Chapter 20 – Jack
JACK
By the second week of April, the high-altitude spring had turned the town into a slushy, unpredictable mess.
For Jack and Luke, their rhythm had settled into something that felt either dangerously or deliciously like a routine.
They saw each other three or four times a week: a gym session, a quick coffee at Mara's, and usually one night at either house.
It happened first on a Tuesday at the gym. Jack was finishing a set of deadlifts when he caught sight of Luke across the gym floor. Luke wasn't doing anything spectacular, just spotting a man about twenty-five on the bench press. But the way he moved was effortless and centered.
Jack stopped, the heavy iron still in his hands. Usually, watching Luke triggered a hunger, a desire to pin him down and mark him.
But this was different. It was a focused, sharp ache that had nothing to do with sex.
He watched the way Luke laughed at something the kid said, and for a moment, Jack imagined what it would be like to just...
ease into that. To let go of the next mission, the next move, the next defensive wall. To simply belong with him.
Was the unfamiliar ache want or fear? Was he being drawn here—or warned?
Either way, it threatened to distract him from tactical planning in favor of wrapping his arms around Luke and holding him tenderly.
He turned away and closed his eyes for a moment.
Then, on Wednesday afternoon, they somehow began to seem like an obvious couple to those around them. That raised the stakes uncomfortably for Jack, who thought Luke took it as applause.
First, at The Ridge, Jack stopped by to drop off a book for Luke, a biography of Marcus Aurelius that Jack admired. A group of local veterans gathered around the communal table in the back, with smoothies and coffee.
"Colonel! Over here," called Miller, the leader of the Veterans of Foreign Wars chapter.
Jack felt Luke's eyes on him from behind the espresso machine. There was no retreat. He navigated the crowded shop, shaking hands and nodding, slipping into the role of the "admired leader with a common touch" with practiced ease.
"We were just talking about the fundraiser," Miller said. "Luke says you're helping out with the auction logistics."
"A little organizational support," Jack said, cringing a bit at being seen as part of a "we" in public.
"He's being modest," Luke said, stepping away from the machine to set a tray of water on the table. "The Colonel's got us running like a Swiss watch. We'd be lost without him."
The men laughed, but Jack caught Mara watching from the register. She leaned on her elbows, her expression unreadable yet focused.
About six, as Jack and Luke were leaving The Ridge and walking to their cars, they bumped into Luke’s friend Alex.
"Girl, you've gotta come join us at Lucy's," Alex said. "Everybody's coming. It's Michael's birthday, and you know how he is about getting older."
Luke smiled. “What is he now, 27? Please.”
He turned to Jack. "Want to go? It's just a few blocks away."
Jack knew Lucy's, a bar on the edge of downtown that drew a younger, louder crowd. He'd driven past it a dozen times but had never gone inside. Alex seemed okay, and it was still early in the evening. If Luke wanted to, why not?
"Sure," Jack said.
Alex and Michael were two of the four gay ski instructors Luke sometimes hung out with. At this point, Jack had only heard about them.
Lucy's wasn't packed, but it buzzed with ski-town happy-hour energy. Lots of young people, bass-heavy music pumping through the speakers, colored lights strobing across the bar. It would be drunk-thirty in no time.
Jack felt instantly out of place, though he had been in countless more challenging situations.
Luke made the introductions. Tyler, Brad, and the birthday boy, Michael—all in their twenties and thirties, fit, stylish, and confident. Also a little over the top, Jack thought, as if they were performing for unseen reality-TV cameras.
"Luke, where have you been hiding this snack?" Tyler asked, looking Jack up and down.
Luke laughed it off. "Don't start, Tyler."
"I'm just saying." Tyler leaned in closer to Jack. "Military, right? I have a thing for men in uniform."
"Good luck with that," Jack said, glancing at Luke, who rolled his eyes but didn't seem bothered. "I need a beer. Anyone else want anything?"
Jack disappeared briefly, then returned with a beer for himself, a club soda for Luke, and a Tanqueray and tonic for Alex. The conversation moved fast and loud, full of inside jokes and references Jack didn't understand.
"So, Michael," Brad said, raising his glass. "Another year older, you filthy whore."
Michael laughed. "You say the sweetest things."
"Maybe you can get laid this year, for a change," Brad chimed in. "Cobwebs have grown over that thing, it's been so long."
"I am a delicate flower," Michael said in his own defense, clutching his pearls.
More laughter. Gossip about a cute guy at the slopes this week and someone's latest Grindr chat.
Tyler pulled out his phone to show an especially explicit message he'd received.
"Look at this," he said, holding it up. "This guy wanted me to meet him in a parking lot at two a.m. Like, no thanks, serial killer."
"You should've gone," Brad said. "Live a little."
"Live? I'd be dead."
Jack finished his beer faster than he meant to.
"You okay?" Luke asked quietly. "They're harmless. I'll get you another beer."
Tyler renewed his focus on Jack while Luke was at the bar.
“Okay, real talk,” Tyler said, leaning in with the conspiratorial energy of someone who’d had two drinks and now considered himself your friend. “How long have you two known each other?”
“Since high school.”
Tyler’s eyes went wide. “Since high school? And you’re just now—” He gestured between Jack and the bar where Luke stood. “Oh, that’s a whole story. I need all of it.”
“Not much to tell.”
“I seriously doubt that.” Tyler smiled kindly. “He’s the best, you know. Like, genuinely. We all love him. You’re a lucky man, Colonel.”
Jack looked at him. “Yeah,” he said. “I know.”
Luke returned with the drinks. Tyler immediately turned the full force of his attention on him and launched into an elaborate story about an incident on the slopes that afternoon, and the table erupted in laughter. Jack watched Luke laugh with his friends and suddenly felt a distance from it.
"Sorry, Jack,” Tyler said. “I'm obnoxious sometimes, and I might just make a fool of myself tonight."
"It's all good," Jack said, and Tyler turned back to the group.
"You okay?" Luke asked Jack quietly. "Is this too much?"
Jack took a long drink. "It's fine."
They stayed another twenty minutes, but Jack felt the distance growing not between him and Luke, but between himself and this world. The loud performance of it all. The casual crudeness. The way everything was a joke, and nothing was private.
When a voice came over the loudspeaker to announce that the amateur drag contest would start soon, Luke must’ve caught Jack's expression.
"Come on," Luke said. "Let's say goodbye and get out of here."
In the Jeep, they sat in silence for a moment.
Jack gripped the steering wheel, staring straight ahead.
"Sorry," Luke said quietly.
"Don't be. They're your friends."
"Yeah, but..." Luke trailed off. "You hated every minute of that."
Jack was quiet for a long moment. "I didn't hate it. I just... that's not my scene."
"I know."
“I just…” Jack stopped. Started again. “They’re good guys.”
“They are,” Luke said.
“I know that.” Jack stared through the windshield. “That’s not the problem.”
Luke waited.
“I don’t know what the problem is,” Jack said. “You must think I have a stick up my ass half the time.”
"No, I don’t,” Luke said.
"Good."
"But this isn’t the Army, you know. You’ve got to loosen up sometimes in Calder Ridge. There isn’t a big LGBTQ community, obviously, and I like having some guys to hang out with. And I want you to like it here.”
Jack bit his tongue, then said, "I'm trying, Luke."
"I know you are."
They sat in silence. The heater hummed. Outside, people walked by on the sidewalk, laughing, oblivious.
"I should probably head home," Luke said finally. "Early day tomorrow."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." Luke reached for the door handle, then paused. "Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"It took me a while to adjust when I came back, too, but I finally had to stop… tolerating it and accept it as part of the deal,” Luke said. “I don’t want to think you’re gritting your teeth, tolerating it, too. Tolerating me. You know, while you’re still here.”
Jack wanted to say something. Wanted to explain that it wasn't about tolerance but about fitting into a life he'd never imagined. Friction like this didn’t necessarily mean permanent resistance. But the words jammed up.
"Text me tomorrow?" Luke said when Jack didn't respond.
"Yeah. Tomorrow."
Luke got out and walked to his truck. Jack watched him drive away as the taillights disappeared around the corner.
Jack replayed the evening in his head.
Is this too much?
He didn't know.
He wanted it, wanted Luke, all of him, even knowing he had obnoxious friends if that came with the deal.
But he couldn’t flip a switch.
Luke was right. He wasn’t in the Army anymore. There were different standards here. And it was up to him to adjust if he wanted any chance with Luke.