Chapter 29
The worst thing for Maddie to handle was that Rex already had a child somewhere in the world.
No, she thought, that was not the worst thing.
The worst thing was she hadn’t known. She wondered how many others did, people who hadn’t told her because Rex was an islander, not a washashore like her.
He was the one they’d known and loved since he’d been a little boy, Grandma Nancy included.
How many others could have mentioned it but didn’t?
She started Orson and backed out of the parking lot without making a single driving error. Perhaps she was too tense about something more important than worrying about which gear she should be in.
Deciding that it was a perfect day to walk on the beach and think, she pulled out onto Beach Road and, instead of going up-island, she turned toward Oak Bluffs.
With the sun glinting against the sky, and the air as pure and fresh as spring, she made sure to notice the flowers blooming along the roadside—happy purple crocuses and yellow daffodils that would soon be joined by rich colors of tulips.
It was like that in Green Hills, though they would appear later.
Nature in the Berkshires had a slower timetable; maybe Maddie did, too.
Maybe everything had been happening too soon.
Should she go back to her old life, with a newborn in tow? At least she knew what to expect. She knew the people and the place and what and whom to trust and what and whom not to.
At least the bookshop wasn’t open yet, so she’d save public humiliation if she quietly stepped aside. With luck the townspeople could find another tenant, so it wouldn’t cost her every dime she had.
Driving past the center of Oak Bluffs, she soon came to the narrow strip of land that stretched between Nantucket Sound and Sengekontacket Pond.
After the small Jaws Bridge (named for its edge-of-the-seat role in the 1970s movie), Maddie steered Orson into a parking space and got out.
She walked along a sandy path bordered by thickets of beach roses that would unfold their pink and purple fragrant blossoms later in the season.
She reached the beach, where she looked down at the sand, where soft mounds were sculpted not by footprints, but by the morning breeze. She took off her shoes and socks, longing to feel the sand beneath her feet.
Then she moved slowly, her toes combing the myriad shells—quahog, scallops, razor clams. After only a short time, a hint of blue caught Maddie’s gaze.
Bending down, she scooped up a piece of sea glass, its color powdered by the dust of ocean salt that had taken many seasons in the water to create.
It was large, about two inches high, and close to that across its widest part; it tapered to a point, thus shaping a heart.
On a day when she thought hers might be breaking, it felt more than coincidental that she’d found it, as if it was waiting for her.
Her eyes teared; she slipped the treasure into her pocket. And that was when she knew what she must do next.
If she returned to Green Hills, she would raise the baby by herself, and stop being dependent on others—specifically, her father. She’d find a way to get a place of her own with room for the baby and for Rafe when he was around.
If she stayed on the Vineyard, she’d remain with Grandma Nancy and fulfill her unspoken commitment to care for her. If the baby’s constant presence would be too chaotic for Grandma, Maddie would reconsider how to rearrange the living quarters.
If Rex wanted to be a real father, that would be up to him.
Most of all, Maddie needed to feel in charge of her life as much as anyone could be.
It was something she hadn’t considered before coming back to the island.
Until then, having been raised in a small, safe town, she’d been protected—overly, she knew—by her father, which was not his fault.
After his wife died, his life must have been difficult.
But because Maddie had been sheltered, her expectations for her own life had, like Green Hills, been small, with no room for expansion. That needed to change.
She’d start by tossing out her expectations of others—which would free herself and them.
She would take care of herself, starting by returning to the hospital and listening to whatever else Rex had to say.
Then she’d carve out a future that had room to keep growing and adapting along the way.
She and Rex could co-parent. Or not. If nothing else, it would resolve the issue of where they would live.
Reaching into her pocket, rubbing her thumb over the surface of the sea glass made smooth by time and the tides, Maddie knew that love came in many forms, but real love needed an open dialogue.
Truth was going to be important for her, for the baby, and for Rex, if he was so inclined.
She could only hope that he wouldn’t abandon this child, too.
He wasn’t in his room.
Maddie glanced at her watch; it was past one o’clock.
Maybe Greg and Rosie were late getting him to PT.
She half considered going to the café for lunch, but decided not to.
Once Rex returned, she would not stay long.
It would only take a few minutes to say she was sorry for walking out, sorry for having taken for granted that this baby would be his first child.
She would, however, add that she was sorry he had not told her sooner.
Then she’d tell him she could not have him as involved in her pregnancy as she had hoped, at least not now.
She’d say, with honesty, that she and the baby would be fine. And then she’d leave.
With those decisions, she sat down to wait, and to hope that she remembered everything she wanted to say.
Ten minutes later the door opened: it wasn’t Rex, but a young aide.
“Oh!” The girl stopped as if surprised to see someone. “Sorry. I’m here to …”
“Mr. Winsted is in physical therapy,” Maddie said with a smile.
The girl grimaced. “I don’t think so.”
Looking at her watch again, Maddie said, “He should be. Usually, he’s there from eleven thirty to twelve thirty, so he must have gone in late. I stepped out for a bit, so I’m not sure when they took him.”
Tiny frown lines scattered across the girl’s forehead. “No,” she said, “they sent me in to get his things. He’s been moved to the hospital. To ICU.”
Maddie went rigid. “Intensive care?” The baby kicked.
“Yes. Second floor over there, too. But I don’t know if he can have visitors.”
Maddie bolted to her feet. “What happened? He was fine a little while ago …”
The girl’s eyebrows went up, then down. “All I know is I have to get his things.”
Grabbing her purse, Maddie brushed past the aide, rushed out the door, and sprinted down the stairs and toward the main hospital in search of the nearest staircase because surely it would be faster than waiting for an elevator.
She found it.
With one hand on her belly, she whispered, “Hold on, okay?” Then she bounded up the steps, two at a time.
The doors into the ICU were shut. Locked.
She bit her lip. Her eyes darted in all directions. Then she spotted a small sign on the wall that read PUSH TO ENTER. Beneath it was a doorbell.
She pushed.
Nothing happened.
She pushed again.
The door opened. A man in blue scrubs and a white coat, his mouth donned with a blue mask, stood in the doorway, blocking her view of what lay within. He asked how he could help.
“Rex Winsted,” she cried. “Is he okay? May I see him?”
“He’s being treated and is in good hands,” the masked man replied.
“Please,” she said. “I must see him.”
“No disturbances. Doctor’s orders.”
“But …”
“Are you a family member?”
“Yes. Well, I’m his fiancée.” She pulled back her cape, her baby bump quite visible.
His brown eyes didn’t reveal if he believed her. “Sorry. If you’d like to leave your phone number, we’ll contact you when his doctor says you can see him.”
“Any idea how long it will be?”
“No. Sorry.”
She shoved her hand into her purse and whisked out a piece of paper and a pen. She quickly wrote her name and phone number on it and handed it over.
“I’ll wait downstairs in the main entrance until I hear from someone. Please don’t let it be too long.”
“We’ll do our best.” He took a step back into the ICU; the door shut behind him and beeped twice, as if it had locked.
Maddie stared at it a moment, foolishly hoping it would open again. When it did not, she decided that she and the baby had had enough exercise for one day. So she walked toward the elevator.
She stepped inside and touched “L” for lobby. After an irritating pause, the door crawled to a close and started its unhurried descent. Maddie hugged her middle, her tears falling faster than the elevator.
Then, when Maddie thought this day couldn’t get any more miserable, the elevator stopped, the door opened, and Grandma and Joe stood there.
“What the devil’s going on?” Grandma barked, her voice bigger than her frail body.
“They told us he’s in ICU?” Joe, the calmer of the half siblings, spoke softly yet with concern.
“Don’t bother going up,” Maddie said, wiping her tears. “I have no idea what happened, why they moved him so … suddenly … from Windemere. But they won’t let you in. I already tried. We’re not family.”
“The hell we aren’t,” Grandma said and marched around Maddie, called for the elevator, and stepped right in. “Are you two coming or not?”
They rode to the second floor in silence.
“I’m Rex Winsted’s grandmother, and I demand to know what’s going on with my boy,” Grandma Nancy snapped at the greeter—the same man who’d turned Maddie away.
The man held up a finger. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
The door shut. Followed by the two beeps.
And the three of them waited.
Maddie’s back started to ache from standing on the concrete floor. Or from her sprint up the stairs. She put her hand on her belly again.
“Okay, Madelyn,” Grandma said as they stood there, eyes drilled on the door. “Why don’t you know what happened? Weren’t you with him?”
She flicked her eyes to the floor. “No. They had to get him ready for physical therapy.”
Grandma’s eyes bored into her, as if she didn’t believe her.
“Let her be, Nancy,” Joe said. “She’s as concerned as we are.
Probably more. Don’t forget she’s pregnant.
” He looked at Maddie; their gazes met. “By the way, congratulations. I’m happy for everybody, even for me.
It will be fun to have a little one around.
We haven’t had one in the family since … you.”
Maddie relaxed a little and smiled. “Thanks, Joe. I’m glad you know now.”
“Did you tell Rex yet?” Joe asked.
“I did. He’s happy about it.” Or at least he’d said he was happy about it, she thought, but did not add the rest. Instead, she shifted from one foot to the other.
Then the locked door opened again.
Expecting to see the same man in blue scrubs and the mask, Maddie took a step back.
The person standing there was Taylor.
“You must be the fiancée,” Taylor said, her words laced with sarcasm. Then she looked at Grandma Nancy. “And you must be the grandmother.” She shut her mouth and glared.
The muscles in Maddie’s spine tightened; she leaned against the wall.
“You been here all along?” Grandma asked.
“No. But I am listed on my brother’s paperwork as his next of kin. Luckily, I was in OB so I got here right away.”
“And they know you, right?” Joe asked kindly, because that’s how he was.
“As a matter of fact, they do. As you might recall, I’m an EMT.”
How could we forget? Maddie wanted to say but “minded” her tongue, as her father liked to remind her when she was a child.
“Is Kevin here, too?” Joe asked nicely. At least one of them was remaining civil.
Taylor shook her head, her long hair swirling like a pinwheel of ginger. “He’s working.” She did not specify where.
Maddie thought that unlike Rex and her, Taylor and Kevin could be labeled “an unlikely couple.” Yet somehow, they seemed bonded. Romance could be bewildering.
“Can you tell us what happened?” Maddie asked quietly, her heart weeping. “And if Rex is okay?”
“He had a blood pressure spike. Two-sixty over one-thirty. Not good. But it’s good that he was here. The nurse saw it when checking his vitals before they took him to PT.”
“It’s serious then,” Maddie said.
“You bet. This kind of thing often goes unnoticed. Which is why they call high blood pressure ‘the silent killer.’ But it’s coming down now.” Finally, she said something positive.
“Do they know why it happened?” Maddie asked.
Taylor shrugged. “When it happens like this, it’s usually due to stress. You saw him this morning, right?”
A saber of guilt sliced through Maddie’s heart. “I did.”
“Did you upset him? Like did you tell him you’re pregnant?”
Grandma went stiff with Taylor’s caustic words; of course, she’d had no idea that the woman already knew.
As for Maddie, she wouldn’t give Taylor the satisfaction that she might have flustered her.
“I did. And Rex is happy about it.”
Taylor pursed her lips. “Okay. Well, if you all will excuse me, I should get back to him.” She turned and knocked twice on the door. No doorbell needed. Not for her, the EMT. The next of kin.
“Will you call with any updates?” Maddie asked.
“Sure,” she said, unconvincingly.
The door opened. Before entering the unit, Taylor reached into her pocket and turned back to Maddie. “And I guess this is yours,” she said, and handed Maddie a piece of paper.
As the door closed behind Taylor, Maddie glanced down at the paper and saw the words: GET OFF THE ISLAND. AND DON’T COME BACK. She knew her name and phone number were on the other side, right where she’d hurriedly scrawled them for the ICU attendant.
Later in the evening, Maddie’s phone rang. The caller was “Unknown.” When Maddie answered, all she heard was breathing.
I never took a likin’ to that girl, Taylor. Maybe she’d been sweet and cute with that mop of red hair when she was a kid, but she turned into a nasty adult.
Or maybe she was only that way with me. Maybe I have a way of doing that to people on account of all I went through way back when.
Winnie Lathrop once told me I have a way of shutting people out.
If that’s true, and if Winnie really knew me, she wouldn’t need to wonder why.
But nobody knows me, not why I feel the way I feel or why I did the things I did.
Nobody knows those things, not even Joe.
I made sure of it.
Besides, doesn’t having secrets make me just like other folks?