Chapter 23 #2
“Good, good. Umm, I also need to, uh—shit. I’m sorry about what happened in July.
I didn’t know it was you, and I was in the hospital, and then I had to make it through some physical therapy.
By the time I learned it was you, you’d been avoiding the store.
I know it’s my fault, but I heard that you were dealing with so much more, and—”
“Wait. It was you? Oh my Lord!” I throw my arms around her, cutting her off and forgetting about the ice cream in my hand. “I’m so glad that you are okay! It’s amazing how people were unwilling to talk. I was so worried!”
“Yeah. Yes. I, uh—” She coughs into her hand, backing away from me.
“I was driving the old business car, and the brakes weren’t working.
I tried—” Her voice breaks, and a shudder rolls through her.
“I couldn’t stop. I was horrified when I woke up in the hospital.
Nobody would tell me …” Her voice trails off as she stares into the space between us, her eyes going unfocused.
“I’m okay. I promise.” Thank goodness nobody told her about the babies.
She refocuses on me, her eyes lining with tears. “I’m so glad. Hey, let me cover the ice cream for you, and you can just head home to your fam—son. Shit, sorry.”
I actually laugh this time. She’s awkward as hell. “Thank you, honey. That is so sweet of you.” Frankie waves at me, then turns tail and scampers off to go do who-knows-what else she does at the store before I can say another word.
Settling into the beast of a car again, I wiggle in my seat and scowl at the gas gauge. Dangit. Already?
My phone pings on my dash, and a message pops up from Vicky, Becky’s coworker and a woman I’m growing very fond of.
Vicky
Are we still on for Joe’s tomorrow?
Paige
Absolutely. I’m on Babysit Drunk Becky Duty
Vicky
Perfect! Let’s see if we can get our girl back.
Tomorrow at 5, unless something comes up. I’m taking this to the group chat. Byeeee.
Byeeee
I sit back in my seat and tilt my head to stare at the ceiling. I want to meddle. I want to make them hear one another. I want to help them come back together, but what good is my input? My husband was dating another woman.
My husband was dating another woman.
Trevor was dating another woman while married to me.
He was dating Krista.
Trevor’s thread is easy to find when I release my frustration on him in a message.
Paige
Why the hell did you fucking date Krista you dumb ass. I think I might hate you.
My eyes bug out of my head when I realize I actually sent that. “Oh my God. Why, what? Oh, shit.” I stare at my phone when the dots immediately begin to bounce across the screen. Disappear. Appear again. Disappear again. I’m ready to throw my phone out the window when his message finally appears.
Trevor
Because I was stupid. Because I made stupid, inconceivable decisions. Because I lost sight of the most important part of my life.
Paige
Terrible reasons. You’re the smartest man I know. I guess she just made you stupid.
Trevor
NO! Not stupid from her. You’re the only one who makes me stupid
Wait, no.
That’s not what I meant to say. I mean that it wasn’t even about her. She was just there when I needed someone.
Shit. That also sounds terrible.
I guess no matter what I say is going to sound terrible since what I did was terrible.
It was never out of a lack of love for you. You are still my world. Life is colorless without you. My soul misses yours everyday. Things will start to change soon, I promise it’s coming sooner than later. It’s all for you and our family.
Trevor Calling …
I ignore the call and watch as the transcript picks up, imagining his voice as it plays across the screen.
Hey bab—Paige. I’m just letting you know that I will text you like I have been when I stop by to pick up Jacob for our night together.
I’ll have him home in time for his early school night bedtime.
I … miss you, so much it hurts. Ahem Anyway, I need to talk to you after I drop him off.
It won’t take long. Love—I love you, baby.
Stay safe. Drink your orange juice and check your blood pressure.
I put the SUV into drive and make my way back to town, heading to the gas station on the far end to support the locally owned station with the best breakfast. I feel safe driving it, but I miss the thirty-miles-per-gallon Subaru.
I felt safe in that. I don’t know what I’m doing, though.
It’s not like I know how to buy a car. Trevor always did that …
But Trevor also always did the dishes.
He also always figured out when wires got tripped, or got the groceries.
He was always the one to get me off.
“I’m doing all of that, dammit!” That’s when fate gives me a nudge on the shoulder, so I look over just as I pass by a car lot. A Subaru, identical to my own, is sitting in the center of the front lawn of someone’s home, waiting there with a lovely FOR SALE sign on the windshield.
Perfect.
I pull into our house with lighter pockets and in my brand-new-to-me car: a perfect, five-year-old Subaru Outback.
I called Billy when I had a few questions about what I should look for, but when he offered to come look at it, I told him that I would send him some pictures, and if he saw anything concerning, I’d let him come talk to me.
Something in the background of the call seemed off to me, but I was too focused on my efforts to pay too close attention.
He agreed quickly, shushing whoever he was with, though I have my suspicions.
Miraculously, Billy didn’t see anything concerning in the pictures I sent, and he asked for tons.
Apparently, the lady got the car from her great aunt, who was recently put in a nursing home.
She wanted it gone and gave me an incredible deal on it.
Within an hour of arriving, I left with a small, reasonable loan and my own car.
I was able to mostly pay for it without draining my checking account, but I saw an opportunity to build my credit.
It seemed like a good plan for future decisions.
I feel giddy with pride, but a little sliver of guilt creeps in when I think about leaving the Suburban there. Billy said he’d help make sure it got home, so it’s not like I sold it. The idea of completely getting rid of the Suburban hurts in a way I don’t want to consider.
Sitting in my driveway, my brain starts to drift.
I think about what those girls said about me. About what happened with Caroline, Josh, Trevor, and Krista. I think about how they viewed me. I think about how Josh has cut my hours down to practically nothing. I think about a lot, and look up at my porch just to see Trevor waiting for me.
Great. I forgot to think about this talk.