I could, I twisted my neck, eyeing our phones on her nightstand.
Any moment now, my alarm would sound and reality would burst into the room, chasing away the sunlight, her warmth, and everything we shared in the last forty-eight hours.
My team had gone quiet, aside from a text from Hayes that read: Rest and keep her safe. Update soon.
Marg’s Place was closed for the time being, not only to grieve, but to also give Angel time to decide on what to do.
Kolby had offered her the position of head chef, and after everything, Marg agreed with it.
Angel needed time. She didn’t think she was ready or qualified enough to fill his shoes.
I thought different. Marg had asked for Angel to come in early this morning for a meeting.
Whatever choice she made, I knew it was going to be the right one, and I was ready to stand beside her. To support her.
Whichever path she chose, I would follow.
My life was beginning again, just as we were.
We couldn’t hide from the world forever, despite wanting to.
There was too much at stake, and with a target on my back, I needed to meet with the team and get briefed about everything they’d pulled together.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind, after learning Angel had been in witness protection all this time, that Red Snake wasn’t on top of this.
I was uncertain on a lot of things, but Angel and my family were my only constants.
I was going to do whatever I needed to do to keep them safe, even if that meant leaving. For a time.
From the confessions to the sex…the filthy fucking sex.
I never once expected that from her, and when she pulled up that curtain, revealing that part of herself to me so unabashedly?
Fuck. I lifted my free hand, pinching the bridge of my nose as my cock stirred beside her soft thigh.
“I’m never going to get enough of her,” I muttered, rubbing my hand down my face.
“Is that a bad thing?” she mumbled, nuzzling her face in my chest.
My lips twitched. “Good morning. Did I wake you?”
“No,” she yawned, stretching. Her arm swooped above my head as she rolled to her back, arching and groaning.
Her knees shot up and then back down, pulling the sheet with them, revealing her tits to the soft morning glow.
My mouth watered at the sight. When she finished her stretch and two more yawns, she curled back into me. “Goodness,” she whispered.
“Yeah,” I agreed, my hand resting just above her ass. My eyes were on the sea, my mind in the past. Both were far away, too far for me to reach. It was time to get back to reality.
“Ash?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you all right?”
I dropped my chin, finding her eyes and a crease of concern etched between her brows. My jaw clamped shut, the weight on my shoulders moving to my chest, crushing me. “We can talk about it later,” I said, brushing a kiss on her forehead.
Just a little more.
“But—”
“Starlight, let us have this. Please. Just for a few minutes.” It was selfish, and I knew I had to get to Portland. I needed to debrief. The team needed a course of action. I needed to end this shit once and for all.
“Have what?”
“Peace.”
Despite my silent plea, she rose up on her elbow, her messy waves surrounding her face. “You say that as if we’re never going to have it again,” she noted cautiously.
Because I didn’t know if we were.
I had a target on my back, and this was the first time I had other lives to think about. It wasn’t just mine at stake. It was hers. It was my team and their families. My knuckles traced the gentle curve of her jaw. “Please, Angel.”
Something in my voice must’ve gotten to the heart of her. Her face relaxed and she lay on my chest once more, her fingers curling the hair there. “Can we talk about everything?”
“Later,” I promised.
“No, not about the heavy stuff. The other stuff.”
I stared at the ceiling, my brow furrowed. “You mean the sex.”
She wiggled slightly, clearing her throat. “Yes.”
My head dropped, and I hooked a finger under her chin, guiding her back. “What is this?” I asked, seeing a deep blush in her cheeks. “Embarrassment?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just…it’s daylight now and—”
Her words were cut short by my soft laughter. “So my woman can’t talk about such things in the sunlight, is that it?”
She blinked. “I just…I’ve never…I don’t know how to do this.”
I brought my thumb to her bottom lip. “Do what?”
She gestured between us. “Considering you’re the first man to ever be in my bed, Ash, I guess all of it.”
I went rigid, my hand frozen in front of her face as my blood ran cold. She tilted her head. “What’s the matter?”
“Angel, were you—was I—fuck.” I tripped over my words, running a hand through my hair.
“No,” she laughed. “I wasn’t a virgin.”
My shoulders relaxed, and then something primal inside me made them tense up again. “What did you mean by that?”
“I’ve never had a man in my bed,” she answered, looking out the window to our left, watching the trees. “I lost my virginity in high school to the captain of the soccer team in the back of his mom’s van.” She winced. “It was awful.”
My lips twitched. “That’s better than losing your virginity to your best friend’s twin sister on a couch in their basement at a fucking fourth of July barbecue.”
“What?” she giggled, looking at me again. “You?”
I sighed. “It wasn’t my best moment. But I was a stupid boy, and she was…well, there, to be honest.”
“How romantic.”
“Uh-huh, and did Mr. Soccer Captain take you through the drive-thru for an ice cream cone afterward?”
She shook against me, her body rocking with laughter, her hand containing the sweet sound. “No!”
“Right, well, I got ice cream after I lost mine,” I bragged, winking at her.
“I think I deserved some ice cream after last night, at the very least.”
“Deserve a lot more than that,” I murmured, kissing her head. “All right, so after that, you just…what?”
“You sound like you’re trying to solve a mystery,” she teased.
“Well, fuck me, I am. I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen has never had a man in her bed.” I froze, a thought hitting me. “Unless…”
She perked up. “Unless what?”
“Unless you’re bisexual and have only had women in your bed,” I guessed, scratching my beard. “Which, that would suck for me.”
“And why would that suck for you?” she purred.
“Because I’m a man. I can’t compete with other women, baby.”
“Oh, can you not?” she mused, giggling.
“No,” I shot back, tickling her side. “Have you seen women?”
She nodded, pursing her lips. “Oh, yeah, I have.”
I threw my hand out. “Case in point.”
We both laughed, and when the laughter died, she traced a heart over mine. “To answer your question, no, I am not bisexual. There was a point in my early twenties where I thought that I might be, but I tested that theory. It ended up being an awkward but healthy conversation.”
“I’m glad, baby.” I realized how that sounded. Oh, shit. “I’m not glad that you’re not bisexual; I’m glad you were in a healthy environment to discover that for yourself.”
She snuggled closer. “I knew what you meant, but thanks for explaining it.” I nudged her when she grew quiet again. “Hmm?”
“Not that I don’t love being the first and last man to be in your bed, beautiful, but I’m not afraid to beg for an explanation.”
“Do you need one?”
“Yes.”
She burst into laughter, rolling onto her back and covering her eyes with her arm. “Oh my god, Ash,” she whined. “You’re such a man.”
“Clearly,” I drawled. I cupped her breast. “Tell me.”
She peeked at me from under the crook of her arm. “It’s…it’s a weird reason.”
“I told you that you could tell me anything,” I reminded her. I stuck my bottom lip out. “I need you to tell me, for my ego’s sake.”
“You’re not supposed to listen to your ego,” she quipped.
I grinned. “Tell that to him.”
She rolled her eyes and dropped her arm onto the pillow.
“Okay, fine,” she huffed. She rubbed her lips together for a second, as if trying to piece together the right thing to say.
“After the van…experience, I never really…something in my brain didn’t let me take men back to my dorm in college.
We always went back to his, and in culinary school, I never had time for dating or even hookups.
I was too tired, too overworked. I went through a dry spell.
Skip past the dark and scary chapter of my life, and I just kind of got used to being alone.
” Her eyes slid over to mine, and my jaw grew tight, seeing tears.
“I got used to pleasuring myself, and last night, I realized that I can’t fully…
I can’t let go unless I have some part in it.
” She closed her eyes and turned her head, and I could taste shame in the air.
Absolutely not.
I was on top of her in the next second, falling between her legs, my half-hard cock against her thigh, my forearms caging her head in. “Look at me,” I ordered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, look at me,” I cooed, stroking her cheek.