36
Alarie
Nik popped into existence on my balcony at his usual time. There was still plenty of daylight left in the afternoon sky. He trailed his eyes up my body and ended his journey by quirking a single, dark brow at me. I was standing there like a good girl in my House Heroux greens, waiting for him.
“You ready for this, princess?” he said, offering me his hand.
I raised my head in a single nod of affirmation and took his hand. For the moments we were in between here and there, I tried to focus on the darkness surrounding us. I tried to connect with it. The shadows felt open to the possibility of accepting me as one of their own, but I didn’t know how to accept that willingness. And then we were in the training center above Nik’s room at the M. The room was as quiet and sterile as ever, waiting for my sweat and grunts of exhaustion.
There was a feeling of intentionality shared between Nik and me that had not been there before. I couldn’t imagine how I had powers that could stop the fae and the magic from dying. But if there was even a possibility that the prophecy was true and that I was the girl in that prophecy, then I at least had to try. Nik believed that I was, and I had to believe that I was, too. Otherwise, I had given up my life with Cass for nothing. And that was unbearable to imagine.
We started with a hand-to-hand warm up, which essentially consisted of Nik prompting me to kick, punch, and hit him in any and every way I could manage. He easily danced around, dodged, or accepted my blows until my breathing was labored. My blood was pumping, and my resolute numbness morphed into a heated determination. I knew this had been Nik’s goal—to bring me out of my reverie. And it worked.
I went in for a kick to the side of his ribs, and he caught me by my calf and then yanked my other leg out from underneath me. I landed on the ground on my back with a thud that knocked the breath from my lungs. He followed through with his attack, allowing his body to fall on top of mine. He pinned me to the ground with the weight of his body.
I had already worked up a sweat, but this close, I noticed that he still smelled pleasantly fresh, like he had just gotten ready for the day.
“Do you trust me?” he asked, his voice deep and low.
We were so close he barely had to whisper his question. His question took me by surprise. Did I trust Nik? I didn’t know if I would ever really trust anyone completely, except maybe Luke. But I did trust that Nik wanted what was best for the future of the Kingdom he would one day rule over. And I also believe that Nik thought that I was pivotal to that future. So, I decided, yes, I trusted that Nik and I had the same goals. And that was good enough for me for now. Nik stared unflinchingly into my eyes as I went through this analysis.
“Yes,” I replied.
I knew he sensed my unspoken doubts, but I had given him what he needed. He wrapped his arm around the back of my waist and the training room around us disappeared. I was surrounded in the complete darkness of Nik’s shadows that usually accompany our traveling. I’d known instinctively that this was where he would take me. He rotated us to where we were vertical, but our bodies were still pressed together. There wasn’t really a ground beneath us, but he took a step back from me, giving me a little space and moving his hand to my hip. I wanted him to keep touching me. I knew how it felt when we were traveling without his touch, and I didn’t want to feel that again.
Plus, it was unsettling to feel like I was standing in nothingness. It was not the darkness or the shadows that whipped and whirled around us that was off putting. It was the lack of the earth beneath our feet or any other structure tethering us down that I found disturbing. I imagined that this would be what it felt like to float around in outer space, but without the moon or the stars to guide me.
If he let go of me, would I just float away from him? At that thought, I took an involuntary step closer to him. We’d never stayed in this space between for more than the few moments it took to travel. I didn’t know if this was the space or somewhere different altogether from the darkness that came with his shadows that sometimes surrounded me.
“What is this place? Where is this place?” I asked quietly. I was proud that my voice was steady and did not betray any of the uneasiness I felt.
“It’s the inbetween. It’s everywhere and nowhere all at once. It is light, and it is darkness,” he said matter-of-factly, as if he had thought of the answer to my very questions many times.
“How can this”—I gestured to the vast blackness encompassing us—“be light?” I asked. I was beginning to get used to the feeling of not having a ground beneath my feet.
“What is darkness, princess, but the absence of light? What is light but the absence of darkness? One cannot exist without the other,” he replied.
Impressed at the thoughtfulness of his answers, I titled my head, looking up at his handsome dark features. I’d seen many sides of the Prince, but the waxing philosopher was new and a little surprising.
“And why did you take me here?” I asked.
“This is where my powers of darkness feel most balanced. I figured if you could learn to be comfortable here, to embrace and connect with the darkness, then maybe you would connect to your powers based in darkness,” he explained.
“And how do I do that, Nik?” I questioned earnestly.
His big hand still rested on my waist, his thumb resting against the curvature of my hipbone and the rest of his strong fingers wrapping around me.
“Feed it your pain,” he said, digging his fingers into my skin. “Better yet, give it your pleasure,” he suggested, placing his other hand on my waist and tugging me a little closer to the front of his body.
When I didn’t resist, little tendrils of shadows began to seductively dance up my ankles, then wrap around my calves. They skillfully whipped and flicked against my skin with a precision that promised so much more. I got the feeling that these masterful little tendrils could assist me in feeding either pain or pleasure to the darkness, although their current pursuit felt like pleasure.
“Nik,” I panted as the shadows threatened to advance up my thighs and make good on their promises. Their progress halted at my words.
“Princess,” Nik cooed what was once my least favorite name. “I know you are hurting. Let me do this for you. Let me take away your pain and replace it with pleasure.”
My body wanted me to say yes. My heartache was all-consuming, but there was a competing ache building between my thighs that greedily wanted to find out what reprieve the shadows had to offer. I leaned into his embrace until there was no longer any space between the front of our bodies.
“That’s right,” he purred, and his shadows once again advanced up past my knees to my inner thighs. “I’ve tried everything with you, to try to break you free of whatever it is that is holding your powers back. Everything but this.”
As he lowered his face to mine, I thought of how irresistible his lips looked. But then his words registered with me. I pushed myself off his firm chest, keeping his face away from mine. He didn’t want me. He only cared about my magic. I didn’t want to do this with someone who viewed me as nothing more than a tool or weapon.
“Is this the only way, Nik?” I asked quietly. “Is this what the prophecy meant by you having to make your ‘mark’ on me?”
I had thought about the words of the prophecy over and over again. His mark upon her and her magic shall give her the strength to save the lives and magic of all.
“Is there no other way for us to break my magic free?”
I didn’t want to be used, but if it was the only way and I could save it all, I would find a way to be okay with it. The darkness around us was replaced with the afternoon sky so quickly that I brought my arms up to shield my eyes. I was on the ground back at the M by myself, and Nik was standing nearby, cool and collected. I shook my head, leaning up on my hands, and trying to adjust to the quick, disorientating change of scenery.
“No,” he said. “I don’t think that sex is the only way. I just think that when you are having sex is one of the only times you actually let your guard down enough to get in touch with your abilities.”
“Don’t act like you know me, Nik. Not like that,” I bit back.
I was angry that my body was still burning with desire for his touch. I was angry that he was probably right. That was probably why nothing had ever happened to Stefan’s magic while I was with him. I had never let my guard down while I was with Stefan. I had never even stayed the night at his place because something always felt out of place with him.
“I think we can be done with lessons today, princess, yeah?”
He walked over to me, standing above me, looking as magnificent in the daylight as he did in the dark. He offered me his hand and pulled me to his side. His touch was light and respectful. He just barely gripped my waist as we disappeared in darkness once more.