Chapter 13 #2
I nod, mulling over what he said. He’s right. I’ve been naive to forget what my hand in marriage means. “Thank you, Koa.”
“My father would tell me not to apologize, but I am sorry,” he confesses. “Can we start over?” He looks at me, a smile on his face and hope in his eyes.
At the mention of his father and the way he was raised, I feel some sympathy toward him. His comment may have been inappropriate, but at least it wasn’t the manipulative trap his father laid out for me.
“Sure. Let’s start over,” I agree.
He holds his hand out and says, “I’m Koa. Nice to meet you.” His emerald eyes twinkle and his smile, once again, disarms me.
I take his hand in mine and shake it briefly. “Mae. Nice to meet you, Koa,” I say with a smile. He doesn’t let go of my hand, instead dropping both of our hands to rest where our thighs meet.
“August was right earlier. You look beautiful tonight.”
Butterflies take off in my stomach at the compliment. “I believe the word he used was ‘stunning,’” I say with a grin.
“Ah, yes,” he says with a firm nod. “Definitely stunning.”
He squeezes my hand and glances at me. Our faces are mere inches apart, and his green eyes bore into mine. Mother help me. He doesn’t miss when my gaze darts to his full lips. One side of his mouth tilts upward in a smirk, and my stomach does flips.
“Careful now, Mae,” Koa mutters, his voice low, his eyes fixed on my lips.
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t forget who we are. Sex means little to many of us, and most of us were raised to gain every advantage at any cost. If you choose to bed any of my fellow princes, they will likely assume they’ve gained some sort of power with you.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “First of all. This,” I say, motioning between our mouths, “isn’t sex.
” I’m not sure what compels me to make my second point, but I blurt it anyway.
“Second of all, are you saying I should sleep with each of you to keep it even?” I ask, heat rising to my cheeks at the thought of getting into bed with each godlike prince.
Koa throws his head back in laughter. “Oh, Mother. I think we might be in trouble.”
My jaw drops in mock horror. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re gorgeous. You’re funny, witty even. You’re not afraid to fight back. You’re smart. And that’s a dangerous combination.”
“How’s that?” I ask, leaning closer to him.
His eyes are locked on my lips. His voice is low as he says, “Any smart male would kill to sit beside you.”
He brings his head closer to mine, our lips so close now. His gaze darts from my eyes to my lips as he waits for me to make the first move. I don’t. I pull away from him, a smile on my face. I need each of them to want me, not just my crown.
A grin spreads across his face. “Probably the better choice.” He stands and holds his hand out. “Ready to get back?”
“Can I say no?”
He smirks. “You’re High Queen, not me. Can you?”
I take his hand and stand. “I wish.”
When we return to the dining room, August and Barrett are deep in conversation about some Ursine political scandal that I pray nobody asks me about. Meanwhile, Asmo and Marik are sitting in silence, staring at their plates, pointedly ignoring everyone at the table.
I take my place at the head of the table. Before I can dig into my soup, August clears his throat. “So, Mae, have you ever dated four different males simultaneously before?”
I sit in stunned silence for a second before I quip back, “I can’t say that I have, August. Have you ever dated four different females before?”
“August has been known to get around,” Koa mutters beside me.
“It’s not my fault that you prefer to—”
“Can you two cut it out?” Marik hisses. His earlier smile is gone, and his eyes are now slanted in cold fury aimed at August.
“Marik, it’s okay,” I say, meaning it.
He turns his glare on me. It softens, but not by much.
“No, Mae. It’s not. These two aren’t taking this seriously.
We’re supposed to be courting you. We are supposed to be impressing you, hoping to take your hand in marriage.
Each of us is here because we hope to be chosen to rule the kingdom beside you, the highest honor in the land.
Meanwhile, these two pets are treating it like one big joke.
” He gestures toward August and Koa, his eyes cold as he stares at them, fury burning in his black eyes.
“Marik, I—”
August holds a hand up to stop me. “If I may defend myself,” he says calmly to me before leveling an icy glare at Marik.
“Not even a week ago, our High Queen was ripped from a life of normalcy. I would guess that her world has been turned upside down and that she has been thrust into a world that is utterly foreign to her.”
Barrett looks like he wants to object on my behalf, but I shoot him a look to stop him.
“It’s my best guess that talking to her like a normal person is going to make her comfortable and help us get to know her a little better. So no, Marik, I may not be treating her with the same level of arrogance that I might treat you with, but I am taking this seriously.”
Before Marik can respond, Barrett stands up and says, “Mae, can we—”
But before he can finish, Asmo cuts him off and says, “Actually, I’d love a turn with you next.”
“Um, sure,” is all I can manage after the exchange between Marik and August. I offer Barrett an apologetic smile.
The room is silent as Asmo stands and walks to the head of the table. August sits erect as Asmo passes behind his seat as if it’s against his every instinct to have his back to a predator.
Asmo looks like the biggest predator in the room. The cut of his suit is lethal as he walks toward me, fitted to every sharp angle and contour. His height and build are threatening, but it’s his eyes that promise death. They don’t leave mine as he stalks toward me.
I want to tell August not to worry; I’m the prey caught in Asmo’s trap.
He pulls my seat out and offers me his hand to help me stand. I ignore it and stand on my own with a drink in hand, heading toward the door and out of this pit of vipers.
Asmo catches up to me immediately and places his hand on the small of my back as he leads me into the hallway. I lead us to the same alcove as earlier, wishing I hated Asmo’s hand on my waist.
We sit, our backs to the window, thighs pressed together—just like with Koa. He doesn’t speak as quickly as Koa did, and as desperate as I am to fill the awkward silence, I don’t.
While I wait for him to say something, I turn to him and meet his gaze, staring at the thin green circling his pupils and the line of silver cutting through them. Mesmerizing.
“Well?” he asks me, not taking his eyes from mine.
I furrow my brow at his half-question. “Well, what?”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“You asked me out here, remember?”
He chuckles and says, “I suppose I did.”
I imitate him and say, “Well?”
His gaze drops to my mouth briefly before he meets my eyes again and asks, “Well, how are you doing?”
This is probably the last question I was expecting. I stare at him for a moment before saying, “I’m—I’m fine, I guess.” He doesn’t respond, so I ask him, “How are you doing?”
“Kind of you to ask, Your Highness. I’m also fine.” Before I can respond, he quickly continues, “But I must admit that I don’t particularly enjoy being forced to remain on your grounds for the next few months.”
My eyes widen, and I tilt my head in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Well, this little contest to wed and bed you is quite trifling if you ask me,” he says, his black eyes boring into mine.
Wow. Okay, then.
My cheeks redden, but I’m not embarrassed this time. I’m mad. He’s looking for a reaction, and I don’t want him to get it. Instead, I take a slow sip of my drink and ask, “May I ask why you feel that way?”
He plays the game right back. He smiles and says, “You may ask.”
I wait, and I wait. I’m not going to repeat myself.
“I’m sure this is fun for you, to be fawned after by different High Princes, but we’re being forced to be here,” he states matter-of-factly.
“Our courts want us to be chosen as the next High King. However, I’m in line for the throne in my own court, and I’m not particularly interested in sticking around for this. ”
Not even five minutes ago, his hand on my waist and his eyes on my mouth indicated otherwise, but I refrain from saying that.
“Is that why you act like this with me? You don’t want me to choose you?”
He laughs at that. “Even if you did choose me, I would decline your offer.”
“Then leave,” I say, staring at him, utterly dumbfounded. “Why would I care if you stayed? All you’ve done is be rude to me.”
“You’re calling a little bit of verbal spat ‘rude?’” His eyes widen in shock as if I just told him the Mother Herself was coming down from the sky.
“Yes. I am.”
“Well, princess,” he says haughtily, “you’d better get used to it. This is the world you’re in now. You can’t fold at every confrontation.”
I narrow my eyes. “I’m not folding at confrontation.”
He raises his eyebrows in skepticism. “You can’t call every single person who pisses you off rude and a dick.”
“Why not? You’re being rude and a dick, so I’m going to call you on it,” I say, leaning away from him.
He smirks as he notes me distancing myself from him. “That’s not how this kingdom works. You have to hide your anger and insults in politeness. It’s an art. You’re too explosive, too quick to react.”
“What are you even still doing here?” I ask him, annoyance lacing every word. “Do you just want to argue with me?”
“Oh, I’m finding this immensely entertaining, princess,” he says, now leaning away from me as he rests against the window frame, black eyes watching me carefully.
“Stop calling me that. It’s disrespectful. I’m your High Queen, and you will treat me as such,” I say with a confidence I don’t quite feel.
“Oh? I thought you were happy to be treated like any normal person. Is that not what August just said?”
I stop the retort before it explodes out of my mouth and swallow the insults that rise like bile.
Between Koa’s rude question, Marik’s outburst, and now this, I think I’ve had enough of these princes tonight.
It’s been a long, exhausting day of pretending to be someone I’m not, and now I have to defend myself against this prick?
I stand, eager to get away from him. Hot tears of anger prick my eyes, but I force them back.
“How unexpected,” he mutters sarcastically. I ignore him, storming down the hallway and back to the dining room.
Barrett’s eyes widen when he sees the expression on my face as I enter the dining room. I stand at the head of the table and place both hands on the surface of the table. August stops chewing and sets his fork down, worry in his eyes.
“Dinner is over. Have a great night,” I say gravely.
As I stalk from the dining room, the princes’ voices rise as they blame one another for the premature ending to the night.
I don’t care.
The moment I get back to my wing, I rip the crown from my head. Elle gawks at me as I throw it onto the couch.
“Get me out of this dress,” I demand.
Elle hurriedly steps toward me, unzipping the back of the dress in one swift motion. I step out of the dress, standing in the living room in my underwear, before walking to the bathroom and using my magic to turn on the shower.
Elle doesn’t say anything as she follows me to the bathroom and sits, watching me carefully as I remove my pearl earrings and set them on the marble countertop.
I toss my underwear onto the floor, not caring that Elle is still in the room.
I step into the shower, the hot water scalding me as I force deep breaths into my lungs.
It only takes a few seconds of standing under the water for my thoughts to overwhelm me.
I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this.
What the fuck am I doing? I’m nobody, and they’re all High Princes.
Of course they don’t want to marry me, a nobody with zero experience in this world.
I don’t belong here, and they all know it.
I would only bring shame to their courts if I were to offer them a seat beside me.
I’m about to turn the Deer Court into a fucking joke of a court, an imposter sitting on the throne. I’m a nobody. A nobody. Just a nobody.
Each thought comes in rapid fire, like swift punches right to the gut. Like someone is firing each thought directly at my mind.
A sob escapes me, and I collapse to the shower floor, curling myself into a ball.
The cries come like a tidal wave, drowning me instantly.
They wrack my body, and I want to crawl out of my skin.
I don’t want to do this. I didn’t ask for this.
The person who raised me betrayed me and didn’t think I was worthy of stepping into this role.
Why should anyone else believe in me to rule an entire fucking kingdom?
I’m an imposter. I stole the throne from my half-sister.
She deserves to be here, not me. That’s who they all want to fight for. Not me.
I ball my fists and press them to my eyes, trying to quench the tears, but it doesn’t work.
I try to pinch my skin, anything to stop feeling like this.
It doesn’t work. I scratch my arms, still feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin, but it doesn’t work.
I need to feel pain. Anything, anything to stop.
I dig my fingernails into my shins, clawing at the skin.
Not enough. Not enough. I hit my head against the shower floor over and over again.
Anything to stop the thoughts from coming, anything to stop the screaming in my head.
I have to turn it off.