Chapter Nine #2
“My break is over.” She grabbed the arms of the chair and started to rise.
He pointed to the chair. “I’ll let you know when it’s over.”
Addison slowly sat again.
“Answer the question.”
He took a deep drag from his cigarette and squinted with the smoke billowing around his face.
“In case you’ve missed it, a heart transplant is kind of a big deal. I’ve had a lot going on in the last few years.”
His gaze hardened. “I didn’t miss anything.”
Dammit! Poor choice in wording to even suggest anything about the heart.
“I haven’t dated much since my surgery.” She shrugged. “I’ve got bigger things on my mind.”
“Like reaching out to Cleo?”
“I’m sure Cleo explained how this all works. She had to sign a consent form in order for me to reach out to her. I was given her info, but she had none of mine.”
There was no softness coming from Cross. No encouragement to go on with her story. But she did anyway. If he was still listening, she owed it to him to share.
“I lost track of how many times I rewrote that first letter to Cleo. Nothing sounded appreciative enough. And I didn’t want to get it wrong.
” Her chest tightened remembering the stress she’d been under.
She needed it to be perfect. “After almost a month, I figured if I didn’t get it right at that point, I never would so I mailed it. And ten days later she wrote me back.”
“Why did it matter?”
She jerked her gaze. What kind of question was that?
“How could it not?” she blurted.
“He was a stranger.”
“Exactly! I knew nothing about him except his age, and he was a male. That was it. It was all they could give me.” She paused, lowering her voice.
“I remember thinking how weird that was because” —she cleared the knot in her throat— “Here was someone who was the source of my own survival. And I didn’t know a thing about him.
Not what he looks like, what his voice sounds like.
What his favorite thing to do is or what food he can’t stand. I knew nothing.”
“But you wanted to?” His voice was softer than she’d expected.
Yes.
She drew in a deep breath, keeping her tears at bay and trying to lock down her emotions.
But it was impossible with everything rushing to the surface.
She was hanging on by a thread. There was no reason to hold anything back at this point.
It wouldn’t change how Cross or the club saw her, but maybe they’d understand some of her gratefulness. And with that came full disclosure.
“I didn’t think much about my heart transplant the year leading up to it.
I can’t tell you how many doctors, surgeons, and even therapists I saw and spoke with.
I knew so much about the surgery and every detail, I could’ve assisted in it.
I thought I knew exactly what to expect.
” She sucked in a breath. “But I didn’t.
Because in the end, everything was a hypothetical.
If a heart becomes available. If I’m a match.
It was just one big if. It wasn’t real.” Until it was.
Her eyes welled, and she glanced up. She could’ve wrapped up this story with a pretty bow.
But if he wanted her to prove who she was, then she’d give him everything.
Even the ugly part. “You’ll probably hate me even more for saying this, but I hadn’t even considered the donor.
Because there was no person with a heart who had died and was a match.
” She sniffled. “Until I was an hour away from surgery and that hypothetical donor had become a real person. Someone who had to die in order for me to live.”
A tear streamed down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. This was not what she’d expected or wanted from this conversation. It brought her back to a time when guilt ruled her world, and her life was no longer about her.
Addison gripped the arms of her chair. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe Cleo is seeing me all wrong, and I’m not a good person.” Addison drew in a breath. “But not a day goes by that I don’t remember I’m here because Knox isn’t.”
There was nothing left to say. She stood and tucked in her chair, refusing to look at him.
The hairs stood up on the back of her neck.
Cross was watching her. The last thing she wanted was to spend any more time in his presence.
If he wasn’t going to leave, she would. She still had a few hours on her shift, but she’d take another break, and hide in the bathroom for a bit.
I need a minute.
Addison walked through the curtain, ignoring Barry.
“Where the hell are you going?”
She walked past the desk, not even acknowledging the girl sitting behind it. Once inside she made a hard right, almost slamming into Ava.
“Jeez, girl. This is becoming a habit with you. Gotta get you some collision insurance.” Her smile faltered as she scanned Addison’s face and stepped closer. “Are you okay?”
No, I’m not.
Addison forced a smile and inhaled a breath. “I need to use the bathroom.”
Ava knitted her brows, and slowly stepped to the side. “Yeah, sure.”
Addison lengthened her steps and turned down the hallway, walking to the end. She didn’t bother going into the bathroom. She leaned her back against the wall and closed her eyes.
Just breathe.
****
Cross finished his beer and ordered another.
It wasn’t uncommon for him to have a few while at the bar, but it also hadn’t been part of his plan.
He’d intended on talking with Addison and heading back to the clubhouse.
He wasn’t sure what he wanted or expected from her.
But he was unprepared for what he got. Now he was on his second drink he didn’t even want and waiting for her to emerge from the strip club.
She’d been gone for fifteen minutes, but he wasn’t leaving until he saw her again.
He had this unexplainable need to make sure she was okay.
“Why the fuck am I paying her if she ain’t even behind the bar?” Barry headed to the back in search of her. It was Cross who stopped him.
“She’ll be back when she’s fucking ready!”
Barry knew better than to argue with any member, especially Cross.
He cupped his mouth, sliding his fingers over his mustache, staring at the curtains.
If he had to guess, Addison shared more than she’d wanted.
His questions had led to opening a wound that ran deep.
He could relate, and for the first time since she showed up, he found common ground with her. But it came at a cost.
Cross stretched his arms, debating his next move.
If she wasn’t going to come out, then he’d find her.
This wasn’t over. He stood and walked through the black curtains leading into the strip club.
It wasn’t busy, and she should’ve been easy to find.
He scanned the room, but she was nowhere in sight.
He glanced over to the hallway for the bathrooms.
“Need a table?”
He looked to his right. Ava was standing a few feet away. She waved her hand and smirked. “We’ve got plenty available.”
“Looking for the blonde who came in here a few minutes ago.” He gestured to the curtains.
She glanced up at the ceiling then across the room. “Only blondes I’ve seen have been on stage.”
Bullshit. Cross narrowed his gaze and he was seconds from demanding to know where Addison went, though he suspected the bathroom.
“Well, this is perfect timing. I was coming to look for you, Cross.”
He jerked his head to see Mandee, one of the dancers heading his way. Why the hell was she looking for him?
“Addison asked me to check and see if you were still here.”
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise she was waiting for him to leave.
“Who’s Addison?”
Mandee leaned past Cross. “The blonde you were talking to about fifteen minutes ago.”
Cross’s muscles tightened, and he angled his head and hardened his stare.
For her part, Ava didn’t look the least bit worried or guilty. She mustered up a mocking smile and shrugged. “Oh, that blonde? Must’ve slipped my mind.”
Sure it did.
He made his way toward the hallway leading to the bathrooms. As he rounded the corner, he came to a quick stop, staring down the hall.
At the end near the bathrooms, Addison was leaning against the wall, her head tilted back, staring up at the ceiling.
He half expected to have to wait outside in the hall ’til she came out, but there she was.
He walked toward her, and she must’ve heard him coming because she jerked her head and pushed off the wall. Even from twenty feet away, he saw her glassy, red-rimmed eyes. She immediately turned, giving him her back. Her elbows spread out, and he guessed she was wiping her eyes.
Cross purposely slowed his steps as he got closer. As if she sensed it, she turned, forcing a smile.
“You’re back.” There was no missing the sarcasm laced in her tone.
She blew out a heavy breath. “Something else you need?”
Yeah, there is. He moved to the opposite wall and leaned against it.
“Chili.”
She furrowed her brows. “What?”
“Knox hated chili.”
He disliked most spicy foods. It wasn’t his thing. But chili was on the top of his list.
If she wanted to know Knox, then he’d share.
She blinked, sniffled, and let out a soft chuckle. “I’m not a big fan either. Cleo never mentioned that, so thank you.”
He lowered his chin. “You’re welcome.”
She leaned back against the wall with her hands tucked behind her.
“Favorite thing was the ride. Didn’t care about weather, temperature or the time of the fucking day. Knox was at home on his bike on the open road.”
She bowed her head but he caught her faint smile.
“Want to know more?”