CHAPTER 51
Kallias was very quiet when they got back to the cave. There was a cool breeze coming off the water, and already wet, she wasn’t sure she would be able to make it the whole night.
But she wasn’t ready to leave him either, not when he looked like this.
Maybe she really shouldn’t have told him.
Maybe he was rethinking the two of them, morose as his face looked.
That wasn’t so outrageous, she supposed, if before he had never realized he could die because of being near her. She’d probably reevaluate too.
That was her fair, logical side’s opinion. Her heart was furious if the thought had even crossed his mind.
But when he said nothing, she lay beside him and nuzzled herself against him. His arm seemed to loop around her unconsciously; his other lingered near his head, twirling a strand of his hair.
“What are you thinking?” she asked after a minute.
His arm tightened a bit around her, and he turned on his side to her. “I was just thinking about what you said. I’d be quite helpless out of the ocean, wouldn’t I? I’d have no way to get back.”
“No,” she agreed softly.
“And it’s not just about me either. If someone were to see me and know we are real, they might start looking for other mermaids too.”
“They probably would,” she agreed. The curiosity of man was as much a curse as it was a blessing.
“I saved you without thinking and I was trying to save those men. I wouldn’t have thought anyone would hurt someone who helped them.”
The truth was that sometimes even that wouldn’t matter. “People can be incredibly…selfish,” she said. “They can pretend not to see the suffering of others.”
He frowned. “Now I don’t know what I would do if I saw someone drowning, and I feel bad for even thinking that.”
“There’s nothing bad about thinking it,” she said. “It’s better to be honest with yourself if that’s what you’re feeling than pretend you’re not because of shame. And there’s nothing wrong with not risking your life for another.”
“You would,” he said.
“But it’s different.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah, I’m risking my life, not a lifetime of torture or slavery.” She wasn’t sure he knew those words and she was glad for it.
“I think I would still rescue them,” he said after a moment.
“You what?” She couldn’t help but gasp, and she felt her heart drop. How ironic that she almost wished her beau wasn’t as kind as he was.
“They might not tell anyone, or they might be unconscious like you were. Or I could probably swim away before they realize.”
“And if they’re fully awake and you have to swim them some distance?”
“They’re not really drowning then?” he said weakly.
“The boat’s sunk and they will if you don’t. What then?”
“Then I’d save them of course.”
She stopped herself from saying, ‘I hate you.” She didn’t of course; it was the words she hated, and she knew saying such words herself was pointlessly hurtful—a scar that never needed to be formed.
So she swallowed them back and pushed herself even closer until there was no space. “Fine,” she said, “but let me try to save them first. Okay?”
“But—”
“I know,” she murmured. “I know. Of course it’s safer for you, but it’s my job. I can handle it. I can protect you.”
He kissed the top of her hair. “I wish you wouldn’t,” he whispered. “It scares me to even have you in the waves sometimes.”
She laughed, pulling back to look at him. “Really?” she asked, laughing again. “I promise you I’m not that fragile.”
But his eyes looked as if he could still see her from that first stormy night, limp and unconscious and pale.
“I was worried you were dead too,” he said.
“But you had just fallen in, so I figured there was a chance.” He stroked her cheek.
“What if I had been too scared to save you? I never would’ve forgiven myself. ”
“I hope that doesn’t mean you’re looking for your next me,” she teased.
“Never,” he said, kissing her forehead. “Never,” he repeated with a kiss to her lips. “Never.”
Her mouth opened, the words, ‘Have you considered us going any farther?’ on her lips, but he beat her to it with words that caused her heart to plummet: “But I still wish you wouldn’t. There’s a storm coming tomorrow, Daria. A big one.”