Chapter Twenty Five
I lean against the kitchen counter, watching the world go by from the small window. Who’d have thought I’d grow so attached to this village?
In the short time I’ve been here, I’ve made new friends, regained my inspiration and passion for illustration and perhaps most miraculously of all, the hole that Nathan tore into me has started to heal, slowly but surely, I’m forgetting what it felt like to be lonely and unloved.
It’s been a long road, but coming to Lily Vale has allowed me to gain perspective on what my marriage was, what it was turning me into. I don’t want to be a miserable, desperate woman, lapping up the crumbs of attention my husband deigned to offer me, and it took him ending things to make me realise I deserve more. Just like Rosemary, I needed to take myself away from it all to truly become me again, and I like who I am.
It’s got me wondering - should I just stay here in Lily Vale? I mean, Victor hasn’t tied me into a contract, as long as I pay a month in advance, I can pretty much pack up and leave when I want to, but do I want to? When Preet visited, she had me questioning whether I was just dodging reality, and I suppose I was , but things have changed since then. I’ve started to build the beginnings of a life here, a new life where I believe I could be happy.
But it’s frightening - leaving all you've known behind and leaping head first into a brand new beginning. Not to mention the fact that my feelings for Shaun are now undeniable, yet he only sees me as a friend . Can I stand to stick around, when my heart grows fonder each passing day? Sure, I can bury it all for now, but what about when he gets a girlfriend? Or married? Am I just supposed to pretend I’ve not fallen hard for him and play nice with his new beau, all while wishing it was me?
And what if he does start to see me in a new light - what then? I’m not sure I’m brave enough to let someone into my heart again, regardless of how much I long to.
A loud knock startles me out of my musings. Shaking off the fresh fears I’ve unearthed, I head into the entry hall and open the front door. Victor is standing on the step, clutching a clear plastic bag full of plump, red tomatoes.
‘Hello, Ruth,’ he trills cheerily. ‘I hope you don’t mind me dropping in, but I thought you might like some of my tomatoes. They’re fresh from my garden, and if you’ll allow me to toot my own horn, ever so sweet and juicy.’
‘Aw, that’s so kind of you, Victor!’ Gratefully, I take the bag from him. ‘Thank you.’
‘So, how are you, my dear?’ he continues. ‘You’ve been a resident of our fair village a while now, starting to feel like a local yet?’
‘I kind of am, actually. It’s strange, I never imagined I’d ever be living on my own, not after I got married. But it’s been such a transformative experience, I’m not sure I could cohabit again, at least for a long time.’
‘I know exactly what you mean, having the freedom to do what you want when you want is a treasure. You enjoy it while it lasts!’
My smile falters. I expect my single status to last forever, since the one person I would even consider entering into a relationship with isn’t interested.
‘Well, I best be plodding off now,’ Victor says, cocking an imaginary cap. ‘See you around, Ruth.’
‘See you.’
As he whistles along the garden path, I look down at the bag in my hand, an idea forming.
‘Victor,’ I call after him, ‘you like gardening, don’t you?’
He turns around, an eager expression on his whiskery face. ‘Why, yes! I have to take it easy these days, but one of my greatest joys in life is tending to my veggie patch and my flowerbeds. Why?’
‘Because I might need your help, and anyone else who might want to lend a hand.’ I beckon him closer, ready and willing to share my secret. ‘You see, I’ve found a garden. Up in the Heather Hills, a walled garden that had been forgotten for a very long time.’
Victor’s blue eyes grow wide and childlike, his mouth opening with sheer delight. ‘A lost garden? Oh, how exciting!’
‘I know, it used to belong to Rosemary Grey, you know, the local artist who disappeared? Well, it was in a bad state, so Shaun and I have been restoring it. But there’s some last finishing touches to complete, and we need some assistance. Do you think you’d be interested?’
‘Yes, definitely!’ Victor claps his hands. ‘I can ask around, see if I can get others on board if you like?’
‘That would be wonderful, Victor. We need all the hands and help we can get.’
Victor promises he’ll come to the garden on the weekend with a veritable army of volunteers and then off he goes, a man on a mission. The front door clicks as I close it, surprisingly loud in the quiet cottage. One thing that isn’t quiet is my brain, it’s going a mile a minute, ruminating over the same doubts and niggles over and over again.
In an attempt to silence the racing thoughts, I begin writing in my journal, searching for answers among my scribbles.
Dear Diary,
Well, we’ve almost solved the mystery of Rosemary Grey - the only question remaining is where she went after she fled Lily Vale. The trail has gone cold, and I suppose we’ll never find out … and weirdly, I’m okay with that.
Shaun and I have brought her garden back to life, we plan to put on a special event where we open it up to the villagers and showcase her amazing artwork - whatever happens now, I think we’ve done right by her.
The thing is, after digging up the past, I’m more confused than ever about my present, and my future. I love living in Lily Vale, it’s the first time in ages I’ve actually felt as though I belong, but I’m afraid. Last time I tried to confess my feelings to Shaun, he called me a friend. I don’t want to be his friend, and yet, the idea of becoming more is sort of terrifying too.
What shall I do, diary? Do I stay, or do I retreat to Mum and Dad’s to seek some clarity away from all this yearning and uncertainty? I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go back home, maybe some time away from Shaun and Lily Vale will un-muddle the mess in my brain …
Well, I suppose I don’t have to decide anything right now - I’ll give it some thought.
Ruth x