26. Foster
26
FOSTER
B ut you don t drink, Raina argued with me as I picked up the liqueur. Foster…
I sent her a funny look as I twisted off the cap. What makes you think I don t drink?
Because I ve spent the last two weeks stuck to your side through every hour of the day, and you haven t imbibed once. Not even last weekend when you were hanging out at Archer House, and everyone else there was drinking.
I only drink in safe, controlled environments, and I still had to drive home that night, I answered before I took a slug straight from the bottle, only to wince and gasp as I pulled it away. Holy shit. That s like drinking straight syrup, isn t it? Bleh.
I smacked my burning lips as cinnamon fire spread through my belly.
Raina was still stuck on what I d said, though. A safe, controlled environment, she repeated, shaking her head. What does that even mean?
It means that everyone present has to be settled in at that location for the rest of the night with no apparent dangers around for anyone to get hurt. With a shrug, I lifted the bottle to my lips again. I m a worrier, okay?
The next swallow wasn t so awful.
No, scratch that. It was just as bad as the first.
With a grimace, I glanced at Raina. I can t believe you drink this shit.
It s not that bad, she argued with a scowl. And besides, Kinsey brought it.
Ah. Kinsey, I answered. That makes more sense.
What does that mean?
I shook my head. No idea. And I took another gulp. Just that she s not you.
Seriously, she warned. You don t have to chug it like that. Are you trying to get drunk?
I m hoping it won t taste so awful if I am drunk, I argued as I began to wander around her apartment.
The place was small, but now that it was clean it was pretty charming.
I could actually see myself living here with Raina.
Our own little love nest.
Spinning toward her, I suddenly realized I hadn t asked if I could stay over the night. You don t mind if I sleep in your bed, do you?
She blinked at me as if I d lost my mind. I mean, I ve been sleeping in yours; it s only fair.
Good. I strolled my way back into her bedroom and plopped down on the mattress. I like your bed. It smells like...
Falling back onto the mattress, I drew in a deep breath, inhaling the scent, and Raina dryly answered, It smells like me.
I smiled. Yeah…
It was nice to finally get to smell her. I rolled to bury my nose in the covers.
A second later, she gasped in surprise. Oh my God. Are you drunk already ?
I laughed and rolled back onto my spine to face her. I am a lightweight, I warned. But not quite that much of one. Kicking off my shoes, I got comfortable on her bed.
Watching her, I took another drink, only to hiss, Okay, maybe I am that much of one. But my head was seriously beginning to feel buzzy. Damn, how long has it been since I last drank anything?
As Raina slumped down next to me on the mattress, I took another drink and studied her, remembering exactly how long it had been since I d last had sex.
Longing rippled through me as I ran my gaze over her legs that she d tucked in a crisscross fashion under her as she settled beside me.
My fingers wanted to reach out and smooth their way up her thigh so badly that I swear they started to cramp.
I swallowed and balled one hand into a fist as I used the other to lift the bottle back to my lips.
When I lowered the alcohol to my side, Raina reached out and started to play with my hair.
With a groan, I closed my eyes and grumbled, Not fair. I can t touch you back.
Just lift your hand, she encouraged. I ll take your wrist and touch myself with your fingers. Wherever you want.
Opening my lashes, I looked into her eyes and swallowed. Now there s a dangerous game.
And there s no nurse here to catch us this time. Raina eased closer, her gaze practically daring me to say what I really wanted. Just name the place, darlin .
I shuddered and took another drink.
Raina eased back as if I d just rejected her, and I bit down on the back of my teeth in regret, wishing I could explain how hard this was for me, wishing I could somehow show her all my insecurities and concerns without her thinking I was weak and lacking.
I wished I knew how to be better at this.
Tearing my gaze from hers, I glanced around the room, feeling stupid until I noticed the pair of horseshoes she had tacked over her doorway that led out onto the balcony.
After taking another drink, I motioned toward them. Why do you have two horseshoes above your doorway?
Raina glanced over and sighed. Because I heard two superstitions about them. If you hang one with the prongs pointing down, the good luck is able to pour out and surround that home, protecting it from evil, and if you hang it with the ends up , it will catch all the good luck. I wasn t sure which was right, so I just put up two to hedge my bets.
I glanced at her, and my vision blurred, telling me I was fully feeling the effects of the alcohol now. So you re superstitious?
She shrugged. Not really, but this was horseshoe country, and everyone hangs them in Westport, what with the Stallions being our school mascot and everything. So I thought... She shrugged again, leaving the sentence unfinished.
I laughed. Might as well go all out if you were going to go all in, huh?
Raina nodded and then sighed. If it actually works, I can t tell if it s served me with good luck or bad. I mean, I lost my sister, I m in a coma, and my soul is currently severed from my body. Then again, I was the only survivor of that accident—so far, anyway—and I get to spend every day with you.
Sounds like you got a little of both since you hung them both ways, I mused, glancing up at the two horseshoes.
Yeah, she murmured, seemingly depressed that life had given her a confusing mix of good and bad.
You know, I admitted. I never told anyone this before, but I don t treat horseshoes like good luck charms. To the Greeks, they were a sign of Omega, the last letter of their alphabet; so for me, horseshoes marked the end of life. And now, whenever I see them above a doorway, I don t touch them for good luck. I touch them to remember Hayes.
I like that, Raina decided with a soft smile. Glancing up at the horseshoes, she murmured, Hey, Kins. I miss you. Then she popped over to the door to slap both horseshoes before popping back onto the bed with me.
Turning to me, she rolled her eyes, even as she grinned. I feel like she just answered, Pookie. Do the wild, crazy thing. Live life to the fullest. Go for what you want the most .
I nodded slowly before asking, And what would you go for right now if you could?
Sighing dismally, she cocked her head as she studied me from head to toe. Then she said, That s easy. I d go for you.
My eyebrows lifted with interest. Me?
When she nodded, the warmth in her hazel-gray eyes stirred up a crazy heat inside me.
Taking a moment to savor the sensation, I wetted my lips before answering, Well, if you did decide to come after me, I think I might just let you catch me.
Really? Scooting closer, she asked, I thought you didn t like sex and dating.
But I like you , I countered. Besides. With a one-shouldered shrug, I admitted, I only said that because I never had any luck with any of it.
Yeah, right. She snorted in disbelief. You never had any luck with sex or dating?
I made a dejected, sadly-it s-true face to affirm it. The longest relationship I was ever in was during middle school. We were together for five months and never did anything past hand-holding and a couple of chaste kisses before her dad got transferred to Oklahoma, and I never saw her again.
Tragic, she agreed with a shake of her head, even though she didn t look sympathetic in the least.
Wow. I laughed over her lack of compassion. You really don t believe me, do you?
Afraid not. Sorry. I have a feeling you do just fine with sex and dating.
Oh, really? Alright, then. Allow me to convince you. I rubbed my hands together, prepared to prove her wrong.
And she scoffed. Please do.
Fine. After Nell in middle school, I didn t get involved with anyone else until my sophomore year of high school. Her name was Ana Maria, and I really liked her. I took her to a movie and kissed her during the end credits. The next weekend, I got the flu and was stuck home in bed with a hundred-and-two-degree fever. So she went to a party without me, got totally wasted, I guess, and gave her virginity to some other guy.
Raina pressed a hand to her chest and gasped. Holy shit.
I glanced down at my lap. Yeah. It was with Parker too. Which made things epically worse.
She didn t catch on at first. But after a moment of squinting, her eyes widened. You mean, your friend Parker? Who we re naming our firstborn after? She slept with him ?
Yep. When her mouth dropped open, I quickly defended, He had no idea I liked her, though. I mean, they all knew I d gotten a crush on someone, but I hadn t told them her name because she wasn t exactly allowed to date yet—she d had to tell her parents she was meeting her friends at the theater the night we went to the movies together. Even though I knew I could trust my guys to keep it a secret, I didn t want to risk getting her into trouble. With a shrug, I flailed out a helpless hand. He felt like shit afterward, trust me. He couldn t apologize enough. And she told me she was sorry too. But I guess I d been moving too slowly, and so she didn t think I was all that interested in her, and…well, you know.
You d only gone out together one time! Raina cried in outrage. And you agreed to sneak out to the movies for her, against her parents wishes, which honestly doesn t sound like something you d do, so that proved you liked her a lot , she argued, looking aghast.
I smiled, charmed that she actually got that about me. You re right, I affirmed. I wouldn t have agreed to sneak out with her unless I really liked her that much. I shrugged. But it s fine. It s whatever. It wasn t meant to be, so I guess I m glad I found out sooner rather than later that we weren t suited. Except... Wincing at her, I had to confess, I m sure that was why Parker sent you my way that night. He felt as if he owed me something.
God. Raina pressed a hand to her gut and shook her head. And then I teased you about going out with him when I woke up if you didn t get to me fast enough. God, Foster, I am so sorry.
I waved my hand, dismissing her concerns. It s fine. I knew you were just joking.
But I never would ve joked about something like that if I d known everything.
I know, I told her, gazing at her softly because her soul was too sweet and kind to try to hurt me that way.
Huffing out a breath, she answered, Okay, so that relationship was bad luck. I m sure they all weren t?—
Oh, every single story I have is just as sucky as that one, I assured. Then I shook my head and just admitted, I ve never been with a girl who s wanted to be with me a second time. Does that convince you of anything? Like, I m so bad at it I m not even good enough to rate a second round. I m just a…one-and-done loser.
No, she started loyally, shaking her head to deny such a claim. That can t be true.
Oh, but it is. Needing her to understand, I started in again, The first time—when I lost my virginity—it was between my junior and senior years of high school. Alec and I went to this kind of camp thing together for six weeks, where we volunteered to help build houses for people. And I met Laurel there.
Laurel, Raina hissed with a wrinkle of her nose as if she was already prepared to dislike the poor girl.
We hit it off immediately, I started. And I came on a little stronger than I had sophomore year, so I wouldn t lose my chance the way I had with Ana Maria, and we had sex about four weeks in. But the very next day, she spread a rumor among the other teens about how bad it d been. So, see… I suck at sex.
Wait. Raina lifted a hand to stop me. She did what ? You ve got to be kidding me.
Nope. I was so humiliated I went home, like, the next day.
So would I, Raina exploded. I can t believe that bitch! I mean, first of all, it was your first time. What the hell was she expecting? Casanova? Wait. She did know it was your first time, right?
Of course. I nodded. We knew it was both of our first times. After I was gone, Alec told me he confronted her, and she couldn t apologize enough for the rumor. She claimed it was all a big misunderstanding. I guess she told some other girls about us, or they learned about us, or something. I don t know. But when one of them asked how I was, she told them it had been awful because she was worried that they d try to steal me away from her if they thought I was very good at it.
Raina furrowed her brow. And you believed that?
I only shrugged. To be honest, I d rather believe that than learning I was straight-up terrible at it, but no, I didn t really believe it.
I m sure you weren t terrible, she insisted loyally. Did she ever clear your name?
Nah. Alec said she went home not long after that too.
With a disappointed sigh, Raina shook her head. What an idiot. I cannot believe she would do that to you. Did you ever talk to her again?
No. She tried to reach out on social media, but I blocked her.
Good.
I smiled at her reaction.
But, you know, she started, sounding logically thoughtful. That shouldn t make you think you re bad at it. So far, it just sounds as if you ve only had bad luck choosing the girl . What about all the others?
You mean, all two of the others? I asked dryly.
Two? Her eyes widened. Wait. Wait. You ve only been with three different people and had sex a total of three times?
I grimaced through the misery of hearing that announced aloud. Pretty pathetic, huh?
Whoa, was all she could murmur as she shook her head slowly in amazement. Which made me infinitely curious about her.
How many times have you— Except I cut myself off right there, realizing that was about the most inappropriate thing to ever ask a girl. Waving my hand with a cringe, I gushed, Sorry. Scratch that question.
But she didn t seem to mind being asked.
Okay, so I ve only been with one guy, she relented. But we did it way more than three times.
You had a serious boyfriend? I asked, feeling jealousy seep from my pores.
She nodded. In high school, from sophomore year to halfway through my senior year. He was a year older and went to college first, where he decided he didn t like long-distance or being tied down when there was so much college pussy around to experience.
I grimaced for her. Gah. That sucks.
It really did, she agreed sadly. I thought we were going to be high school sweethearts who grew old together and celebrated our seventy-fifth anniversary with our great-great-grandchildren, and he was going to be the only person I was ever with. Pausing, she shuddered with revulsion. Oh my God. If I don t wake up, he will be. Turning to me in horror, she wailed, I don t want Matty Rowland to be the only jackass I ever had sex with.
My heart wrenched for her. I hated that she felt about as unlucky with relationships as I did. But it also made me feel more on her level too. She might just be able to understand my plight after all.
Waving her hand as if to air out such odorous thoughts, she wrinkled her nose and announced, Okay, I need some distraction from that. Finish telling me about all your women.
I laughed uneasily. I don t want to bore you with my?—
Oh, I m anything but bored, she insisted. Now talk.
This time, my laugh was more amused. Okay, okay. So after Laurel was Sydney. She was a summer fling between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. She came to Westport with her family for a few weeks to rent a place on the beach.
And? Raina insisted, rolling her hand.
I shrugged. And nothing. We clicked, and the day after we finally hooked up, she went back home with her parents…without telling me.
Raina winced. Ouch.
With a nod to agree, I continued, She left me a note, though, telling me how sorry she was for leaving so soon. The worst part was when she asked me to not contact her again because she had a boyfriend back home.
What ? Raina s mouth dropped open. Oh my God. Did you know?
Of course not.
Holy shit.
Yeah, I agreed dismally. It was super not fun to learn that I d been involved in a cheating situation. But I have to admit, Emma telling me she was going back to her husband sucked even more. I didn t even cheat with that one, and yet I feel way more like a cheater between those two than I ever did with Sydney.
Raina blinked at me in confusion. Emma?
Mrs. Crowder, I clarified. My sister s best friend s mom.
Oh! Right. Her . Your Mrs. Robinson.
I cringed over the Mrs. Robinson term. Even though it was apt.
Beside me, Raina blew out a depressed breath. Man, you really do have a terrible track record.
Right? It was about time she agreed.
Glancing at me with sympathy, she let her shoulders drop in depression, only to draw in a deep breath and then announce, That s it. We re changing your luck. Right now.
My brow furrowed in confusion until she gripped the hem of the shirt she was wearing and whipped it up over her head. You and I are gettin kinky. Tonight.