Twenty Four
November First
Fade
This was it. He didn’t know how to live on the island without her. She was ingrained in every detail, and the absence of her was unbearable. Incessantly, he sent another message.
Fade: I fucked up, and I’m sorry. I miss you. I don’t want this to be the end of us. I hate myself for what I did, and that my temper got the best of me. I started going to therapy. I love you.
And again, days later.
November Seventh
Fade: My therapist says I get so mad at your brother because it brings up old feelings of being embarrassed. I’m supposed to recognize my triggers and step away before things get out of hand. I want to apologize to you in person, Whitney. Please contact me.
November Tenth
Whitney
Each day dragged on. Whitney hated herself for cutting off both of them. She couldn’t live like this, watching two of the men she loved tear each other apart. Maybe in a different life, things would have worked out. But she couldn’t help wondering what she’d done to deserve this kind of karmic heartache.
Why wasn’t she worth making it work? She tried to drown the ache in routine, dinner with Aldous for some form of company that wasn’t Brittanya’s delicate, worried attempts to comfort her. Work. Home. Embracing the mundane. Tomorrow would mark three weeks.
But today, Shianne’s baby had arrived.
When she stepped into the hospital room, the curtain was pulled back, revealing a tiny bassinet. Whitney’s heart softened instantly.
“Shianne,”
she whispered, setting down a vase of flowers before pressing a hand to her chest. “She’s beautiful.”
The round-faced baby, tucked beneath a knit cap, already had Max’s long lashes and rosy cheeks.
Shianne’s face lit up, exhaustion unable to dull her glow. “Do you want to hold her?”
“Absolutely.”
Max carefully scooped the newborn into his arms and passed her to Whitney, who eased into the spare chair. “What’s her name?”
Whitney asked, her voice soft as she cradled the warm little bundle.
“Elodie Maxine Rowe.”
Whitney smiled down at the sleeping baby, feeling the weight of her tiny body. “She’s darling. Congratulations to both of you.”
But as she breathed in that fresh baby smell, something inside her twisted painfully. Fade didn’t want children. Was this yet another sign it wouldn’t work? Her heart pulled in a thousand directions, and she stared down at Elodie, the ache building.
“How are you doing?”
Shianne’s gentle voice broke into her thoughts. “Brittanya told me a little about what happened.”
“I’m fine,”
Whitney lied, offering a brittle smile. Her ears burned, and she avoided Max’s gaze. “Life moves on.”
And maybe that was the part that hurt most, life had moved on without her before. Her brothers had each other after she left home. She’d had no one. A tear slipped free, and she wiped it away quickly.
“Whitney…”
Shianne’s voice softened. “Are you sure?”
She kept her eyes on the baby, forcing the words out. “Sometimes I wonder if I wait too long, I’ll miss my chance to have one of my own.”
Shianne frowned. “You’re only a year and a half older than I am. What do you mean, wait too long?”
She shrugged. “The whole biological clock thing gets to me sometimes.”
Carefully, she stood and placed Elodie back into the bassinet. “I need to get going. I’m meeting someone for dinner.”
The lie felt thin. “Congratulations again,”
she said, her voice bright and fake, and hurried out before her composure crumbled completely.
Walking out of the room she felt her cheeks warm before her tears rolled down them while her stomach tightened and briskly exited the building. She looked down at the back of her hand after wiping her jaw and noticed flecks of black and didn’t care anymore. There was no fixing her make up and she succumbed to her emotions as she slid into the driver side. Her heart ached for Fade and Whitney began sobbing in the hospital parking lot.
She wanted him, she wanted to marry him and wanted to have a family with him. It stung knowing he wasn’t interested in the last part. She didn’t know if she wanted kids either until she met him and certainly after holding Elodie. Whitney then knew she was supposed to be a mother, a better one than she got and she only wanted this with Fade. His anger and past haunted him and that spilled onto her.
With her face, neck and chest damp, she stared at the leaves in the tree dance as her emotions regulated and listened to nothing but her thoughts and the growing realization from the choices she made.
Whitney flipped the visor down in the driveway and touched her eyes in an attempt to manipulate the black back into place. Not working, she wiped what had fallen onto her cheeks and headed inside with her sunglasses on.
She quietly closed the door behind her, dropped her bag on the couch and rounded the corner into the hallway, missing Brittanya. Whitney walked into her room and turned the bathroom light on and reapplied her eye makeup to avoid questions. She heard Brittanya shuffling in her room and quickly finished, retreating back into her room.
The two young roommates were gone as usual for a Friday evening and she wanted to see what Brittanya was up to for the rest of the day. “Brittanya?”
She turned the knob and pushed the door open.
Brittanya bolted upright in bed, clutching the sheets to her chest.
“Oh shit, sorry—”
Whitney started, backing out and then she noticed the figure beneath the covers.
Her brother.
It took far too long for her shocked brain to register whether it was Orion or Aldous.
“I can explain.”
Brittanya spoke.
Speechless she double checked her brother to see a scarless eyebrow, Whitney held up a hand and averted her eyes, “Nope, sorry.”
She closed the door. Aldous and Brittanya? Aldous? She was slightly impressed that he had the guts to go for her, he had been pretty shy his whole life, especially towards women. She looked at her phone after it buzzed.
Fade: Do you want any of your stuff?
She ignored him again. She didn’t want her stuff, she wanted to be able to call him and tell him what she just witnessed. She wanted to feel the happiness of what it was like to see him after a long day or to feel her engagement ring and think of him in the middle of work. Whitney missed him, she never responded to his messages because she knew she would fold after his first invite to come over. She appreciated him going to therapy and knew it would be good for him but he started attending a little too late. The love she had for Fade didn’t subside.
Brittanya’s door opening echoed into the quiet house and Whitney sat at the kitchen table waiting for them. “Hey.”
She called to the back of Aldous as he tried sneaking out, “Come over here. Where’s Brittanya?”
“Getting dressed.”
“Sit down.”
She gestured to the table and Aldous sat next on the other end of the table. “Do you think I'm going to beat you or something?”
“No.”
She rolled forward resting her arms on the table. “How’s Orion?”
He shrugged. “Fine?”
“I’m sure he’s fine without me in his life.”
Aldous sighed. “You know that’s not true Whitney.”
“You guys went ten years without me. Why would he need me now?”
“You’re our sister, we wouldn’t have come here if we didn’t care to be with you.”
He leaned back with his hands in his lap. Brittanya’s door opened and closed before she appeared in the living room and stopped, startled to see Aldous still there.
“Hi.”
She squeaked out.
“Hey, come sit.”
Brittanya sat next to Aldous cautiously.
“How long has this been going on?”
Her finger wiggled between the two of them.
Brittanya exhaled, “I don’t know, a few weeks?”
“What?”
She dropped her hand to the table, shocked. “What the hell? Why didn’t I know?”
Aldous opened his mouth. “We thought you would disapprove.”
“No actually. If it was Orion, then yes. I actually like this for you two. Are you dating or just fooling around?”
Brittanya cleared her throat. “It’s hard to date when you’re being sneaky.”
Whitney stood. “You two can date if you want, I just didn’t want Orion getting involved with Brittanya, she’s too good for him. Aldous on the other hand, you have my blessing.”
“Hey Whitney?”
She turned and looked at Aldous. “Yeah?”
“I thought you would like to know, Fade came over to our house a few days ago and apologized to Orion.”
Her brow crinkled. “What?”
It was like another stab in the heart, why couldn’t he have been like this when they were together, all of this should have happened a month ago. This made things harder.
“He was cordial and short but he seemed sincere.”
“How did Orion react?”
Aldous stood. “He didn’t seem to care, you know how he is.”
“I do know.”
She bit the inside of her lip, “I’m going to go sit at the beach for a bit. Aldous, you’re welcome to be here as Brittanya’s guest.”
She grabbed her bag, dropped her sunglasses to her face and held it in before closing the door before letting her emotions overcome her again.
November Fourteenth
Fade: I still miss you.
November Seventeenth
Fade
“How are things going?”
Wolfgang approached Fade at the gym, aware of his situation.
He grumbled, “Great.”
Wolfgang offered to spot Fade as he bench pressed. “Are you still going to therapy?”
“Ya.”
he groaned, resting the bar in the rack. “I guess it’s helping.”
Wolfgang picked up his water. “Have you talked to her about it?”
After his set, Fade grabbed a drink from his bottle as well. “No, she won’t respond to my text messages, I saw her at work the other day, she looked at me and turned the other way before I could say anything.”
“Ouch. She’s pissed.”
Fade placed his bottle back next to the base of the bench. “I guess, I just wish she would let me see her so I can tell her that I am trying.”
“June’s going over there tomorrow.”
His head nodded to the side, “Maybe she’ll get an idea.”
“Nah, I don’t want to get you guys wrapped up in this.”
He laid back down and continued to his next set.
November Eighteenth
Whitney
“Hi!”
June stepped inside with a bottle of wine, a few snacks and gave Whitney a hug. “How are things?”
Whitney sighed. “Fine, I guess.”
She closed the door.
“How are you doing with the breakup?”
June’s caring embrace and hearing the word breakup was all it took before Whitney's eyes watered. “My heart fucking hurts, I miss him and I hate that I had to do it.”
June wrapped her arms around her again. “I'm sorry Whitney, Wolfgang talks to him at the gym. He seems to be taking it rough because Fade's there when arrives and stays late.”
Whitney dropped to the couch. “This island feels so empty without him.”
“How are you coping with it? Are you still going to Dr. Weaver?”
“No. My mind gets cleared best when I get a coffee and go to the beach and I just sit to sort my thoughts.”
She wiped her cheek.
“If you ever need anybody to go sit with you. Brittanya and I are here.”
June sat next to her on the couch and wrapped an arm around her.
“Well, it sure as hell won't be Brittanya.”
June looked at her perplexed. “What do you mean? Are you upset with her too?”
“No,”
She exhaled, “I caught her and Aldous in bed together.”
The space between them grew and June pushed back in shock. “What? Are you okay with that?”
Whitney smiled. “It's fine. I was more worried about her and Orion, that I never thought about how perfect Aldous would have been for her.”
June looked at Whitney as she placed the bottle of wine on the coffee table after pouring two generous glasses. “So you haven't seen Orion since your birthday either?”
She handed her a glass.
“No, I'm still mad at both of them. All Orion has done is antagonize Fade and Fade can't control his temper. They both make me feel like I am not good enough to make an effort for.”
“Where do you see this going? Are you and Fade done for good?”
Whitney turned to her. “June, I wish I never broke up with him.”
Her lip drew downward and her brow furrowed.
“Why don't you try talking to him?”
“Because I’ll forgive him too easily but I can't always be a referee.”
She sat for a moment. “next week would have been our two year anniversary.”
“I think it might help if you two talk about it. Maybe talk to Orion too and set boundaries.”
“I can't talk to Fade yet, I won’t be able to hold my ground and Orion is practically a lost cause. Nothing I say gets through to him, he just tells me what I want to hear and never follows through. I think getting space from each other will help,”
She huffed, “Like ten years wasn't enough.”
“Well whatever you choose, keep yourself first.”