Chapter 46
Kate spends a long time weighing up whether or not to tell Erin about the message she saw on their mum’s phone, but in the end decides she can’t keep something like that from her sister.
Erin: That does seem strange. Oh God, what if Mum and Brian are breaking up?
The thought has entered Kate’s mind too. As soon as her mum left, she went out to the studio to tell Jay about the message.
‘Shit, I’m sorry. Whatever it is, though, I’m sure she’ll tell you in her own time.’
She knows he’s right, but it doesn’t stop her thoughts from spiralling. But as she glances at her phone to type another message to her sister, she spots the time.
‘We’re going to be late for our swimming lesson,’ she says to Rosie, who has just woken up from a nap in the sling, looking around with wide eyes.
As Kate drives them to the pool, her mind goes round and round in circles, thinking about her mum and stepdad and what the message she accidentally read might mean. As soon as she arrives at the pool, though, her attention is snapped back to the here and now by the smell of chlorine and the sound of splashing.
‘Is this your first time?’ one of the mums in the changing room asks as she wrestles her wriggly son into a pair of swimming trunks while trying to get changed herself.
‘Yes, it is. I’m Kate and this is Rosie. I have no idea how she’s going to find the water.’
‘She might not like it at first, my Ivo didn’t, but he loves it now.’
Kate pulls on her own swimsuit and then gets Rosie into hers. It looks even cuter on than it did hanging up in the nursery and she takes a photo to send to her family and her lido friends. Sadness invades for a second as she thinks about Rosemary and how much she wishes she could share the photo with her too. But she tries to console herself with the thought that part of Rosemary will always live on because it was Rosemary who taught Kate to love swimming and now it’s Kate’s turn to pass that on to her daughter. God, she hopes she doesn’t hate it …
The water is as warm as a bath and stepping down into it makes Kate immediately relax. She starts with Rosie up on her shoulder and then very slowly crouches down so that they are both below the water level. At first, Rosie’s eyes open wide at the surprising new sensations, a frown appearing on her face.
‘It might take a while for her to get used to it, don’t worry,’ reassures the instructor. But the next second Rosie’s face spreads into a wide, gummy smile. ‘Or maybe not! She’s clearly a water baby!’
Rosie moves her hands about in the water, opening and closing her mouth in pleasure. That’s my girl, thinks Kate, beaming.
They sing some nursery rhymes and splash around in a circle in the small pool and even when water droplets fall onto Rosie’s face, she doesn’t seem to mind.
‘Right,’ says the instructor towards the end of the class, ‘now is the time to take our babies underwater, but only if you feel comfortable. Kate, as it’s the first time for you two you don’t have to if you don’t want to.’
Rosie seems very content, though, the smile from earlier barely having left her face.
‘I think I’d like to have a go, if that’s OK?’
‘That’s great! What I want you all to do is hold your baby in front of you at arm’s length with them facing you, supporting them around the waist. We’re then going to ask if they’re ready, then together duck gently underwater, trying to keep eye contact if possible. If you’ve got goggles with you, do put them on so that you can see their reactions.’
Kate slips hers over her face and Rosie gives her a half-quizzical, half-amused look. Kate kisses her on her damp forehead.
The other women and their babies take it in turns to duck underwater until everyone has had a go and it’s Kate and Rosie’s turn.
‘OK, then, are you ready?’ asks the instructor.
Kate suddenly feels nervous, but she looks at her daughter again and nods. She settles them both into the correct position, Rosie facing her, her eyes locked on Kate’s.
‘Are you ready, Rosie?’ Kate asks. Rosie blinks back, her body relaxed, arms and legs floating calmly. Kate takes a deep breath and gently they both slip under the surface.
Instantly, everything grows quieter, the other women and babies feeling a long way away up there on the surface. Everything is calm and blue as Kate looks across at Rosie, feeling as though it’s just the two of them in the whole world. Rosie opens her eyes wide, staring back. Her light red hair flows out from her head, her cheeks puffed slightly and a curious, inquisitive smile on her face.
As Kate looks at her daughter and her daughter looks back, for the first time since she was born, Kate doesn’t see Jay in Rosie’s face. She doesn’t see a rather sweet but alien stranger either. Instead, she feels as though she is looking at herself. There she is, in her daughter’s eyes, in her face, in her expression as she gazes back through the water at her.
There I am.
There you are.
When they pop back up just a few seconds later, Kate’s face is damp with a mix of warm chlorine-scented water and hot salty tears. She lets the droplets merge into one another and drip into the pool, a huge smile growing on her face. Eyelashes dripping, hair plastered against her small head, Rosie smiles back.
‘Well done, you both did great,’ comes the voice of the instructor. But Kate barely hears her as she lifts Rosie up in the air and then holds her close against her chest, feeling their two hearts beating against one another.
Once she has managed to get both herself and Rosie dressed and dry, she says goodbye to the other women. ‘See you all next week!’
She’s on a high as she heads back through the swimming pool reception towards the car park. But just as she is about to leave, her attention catches on a display by the door that she hadn’t noticed before. Copies of the local free paper, the Avon Times, are stacked in a neat pile. She smiles as she remembers how she made her own start in journalism, working at the local paper in Brixton. Whenever she travels somewhere new, she loves finding and reading the local paper. It always gives you an immediate feel for the place and the community. She’s been meaning to get a copy of the Avon Times since moving back to Somerset, but with everything else that’s been going on, it has slipped her mind. The date on the copies shows that it’s a brand-new edition, released just today.
She reaches for a copy, planning to put it into her rucksack to read when she gets home. But just as she’s about to fold it up, the headline jumps out at her, making her stop still. In one second, she comes crashing down from her post-swim high, her whole body turning cold.