Chapter 39 #2
He jerks up to his feet, knocking his chair to the ground. He shoots out his hand and points to Becky. “Call 911. Now.” His commanding voice rings out, completely out of place in the moment.
“What—Oh!” His arms sweep me up, and he rushes me into the kitchen, leaving our friends gaping in the other room.
I smack him in the chest. “What the heck? What are you doing, you psychopath?”
He talks like he can’t hear me. “How is your breathing? Your pee? Do you have a headache?” He lays me so gently on the counter and palms my cheeks, looking closely into my eyes.
“Do you have any bruises? Chest pains?” I shake my head, and he looks over me, just to lock onto my arms again and groans. “Fuck no. Not again. Not this.”
My frantic husband releases me and rummages around our cabinets, pulling out drawers and leaving everything hanging open.
“Where the fuck is it? Where is it?” He completely pulls one drawer from the cabinet and drops it onto the floor. “Goddammit!”
Becky stands with Carter by the door, looking completely unsure. “Uh, Trevor? Why am I calling 911?”
“For her!” Trevor points his shaking finger at me, then grips his hair.
“Fuck!” He opens another cabinet and pulls out our blood pressure cuff.
“Why the hell was it there?” He rushes to my side and slides it into place, pressing the button.
He holds up my arms and taps his fingers against my skin, alternating between looking at my arms and the machine.
Becky darts her eyes between us. “Trevor, what about Paige? I don’t know what to say?”
“Her arms! Don’t you see? Can’t you see them? Don’t you understand what this means?” His voice cracks, and agony bleeds through his words. He doesn’t look away from the machine. An error message pops up, and he gently rearranges it on my arm.
“My arms … What?” I look at my arms, finally catching up with the whirlwind that is my husband, when clarity finally hits. “Oh, no! No, no, no. Trevor, no. It’s not like that.”
He’s not listening to me, tapping my arm, and sighing when the numbers on the machine are healthy. His burning blues hit me. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“Trevor.”
“Paige!” He shouts my name, then curses low and under his breath. “Becky, you don’t need to call anymore. Please tell everyone that I am taking my wife to the hospital—”
“Trevor!” I can see the majority of our friends are crowded in the entrance to the dining room, but that’s not what’s important right now. My husband is spiraling.
He speaks over me. “Let Bethany know that we will be back as soon as we are cleared, but it could take some time.” He scoops me off the counter and cradles me into his warm body. “If that becomes an issue with work, let her know we will figure something else out.”
“Okay, I can do that. Bye Paige. I hope everything is okay.”
“It’s fine!”
Trevor turns his face so he’s speaking almost directly into my ear as he heads to the front door. “Paige, you nearly died because of my ignorance the last time this happened. These rashes? They’re one of the first signs—”
“Of HeLLP, I know.” He juggles me to open the door, but Sonya rushes past him and pushes it open.
“Okay, so don’t fight me on this.” He’s pleading with me.
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself to his ear. “They’re also the direct result of poison ivy.”
Trevor freezes a few feet from the door to the Suburban, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession. “Poison ivy?” Skepticism and hope war in his voice.
I nod my head. “Yes, Trevor, poison ivy. I was helping Becky in her yard.”
He continues walking, but some of the tension has left his frame. “No other symptoms?”
“You can check my legs—oomph.” Trevor opens the door to the SUV, drops me in the seat, and lifts the hem of my dress to do just that, nearly causing me to fall. He glides his hands over my calves and up around my thighs while he kneels on the ground between my legs.
Becky walks by with Carter trailing closely behind. She squeaks and rushes past, giggling to him. “I think he found a new way to resolve her issue.”
“Dammit, it’s not what—oh, whatever.” I kick my legs until Trevor releases them. He looks up at me with wide, panicked eyes.
“You’re really okay? You’re not feeling sick? Lightheaded—”
“Yeah, no, I’m fine. Really—oof!” Trevor gathers me and pushes me deeper into the Suburban.
He deposits me into his lap and holds me tightly in his arms, shaking me.
I run my fingers through his hair and realize my dress is getting damp.
He’s not shaking, he’s sobbing. His big shoulders shudder with his uneven breaths as he rocks me with his face buried in my chest, mumbling something over and over again.
“You’re safe. You’re safe. You’re safe.”
“Oh, Trevor.” I run my fingers through his hair and chant softly back to him. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m safe. The babies are safe. Everyone is fine. We’re fine. It’s okay.”
“I can’t lose you. I can’t—I. The idea of existing in this world without you? I—I can’t fathom—”
“And you don’t have to. I’m okay. Everything is okay.” I continue to run my fingers through his hair, and his body relaxes beneath mine. He rocks me, and I am content in his arms.
Everyone is gone by the time we leave the Suburban, and the majority of the mess has been cleared away and cleaned up. “I owe Bethany for doing this.” He puts on a kettle and nods toward the living room.
I wander to the couch and settle down. “I have a feeling it was a group effort.”
He nods. “I feel stupid as hell.”
My heart squeezes at his admission. “Don’t feel stupid.”
His big shoulders rise and fall. “It’s just a rash.”
“It was also just a rash when I nearly died.” He works silently in the kitchen until he walks out with two mugs of tea. He passes mine over, and I inhale the lovely peppermint scent.
We sip until I need to ask. “Becky and Carter—”
“It’s intense.” Trevor chuckles, shaking his head. “He’s so happy, then cranky at work. He’s hard up.”
I laugh. “Poor Billy, dealing with the two of you.”
“Yeah, he’s had to deal with a lot from us this year.”
I nudge him with my shoulder. “Yet, he still wants you two to take over the business with him.”
“He does.”
Trevor bounces his leg and turns to me, mouth open several times, then shocks me when he falls to his knees in front of me. “Uh, Trevor?”
He grasps my hands, his palms warm around my own. “Paige, I-I know we sorta talked about this, but—” He closes his eyes and drops his head. “Fuck, should I even ask you? The answer might kill me, but it won’t change things for me.”
“Ask me.”
He tilts his head back, and his devastated eyes meet mine. “Do you … Can you ever forgive me?” He drops his gaze, and his hands crush mine. I squeeze his equally hard in return. My star.
“Trevor, I—” How do I say this? “I wanted desperately to forgive you from the beginning.” My breath whooshes out of me at the admission.
“I wanted to pretend that nothing happened, and that everything was a big misunderstanding. I wanted to fall into your arms and have you tell me everything—” I take a deep, shaky inhale.
“Everything was going to be alright.” Tears prick my eyes, and I blink them away.
“But I couldn’t do that. Not as a mother and not as someone with any self-respect.
” He grunts and drops his eyes again, so I shake his hands.
“I walked away because the information I did have was damning, and I wrapped myself in that hurt and used it like armor. Pregnant and unsure meant I had to get rid of the part of my life that was making me unsure. That was you, yes.”
“Okay, I understand. I do—” He makes like he’s going to stand back up, but I shake him again.
“I’m not done.”
He settles back down. “Yes, ma’am.”
A reluctant smile crosses my lips, but the topic chases it away again. “Then I learned more, the weeks we were apart. You gave me more space and information. More importantly, through your actions, you showed me all I needed to know to make a decision.”
“A decision?”
“Mmhmm.” I nod my head and fall to my knees in front of him.
“The decision that you are still the man I fell in love with here.” I place my hand on his heart.
“The one who sold his dream car to buy us a family car, and who gave up his home to make sure I had one.” I hiccup a sob and power through, staring at where my hand rests against his chest. “You’re the man who chose my health, physical and mental, over the growth of our family, but fought with me and for me when it was something I desperately wanted. ”
“But I—”
“Yes, you did. You made mistakes.” I dig my fingers into his shirt. “You started to drown because you forgot that the person you were drowning to protect also knows how to swim.”
A drop hits my arm, and I look up and into the overflowing eyes of my husband. “I’m so sorry I allowed another woman into our lives. That I gave too much to her and my parents, and kept too much from you.”
I place my hands over his mouth. “It’s infidelity.
It’s dishonest. It’s ugly, and it’s over.
” I remove my hand. “We’re done apologizing for it.
I believe you’ve learned where you got lost. I trust that you won’t let it happen again.
I forgive you for what you’ve done because of what you’ve done since then, before then, and what you’ll continue to do in the future. ”
He sniffs and clears his throat. “And what is that?”
“You’re going to love and choose your family first.”
“Yes. God, yes. Always, Paige. I love you. I love you so fucking much.”