Chapter 28 Kitty #2
“Your place is here, in Calcutta, not the nizam’s court,” Lord Sinclair continued, raising his glass to his mouth.
Was this what awaited me? Another form of control wrapped in polite suggestions?
After dinner, the Sinclairs, including myself, moved to the drawing room for tea and port, their laughter and conversation filling the air.
I excused myself, unable to endure the noise any longer.
On my way back to my room, I paused by a window overlooking the gardens, the moonlight casting the foliage outside into silvery relief.
The house felt too quiet, too watchful. The servants who had once seemed invisible moved like shadows, their faces as blank as the statues that adorned the hall, averting their gazes from me.
I felt an outsider yet again.
Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself as I stared out into the night, searching for some sign of the stars, some guidance, but found nothing but clouds blotting out the moon.
Had I made an impetuous mistake in mentioning my mother? Dared I pray? I had been so intent on securing my future, I had not truly searched for God’s leading before making my decision.
And I had been the one to mock Sebastian as a thoughtless man of action when I was no better.
The room I’d been given was large, its high ceilings and ornate furnishings meant to impress, with a bed draped in mosquito netting and posts carved from teakwood. A dressing table stood near the window, where curtains billowed faintly in the evening breeze.
Later that night, my assigned maid, Anjee, brought my nightdress from the armoire. She appeared my age, her brown eyes watchful. Without a word, she unpinned my hair and began combing it out. The sensation was soothing, but my thoughts churned restlessly.
“Have you worked long for the Sinclair family?” I asked, watching her in the mirror.
She hesitated for a fraction of a second before answering. “Yes, memsahib. My family has worked for Lord Sinclair for many years.”
“And do you enjoy working for them?”
Startled, she raised her head, her wide eyes meeting mine. “Is there anything else you will require, Mrs. Sinclair?”
That name . . .
I was one of them and not her—I was a part of the very family who had openly coveted the pearls of Hyderabad.
I didn’t press further. But as her hands moved deftly through my hair, brushing each strand, I couldn’t help wondering what she thought of this palatial house, of this family, and of me. When she finished, she bowed slightly and exited without a word, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I sat there for a long moment, staring at my reflection. My skin was flushed from the heat, and my dark hair fell in waves over my shoulders.
For the first time in years, I looked . . . Indian.
A knock sounded on the door, then it opened, revealing Sebastian before he stepped inside, his jacket draped over one arm.
“I wanted to check on you,” he said. “You seemed . . . unsettled earlier.”
I turned toward him, folding my arms while debating what to say.
He studied me for a moment, his gaze lingering on the dressing table and the discarded silver brush. “Anjee tends to everyone here. She’s very reliable.”
Fear rose in me. Fear that he would revert to being a Company man within the presence of his family and wealth, surrounded by so many servants who resembled me.
“She’s more than that,” I said, my voice sharper than I intended. “She’s a person, not just a name in your household ledger.”
Sebastian blinked, surprised. “Of course she is. I didn’t mean—”
I stood, cutting him off. “What does your family do for them? For the people of this community? You live in a mansion, as have I, surrounded by every luxury, while just outside people suffer—” I stopped myself, taking a deep breath. “How can I sit silently while the Sinclairs mock my heritage?”
He frowned. “I have not mocked you, Kitty. Do you think I’m blind to my grandfather’s flaws? Or Charlotte’s?”
“We’ve scarcely talked about such matters, and yet here we are, married,” I admitted. “I have not had a free moment to even ask how your grandfather reacted to Edward’s discovery at Limehouse.”
Sebastian leaned against the bedpost, his expression unreadable—leaving me to wonder at the conversation held behind closed doors. “He lays the blame solely at Lord Chudley’s feet.”
“You said Lord Sinclair is a man of discipline. Will he not seek to get to the bottom of the matter? I scarcely think Lord Chudley is the mastermind behind so much smuggling.”
When I rose from the chair, I felt the weight of Sebastian’s attention—the way he stared at my unbound hair and my peignoir—the heat in his gaze bringing a shiver to me, reminding me of that tiny cabin room we shared together, but I was far too angry to be pleased. “Do you believe him over Edward?”
Sebastian folded his arms across his chest. “No, not necessarily,” he admitted. “My grandfather wants more proof. He believes someone might be trying to impersonate a representative of the East India Company, and I think that is a reasonable concern.”
I stepped closer, my voice firm. “Don’t let him brush those crates aside, Sebastian. Whatever is in them—it is important. Edward risked his life.”
His mouth firmed into a hard line.
“And as for my mother, I cannot let your family hold me back from my search. You promised I would be able to seek her. Now I am told, no differently than a child, that I must stay within this house.”
“Kitty, traveling from Calcutta to the court of Hyderabad isn’t a simple trip from Seven Oakes to London.
It means crossing principalities, Company territory, and jungle passes—weeks, if not months, of difficult terrain.
Malaria lingers in the lowlands. And bandits prey on travelers long before they reach the Deccan.
It’s not a journey to undertake lightly. ”
I sucked in a breath through my teeth as I began to pace the room. “Surely escorts can be hired.”
“No,” he said flatly.
I stood toe to toe with him, breathing hard—so many accusations roiling within me, waiting to be unleashed. “Are you no different from my grandfather?”
Sebastian reared back as if I had slapped him. “Katherine, your tongue could shred a man.”
Not Kitty, but Katherine.
“Then prove to me otherwise,” I answered, blinking traitorous tears back.
“You could be kidnapped or far worse,” he rasped as he raised a hand to touch unruly curls. “I agreed you should search for her, but I never intended to send you recklessly into harm’s way. If word gets out that a princess travels along the road to Hyderabad, I cannot protect you.”
He was a singular opponent when crossed. Anger, I could handle. Tenderness? I found myself wavering when he reached out again to touch that curl dangling near my cheek.
I had not backed down in the past, and I refused to do so now.
“I don’t want to be safe, Sebastian. I’ve been hidden at Seven Oakes my whole life, and now here? Must I cower in Calcutta as well, forced to live within your family’s home without a place I can call my own?”
We no longer had a cabin to hold us confined, nor seasickness. Instead, we had two separate rooms with an adjoining door.
“Allow my grandfather to speak on your behalf. He will send inquiries for you,” Sebastian replied.
Would Lord Sinclair do so? I had no assurances from him. I rubbed my arms, suddenly chilled. There was no thrill in sparring with Sebastian. Would his family exert control over him, just as mine had?
“I do not trust your family, not after tonight.” Tears finally spilled from my eyes. This was not our first argument, but somehow it hurt more than anything I had experienced as of yet.
His eyebrows lowered into a frown as I waited for him to act. Anger simmered within me. What did I want him to do, exactly? Snatch me in his arms and press his mouth against mine? Reassure me that all would be well?
He hesitated as he studied my face, his hand falling back to his side. “Good night, Kitty.”
After the door clicked shut behind him, I sat back at the dressing table and stared at my reflection again. The woman in the mirror, with her long, dark hair and wide eyes, still appeared a stranger—caught between two worlds, unsure where she belonged.