40
Alarie
Istayed away from the manor most of the next day, only going back to House Vitruvian when it was time to get ready for the Spring Ball. Jay wasn’t waiting for me in the foyer this time. The lord and lady had several cocktail hours to attend prior to the Ball, and I had waited until it was time for them to leave before making my appearance at the manor.
I walked into my room finding a beautiful blue gown with fine sequined detail lying on my bed, a gift from Jay that undoubtedly matched his tux for the evening. I had come a long way from the days of feeling uncomfortable about the gifts he showered me with, I realized, admitting to myself that I had expected Jay’s gift before I had even laid eyes on it. Jay had dressed us in coordinating outfits for every major event since I had arrived at the High Court.Swallowing the lump rising in my throat, I began to slip on the outfit he had laid out for me.
It was less than a year ago, yet it felt like I had lived a lifetime since the first ball I attended at the High Court, the Summer Ball. I remembered the pair of heels and blue dress bestowed upon me by Lord Vitruvian all those months ago as I now looked into my closet full of the finest clothes and jewels. I remembered how I had been paraded around the Summer Ball by Jay and the lady the previous year and how I’d had to fake my interactions with the others, offering false smiles and casual caresses to make up for the sharp edges I had been unable to hide my entire life, the edges that screamed where I came from and what I’d done to get here. But Jay had smoothed those edges in me over the last year, and things that once felt forced for me now came naturally, I realized.
Before Jay, I would have never owned and never considered wearing something like the dress I donned for the Spring Ball. Dress was a generous term for the piece of fabric. A coverup may be a more accurate descriptor. My outfit began with a silky blue bra and panty set. The see-through slip of the dress and the sequined details of the gown lined up perfectly with my undergarments. Sequins clustered overtop my bra outline before making a thin trail down my stomach to the outline of my panties, where the sequins clustered over the front of me and wrapped around the back of me as well. The sequins on the back provided even less coverage, clustering over the T-shaped back of my thong and not much else. Outside of the sequins, the full-length coverup was made out of a gossamer blue material so that most of my slim stomach, the better part of my ass, and the expanse of my thighs and legs were exposed. The sequins were the only thing really keeping me from appearing naked under a mist of blue. And I was not only ok with it but also comfortable in it.
I arrived at the Spring Ball, blending into the throng of the other lords and ladies until I made my way to Luke.
“Al, you look…” Luke’s words trailed off as he lifted his eyebrows and took part of his fist into his mouth, biting down on it like he was biting a piece of my body, grazing his teeth against his skin and sinking his teeth in ever so slightly.
I let the feel of Luke’s gaze wash over me before returning the compliment, starting my gaze at his feet and purposefully letting my eyes slowly walk up his toned body in approval until I reached his handsome face, staring into his burning blue eyes.
“You too,” I offered with a smirk.
My glance moved across the room until I found Jay. He stood next to King Heroux at the front of the room. Predictably, Jay looked amazing in his deeply blue tux that complimented my dress. On his lapel, his blue tux had sequin detailing that matched my own, and his bow tie and handkerchief had the same transparent overlay of fabric that my dress was made of. Luke saw where my eyes landed.
“He’s in a mood,” Luke warned, giving me a nudge with his shoulder.
“Yeah, well,” I responded equivocally, allowing myself to fall into Luke’s body instead of bounce off of it.
We both knew he had been “in a mood” ever since Luke and I had spent the night together. There was no need to point that fact out.
“You would think he would be happier now that the news is out about the baby,” Luke said.
The words stung even though I knew he didn’t mean them to. I had tried, unsuccessfully, to figure out how I felt about being House consort and the news of Jay’s baby. I was happy that Jay’s magic was coming back and that, hopefully, there would be more fae babies to come. And I was truly happy for Jay—I suspected that he had wanted to be a father for a very long time. But what I had been unable to figure out was how I fit into the new picture of the happy growing family.
“Speaking of rays of sunshine,” Luke said sarcastically, “let’s go see why my father has decided to grace us with his presence,” he quipped, encircling his arm within mine and beginning to lead the way across the great hall.
Luke’s father rarely attended High Court functions, preferring to leave such “social things” to Luke while the older lord spent his time at the Bellamy estate on the southern coast running the commerce through their port along with Luke’s older brother, Brad. Luke’s father was strikingly similar to Luke in appearance—they had the same piercing blue eyes and light-brown hair. But Luke’s father was missing the glow that seemed to encircle Luke wherever he went. Maybe it was the fact that Luke’s father offered a straight face where Luke perpetually had a smile on his lips, I thought, contemplating the differences between the father and son.
I felt Lord Bellamy’s assessing gaze upon me as I approached, his eyes lingering on my hand, still tucked into the crook of his son’s elbow. Luke and I could most often be found touching each other casually in some capacity or another, so much so that the rumors about the nature of our relationship were pervasive. We were unconcerned about the rumors, and I wasn’t going to drop Luke’s arm just because his father was looking.
“Father, this is Lady Alarie Armand, liaison to High Lord Vitruvian,” Luke introduced me with more pomp than usual.
“My lady, a pleasure to meet you,” High Lord Bellamy said with a small smile that made me feel like I had just undergone some physical assessment of the lord’s and just barely passed.
“The pleasure is mine, my lord,” I replied, reaching my hand out and shaking the lord’s hand as I removed my other hand from Luke’s elbow, grasping his father’s arm delicately.
It couldn’t hurt to flirt a little.
Allowing my hand to drop back to my side, I reflected on the radiance in Luke’s smile that was lacking from his father’s. Luke tucked my hand back into his elbow as I began to field his father’s questions. Luke was his normal jaunty self around his father, the only difference being that he went out of his way to brag on me. High Lord Bellamy was interested in my education and experience at the Court, appearing impressed by the time Luke and I had answered all his questions. I felt like I had just passed another test of the elder Lord Bellamy’s.
“Son, I need to speak to you for a moment,” High Lord Bellamy requested.
I could tell from the way that High Lord Bellamy made the request that I was not to be privy to the conversation he wanted to have with his son.
“I need to go find Rhett anyway,” I lied. “Find me later?” I asked Luke after saying goodbye to his father.
I had gone the entire night without speaking to Jay. As I decided what my next move would be, I heard the strum of a guitar and a familiar voice. I followed the sound of the music until it led me to a smaller room where I spotted Rhett in a corner, giving Lady James Morrigan his best beguiling smile. Then my eyes locked onto Stefan, dressed in black and sitting at the front of the room, perched on a stool, surrounded by people talking and enjoying the music. He offered me a wide smile and a wink, like he had done on prior occasions, nodding his head in an offer for me to join as I walked farther into the room.
Luke followed me in shortly thereafter. His conversation with his father had not been very long. He was smiling about something.
“What’re you so happy about?” I asked.
Luke beamed. “My father just told me that he’s finally going to let me sit in on the High Council for our House.”
“That’s great, Luke! Why the change of heart all of a sudden?” I asked.
“Well, he knows business, and he knows that war is bad for it. So he wants us to take a more active role in the High Court affairs. But I can see my mother’s involvement all over this. She thinks that if I am on the High Council, I will be less likely to end up out in the battlefield.”
The thought of Luke in battle made my chest ache with a pain so sharp that it physically hurt, like someone had scooped my insides out with a dull spoon and replaced them all with ice. I pushed the thought deep down, secretly agreeing with Luke’s mother.
“Plus, my mother is desperate for me to accept one of her little hookups she is always putting together but pretending that she didn’t. She has apparently given up on trying to put a woman in my path and hope for the best. Now she has resorted to direct bartering.”
“Yeah? Who is it this time?” I asked.
“Lord Dempsey’s youngest daughter, Karina Dempsey,” he replied. “My father has been looking to increase our foothold in the ports in the northeast run by House Dempsey. Anyway, Karina is supposed to come to the High Court permanently, beginning with the Fall Ball later this year. I agreed to ‘court’ her the first three months she is at the High Court.”
I raised my eyebrows in a show of surprise. The fact that Luke reached this agreement with his mother spoke volumes to just how badly he really wanted the spot on the High Council. Historically, Luke had been very resistant to his parents trying to foist any kind of romantic entanglement upon him.
“Does Jay know? About the High Council part, I mean, not the Lady Dempsey part,” I clarified.
“I haven’t told him yet. Wanted to tell you first. But, you know, knowing Jay, he probably does already know,” Luke said.
As if on cue, Jay entered the small parlor moments later. But he only had eyes for me.
Seeing that Jay wanted to speak to me, Luke said, “I need to go find Rhett and tell that bastard that I made it on the High Council before he did.”
I went to Jay, lackadaisically, in no rush to have our first conversation of the day. We stood in silence near the doorway as Stefan’s ballad played in the background. The music swelled into a crescendo. I had learned Jay’s lesson regarding the use of silence like a weapon too well. I waited, unperturbed in the expansive silence that lingered between us, scanning the room and taking a sip of my drink.
Jay broke our silence first.
“Come back home, Alarie,” he asked.
His tone and aspect were neutral. He could have been commenting on the weather, but the muscles in his jaw clenched, showing his effort at restraint. I let more silence linger before I side-stepped his plea.
“Lord Dumont offered me a job. Senior counselor for his House,” I said.
I looked at Jay. He wasn’t surprised. Of course, the Lord of Whispers already knew.
“I’m going to take it, Jay.”
More seconds of silence expanded between us. He’d expected that, too.
“I love you,” my beautiful, strong high lord, the Contra who could cow a King, whispered.
Don’t do this, his words left unsaid. It was probably the closest the high lord had ever come to begging for anything in his entire life.
I felt empty inside as I steeled myself. I could see the silent plea in his eyes, my intrepid mentor nowhere to be found in that desire for me to return his love. Panic began to rise in me as my feelings for the high lord tried to claw their way out of the cold steel box I had enclosed them in.
I took a deep breath, repressing the panic rising in me until I found the ruthlessness inside of myself that I had relied upon so many times before in life to do what I needed to do, no matter how difficult.
“I know, Jay, but I don’t. I don’t love you anymore,” I said flatly, not knowing if it was true or not as I said it.
Throughout all our fucking and fighting, the words had developed, letter by letter, word by word, in the back of my mind. I had held onto them, cautiously collecting them, hiding them like a grenade with a loose pin.
It wasn’t what I had planned to say. It wasn’t even what I had planned to do. But, in that moment, I was confident that it was the only thing I could say to make him let me go. I turned my back to him without another word and sought out the bellow of Luke’s laughter.