Chapter 23
The back door closes behind me and I pause, leaning back into it. I close my eyes, let my head thud gently against the wood, and release a slow breath.
“That’s a look that only comes from dealing with my grandson.
” I open my eyes to find Grumps watching me.
His gaze trails from my bloodshot eyes to my messy hair, then down to my bloodstained shirt.
Seemingly coming to a decision, he raps the end of his walking stick against the pavement, creating a sound like a starting pistol. “Walk with me.”
He turns away and starts making his way down the street. With no real reason not to, I follow, inevitably catching up with him in a few steps given how slow he walks.
“You got here quickly.”
“I was already on my way when I called, but Harrison didn’t give me the chance to say so before he hung up on me.” He looks over and studies my dishevelled appearance. “I’m guessing you found out about his mother, then?” he finally says.
“What gave it away?” I can’t help the bitterness leaking into my tone.
Yes, I had already suspected the truth about Harrison’s connection to Vivienne, but finding out for certain that he kept it from me is more painful than I could have imagined.
Grumps snorts. “The general air of being kicked in the teeth and frankly the whiskey fumes coming off you.”
“Yeah, you’re not exactly catching me at my best,” I mumble. “It was a…difficult night.”
“I can imagine,” he murmurs, his gaze once again skimming the bloodstains. “You don’t have to tell me the specifics if you don’t want to. I’m sure I’ll get the full story from Harrison, but you look like you could use a friendly ear.”
“Is there anything friendly about you?”
He grins. “Alright, a nonjudgmental ear.”
“I honestly don’t know what to say,” I admit. “My head’s a bit crowded right now.”
He nods, his brows drawing down. “I fear I must accept part of the blame, Sam. Harrison would have told you the truth about his parentage eventually. He does things in his own time, always has. The subject of Vivienne has been a tender one for him all his life. He was just coming to the point where he was going to tell you, but I told him not to.”
I stop abruptly and stare at him. “You did? Why?”
He inhales slowly, then lets the breath out.
“When I realised what the killer wanted Vivienne’s blood for, and that she’d been dosing herself with magic to render her blood essentially useless, I knew Harrison was in a very dangerous position as the only other living descendant of Constance Crawshanks that we know of.
I couldn’t risk the wrong person finding out or someone overhearing. ”
I absorb his words as we begin walking again. “I can understand that, but he had months before then to tell me the truth, and he didn’t.”
“Well, that’s something you’ll need to discuss with my grandson, but I can tell you this. You are important to him, and he doesn’t form attachments easily.”
Harrison’s building starts to come into view. The old man has led me in a huge circle to arrive right back where we started.
“I think you should go and talk to him,” he states. His tone is firm but not unkind as we come to a stop.
“I don’t know.” I frown, glancing down at my ruined clothes. I really don’t look—or smell—my best. “I should probably go home to shower and change.”
“There’s a perfectly good shower in there.
” He pokes his walking stick at Harrison’s front door.
“You may not want my advice, Sam, but as an old man, it’s my prerogative to give it anyway.
Just go talk to Harrison. You may not resolve anything, but at least you can clear the air.
Tell him how you feel. He has just as much to learn as you do, and he doesn’t have the experience of opening up to others.
He’s kept himself isolated for a long time.
” He offers me a small smile. “I think you’re just what he needs, but equally, I think he’s what you need too. ”
I look up at the windows of Harrison’s flat.
“Just tell me one thing,” he asks, and I turn to him. “Is he safe?”
I nod. “For now. The demon’s been returned to where he came from.”
“And the killer?”
“Issac Crawshanks,” I answer. “When Cordelia was incarcerated at Crowscroft Asylum, she gave birth to a daughter, who was then taken away from her. We have no record of her at all, but according to Issac, he’s descended from that bloodline.”
He chews his lip, deep in thought. “I’ll look into the family tree. We’ll need to make sure no other distant cousins come crawling out of the woodwork.”
“At least, not homicidal ones,” I mutter.
“This isn’t over though?”
I shake my head. “No, I think we’ve barely grazed the surface. The Crawshanks family have more than one secret, and it’s all tied to that bookshop.”
His lips tighten, and he looks determined. “Thank you for being honest with me, Sam. I appreciate it. Now, one last piece of unsolicited advice if you’ll indulge me.”
“Sure,” I murmur.
“Don’t leave things unsaid. You never know if you’re going to lose the chance to make things right. Harrison and his mother are a prime example.”
That’s a bit of a complicated example, but I get what he’s trying to say and give a short nod.
“Good,” he replies. “Then I’ll give you both some space. Tell my grandson I’ll speak to him later. I’ll be at Riley’s house, but something tells me I may be staying in London longer than I anticipated.”
“Okay, Mr Ames.”
“Call me Wallace. Or, if you prefer, Grumps,” he replies gruffly, then turns and strolls off.
He’s as abrupt as his grandson. At least now I know where Harrison gets it.
Taking a deep breath, I try the handle on the back door, then frown. Harrison didn’t come down and lock it behind me when I left. Locking it now, I head upstairs to his flat and let myself in. I’ve barely stepped across the threshold when I hear him crying.
It makes my heart hurt.
I find him sitting on the bathroom floor with his back to the side of the bath and his knees drawn up.
He looks up at the sound of my footsteps. I cross the room, slide down onto the floor beside him, and lean against the bath panel. Wordlessly, I take his hand and hold it. For a moment, we just sit in silence.
“I’m sorry,” he finally whispers, but I don’t answer. I don’t know what to say. “Do you think you can forgive me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I asked you flat out yesterday and you lied to me.”
“I know.”
“Why?”
“So many reasons, and all of them will sound weak.”
“Try,” I reply, trying to keep a handle on my anger.
“At first, because I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want everyone to know my mother didn’t want me. That I wasn’t good enough.”
“I expect a lot of adopted kids feel that way, Harrison, but I’m not just anyone. I mean, what the hell have we been doing the past several months? I thought we were at the very least friends.”
“I’m so sorry.” He swallows, and another tear rolls down his cheek. “I know you won’t believe me, but I had decided to tell you a few months ago, but then?—”
“Your grandfather told you not to.”
“You know about that?”
“I do now.” I rub my eyes tiredly.
“I still was going to tell you,” he says quietly, “but there was never a good time, and in the end, I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to ruin what we had.”
I stare at him, trying to make sense of what’s going on in my head.
“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers miserably.
I tilt my head back, resting it on the lip of the bath as I stare at the ceiling. “I’m no prize, Harrison. I’m broken in ways that I don’t even fully understand. I don’t know how to navigate this any more than you do, but I at least thought we were in this together.”
“Sam,” he chokes out.
“It wasn’t that you couldn’t trust me. It’s that I thought I could trust you.
” He chokes back a sob and more tears fall.
Unable to bear his pain, I turn and take his face in my hands, wiping his tears away.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you, Harrison, but you have to understand.
I almost lost you. You lay bleeding in my arms, and if Olivia hadn’t shown up, you could’ve died, and I would’ve blamed myself for the rest of my life. ”
“Sam, no.” He sniffs. “There’s no one to blame here but me.”
“I think there’s plenty of blame to go around.
But the point I’m trying to make is, I understand.
Viv being your mother was an incredibly personal and painful subject for you.
However, keeping that information from us put everyone at risk, but most importantly, yourself.
You were ready to throw yourself in that demon trap and sacrifice your life to close it, and that would’ve killed me.
We should have gone into that prepared, we should’ve known you were a target. ”
“I’m so sorry,” he says desolately.
I let out a slow exhale and press my forehead to his. “I know, Prickles.”
He sucks in a sharp breath at the use of the nickname.
“I get that this is hard for you, opening up to other people, but you’re not alone. You never were.” My fingers tighten on his face. “I’m here. I’ve been here all along and I’m on your side. Why can’t you see that?”
“Please don’t leave me,” he breathes. “I know I’m not—I can’t?—”
His voice cracks, and I press my lips to his briefly. “I’m not going anywhere, but I think we need to make an agreement here and now.”
“What?”
“No lies,” I tell him firmly. “Not by omission, not by evasion, not even for the greater good. You and I are each coming into this with personal baggage and emotional scars. Neither of us knows what we’re doing, so we have to be able to talk to each other.
We have to. Our lives are never going to be normal, not with the world we exist in.
Not with everything that’s going on. We don’t know what’s coming for us, but we have to be able to trust each other, especially when it comes to each other’s safety. ”
His eyes search mine and then he nods. “Okay,” he says quietly.
“Okay,” I breathe.
“Will you stay?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I really need a shower and some clean clothes though.”