Chapter Thirty-Six #2
I draw a sickle and move toward Avery, forcing him to step back.
But with the statue of Tempestra-Innara behind him, there’s nowhere to go.
I see a flicker of fear on his face; he’s wondering if he’s miscalculated.
Only for a moment, though; after it passes, he simply waits, as if resigned to his fate.
Good. If his resolve had broken, if he’d broken down and begged for his life, I probably wouldn’t have been able to get the next part out.
Nolan isn’t the only one beginning to get desperate.
“You want to know why you are alive?” I say.
“Because I know what you are trying to do.” His fear turns to uncertainty as I resheath my weapon and take a breath.
“There are two key parts to this situation. The first is that you and your heretical friends tried to kill Tempestra-Innara, and that you plan to try again. The second…” Here we are, the crux of the matter.
The part that’s likely to get me killed, one way or another.
“The second—and far more important one—is… is that I want to help.”
I give him a minute with that. A generous one. After all, it’s not every day that one of the Goddess’s Chosen professes to wanting to take them out. And I need it too; finally speaking that truth aloud feels like an unexpected blow to my solar plexus.
Like skin flayed back, revealing innards below.
Like the emptied aftermath of a particularly bad case of food poisoning.
I cross my arms over my quivering gut, willing my heart to slow.
To not give away my own apprehension. This seemed like a good idea a minute ago.
And maybe it is. But I don’t have Nolan’s silver tongue, his calculating subtlety that might have navigated this game with intricate caution.
I’m showing Avery my whole hand and hoping I haven’t fucked up completely.
I expect more fear from him, confusion, maybe even an accusation of mistruth, but he merely nods his understanding.
Which needles. “You believe me?”
“Are you lying?”
“No,” I say. “It’s only that… well, I expected to be challenged a bit more on that particular revelation. I’ve only been keeping it secreted away for most of my life.”
A smile touches his lips. “It’s certainly a first in regards to confessions I’ve heard. And yes, hard to believe. I had my suspicions but… I never really imagined that any of the Goddess’s Chosen would—could—turn on them.”
“What can I say?” I shrug. “I’m not like other Chosen.”
“After what you said to me in the woods, about the Goddess’s mercy… when you didn’t kill me even though you must have known who I was…” He trails off. “You’ve been a mystery, Lys, ever since we met. I’m glad to finally have some answers, even if I still don’t understand why.”
“Why what?”
“Why you would betray such a coveted life.”
Suddenly, I feel like the vulnerable one. As if my revelation were a blade I handled, only to have Avery turn it back on me. “I shouldn’t have to explain myself to a heretic.”
“So-called heretic,” Avery counters. “I know the power of the gods. What I don’t believe is that we were meant to be ruled by only one.”
“And I believe that when the Goddess is dead, I’ll be free for the first time in my life.
That everyone will be liberated from an era of divine rule that’s obviously run its course.
Actually, no, I really only care about me.
The rest of the world can take up worshipping frogs and fiddleheads for all I care.
So long as I don’t have to be a part of it. ”
Another patient smile.
“Here’s the deal,” I continue, done with that subject.
“We know about the reliquary.” No reaction; he must have known—or at least expected—we’d been informed about the particular hows surrounding the assassination attempt.
“Emmaus failed because he was too weak to handle the effects of the dead god’s blood.
But I’m already chock-full of divinity; I’ve been blessed by it, and survived that blessing.
Which means the chances are much, much higher that I’ll be able to control it.
I came here to find it, take it from you.
But we can make this easy: Hand the reliquary over, I’ll take my shot at my dear blood mother.
Hopefully, I’ll win. And then we all get what we’re after, yay! ”
“Lys…” Despite the unparalleled offer, Avery has the audacity to shake his head. “It’s not that simple.”
“It sure can be. You have the reliquary. I have the capability. What else do we need?” Besides a whole lot of good luck.
My enthusiasm doesn’t sway him. “Okay, say I believe you. It isn’t my decision alone. The others will want to be certain that you’re serious. What if I lead you to them and this is a trick? I was willing to risk my life, Lys, but not my friends’. I’d rather you killed me here.”
“It’s not a trick!”
“I need proof,” he says.
“Um, you work with Renderers. The fact that I’m willing to ignore that should say something.”
“All that says is that you’d gamble your life to get close to the only thing that can destroy the Goddess. I bet most of the other Chosen would happily do that too.”
My mouth drops open, but of course I’ve got nothing.
Avery is right to be cautious, and there isn’t exactly anything I can do or say to make him trust me implicitly.
“Fine. I can’t prove what I’m saying is true.
But what exactly was your backup plan for if Emmaus failed?
And is it anything better than what I’m offering? ”
He’s quiet before conceding: “No.”
“So how do we make this work?”
His eyes narrow pensively as he chews something over, suspicion and fear intermixing with temptation. “After this, what you’ve said… I need to talk to the others.”
“You should know that my”—I fumble the word a bit—“partner is squarely on the Goddess’s side. The time you bought with him today won’t last. How long?”
“A few days. And any impatience on his part will be fruitless. He won’t find us if we don’t want to be found.
” Avery turns grave, trotting out the placating cleric voice.
“Lys, I want to believe you. I really do. Give me time to work. Go back to your partner and keep him in check as much as you can. What you are offering is… well, it’s a chance none of us would have ever imagined.
But I don’t know if that means they’ll be willing to hand over the reliquary. ”
My cheeks warm with frustration. His reasoning is sound.
But the minute I let Avery out of my sight, I run the risk of losing him—and my chance at freedom—forever.
This isn’t Nolan and me inching our way toward the reliquary.
It’s right here, dangling just beyond my reach, on the other side of a deal with Avery.
I don’t want to let him go. But if I don’t, the only thing I’ll ensure is failure.
“I take a chance on you,” I say, “so that you can take a chance on me.”
“Yes. Let this be a beginning. Or kill me now, if you can’t trust me. But even if you make it seem an accident, I guarantee the others will know what happened, go to ground even deeper than they are now.”
As is happening too frequently lately, I don’t have much of a choice. “Okay. We have a deal.”
Avery nods. “I’ll contact you when I can.”
He starts to leave.
I grab his arm. Fear reappears on his face. “This is the part where I threaten you. Swear to find you if you don’t come through, and make you pay.” I release him instead. “But the reality is that we want the same thing.”
“If that’s true,” he replies, diminutive smile reappearing, “then all you need to do is have a little faith.”