Chapter Nineteen
“What are you doing here?” Claire asks after she opens the door to what really is a glorified storage room.
I grin, lifting the car seat slightly. “Surprise.”
“Come in, come in.” She ushers me inside before peering around me. “How'd you get past the gate?”
“Gemma,” I grunt, setting the car seat on the table. Somehow Sophie stays asleep through all of it. The girl can sleep through car rides, stairs and me nearly throwing out my back carrying her around.
Nighttime though? That's apparently when she chooses wakefulness.
“How? You don’t even have her number.”
“Well, halfway here I realized I couldn't exactly walk onto a military base without knowing your building number or your last name.” I shrug. “Turns out it's Hague, by the way.” I add like she wouldn’t know.
Claire laughs. “I forgot I never told you.”
“You really didn't.” I shake my head. “Anyway, the guy at the gate was surprisingly helpful. He called First Lieutenant Gemma Hague whose mother was currently visiting and somehow knew exactly where to send me.”
Claire's attention drifts to Sophie, who remains blissfully unconscious.
“She's a good sleeper.”
“At the wrong times,” I mutter.
Claire smiles wistfully. “It's how Angel's kids are. They fall asleep watching TV but need three stories at night.”
The smile doesn't quite reach her eyes.
“Is everything okay?”
“Not really.” She disappears into the tiny kitchen and returns with two mugs. “And before you say anything, I'm sorry about what I said the other day.”
“About me committing fraud?”
A laugh escapes her. “Yeah. That.”
I accept the coffee. “What changed?”
Claire stares into her mug for a second. “I got into a fight with Angel.”
That gets my attention. “About what?”
“He and Minnie separated.”
I frown wondering why that would lead to a fight. “Recently?”
“About a month ago.” She lets out a breath. “He already has a girlfriend.”
I try to hide my reaction and fail miserably. “That was fast.”
“That's what I thought.” Claire takes a sip of coffee. “So I asked if he'd cheated.”
I wince. “Let me guess. He didn't take that well.”
“He lost his mind.” She shakes her head. “Asked me how I could even think that.”
“I mean, it's a pretty reasonable question.”
“Thank you.”
“Seriously. A month?”
Claire shakes her head in disappointment before nodding toward Sophie. “Do you want to put her in the bedroom?”
I let out a breath. “I should probably wake her up.”
Claire looks at me like I'm an idiot. “Why? You never wake a sleeping baby.”
I huff. “I know, but I think she stays awake all night because I keep letting her sleep all day.”
Claire laughs. “Good luck with that.”
I wave a hand. “I'll deal with it at home.”
No point in making this visit uncomfortable with a screaming baby, I drag the car seat closer to the sofa before dropping onto the cushions.
“You left after the fight?”
Claire nods. “I mean... Minnie offered me the guest room, but it didn't seem right. Staying after he...” She trails off.
Something about the way she says it makes me think she’s holding something in.
“What did he say?”
Claire rolls her lips together before looking down at her coffee. “After my husband died, I struggled for a long time. You know that.”
I nod.
“Eventually I pulled myself out of it because I had kids. I couldn’t really mope in bed for the rest of my life.” She shrugs. “Angel said that's exactly why I don't understand.”
I frown. “Understand what?”
Claire stares into her coffee for a moment before answering.
“He said his father died before things between us could go to shit, so I wouldn't understand what a real marriage looks like.”
My mouth drops open. “Jackass.”
“I thought so too.” Claire laughs but sounds more sad than humorous. “But he's right in a way.”
I frown. “How?”
Claire shrugs. “Because Manny dying made sure I always remember the good times and not the inconvenient ones.” She pauses. “The fights are still there, but they're quieter now. Less important.”
She takes a sip. “When someone dies, they don't get the chance to disappoint you again,” she says softly. “The relationship freezes. Whatever they were when they died, that's who they stay.”
I stare at her.
When I'd lost the baby, I'd told myself there was a reason. Maybe there was something wrong. Maybe I lost them so they wouldn't suffer. Maybe it was somehow kinder this way.
I'd built this version of them in my head. Perfect. Untouched by the world. Untouched by pain. Perfect because they'd never gotten the chance to be anything else.
What Claire's saying now sounds eerily familiar.
The only difference is she had two children with her husband. She has memories, photographs, stories and moments nobody can take from her.
I got nothing.
Not even a name.
Shaking those thoughts away before they can drag me somewhere dark, I focus back on Claire. Setting my coffee down, I reach across the cushion and take her hand.
It's warm.
“He's gonna pull his head out of his ass eventually.”
Claire lets out a laugh. “You think so?”
“Absolutely. Give it a few weeks and he'll come crawling back.”
“I don't know.” She shakes her head. “The way he was acting... it didn't feel like the son I raised.”
“Divorce is hard.” I’d know.
“That's the thing.” Her fingers tighten around mine. “Before I found out about the girlfriend, he kept insisting it was temporary. That he and Minnie just needed space. He swore they weren't getting divorced.”
I frown. “But he has a girlfriend.”
“Exactly.”
For a moment neither of us says anything both lost in the ridiculousness of the situation.
“This is one of those moments where I wish Manny was alive.” Claire smiles sadly. “Maybe he'd understand the man logic behind all this.”
The sadness in her expression makes my chest ache. “You really miss him, huh?”
Claire doesn't even hesitate. “Every second of every day.”
I smile, staring up at the ceiling. “May that love find me.”
Claire pats my hand before passing me my mug with an, “it’s gonna go cold.”
I take a sip and immediately regret not adding cream or sugar. Unfortunately the kitchen is all the way over there and I'm already comfortable.
“How's everything with your parents?”
I shake my head. “We don't have to talk about me.”
“Please.” Claire smiles into her coffee. “I'm rather invested now.”
I let out a groan.
“Well...” I blow on my mug. “I told them everything. And my mom...” I trail off, still unable to believe how that conversation went. How she dug her heels in instead of apologizing. “My mom thinks I should give Brad another chance.”
Claire nearly chokes. “What?”
I nod. “Apparently,” I say, rolling my eyes, “I'm a mom now. And according to my mother, Sophia needs her father and marriage is hard and seemingly twelve years is too much to throw away.”
Claire looks horrified. “She didn't.”
“Not in so many words.” I stare into my mug. “But that's what I heard.”
I know that's not exactly what Mom said. It's just what it felt like.
“She thinks I've been spoiled by him,” I admit quietly. “That I got used to staying home while he worked and now I'm running because things got hard. That deep down I know nobody else is going to take care of me the way Brad did.”
“Well that's just...” Claire widens her eyes, clearly holding back whatever she actually wants to say.
And I appreciate that.
No matter how disappointed I am, she's still my mom. I'm not exactly in the mood to listen to someone call her a bitch, even if I understand the impulse.
I let out a breath. “It still ended in Brad's favor though.”
Claire studies me cautiously. “Please don't tell me you're actually considering it.”
“What? No.” I shake my head immediately. “I'd never. Even if he wanted me back, which he doesn't.”
“Then what?”
I bite my lip. This is something I’ve decided but haven’t said out loud yet. “I decided to move back to LA.”
Claire blinks at me for a second, “what changed your mind?”
I blow out a raspberry.
“After Mom...” I roll my eyes again, still not over that conversation. “I talked to my dad and he actually made me feel better.”
“That’s nice.”
“And it made me realize that no matter what happened between Brad and me, he's still Sophia's father.” I shrug. “She deserves to have both parents in her life.”
Claire watches me for a long moment. Then she says slowly, “That's very... mature.”
“Well,” I sigh, “the lawyer I called may have also pointed out that since he's already filed in California, trying to get custody established here would be very expensive, very painful, and there's still a chance I'd lose.”
Claire curses. “Damn.”
“I'd like to pretend I'm being noble, but it'd be better to go back on my terms than be dragged back on a judge's.”
She pats my arm. “Maybe it won't be so bad.”
“I hope so.” I stare down into my full mug. “Because I'm really not looking forward to being back in that house.”
Her eyebrows rise. “You're moving back to the house?”
I nod like it's obvious.
“It's my house. I mean, technically it's ours, but I'm the one who picked the furniture, painted the walls and figured out where everything goes. I'm the one who made it feel like a home.”
Claire nods slowly. “I get that. But are you sure?”
I groan. “Don't do that. I'm barely hanging onto this decision as it is. Don't make me second-guess it.”
Claire laughs.
“No, I mean the house.” She gestures with her mug. “There's no point dreading it before you've even stepped foot inside. You moved to LA in the first place for a reason, Bronwyn. Maybe try finding that again.”
I open my mouth to answer and immediately realize I don't have one.
“It is a beautiful city,” I admit. “And at least I'll have you there.”
My eyes narrow when Claire immediately looks away. The smile slips from my face.
“Claire?”
She stands. Not abruptly. Just carefully enough that my stomach sinks.
I take the mug with the lukewarm coffee and follow her into the kitchen.
“Claire, what's going on?”
She takes far longer than necessary rinsing out her mug before finally clearing her throat. “I'm moving.”
I freeze. “Moving where?”
“Georgetown.”
For a second I just stare at her. Then I take a deep breath and nod enthusiastically.
“Of course. Your kids are here.” I force a smile. “That's great.” And it is. It really is. “Why Georgetown?”
“A friend has a house there.” Claire dries her hands on a towel. “She offered me a room. It's close enough to Killeen that I can be there if the kids need me, but not so close that I'm smothering them.”
I nod. Makes sense. Perfect sense.
“What about the fight?”
Claire shrugs. “I'm not going to let my son acting like an asshole stop me from seeing my grandkids. I've got a few good years left before they stick me in one of those places where someone wipes my ass, I’m not wasting any more time.”
I laugh. Only it comes out wrong. Too loud. Too high.
Almost hysterical.
Claire immediately turns around.
“Honey?”
I take a step back and turn away, squeezing my eyes shut.
Because this isn't fair. Claire has been there for me. She didn't have to be.
And now I'm standing here making this about me when she's finally getting what she wants.
To be closer to her kids, her family.
If anyone understands that feeling, it's me.
Taking a deep breath, I force myself to turn back around.
“I'm not gonna lie,” I admit, my voice wobbling despite my best efforts. “I'm gonna miss the hell out of you.”
Claire's expression immediately softens.
“But I'm also really happy for you.”
“Oh, honey.”
She pulls me into a hug before I can say anything else. Breathing in her familiar floral perfume, I let my eyes close.
This sucks.