Chapter 10 #2
Audrey releases Paula at last, turning back to the argument as Teddy continues, ‘Joseph, babe, you realise you’re in violation of the human rights convention?
’ Her voice is dangerous. ‘Section 48, subsection 8A. Would you like me to quote it to you, or shall we call your boss and I can quote it to him directly?’
Joseph pales, then sighs. ‘Fine. You can take the dog inside. But please, please, please, don’t let him touch anything?’
Audrey frowns. ‘She’s a she. And she can do what she likes. She’s her own person.’ On cue, the small scruffy creature ruffs with delight, then trots off towards the fountain to pee, bottom waving proudly in the air.
Joseph ignores this, turning his attention to Paula, his expression smooth.
He hands her an A3-sized glossy pamphlet, clearing his throat.
‘This is one of Surrey’s finest rural estates,’ he begins in a less whiny voice, and Paula stares at his hands, wondering if he gets a regular manicure.
Surely no one naturally has hands so soft and pretty?
The boy continues, ‘The property is over twelve thousand square feet. It’s surrounded by another sixty acres of gardens and woodland.
’ He pauses. ‘And of course there’s a maze. ’
‘A maze?’ Paula repeats blankly.
‘Obviously,’ Audrey calls cheerfully from the back.
‘The house is Victorian,’ he continues, ‘Grade II listed, but there is planning permission already granted for more developments by the south lake. Though the inside has all been done to a high standard. Sympathetic reno.’
‘Reno?’ Paula asks in a daze, wondering why he’s directing all of this at her.
‘It’s posh white British boy for renovation ,’ Teddy explains.
The posh white British boy ignores this.
‘There are also three staff cottages down that way.’ He points towards a small lane Paula hadn’t noticed, off to the right of the main house.
‘The tennis courts and outdoor pool are also down there. There’s another pool inside, where you’ll find a sauna and steam room.
In the basement, there’s a fully equipped gym and a cinema room with a thirty-foot-wide screen. ’
Paula gapes at him. What on earth is happening?
Why is this man telling her about the house?
Why was there a debate about whether the dog could come in?
Has Teddy hired him to show her round for some reason?
Is that what rich people do? Pay people to show off their mansions?
She’d always suspected wealthy people were somehow a whole different species, but this is . . . unexpected.
Audrey circles another arm around Paula’s shoulders but directs herself at the boy. ‘We’ll take it from here then, Joseph,’ she says smoothly, shooing him away.
He takes a second, eyeing the dog coolly, but inevitably admits defeat. ‘I’ll leave you all to have a look around then. Any questions, let me know. I’ll be out here.’
He wanders off in the direction of an outrageously shiny, electric-blue Range Rover, only pausing briefly to shout at the four of them about an EPC rating, as they move away en masse.
‘What was all that guff about Section 48, subsection 8A of the human rights convention?’ Audrey asks Teddy, while cackling to herself as she grabs for the end of her scarf, trying to get it under control.
‘Made it up,’ Teddy says smoothly, pushing her sunglasses up onto her head. ‘It worked didn’t it?’
‘What’s . . . happening?’ Paula stares down at the brochure in her hand, eyeing the shiny pictures of this red-bricked castle before her. The name Savills is printed in a distinctive yellow at the top. ‘Why am I here?’
Audrey gives her a squeeze. She’s so soft inside the layers of cardigan. ‘This lovely house here is for sale. We thought you might be looking to move.’ She cackles again and you can hear years of smoking in the sound.
‘What?’ Paula stops dead, a metre from the front door, gravel kicking up at her feet.
Teddy turns to her, poker-faced. ‘Like I told you the other day, it’s time you started enjoying your win and having a little fun with it,’ she says firmly, removing the sunglasses completely now and waving them at Paula.
‘We thought taking a look around a little country manor might be a good place to start.’
Paula stares at her, wondering where to begin. Perhaps with the little part. ‘So wait,’ she stutters, ‘this doesn’t belong to one of you?’ She glances between Audrey and Teddy.
‘Oh lordy, no!’ Teddy sounds more American when she’s amused. ‘I’m more of a city girl. I have a penthouse apartment in West London and a house in New York.’
Audrey puffs out her chest. ‘I have a castle in Scotland, but it wasn’t lottery money. It’s been in my family for generations. The money I won just let me finally install central heating.’ She pauses, hugging herself. ‘It’s been a godsend, I can tell you.’
Paula’s head is spinning and she’s fighting another impulse to make a run for it.
A house? For her? This house? This gigantic, listed Victorian estate with a maze and servant cottages ? It’s absurd. Who are these women?
And who would mow the grass?
Audrey loops an overly affectionate arm through hers. ‘Don’t be alarmed, my darling. Come on, I know you’re going to love it.’ The older woman leads her through the door, oblivious to Paula’s distress. Or maybe just ignoring it.
‘Pretty nice, huh?’ Teddy’s distinctive voice follows them into the entrance, but Paula’s transition lenses have made everything dark. It takes a few more seconds to adjust and suddenly she’s greeted by the hugest entrance hall she’s ever seen. And Paula recently visited Guildford Cathedral.
‘Oh, my goodness me!’ She is horrified. For her? This is ridiculous!
The dog ruffs at their feet, bouncing around the cavernous room with delight.
She pauses to scratch herself, sending hair flying over expensive-looking furniture.
Wood panelling lines the walls, high ceilings drip with crystal chandeliers.
Ornate mirrors line one wall, with floor-to-ceiling windows covering the other.
It takes Paula’s breath away.
‘This is so big!’ she gasps, studying the brochure in her hand. ‘There are turrets , for the love of God.’
Teddy tuts playfully, flicking perfect hair off her shoulders. ‘It’s only got six bedrooms.’
‘ Six bedrooms!’ Paula shakes her head. ‘Why on earth would I need six bedrooms?’
Audrey reaches for her hand, giving her a squeeze. ‘To accommodate us when we’re here! We can take it in turns to visit each other!’
Paula doesn’t know how to respond. They’ve only just met, why would they visit one another? This is all so bizarre, she can’t think or speak.
They wander through to a grand living room. Huge white sofas fill the room, facing an enormous fireplace. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases cover one side of the room, full of novels with suspiciously perfect spines.
‘This is actually just the snug,’ Teddy comments disinterestedly. She gestures with her sunglasses. ‘The main living room is through there.’ Paula follows her dumbly, focusing on the American’s latest tiny skirt and wondering how much it cost.
A thought occurs to her. If a tiny bit of skirt can cost six thousand pounds, then . . . ‘How much is it?’ she asks, stopping dead before a painting and looking up at the mammoth landscape. It’s twice the size of her.
‘The picture?’ Audrey asks, and Paula wants to laugh.
‘This . . . place.’ House seems like the wrong word for such an enormous property. ‘How much does it cost?’
Teddy takes the brochure from her hand though the price isn’t listed. ‘They want eighteen million—’
Paula feels faint. ‘Eighteen million? But that’s . . . That’s most of the money I won.’
Teddy laughs dryly. ‘Oh hardly. You could definitely get it for fifteen.’ She cocks her head. ‘This is a steal. There’s an apartment near mine in Knightsbridge that’s currently on the market for eighty million pounds sterling.’
Paula feels faint. ‘Eighty? As in . . . eight . . . zero?’
Audrey touches her arm gently. She smells like something floral. It is reviving. ‘If you bought this place, you’d still have a few million left over as walking around money! That’s still enough to get a few nice extras for yourself.’ She brightens, her cheeks pink. ‘Maybe a yacht!’
‘Look, babe,’ Teddy starts walking, and Paula follows as they move from room to room, ‘this is what they call the honeymoon stage of sudden wealth, and you should goddamn enjoy it! We already talked about this. You earned it.’
There’s that look again.
They fall silent, walking through the house – all eighteen million pounds’ worth of it – in respectful silence. Teddy occasionally announces information from the floorplan, adding to the feeling that they are in some kind of museum.
‘This is the turret sitting area,’ she casually explains. Then, a few minutes later, ‘Here’s the spa.’ Followed, oddly, by, ‘Oh look, the chapel. The former chapel, I mean. In case anyone fancies getting married. Or re-married, I should say.’ This elicits a huge peal of laughter from Audrey.
It takes them over an hour to finish the tour of the main house, and Teddy suggests in a far too casual tone that they check out the gardener’s cottage, followed by the stable block.
The four of them head out of a back entrance, passing through the largest utility room Paula’s ever seen.
As they make their way slowly down a path, moving to a soundtrack of bird song and dog yipping, Audrey once again takes Paula’s arm.
‘Twenty million, eh, my darling?’ she says conversationally, thoughtlessly fiddling with her scarf. ‘That’s a lot of money.’