Chapter 19 #2
“Oh, no. Buddy!” Bethany comes barreling into the room and throws herself onto Jacob’s bed.
“Shh, kiddo.” His tears break the barrier and slide down his face, and she smooshes him into her arms. He’s tense at first, like he’s still fighting it, but he slowly relaxes into her hold.
At first, I think he’s mumbling sad, nonsensical things, but at Bethany’s tensing shoulders, I realize I need to listen closer.
“Wh-why d-don’t they l-l-like me? I d-didn’t do anything w-wrong.” The sadness in his voice steals the breath from my lungs, but Bethany’s mantra warms my heart.
“You’re perfect. It’s not about you. I promise. They aren’t very nice, buddy. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re wonderful.”
I join in with her words of affirmation, and we sit together on my son’s bed and try to ease the pain caused by Dick Shitaker and his horrible wife. I wrap these two beautiful souls in my arms and pray for strength as I begin the process of cutting the poison from our lives.
I used to believe that family was family, and we had such a small number of people we could count that cutting anyone made no sense. I wanted Dick to magically turn into a man who more closely resembles his son, but instead, I’m worried his son has started to echo the characteristics of his father.
It’s time for some uncomfortable changes.
“I want Dad. Is he going to be home soon?”
Shit. “I’ll call him, buddy. Don’t worry about it. Why don’t you tell Aunt Beth about your class you’re taking this summer?”
Bethany gives me an unreadable look, but lets him turn his brightening eyes on her and start talking with extreme detail all about the course.
I back out and walk down the steps to grab my phone and give him a call. Shit. Does he even have a phone? He was emailing me. Double shit. She and Trevor don’t like to be in the same space.”
The call goes to voicemail, so I call Billy, aware that Trevor stayed in the apartment, even if briefly.
“Yello.”
“Hey! Could you possibly get Trevor on the phone? His son needs him.” I wander to the front door, look out the window, and pause. “You know what, never mind. I think I found him.”
“Alright, sweetheart. Good luck.” He hangs up, so I toss my phone in my pocket and open the front door.
Trevor whips his head in my direction, and I get a face full of hope and heartache in one glance. “Paige.” My name sounds like an answered prayer and an apology.
“Jacob needs you. Can—”
Trevor scrambles to his feet. “Is he okay? Is he hurt?” He’s already looking past me into the house, so I move to the side to let him pass.
“He’s not okay, but he’s not hurt, physically.” I follow him up the steps in time to see him standing at the door watching.
“You hear me, right?” Bethany’s voice is gentle and coaxing. “You are an angel, a blessing to our family. I-I am so happy you came into our lives. You have only been a beautiful addition to my family. Do you understand me?”
I slide in next to Trevor so I can see what’s happening beyond more easily.
Jacob blinks slowly once, but then nods in answer. “I will always love having you around, and I will make sure I do what I can to keep it a safe place for you to be, okay?”
“Yes,” he whispers. “I love you, Aunt Beth. You’re special too. You know that, right?”
Her responding smile is small—a faded version of the one she was wearing only a moment before. “Yeah. I know it.”
“You need me, bud?” Trevor steps into the room, his voice suspiciously gruff.
“Dad?” Jacob’s voice breaks again, and Trevor is there in an instant, gathering him into his arms, making our boy look like the child he still is. Sobs overtake him, and Trevor’s eyes reflect the sadness we hear pouring out of him.
“Shh. I’m here now. I have you. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you. I swear it. Shh.”
Bethany passes me in the doorway. “I’m going to go. Maybe let you two talk it out or give your family some privacy.”
“You’re our family, too, you know.”
Bethany doesn’t answer, but I hear the front door shut behind her.
Jacob falls asleep a few minutes after Bethany leaves. Trevor is staying with him for a few minutes to make sure he’s out, then he wants to talk. Whatever that means. I haven’t had time to wrap my head around anything, but I agreed.
I put away the food I prepped earlier, snacking on most of it the entire time, when steps alert me to Trevor’s presence.
I tense then relax when I see him lean against the counter across from me. “I think we need to talk.”
“I think you’ve talked plenty, Trevor.” His voice is infuriatingly calm, and I’m shocked by how angry I am.
“I know. I know I have. I want to clear this week’s schedule with you.
I know you don’t want to speak to me much right now, but I don’t know if you want to talk to Jacob about everything with all of”—he motions around us—“this going on, do you? About why I’m gone?
” Jacob’s face when he saw his dad walk into his room made the answer to that question nearly impossible to answer.
“I can’t sleep in that bed with you, Trevor.”
“Did you not read my—okay. Well, I thought I could wake up early and stay late to make sure I’m here whenever he expects me to be. I’ll be sure to go back to where I’m staying—”
“Billy’s.”
“Yeah. Billy’s. That way, we don’t need to have any tough conversations until we know. Until you are ready to decide how you want to proceed with … things.” I start on the dishes to keep my hands busy to avoid looking at his stupid face. “It’s up to you, Paige.”
I drop the cup I’m washing, and it shatters in the sink.
“Shit, honey.”
“Stop.”
He freezes, his hand outstretched toward me.
“Is it, Trevor? Is it up to me?”
“Well, yeah—” His fingers curl into a fist, and he lowers his hand. I remain facing the sink.
“Then why were you on the front porch only hours after I told you to get out? After I told you I didn’t want to see you?
Why are you here now, talking to me, pushing this when I told you that I do not want to talk to you?
It’s one thing to discuss our child, but I feel like you’re pushing the line, and I do not appreciate it. ”
He’s silent long enough that I think maybe he left me.” I swear to you, I wasn’t here to talk when I was on the porch earlier. I was coming in to get some things, and I don’t have a phone, but—”
“Borrow Billy’s. Send another email.”
“What?”
“Don’t just show up here. Find a way to warn me first.”
“I sent you—never mind. Paige, don’t you think this is a little much? It was a misunderstanding.”
I drop everything, spin around, and cut him off. “Did he tell you? What he overheard? What exactly was said?”
He holds my glare and shakes his head. “No. He wouldn’t tell me. He couldn’t get the words out, and he was … I needed to calm him down, you know?” Trevor waits for me to say something, but I remain silent. “Can you tell me? If he lets you know?”
“Yeah. He said that your parents don’t love him, don’t even like him, but he wouldn’t explain why he thinks that.” I meet his eyes. “I’ll tell you, but right now, it’s time for you to go. I’ll tell Jacob you went to Edgewood to get a phone if he wakes up later.”
I expect him to argue about staying longer, but he doesn’t.
He leaves, and I finish cleaning the house, then make dinner.
I get a load of laundry running, making sure Jacob’s favorite shirt gets cleaned.
I set my schedule for the week, including working with Abigail, with Cassian, Jacob’s classes, and the doctor’s visit I haven’t decided if I’m going to tell Trevor about.
I do all of this while tears run down my face, but I do it.