Chapter 29
Phoebe hadn’t planned to go swimming again so soon, but when she wakes early the next morning with the taste of wine and regret in her mouth, she grabs her swimming things without thinking, loading them onto her motorbike alongside her work gear. She tries hard not to glance into the window of Giuglia’s as she sets off, or to think about the delicious espresso she could be having right now if she hadn’t made such a bloody fool of herself last night.
Every time she thinks about what happened, she cringes. Of course Luca had stepped away from her. She had totally misread the situation and now she will have to spend the foreseeable future trying not to run into the person who works directly below where she sleeps. And ordering two separate coffees every morning from the Cosy Corner because the staff there refuse to serve her a triple shot.
She arrives with a headache pounding against her temples, but as soon as she sees the meadow and the water running through it, something inside her relaxes. Then she spots the group of women on the bank – Kate, Sandra, Jazz and Hester already getting changed and chatting to one another – and a smile appears on her face as they wave at her warmly.
This time when they swim, they talk a bit more about their lives beyond the river, Kate sharing her struggles with early motherhood and Sandra reassuring her that everything she’s been feeling is perfectly normal. ‘I had the most awful postnatal depression after my second,’ she announces breezily. ‘Often thought about running away to go live by myself in a bothy in Scotland. But it got a lot better. You’ll get there, sweetheart.’
Kate ducks her head underwater then and Phoebe wonders whether it is because she is suddenly possessed with the urge to look at the mud and rocks on the riverbed or maybe if it is to let tears merge with the river water. Either way, she bobs back to the surface seeming refreshed.
Jazz talks a bit more about the trials and tribulations of being a twenty-six-year-old back living with her parents and Hester updates them about her upcoming exams and how her application is coming along to study nursing at university the following year. As soon as she hears that Phoebe is a nurse, Hester’s face lights up like a Christmas tree that’s just been switched on and she bombards Phoebe with excited questions. To Phoebe’s surprise, when she tells her she is a community mental health nurse, Hester’s enthusiasm doesn’t waver.
‘Oh wow, that’s awesome. I’ve been reading up about mental health nursing as part of my prep.’
‘Have you? It’s a field that can get overlooked. I’ve had people tell me that what I do isn’t “proper” nursing.’
‘What a load of nonsense!’ says Sandra. ‘I’ve seen enough over the years to tell me that the mind is the most complex part of the human body. It’s easy enough to set bones or take blood, but navigating the human mind … that takes great skill. And courage, I’d rather imagine.’
‘Well, those other things are tough too,’ Phoebe replies, not wanting to undermine the work of anyone else in her field. But she’s always secretly agreed with Sandra. It’s one of the reasons she was so drawn to mental health nursing in the first place. The subtle complexities of the job, combined with a desire to help people through the toughest moments in their lives that came to her at a young age.
Her hand subconsciously lifts to her arm, where she traces the letters of the tattoo there. This too shall pass.
‘My job is a bit different to being, say, a nurse in a cardiology or gastroenterology ward at a hospital. I administer all kinds of medication, but I do a lot of other things too that some people – old-fashioned people – don’t think of when they think of nursing. For example, I’ve actually got an idea to run past you …’
Phoebe had hoped they would like the idea, but the level of enthusiasm from the swimming group gives her a well-needed boost.
‘What a great idea,’ says Kate. They’re back at the meadow now and help one another up the bank, which is slippier today from the rain that fell in the night. ‘I’d love to help, if I can.’
‘Me too,’ says Jazz, wringing water from her hair.
‘Count me in,’ adds Sandra.
Hester nods her agreement too.
‘Thanks, everyone,’ Phoebe says as she rubs herself dry, enjoying the buzz from the cold water. There’s a sound of quacking and feathers flapping as a pair of ducks descend on the river, ripples spreading out in their wake.
The women share tea and cake again, sitting down by the water and watching a few swimmers coming and going and a paddleboarder drifting by with a golden retriever perched on the front of the board. Phoebe takes it all in, thinking how long it has been since she let herself just stop like this.
She started the day stiff and hungover on her mattress on the floor, feeling like an idiot for everything that happened with Luca. But now she feels buoyed up by the swim and the support of her new friends. For the first time in a long time, she feels hopeful about the future. Maybe this new idea of hers can help her patients, but also maybe help her too.
She thinks ahead to her meeting with her boss Mel at the end of the day, nervous and excited to talk her through her plan and see if she can turn this idea that blossomed on the banks of the river into a reality.