Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
PAIGE
Itossed and turned through the entirety of the night.
Images of Trevor at eighteen kept playing through my mind, but as hard as I tried, I could hardly remember him around the time Jacob was born.
Everything outside of the NICU is faded and unclear in my memory.
I was focused, locked in on one thing alone, and that was our child—tiny and helpless and hooked up to so many wires.
As the night progressed, my mind filled in the missing details.
Over and over again, my smiling, kind, fun-loving husband walks to the cold, darkness of the place he used to live, clutching a crumpled-up piece of paper.
His father opens the massive, creaking door—only getting larger and more demon-like through each new replay in my mind.
At some point, Trevor transformed into Jacob, and his father turned into him.
I gave up on sleep entirely after that version and started pacing.
Doing what Trevor’s father did is mind-boggling to me. I hate how much more I understand about the last decade with his family. I hate how much sense his choices make to me. I hate how right it felt to have him home with me.
“Nothing in that damn contract said please find your coworker attractive. Please touch her. Or Please don’t tell your wife about anything.” I pause. My pacing. “Okay, it did say something about that.”
I sit on the end of my bed. “He is paying our full, massive loan alone.” Wait, so that means—I look at my beautiful bedroom in my gorgeous house on our lovely piece of land.
“So all of this?” How wealthy is my husband?
If he’s been paying this whole time, and we still have the house and no concerns for any payments, summer classes, camps, activities, doctor appointments—nothing.
How much has he had to worry in the background?
My coffee is hot and ready for me. I block out the world around me and savor some sips while I sit back on my couch.
He didn’t have to hide it from me. I can fault Trevor for plenty, but I know deep in my soul that he would have cut off his own leg and sold it on the black market before he pulled what his father did to him.
I wrap my hands more securely around my comforting cup of coffee and watch out my window as the sun begins to light the sky.
I jump out of my skin when my phone rings.
I recognize the ringtone, but don’t know what in the world he could want.
“Yeah?”
“Paige.” He breathes out my name like a benediction. He has no right.
“Trevor.” That was breathy too. Hell. “What’s up? What do you need?”
He clears his throat. “I would like to drive Jacob to school from now on, if that’s alright with you? Like I used to?”
“I don’t want you to bring—”
“Just pick him up. I won’t cook you all breakfast every time.” He’s silent for a beat. “I still think you should at least accept food drop-offs.”
“No, thank you, Trevor.” A murmured protest comes from his side of the call. “I’m not as sick anymore. Anyway, Bethany and I are going to The Tea after Jacob leaves for school. She loves it there, and so do I. Also, your kid prefers the school breakfast options.” The weirdo.
“Alright. Okay. I understand. But can I? Take him?” The hope in his voice kills me. I’m not trying to keep him from his child. But you did keep him from your last appointment. A little annoying voice reminds me, inconveniently.
“Of course you can, but Trevor …” I think about how busy he was the last few months, “Don’t make any promises that you cannot—”
“I won’t. I mean. I will keep this promise. Things are changing, baby—er, Paige.”
I sigh. “When are you starting this?”
“Today?”
“That won’t work. You’d need to call the bus garage earlier than that, and the buses have already started their routes outside town.”
“Damn.” The sound of a blinker plays over the phone, and I have a feeling he was already heading this way. “Well, that’s fine. Tomorrow? I’ll call the school and make the switch, if that’s alright with you?”
“I said it was. Jacob will love it, but I won’t be the one to tell him.” As if he heard his name, Jacob comes stomping down the steps, a sleepy-looking Bethany following closely behind. Away from the phone, I greet my oldest. “Hey, sweetheart. Can I have a good morning hug?”
Jacob rolls his eyes and drops his book bag on the couch beside me, but then he throws his arms around my shoulders. “Good morning, Mom.”
I hug him back. “Good morning, son.”
“Good morning, son!” Trevor’s voice is audible through the phone, and Jacob perks right up.
“Dad?”
“Yes. He’s on the phone.” I hate this feeling. I hate this guilt.
“Can I talk to him, Paige?”
“Let me talk to him!”
Both Whitaker boys speak at the same time, so I give Jacob the phone.
“Hey, Dad! Good morning!”
“Good morning, Bud. How are—” Trevor’s voice fades as Jacob takes my phone further away. The giant grin on his face is a small wound on my heart. Am I doing the right thing?
A hand clamps onto my leg and squeezes tight. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re not doing anything wrong. Get out of your head.” She pats me twice, then lets go. “You’re taking care of a lot right now, alright?”
“I sent him away from his son. You know they’ve been inseparable since he was born—”
“You never said anything about how he could or could not spend time with your son. They have a special bond. I just don’t think you’re doing anything wrong in protecting your own heart.”
“Mom! Mom, can Dad take me to school?” Jacob calls from the kitchen, his legs swinging from the tall stool.
Before I get a chance to answer, he starts talking into the phone again.
“What? Why not? He listens again, but his now familiar scowl builds on his face. “That’s dumb.” He tenses then loosens, his shoulders dropping low.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said it’s dumb.
Dad, when are you coming home?” I hear the tears in his voice when he asks, and I fall against Bethany’s side.
“Bethany …” My eyes fill, but I blink those babies back. I cannot cry right now. Later. I can do it later.
“I know, honey.” She grips my hand. “It’s normal, and it’s complicated.”
“Okay, Dad. I love you too.” He sniffles, and my bruised heart cracks.
“Yeah, I’ll give her the phone. I love you too.
Yes, please.” Jacob drips from the stool and walks slowly to me, dragging his feet the entire way.
“Here, Mom. I’m going to go wait for the bus on the porch.
” He grabs the backpack, throwing it over his shoulder, and mopes to the door.
“Give me a hug, munchkin.” He stops, returns, and reluctantly scoots in for a big hug. “I love you, Jacob.”
His body relaxes into my hold. “I know, Mom. I love you too.” He leans back, and I sneak a kiss onto his cheek. “Bleck, mom!”
Bethany grabs him and pulls him into her arms “Give your favorite Aunty Bethy a big hug!”
“Ah, Mom! Agh, Help me!” His pleas are interspersed with giggles, so I decide to enjoy the moment of joy rather than step in.
“I could squash your mother like a bug, Bug.”
“Hey! Rude.” She smirks at me and ruffles Jacob’s hair.
“Tell your dad to give you a haircut the next time you get a chance, alright?”
The room falls silent when the screen door closes behind him. “You did good with him, Paige.”
“We did. All three of us, really.”
“Hellooo, Paige?”
“Oh, crap. Hey, Trevor. Sorry. I didn’t realize you didn’t hang up the phone.”
“I just wanted to verify some things with you before I go. Is that alright?”
Why do I suddenly hate how careful he’s being?
“Sure thing.”
“I can both pick him up and drop him off from school as long as I let you know?”
“Not for permission, but so I’m aware, yes.”
“Okay, that’s good. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” I mumble away from the phone. Bethany giggles, making me smile reluctantly.
“What was that?”
“I said, don’t worry about it.”
“Okay. Well, I won’t keep you. I love you, Paige. I miss you.”
“Bye, Trevor.” I hang up and fall back onto the couch. “I think I miss him.”
“Oh, I know you do. You both do.”
I close my eyes and see his anguish behind them, but that’s followed quickly by the lunches, the concert, and the condoms. But, how much was on him? The waters are so muddied. I can’t get my bearings.
Bethany pokes me in the knee. “So, is now a bad time to tell you that I want a job?”
I groan and sit back up to pin her with a raised brow. “Don’t you have that trust fund?”
“Yeah, that was just what my parents liked to call funding my life so they could control it. They found out that I’ve been staying with you, finally. Mother got the shock of her life when she realized my room was empty.”
They are the worst. It’s been ages.
“So, they cut me off, and now I need a job, but we can talk about that tomorrow. Tonight, you have a girl’s night, and I would love to be your hype woman for the day.”
“I’ll do whatever you need me to do in order to help.” I stand with a grunt and glare at her when she chuckles. “Let’s get some coffee and goodies first. Then chores. Then getting dolled up. You’re good with watching Jacob, right? I’m babysitting Becky.”
Her lips twitch. “Isn’t she older than most of y’all?”
“Yes, but we’re going to try to get her to loosen up, and Carter has always been there to rein her in, but—”
“But he’s the reason she needs to let loose.” Bethany nods, then stands too. “Well, you will need to carb up for your big night.”
“I’m not drinking, you nerd.”
“Nope, you’re babysitting.”
I sigh. “Fair point. I’m gonna get ready.”
“Me too. Oh! Let me help pick something that will disguise the twins.” She gestures to my belly, then pauses. “Well, one set of twins.”
I look down at my definitely grown breasts. “Also a fair point.”