Thirteen
July First
Fade
Fade’s phone vibrated just before his lunch break, and he was puzzled to see Shianne’s name on the screen. “Hello?”
“Fade?”
Shianne’s voice was a low whisper. “Whitney’s freaking out and talking about leaving. Did something happen? Did you guys break up or something?”
“What? No.”
He’d seen Whitney just last night, and everything had seemed fine. They were on great terms—he was still riding the high from his birthday. “I saw her last night. She was fine.”
“I think you should come over. I don’t know how to help her.”
He grabbed his tools. “I’m coming. Make sure she doesn’t leave.”
“Okay. Bye.”
She ended the call.
Fade left work, citing an emergency, and got in his car. Whitney had left his place that morning to go home and do laundry—she’d told him she was taking the day off, but not why. He hadn’t asked, assuming she was just done with her work for the week. Grabbing his phone, he called her. It rang for a full minute before going to voicemail.
“Fuck,”
he muttered, his mind racing. What was going on? Was it something he said? Had something happened at her house or work?
The short drive felt far too long, and when he finally pulled up, the front door was already open. The house was eerily quiet. He moved quickly down the hall toward Whitney’s room, only to find the doorknob locked.
“Hey.”
Shianne’s voice startled him from behind. “Through here.”
She gestured toward Brittanya’s room.
“Thanks.”
He barreled through the connected bathroom and into the dark room. Laundry was strewn across the floor, and Whitney was on all fours, sobbing.
“Hey, hey.”
Fade rushed to her side, dropping to his knees. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“No.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “I’m not. I want to leave.”
“Leave? What are you talking about?”
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her upright.
Her face was soaked with tears, and her upper lip was red and swollen. “I want to go home—back to Vegas.”
Her voice broke on a sob.
His brow furrowed. “Why? Whitney, what happened?”
She sniffled. “I left my brothers when I was seventeen to fend for themselves against our terrible father. All I’m good at is looking out for myself, because I abandoned them again when I came here. I’m a fucking terrible sister, I’m just like my mom. I left the city I grew up in, and I’ll probably leave you too. That’s all I’m good at”
“Stop.”
He gripped her arms gently. “They’re adults, grown men. They can take care of themselves.”
“I promised to take care of them, and I left as soon as I could. They probably hate me. I hate me.”
Tears slipped freely down her face as her body trembled.
Fade brushed her cheeks with his thumbs. “No. I don’t believe that.”
Her red, tear-filled eyes met his. “I want to go find them and bring them back here.”
“Whitney, no.”
“You’re not in charge of me.”
She pushed away from him, planting her feet on the floor. “You can either come with me or stay here.”
“I can’t leave, Whitney.”
He stood, mirroring her stance.
“Then stay here.”
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “I was on fucking parole when I left! If I go back, I’ll go back to prison and I’ll probably have to finish my sentence. Is that what you want?”
“What?”
The fight drained from her, and she dropped onto the edge of the bed, head bowed.
He crouched beside her. “If I leave, it won’t be good for me. I came here for a clean slate. Do you even know where your brothers live now?”
“No.”
Her voice was small.
“Do you have a place to stay there? How will you get back?”
She shrugged.
“What brought this on?”
He moved to sit next to her.
Her eyes lifted to his. “It’s their birthday today.”
Fade’s hand swallowed hers. “You’re not a bad person. You did what you had to do to survive. I wouldn’t blame you if you were my sister.”
“I hate myself for leaving them… twice.”
“Don’t. You can’t feel responsible for them. You turned out fine, and you didn’t even have someone older looking out for you.”
Whitney pulled her hand back. “You don’t get it. Andy needed me and Ow—”
“Babe.”
He cut her off with a soft exhale. “I was the younger brother who was left behind. I can assure you, we know how to make it work.”
He softened his voice. “Do you want to lay down for a little bit?”
“No.”
She wiped her face with her palm. “I need a shower… but now I want a bath instead.”
“Okay. I’ll get it started for you. Do you want a snack too?”
Her eyes met his. “Yes, please.”
“Alright, then. Stay here.”
He kissed her forehead and left the room, starting the water in the bathtub before heading to the kitchen. On his way out, he unlocked her bedroom door.
“Hey.”
Shianne’s door creaked open as he passed. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah. She’s just homesick.”
He didn’t stop.
Following him, she pressed, “I overheard most of what you said. Were you… were you in prison?”
Fade sighed, turning away as he grabbed things from the fridge. “Eavesdropping, Shianne? Really?”
He faced her with a plate of chips, cheese, grapes, and chocolate chips. “Yeah, I was. Margaret knows, so no need to go running to her. I’d rather not be labeled by my past. Do you mind keeping quiet?”
“Yes.”
She stayed rooted in place. “Is that why Whitney’s upset?”
“No. She’s known about my past the whole time. She just misses her brothers.”
“Did she stop going to therapy?”
Fade’s head snapped up. “What?”
“She goes to therapy Wednesday mornings.”
Shianne froze. “You didn’t know, did you? Please don’t tell her I told you.”
He balanced the plate in one hand. “You keep my secret, I’ll keep yours.”
“Fade?”
Shianne’s voice was tentative.
He turned halfway, exasperated. “What?”
“Do you think it might help if she talked to someone else who’s left family behind?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. Your call.”
Back in Whitney’s room, he found her still sitting on the bed, face dry but eyes tired. Setting the plate on the bathroom counter, he turned off the water before returning.
“Come here.”
He pulled her up, and she clung to his neck. “I love you. I’ll do whatever I can to make you stay. You’re safest here with me—and I think that’s what matters most to everyone, even if they don’t know it.”
Her eyes watered again. “I love you too.”
He carried her into the bathroom, setting her down gently. “Is your towel in here?”
“Yes.”
She pointed at the dark blue one next to the pink. But she didn’t move. “I don’t want to get in alone,”
she whispered.
“You want me to get in even though I’ve been at work all day?”
She nodded slowly. “Yes, please.”
“Alright.”
He sighed and tried to not seem inconvenienced by her break down, because he wasn’t and took his shoes off. He was relieved that it appeared her problem had diffused and she was going to be okay. She stood where he placed her without moving, “Is everything okay?”
He looked around for something that he may have missed.
Whitney’s shoulders momentarily jumped. “I don’t feel like moving.”
Fade stepped towards her and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head to place it on the counter. Then tenderly removed her bra, shorts and underwear before grabbing her hand to help her in the water. His eyes flicked over her with a soft smile as he caught his name inked on her skin.
She sunk into the water and Fade handed her the plate before she sniffled one last time. She sent an innocent smile up to him. “Thank you.”
Fade bent down to her. “Any time.”
He kissed the top of her head. “And I mean it.”
As he undressed he noticed how polite she was because she was upset, and that worried him how she wasn’t herself when she was this sad. He entered the water behind Whitney, spreading his legs around her and pulled her onto his chest as she nibbled a potato chip. “Is this better?”
She smiled at him and nodded. Fade scooped water onto her shoulders. “You know, when we came here they told me they had therapy available. Did they tell you that?”
She looked down at her plate. “yeah.”
He waited for her to continue, thinking Shianne had no reason to lie to him. “Do you need me to make you an appointment?”
“No.”
She continued eating. “I’ve gone before.”
“And?”
He saw the slight shrug. “I don’t know, I stopped going.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t think I needed it anymore. But obviously–”
She paused.
“Do you want me to go with you to your appointments?”
“No, I can start going again.”
Fade kissed the back of her head as she continued to regulate her emotions.
Whitney
“Thank you for earlier today.”
Whitney closed the door to his bedroom and set her purse down.
Fade opened his arms to welcome her. “Anytime. I never want to see you go through that alone again. I love you. Who was that when I left?”
She plopped onto his bed as he sat next to her. “Wolfgang’s mom. She left her brother when she and Amy came over.”
“Oh. Did talking to her help?”
“Yes, a little. Amy joined us after about an hour.”
She let her sandals fall off and curled up in his lap. “I just miss them. I wish things had been different growing up, and I knew where they were now.”
“I know.”
“Like, did they come back to Vegas? Did they keep in contact with each other, or are we all estranged now?”
She puffed out a breath. “I got along with one of my brothers — not so much the other. Typical.”
Whitney paused in thought. “Did you get along with your siblings? Do you ever miss them?”
Fade caressed her arm, his fingers tracing slow, gentle circles against her skin. “The best way to put it is they disowned me because of what I did. So I used the skeletons in my closet to build walls to protect myself from them. It was easier that way, you know? If I didn’t let myself miss them, if I didn’t let myself hope they’d forgive me, then I wouldn’t be disappointed when they didn’t. I guess somewhere along the way, I just stopped missing them altogether.”
He sighed, his eyes distant, the weight of old pain still lingering in his voice.
“But growing up?”
Whitney asked softly, sensing the depth of his hurt.
“I have a sister six years older and a brother ten years older. My mom didn’t have us close together, so by the time I was twelve, they were gone, off living their own lives. I remember when my brother left for college, and then my sister moved in with her boyfriend. After that, it was just me and my mom, and we didn’t always get along.”
He paused, his voice quieter. “They reached out every now and then, but like I said, after prison, they stopped altogether. I guess they figured it was easier to cut ties.”
Whitney yawned, but her eyes stayed on him, full of quiet sympathy. “I’m sorry. That must have been really hard.”
Fade shrugged, trying to brush it off, but the sadness in his eyes lingered. “I’m not worried about it. I’ve gotten used to being on my own.”