Chapter Twenty Three
I’m out of breath and my leggings are caked in mud by the time I get to Rosemary’s garden.
Sure enough, I find Shaun sitting beneath the arbour, his head buried in his hands while Colin looks up at him in curiosity. As I approach, the little corvid hops down from the plinth and mills about our feet, chirruping and clicking. When I take his place, I half expect Shaun to stand up and leave, but thankfully, he doesn’t.
‘Hey,’ I begin, my voice soft and tender. ‘How are you doing?’
For a moment, it seems like he’s ignoring me, but then he lifts his head up and speaks. ‘I’m okay, just been thinking about some stuff.’
‘Me too.’ I trace a finger across the smooth plinth, pausing at the cracks. ‘I suppose I should start by saying I’m sorry.’
Shaun’s head jerks to me, his face surprised. ‘What are you sorry for? I’m the one who shut down your ideas and stormed off.’
‘Yeah, because I was so insensitive. I truly didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear, I forgot all about your …’ I swallow hard, fearful of making things worse. ‘About you and your pain. And I’m so sorry, Shaun. I wouldn’t blame you if you were still mad at me.’
‘I’m not mad at you.’ He pulls a face. ‘Well, I was , what you said really cut me deep, you know? Brought up a lot of things I’ve tried to forget.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper.
‘No, it’s alright, because I need to confront those things. I can’t outrun the past, I can’t pretend it never happened. That Lee never existed.’
Slowly, I wind my hands around his arm, holding him firmly. ‘I’m here for you, if you need to talk about it.’
‘It’s hard, but I’ve kept this bottled up for too long. Far too long.’ Shaun hitches a short, shaky breath, his jaw clenched tight. ‘It was ten years ago, I was driving Lee to the train station in Gladeswood. He’d just got a place at Bristol University to study Biochemistry, we were all so proud of him.’
I smile forlornly, adjusting my grip on his forearm. ‘I bet. He must have been a smart kid.’
‘He was, way smarter than me,’ he chuckles. ‘Anyway, he was all set to catch the train to uni, to start the rest of his life. It was pouring with rain, half the roads were closed for flooding, but there was no way he was going to miss that train. We were five minutes away from the station when it happened.’
I remain silent, giving him space to stop if he needs to. But Shaun bravely presses on, and I can feel him trembling beneath my fingers.
‘The car came out of nowhere, rounding the corner so fast I barely had a chance to think. It hit us. That’s all I remember until the flash of blue lights brought me back to reality. The next thing I knew, I was in a hospital bed with a concussion and Lee was …’ His eyes cloud with tears and he falters over each word. ‘Lee was gone.’
Casting aside all pretence of coyness, I pull him into my arms and embrace him tight.
‘I’m so sorry, Shaun. I - I can’t even imagine.’
‘For years, I’ve just pushed it to the back of my mind, pushed Lee to the back of my mind. But I don’t want to do that anymore, I want to remember him, I want to talk about him, even if it hurts like hell. I loved him too much to let his memory disappear, you know?’
‘His memory will never disappear Shaun, because we won’t let it,’ I tell him staunchly. ‘I want to know everything about him, from his favourite food to his funniest childhood moment. You can talk about Lee all you like with me.’
He clutches my hand in his and gives me a tearful grin. ‘Thanks, Ruth. I know I seem like a closed book, it’s tough for me to open up to others, but you don’t know how much your … your friendship means to me.’
My ribs tighten. Friendship. That word stings much more than it should. Still, if that’s what Shaun needs from me, well then, I’m game to play the part of ‘good mate’. After all, I care about him and just want him to be happy, even if it means locking my own emotions away.
‘Your friendship means a lot to me too, Shaun.’ Breathing a short, sharp breath, I draw my gaze around the garden. ‘What do you reckon, are we nearly at Phase Four of your big plan, then?’
‘Almost,’ Shaun says. ‘But I think we could do with a couple of extra hands for the final touches. Do you think it’s time to let others inside?’
Chewing at my lip, I consider it. This place has been my secret haven for almost two months now, a clandestine meeting place for Shaun and I, an avenue of connecting with Rosemary and her art. I wanted to keep it closed off from the world, from trampling feet and careless hands, I’ve been afraid that letting people in will only cause more harm. But it’s looking so beautiful and full of life, almost fully healed from the wounds of the past and the neglect of decades. Perhaps it’s time to share its beauty with everyone.
‘Yeah, let’s do it,’ I beam at him.
‘There’s just one thing we need to do first.’ He gives me a knowing glance. ‘Figure out what happened to Rosemary.’
‘I thought you were done with this mystery?’
‘Well, it’s important to you. Besides, the ambiguity of this ending is bugging me, I want real answers.’
'Well, where else shall we look?’ I ask. ‘I feel like we’ve searched everywhere.’
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ he laughs. ‘There’s only one place left to look, and I bet its got a ton of secrets hidden away in it’s dusty old chambers.’
All at once, I catch on. ‘Thistlewick Manor.’
Shaun nods. ‘Thistlewick Manor.’